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标题: 【考研1号】“2014作文修改”——【第一期英语一“学位与能力”】 [打印本页]

作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-10 11:26
标题: 【考研1号】“2014作文修改”——【第一期英语一“学位与能力”】
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-10-10 11:35 编辑

       亲爱的同学们,备受瞩目的2014年考研1号携手免费考研论坛修改作文活动今天开始啦![p:30] [p:30] [p:30]
        为了更好地服务各位考生,我们决定第一期和第三期活动练习英语一图画作文(选自《写作160篇》),第二期和第四期活动练习英语二图表作文(选自《写作宝中宝》)。同样是每周五更新话题,修改最先回复的前3篇习作,并随机修改后面的习作(修改篇数视回复情况而定)。此外,每期活动结束时,会有活动总结,含金量高,值得一读!只有四期活动哦,望大家抓紧机会,踊跃参加![j:24] [j:24] [j:24]



本期话题选自《写作160篇》经典必背 职场现象类“学位与能力”
Directions:
        Write an essay of 160—200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay, you should
        1.describe the drawing briefly,
        2.explain its intended meaning, and then
        3.give your comments.
You should write neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2. (20 points)
[attach]304148[/attach]

Tips:因为给各位修改作文的老师自身也有很多工作,可能不会是现发现改,一般周五发话题,周二开始进行回复,请大家耐心等待,谢谢!
[r:23] [r:23] [r:23]
作者: liuce0307    时间: 14-10-10 12:29
读研的孩纸路过,强烈顶起~\(≧▽≦)/~欢迎大家抢占
作者: catallena    时间: 14-10-10 13:06
As the picture above shows,Mr.Zhuge,who has no certificates and has no knowledge of  English ,is directly refused by the employee in a job hunting,though he is knowledgeable and talented.
The picture veiledly conveys what does the job hunting essential factors are certificates and English.Nowdays, a certificate just like a key to employment,moreover,English is an international language.Therefore,they are becoming more ang more important in present,which are the bedrock skill.However,that is a question that certificate and English are really appopriate principles of employment.For example, a good farmer should not be good at English.In any case,not all the people must receive this level and be suitable for them.
In my opinion,sometimes employee can change a little for employers according to their talent.Someone says,everyone is special and has a talent somewhere.To some extent, the principle is usually not just one.What’s more,in the long run ,the society needs multifunction people to adapt to the development.
谢谢批改!
作者: 2009630541    时间: 14-10-10 14:01
谢谢。。。。。。。。。。。。
作者: 明矾waitac    时间: 14-10-10 14:53
标题: g
本帖最后由 明矾waitac 于 14-10-14 12:16 编辑

Nothing is so inconceivable and attention-grabbing as the picture depicts.A man who is ingenious was rejected by the employer , only because he does not have the so-called diploma.There is no denying the fact that the picture aims at revealing a current problem:diploma discrimination.

Many companys, if not most,harbor the idea that those individuals who have higher academic degrees the higher human skills.This produces some self-deceptive people who pursue high academic degrees neglecting the cultivate of capabilities.And others with low academic degrees can hardly find suitable job.What’s more,even some indiduals in order to get a pleasurable job fabricate the diploma.

All of those factors make it necessary to change some ideas about the relationship between the diploma and capablity to eliminate this phenomenon. For one thing,if we really don't have the diploma,it is deeply important for us to enhance our own capablities when we have the opportunity to learn,either to improve ourselves or to hut a good job.For another,as a employment recruiter,to be sure,the certificate is important, but it is not the only principl in job-hunting .


今年的第一篇作文~唉。。写了将近2个小时…写到想死…摔~!





作者: 棋子233    时间: 14-10-10 15:40
The picture shows the employer refuse to employ Mr.Zhuge who don't have diploma and can't  speak English.
It seems that diploma and English are indispensable to get a position.However,there are still have a sizable portion of people who don't have diploma and can't speak English,even either.But they are talent and have more work experiences and skills.
I considered that employee should not only attach importance to the diploma and English but assign jobs to people according their talent and abilities.呜呜呜。。。。写了好久,打出来也花了好长时间,写的好垃圾。。。
作者: 聪明的小酥2    时间: 14-10-10 16:51
本帖最后由 聪明的小酥2 于 14-10-11 09:27 编辑

It is hardly difficult for us to figure out in the drawing given above that a person, nervous and helpless , is unable to satisfy the requirement which need high diploma and English skills what he applied for even he is Mr zhuge , a brilliant politician in the Three kingdom period . This phenomenon indicates that the diploma is more important than ability .
It is hardly necessary for me to cite all the evidence of the phenomenon is being existed in modern society. Why the phenomenon exists ? Several factors could weigh heavily for the depression of employments , yet , suspend at the top of the list are the following causes . To begin with , there’s a large number of gradutes who are not realizing theoretical knowledge is significance to us instead of taking a lot their part-time to gain many credentials in order to get a fine job when they leave their campus . Moreover , as the economic boom brings not merely material comfort but fast rhythm of daily life as well , modern citizens especially those in metropolises , are facing more pressure and stress of competition so that graduates have to gain many skills to satisfy the interviewer’s requirements sooner than any other competitors which gives rise to the interviewers an approach ,convenient and clipping , to see your diploma first .
All analyses presented above convince people that competitions exist generally , thus . we should try our best to enhance our awareness which to improve ourselves incessantly so that we can have the upper hand when to competed someone . Also , gradutes should be given more choice form the community included the developing economy and the increasing competition .
(写完已经不是前三了  还是报希望能有幸被修改。)
作者: 小四爷    时间: 14-10-10 17:30
本帖最后由 小四爷 于 14-10-11 12:31 编辑

求批改~~

As picture demonstrates,employer sitting behind the table with a sign of recruitment ,the employee who is declined for having neither diploma nor English skills,ironically is Mr.Zhuge,an ancient Chinese sage ,or rather say, a think tank. There is no word excessively interpretting his intelligence,however,employer frown on him.

It goes without saying that the recruitment criteria disclose its drawback.Give priority to develop education including English,which never equal that all doors are slaming in the face of people without high level of education.Let me put it in another way ,diploma doesn’t mean capacity.
      Attaching much more importantce to diploma narrows the diversity of talent cultivation.Doctors value conscience,for instance,business stress cooperation,IT prefers to flexible thought .I will never deny the significance of knowledge,but knowledge itself has a multiformity which can’t be represented by diploma.

No wonder, duplication fails to adapt the changing and complicated world.I will not give my veto to the employer who prefers to certain conditions,as long as the preference generated other by human than job itself.In this way,both employer and employee are satisfied to meet their anticipation.



作者: _Psyche    时间: 14-10-10 17:56
本帖最后由 _Psyche 于 14-10-10 18:22 编辑


看到的时候已经差不多五点了,已经抢不到前三楼了!!!还请老师批改!!!


As is vividly depicted in the cartoon, a man—Mr.zhuge,is taking part in a interview.Mr.zhuge ,who is the famous people in our history and good at many academy,however,  the interveiwer said,"I'm sorry,Mr.zhuge, alothough you have knowledge,but you do not have diploma and you can't speake english ,so you can't join us".

Admittedly,the purpose of  the picture is to show us that due attention has to be paid to the importance of dioplam and English.Fo one thing , to the mounting numbers of teengers in our country,diploma and english likes astepping-stone to success.If you want to find a good job,a diploma of eminent school and an dluently english is the necessary. For another,with the rampacy of our country's economy, the trend of connect with overseas has rised at accelerating rate.If you can't speak english,it to some extend means that you no opporunity make friend of foreigners and can't learn a good many of knowledge.

As far as I'm concerned, practical knowledge ,dioplam and english all needful, for us, as well as for our country.As a old saying goes,"after the teenger strong,our country be strong".One man want to strong,he or she must have knowledge,dilapom and english. Only in this way can we have a brilliant future and our country will developing quickly.



写过之后,才发现问题好多!!!希望老师不要留情的指出我的错误!!!谢谢!!!
作者: 苍州越    时间: 14-10-10 19:03
本帖最后由 苍州越 于 14-10-17 16:35 编辑

As is vividly depicted in the picture.MR.z huge, who showed extraordinary abilities in Chinese history.is rejected by an arrogant employer,just because of the seemingly reasonable reason:no degree and knowledge of english.
These days,we have seen a lot of such cases by newspapers or social nets etc..even we ourselves are in a role like MR.zhuge.the underlying reasons are complicated.on the one hand,we deal right now in the landscape with an infatuation with the culture of getting degree,thus more and more the young are blindly stimulated to strive  for the degree,instead of consciously improving their poor abilities.on the another hand,it is the lazy employers that are on the wrong planet.it is essential for  companies to have  a suitable and effective way to single out the employees,rather than depending on the degree,which has the limits to show the talent. however ,rarely can those leaders put it in their agenda.
Therefore,we should play high value on the getting abilities in face of so fierce job market.becauces our society won not get there just with the degree and we won not touch fantastic future without the outstanding advantages.we know how to do better,and it is time to do better.


单词好多都不会写。。。。。。
作者: 苍州越    时间: 14-10-10 19:04
小四爷 发表于 14-10-10 17:30
求批改~~
As picture demonstrates,employer sitting behind the table with a sign of recruitmen ...

小四 你写的好多单词我都不认识 妈呀
作者: 苍州越    时间: 14-10-10 19:20
老师一定要改我的啊
作者: iris__shen    时间: 14-10-10 20:22
作文真的需要花心思呢~~~有人改会进步得很快的~~~
作者: 小四爷    时间: 14-10-10 22:51
苍州越 发表于 14-10-10 19:04
小四 你写的好多单词我都不认识 妈呀

生啦硬凑,我敢说,中式英语一定很多,坐等被大神批评。。。
作者: 范老师    时间: 14-10-11 08:22
小四爷 发表于 14-10-10 17:30
求批改~~
As picture demonstrates,employer sitting behind the table with a sign of recruitmen ...

简直就是阅读的长难句,看不下去啦
作者: jingchaiju    时间: 14-10-11 09:37
很不错的资料。推荐大家下载。
作者: 人云亦云的恩    时间: 14-10-11 10:46
本帖最后由 人云亦云的恩 于 14-10-11 12:51 编辑

        What a thought-provokingl picture it is. Mr Zhuge, an intellectual man in Chinese ancient time, who travel through modern time is aspire to find a satisfied job.Surprisingly, the employer who fell rather unsatisfied refuses him and tells a satirical reason that you are not able to speak English and lack of a number of certifications
        As is abundantly clear from this drawing, A vital information can be conveyed——employers would rather pay attention to qualifications than employ the elite without certifications. These phenomena may exert some negative impacts on exploring the talent.  Firstly, more students treat the certifications and speaking English as the only measure, the result of which can be rather serious. Lack of working experience will hamper the efficiency within the firm. Secondly, although English indeed may enjoy its advantage, its disadvantage can not be ignored. It is absurd to neglect to Chinese traditional culture. Thirdly, society only attach important to diploma, meaning that a few of the talent can be accept and it foster commonness. To the extent that we lose more chances to choose competent stuff.
        In my opinion, To be seen as health and positive employing direction, teachers should educate students to avoid and elude inappropriate and even wrong trend so as to be misguided. Parents and society should lead a right direction to employers, which can help them to increase the ratio of finding real the talent. If we choose stuff that are reasonable in process, suitable in criterion. We would bring unanticipated satisfaction and rewarding huge productivity among employees.
虽然写的不好,跟前面的不能比,但是还是鼓起勇气写了出来,英文敲出来真不容。。也请老师帮帮忙看看好吗?。。谢谢老师啦。。
作者: 悠弥北北    时间: 14-10-11 13:14
很感谢去年的批改活动哦~顶一个,希望大家都能踊跃参与啦!
作者: Davinci86    时间: 14-10-11 19:28
本帖最后由 Davinci86 于 14-10-13 12:49 编辑

    This is a funny picture.Mr.ZhuGe who was the master of the nation of Su,very famous person,was coming to a office for getting a job.But a arrogant manager who was middle age said:"I am very sorry,sir,as you do not have diplomas and certificates and speaking English,you get this job impossible"It is so funny that I poured rice when I having a dinner.
    Diplomas and certificates was so important that Mr.ZhuGe who had the most intellectual brain in our history,did not get a job,as growing economic and acknowledge of big bome.My uncle who was working in the generator sine 1990,having a high school education,being the best technical staff by self studying,lost the chance which was going to BeiJing Company,as few Diplomas of college and little Enlish.Actually,there was nearly 1.2million students engage in GAT in every January.The Satatistic Data argue that nearly 60%-70% family that earn more than 300.000RMB every year had one master's degree at least.But degree was not the most important things.For example,the winner of Nobe Prize in Chemical 2002 was a common staff who had not any master's degree,in a Japanese company.Einstein rarely was a staff in the Swiss government when he deliver his first famous article.
    In my opinion,degree was very important in our accelerated country but was not the most important.We should to improve our ability by studying and working hard .Our Nation must establish some rules that encourage excellent personal ability who had not higher degree.That was very significant for our country.

作者: Davinci86    时间: 14-10-11 19:31
Davinci86 发表于 14-10-11 19:28
This is a funny picture.Mr.ZhuGe who was the master of the nation of Su,very famous person,was co ...

花了近3个小时。。。从四点多开始写的
作者: Moonriver    时间: 14-10-11 21:42
    The picture above shows an irony scene that the well-known talented Mr.Zhuge, who was specialized in almost every aspect from the universe to earth, went for a job at the job hunting market, only to find he was rejected directly. With the words ”Sorry, you neither have a diploma nor understand English”, the hunter seems serious, showing a “No” gesture to the surprised elite in front of him.
    What the scene reflects is obvious. It’s the certification that counts for the job hunters nowadays, not the ability and potential. This trend will bring loses to both employees and employers who are excellent without diplomas, just like Mr.Zhuge’s case.
    So far as I’m concerned, the personal ability should be regard as essential as the certification. Just care about the diploma won’t make sense. I would test one’s practical ability and estimate his potential while considering the schooling grades, were I the hunter. I truly demand all hunters take my advise. Only connect real ability with the diploma when making a decision about hiring, will the hunter receive more promising “Mr.Zhuge”.


真的自从六级考完似乎再也没有写过一篇…这都三四年了吧…T.T
作者: 墨洛书    时间: 14-10-11 21:50
本帖最后由 墨洛书 于 14-10-12 00:35 编辑

写到后面已经不知道自己到底想说啥了给跪了_(:з」∠)_辛苦老师纠错QAQ我的作文一定看得很累(因为错太多。。。。。

      In this pecture, our very excellent and smart strategist who was the nation of SHU ,in the literature history of China.He came to the work market one
day, we may think he maybe wants get a job.a manager of a company told him,”I’m so sorry,MR ZhuGe.you have no diploma and you also don’t
understand English.”

      so,we all know MR ZhuGe must don’t get this job.In our society,diploma and English is very important,perhaps English is more important than diploma.But,in fact,they are whether the most important.Everyone who read the story by The Romance Of The Three Kingdoms,they all know how about the ability of MR ZhuGe.Like him,can’t get a job actually.Is it the lose with firm or with the society?Most of people get a job who used a degree,It’s maybe a right way,because degree can help they choose and find a person of ability as soon as possible.But,it’s not all.

      Take man as the foundation,no English,no degree,can’t explain how the ability of a man.Bill Gates have no degree too.this was not hinder him become very excellent.however,people mastered a foreign language no doubt to be helpful to promote to a higher office in now world.  
作者: PSY啾啾    时间: 14-10-12 08:24
怎么看图???
作者: bujianxin    时间: 14-10-12 12:46
本帖最后由 bujianxin 于 14-10-13 01:23 编辑

    what will happen when Mr.zhuge,who is a superior intellect,to hunt job in this time?Are many company competing to employ him?No,no.Mr.zhuge  maybe can't find a ideal job because he hasnit diploma and can't speak English.
    Rescently,as show as the picture,diploma has more important staute when find job,in the meantime,English is a crutial skill due to globalization.Diploma and English are first step to find a good job.This pattern make somebody who has high work ability can't find job,and work for fabricate diploma will booming.
    It is not to say that this way is wrong.In deed diploma can became a index to measure ability,but it isn't absolute.Many people has high ability who has't diploma due to poverty or disease.So,campany that want to rescuit a real capable person should exploit a assessment technology suit position instead of campare diploma.
    So,the crutial question is coming:where is best place for learn how to use digger?!

最后一句不算总字数........
希望老师能帮助修改一下
在此先谢过了....

作者: 追毛线团的猫    时间: 14-10-12 14:00
本帖最后由 追毛线团的猫 于 14-10-12 14:26 编辑

How could we evaluate standards in recruitment?

The drawing displays a very thought-provoking scene that if we put Mr.Zhuge,who well known as a wise man,before a employer nowadays to be examined,he would be rejected sarcastically,for the reason that he has neither diploma nor the mastery of English.

It reflects the actual trend in recruitment that most employer prefer some recognized standards such as diploma and capacity of English to screen employees. If a employee can not reach those standards,he could lose most job opportunities.

Why recognized standards are preferred?Because it costs quite a lot of time to test employees one by one,so quantitative standards which may reflect quality of employees play a role in picking out approriate ones in numerous resume more efficiently.By contrast,employers would miss some talented person with specialty.

To improve the situation,employers could set standards depend on actual demand and design interviews more effetively,and employees could take efforts to get achievements which can prove themselves and reach the standard avoiding the risk of erroneous judgement.


老师你看我有题目~我有分段~我写得好认真~
看到我看到我~

如果有幸能被批改就太高兴啦~


作者: yingxiaoluo    时间: 14-10-12 16:23
    As is shown in the picture, Zhuge Liang, an ancient Chinese who is famous for his wise is looking for a job. But the employer refuses him because not only doesn't he have any diploma, but also he can't speak English. How funny the picture draw for.

    In my opinion, there are too much unreasonable requirement of recruitment. First of all, employers favor people who good at English, who graduated famous school, who perfect for anything more than the job need. In addition, people looking for a job may be an average person who suitable for the job, but not so good at another thing. Last but not least, nowadays, this phenomenon causes many university graduates in China can not find a job to support their family, while a lot of position in the company are empty.

    As far as I am concerned, it is important to build up a better platform for hiring. On the one hand, employers should consider the job-hunters' capacity that the job real need, instead of the false one. On the other hand, job-hunters must improve their ability to adjust to the requirement of developing society. Only when we have done these, could we solve the issue as well as overcome the difficulty.


老师您好!感谢您百忙之中为我们批改作文。如果有空的话,麻烦帮我看一下这篇作文。我自己改过几次,有几个句子捋不清楚,感觉表达不太地道。希望能够得到老师的指点。
作者: 爱丽丝菇凉    时间: 14-10-12 19:22
    As is shown above,in the job market stand an individual named ZhuGeliang, who was renowned for the extraordinary military background, just finding his job for living. However, the HR assistant refused him because he did not have any diploma and only speak Chinese more than other languages. Simple as the picture is, it does convey a profound implication.
    The picture tells us that the employers take a majority focus on job hunter's educational background and improve the recruit standard. So some person can not find an suitable job . No rose without a thorn. This phenomenon leads to an far-reaching influence in china education. A rising number of youth spend a great deal of their time on school work , in order to attend university. This really improve Chinese educational level. But how things going on after we get to college? Some of us abandon learning and weary of school life . What they really need is get an university degree more than other crucial things. Thus ,even they graduate from university and get the high degree ,they can not hunt a fine job immediately . There exists an conflict between knowledge and experience, which lead to the problem of employment.
    Obviously ,to address this problem, individuals ,organizations and government own to work together. For job seeker, one should not only achieve a more broadened horizon and encourage themselves to learn more, but also contribute themselves to social practice. And organizations, just like universities , colleges or schools, should focus on both theory and practice. As Frucklin Roosevelt says, ”We can not always build the future for our youth ,but we can build our youth for the future.” In no country, more than China, it has been said that is this phenomenon more obvious. We must maintain a sustained, healthy , rapid and coordinated economic development ant therefore people can get more opportunity to find an appropriate job.

作者: 营云燕    时间: 14-10-12 22:41
catallena 发表于 14-10-10 13:06
As the picture above shows,Mr.Zhuge,who has no certificates and has no knowledge of  English ,is dir ...

孩子,你比我写的好,但是不得不说单词拼写错误啊!而且词组使用不当,employee是被雇佣者,employer才是boss啊!现在,可以说at present或者nowadays。很抱歉,我不知道还有in present这种说法。被拒绝啊,应该是was吧?手机党,没有看完,可能我说的也是错的,不用介意哈,个人意见!很不错,加油!
作者: 营云燕    时间: 14-10-12 22:46
爱丽丝菇凉 发表于 14-10-12 19:22
As is shown above,in the job market stand an individual named ZhuGeliang, who was renowned for  ...

china education是中国式英语吗?我觉得应该用Chinese。写的好好,不像我。。
作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-13 14:05
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-10-13 14:24 编辑
catallena 发表于 14-10-10 13:06
As the picture above shows,Mr.Zhuge,who has no certificates and has no knowledge of  English ,is dir ...



写作原文
        As the picture above shows, Mr. Zhuge, who has no certificates and has(此处的has可以删除,即用and连接并列宾语,以避免赘余) no knowledge of  English, is directly refused by the(改为an,首次出现) employee(改为employer,employee是“雇员”的意思) in a job hunting, though he is knowledgeable and talented.
        (第一段点评:本段从诸葛先生的角度着手,用被动语态来展示图画中的行为,其中插入一个非限定性定语从句who…,不仅提升了句式的层次,同时巧妙地说明诸葛先生被拒绝的原因,这一点很好。同时,本段描述最大的亮点在于点明了诸葛先生自身的能力(though he is knowledgeable and talented),呼应了图画想表达的主题“学位与能力”。不足之处在于certificates这一词的使用不够精准,文凭应为diploma。)

    The picture veiledly(用implicitly表达“含蓄地”之意)conveys what does the job hunting essential factors(essential factors of job hunting) are certificates and English. Nowdays(Nowadays), a certificate(此处缺少动词,like作“像”之意时为介词,加is)just like a key to employment, moreover, English is an international language. Therefore, they are becoming more ang(and)more important in(at)present, which are the bedrock skill(首先,此处不表示限定;其次,定语使用不恰当;最后,表语skill应使用复数。改为basic skills). However, that(用it作形式主语) is a question that certificate(改为复数)and English are(建议使用现在完成时have become表示变化)really appopriate principles(appropriate拼写错误,且为中式表达,建议改为essential或 crucial) of (改为in)employment. For example, a good farmer should not(should侧重于“应该”,用needn’t表示“不需要”) be good at English(此句受汉语影响严重,建议改为English is not necessary for one to be a good farmer). In any case, not all the people must receive (reach to) this level and be suitable for them.
        (第二段点评:作者本段先点明图片寓意,然后进行分析,这一点非常符合考研英语写作模式。但是,图片揭示的是当代社会很多人把学位与能力划等号这一现象,并不是表面的“文凭与英语是求职中的必备要素”,这一点需注意。此外,本段将近一半的篇幅都用来描述为什么文凭和英语在求职中如此受重视,这一点稍有些跑偏的感觉;后面采用举例的形式来支撑自己的论点,这一点很好,但可惜的是文章的论点本身就不明确。总之,本段本应用来论述学历不等于能力,却受图中的文凭和英语的影响,给人造成一种作者在分析“现在的招聘条件过于苛刻”这一现象,有所偏差。)

    In my opinion, sometimes employee can change a little for employers according to their talent(employer和employee意思混淆,且整个句子有明显的汉语思维痕迹,作者应该是想表达“放松要求”,因此可以用employers should relax some requirements…来表达). Someone says, everyone is special and has a talent somewhere(for something). To some extent, the principle is usually not just one(principle意义不明确,且表达不地道。建议用一个there be句型来表述,there are many significant elements of being a good employee, and diploma is not the only one). What’s more, in the long run , the society needs multifunction people (various kinds of talents)to adapt to the(建议加rapid)development.
        (第三段点评:最后一段给出作者的建议和总结,这一点没有问题。但是跟上一段一样,作者整段都游走在主题边缘,没有切中要害。此外,尽管作者运用了一些衔接词语,但是,或许由于语言表达问题,句子之间的语意衔接不是很紧密,有逻辑跳跃的感觉。)

参考分数(满分20分):7

总体点评
        作者的习作基本符合考研英语一写作要求,结构完整,段落分明,需注意以下几方面问题:
        1. 文章的立意稍微有点儿偏差,通篇给人一种作者针对“现在招聘条件过于苛刻”展开了一系列论述的感觉。在看图的同时要思考,以挖掘图片的深层含义,在此基础上展开行文。
        2. 受立意偏差的影响,文章的论述也不到位,不仅内容不够连贯,中心也不突出。建议作者在洞察图片寓意之后,先思考文章脉络,即每一段围绕什么进行展开,有哪些素材可以支撑这一中心,这些素材彼此之间是什么关系,理清思路,再开始作文。
        3. 文章有一些语法错误,无论是词性不清楚或是知识点不清楚,都应引起重视。
        4. 文章还有一个比较严重的问题,即文章的语言表达很汉语化,不仅一些词语用词不够准确,有的句子也不易理解。这一点在短期内只有通过在平时的复习中积累好的常用表达来改善,长期可以通过阅读英文原著或外刊来提升自己的英语思维。
           “人若有志,万事可为”,相信只要你立志于改善并坚持努力,你的写作肯定会有提升!加油!!!


                                                                                                                                                考研1号编辑部
                                                                                                                     2014年 10月13日


作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-13 14:29
      今日暂且更新这一篇修改哦,请各位耐心等待,没有修改到的童鞋请参照这一篇的修改,检查一下自己有没有类似的错误,先自行修改。感谢大家的踊跃参加,小编预先在此祝各位小朋友考研成功,加油哦[j:05]
作者: catallena    时间: 14-10-14 13:14
考研1号编辑部 发表于 14-10-13 14:05
写作原文

        As the picture above shows, Mr. Zhuge, who has no certifica ...

谢谢![r:23]
作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-14 18:38
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-10-14 18:50 编辑

写作原文
        Nothing is so inconceivable and attention-grabbing as the picture depicts. A man who is ingenious was rejected by the(前面用的是a man,且此处的突出描述对象是前者,因此改为an较好) employer, only because he does not have the so-called diploma(需明确diploma的具体含义,其指的是“毕业证书”“毕业文凭”,因此这里不可以用the特指限定,改为a diploma). There is no denying the fact that the picture aims at revealing a current problem:diploma discrimination(诸葛先生根本没有毕业文凭,因此谈不上是文凭歧视,而应为“学历至上”或“学历决定论”).
         (第一段点评:文章首段严格按照考研英语作文写作模式,先描述图画再说明寓意。较好的一点在于,作者并没有使用千篇一律的As is vividly depicted…或是As we can see …,在引出图画这方面相对比较新颖。不足之处在于:其一,作者未表明a man为诸葛先生,须知诸葛亮这一形象代表着广大有能力却没有文凭的求职者,对于解读图画主旨起着至关重要的作用;其二,图画寓意概括不够精准,“文凭歧视”和“学历至上”还是有所差异。此外,注意保持时态前后的相对统一。)

        Many companys(companies), if not most,harbor the idea that those individuals who have higher academic degrees(此处缺少同位语从句的谓语动词,加also have)the(删除)higher human skills. This produces some self-deceptive people who(produce用词不够恰当,建议整体改为makes some self-deceptive people) pursue high academic degrees neglecting the cultivate (改为cultivation,cultivate为动词)of capabilities. And others with low academic degrees can hardly find(加a)suitable job.What’s more,even some indiduals(individuals)in order to get a pleasurable job fabricate the diploma(注意语序和表达,可改为some individuals even use fudged record in order to get an ideal job).
        (第二段点评:本段先点出造成此种现象的原因是“招聘单位认为高学历代表着高能力”,随后写这种观点造成的影响:一部分人忽视能力的培养而追求高学历,低学历者难以找到合适的工作,甚至有人为了找工作而伪造学历。初读之下,这一论述内容没有任何问题,仔细分析方可发现这一逻辑的不合适之处:“现象——现象原因——原因带来的影响”,需知现象原因带来的影响即为现象本身,即作者用较多篇幅来描述图画现象的衍生现象。因此,本段的论述浮于表面,没有切中要害。)

        All of those factors make it necessary to change some ideas about the relationship between the diploma(用educational background,即“学历”恰当一些) and capablity(capability) to eliminate this phenomenon. For one thing,if we really(受汉语影响,建议删除)don’t have the(改为a)diploma, it is deeply important for us to enhance our own capablities(capabilities) when we have the opportunity to learn, either to improve ourselves or to hut(hunt for)a good job. For another,as (根据句意,此处应改为to)a employment(仅从语法角度而言应该把a 改为an,因为以元音开始的名词,前面的不定冠词用an;但是,从语言表达方面而言,需要删除employment,因为recruiter即含有“招聘人员”之意) recruiter,to be sure,the certificate (educational background)is important,but it is not the only principl(principle) in job-huntin(job-hunting).
        (第三段点评:本段针对这一现象,从求职者和用人单位两个角度给出自己的建议,比较周全,这一点很好。然而,自身角度这一论述中,作者只提出了没有文凭的人要努力提升自身能力,须知高学历的人也要提升能力,使其与自身学历匹配。)

参考分数(满分20分):8

总体点评
文章立意正确,段落分明,衔接相对而言也比较自然,作者需注意以下几点问题:
1. 在描述图画时,要抓住图画重点信息及其暗含意义,以描述更加到位,这样更利于文章主体内容的展开。
2. 作者在构思文章时,一定要理清思路,把握前后内容的逻辑性,论述要切合图画主旨,直击要害。
3. 文章有一些语法错误,需注意谓语动词、词语词性和冠词的用法。
4. 文章有几处单词拼写错误,需加强词汇记忆。
5. 文章的一些表达不够精准,这一点可能是由于作者不了解词汇的自身含义,同时也受汉语思维影响。建议作者在记忆词汇时查阅其英文释义,并逐步提升自己的英语思维。
   任何成功都离不开辛勤付出,望作者能“积一时之跬步,臻千里之遥程”。祝你作文进步,考研成功!

                                                                                                                       考研1号编辑部
                                                                                                                    2014年 10月14日

作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-14 18:54
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-10-14 18:56 编辑
棋子233 发表于 14-10-10 15:40
The picture shows the employer refuse to employ Mr.Zhuge who don't have diploma and can't  speak Eng ...


写作原文
        The picture shows the employer refuse(主语employer为单数,为了保持主谓一致改为refuses,亦可使用一般过去时态refused) to employ Mr. Zhuge who don’t have (加a)diploma and can’t speak English.
        (第一段点评:本段用一句话简要地概括了图画的内容,包含了图画表面所含的所有信息employer, refuse, Mr. Zhuge, diploma和English。需注意的是,图画之所以把应聘者这一角色设定为诸葛先生,是因为其想要表现该应聘者“尽管没有文凭,也不懂英语,但其自身能力很强”,所以最好点明图画所隐含的这一深层要素——能力。)

        It seems that diploma(diplomas,可数名词在句中出现时,要么为“冠词+可数名词单数”形式,要么为复数形式。)and English are indispensable to get a position. However,there are still have(句式杂糅,以致于一个简单句中出现两个谓语动词,删除have)a sizable portion of people who don’t have (加a)diploma and can’t speak English,even either(注意逻辑关系,even表示递进的意思,而“两者都不会”和“其中一个不会”之间的关系并非如此。可改为who don’t have a diploma, or the skill of speaking English, or neither of them). But they are talent(改为talented)and have more work experiences and skills.
       (第二段点评:考研英语写作中,描述完图画之后要阐述图画寓意,而本文的It seems that diploma and English are indispensable to get a position与图画寓意有所偏差。此外,本段讲述的是“文凭和英语对于找工作至关重要,但是一部分人却没有文凭或不懂英语,尽管其天赋秉然且能力突出”,这一内容属于对现象的解释说明,即重申现象,并没有展开具体的论述。)

        I considered that employee(根据句意,此处应为雇主之意,且应用复数,改为employers) should not only attach importance to the diploma and English but assign jobs to people according (加to)their talent and abilities.
    (第三段点评:文章最后一段给出自己的观点,即从用人单位的角度给出相关的建议措施,这一点符合考研英语作文的结尾形式。但是,文章的内容十分单薄,作者在最后一段可以多角度给出相关建议。)

参考分数(满分20分):4

总体点评

作者的习作存在以下几方面的问题:
1. 文章的字数不符合考研英语一大纲写作要求(160—200字),只有80个字,这一点严重影响文章得分。作者需扩充文章的内容,建议在写作前进行头脑风暴,联系所有与之相关的内容,然后理清各个内容之间的关系,选取自己容易驾驭的部分组织成文。此外,在平时的复习中,积累常见话题的写作素材,这样不至于在考场上无话可说。
2. 文章主体段(第二段)仅在重申现象,比较空洞,建议作者可以论述学历和能力之间的关系。
3. 文章有一些语法错误,注意主谓一致、冠词、名词的数、词性等相关的语法知识。同时在记忆单词时也要注意词语的词性。
4. 文章有一处逻辑问题,在写之前一定要理清句意关系,以保证逻辑正确严谨。
   因此,作者现在的重心应该放在充实文章内容方面,以符合考研英语写作要求。只要能针对自己的问题进行逐步改进,定能写出更好的文章!


                                                                                                                                      考研1号编辑部
                                                                                                                                     2014年 10月14日


作者: 小椰    时间: 14-10-14 20:57
顶一下~~去年就是在这里改的作文~~~
作者: kai_wx    时间: 14-10-14 22:57
小椰 发表于 14-10-14 20:57
顶一下~~去年就是在这里改的作文~~~

咦~楼上发现一只活蹦乱跳的真大神⊙▽⊙
作者: Davinci86    时间: 14-10-14 23:27
考研1号编辑部 发表于 14-10-14 18:54
写作原文
        The picture shows the employer refuse(主语employer为单数,为了保持主谓一 ...

能不能改下我的 老师
作者: 追毛线团的猫    时间: 14-10-15 08:48
我觉得我可能悲惨的写跑题了……
作者: 小四爷    时间: 14-10-15 12:32
考研1号编辑部 发表于 14-10-14 18:38
写作原文
        Nothing is so inconceivable and attention-grabbing as the picture depicts. A  ...

老师我在8楼,第五个发的,求批改批改
作者: 醉茶茶    时间: 14-10-15 14:31
In the picture, a man sits behind a wooden table that covered a cloth. “Recruit People” is written on it. Zhu Geliang who is one of the most wise man in china during 5000 years stands in front of the table and wants to attend this recruit. But, the man tells him severely that because he has no any degrees and certifications about English language, he is not allowed to take part in it. The picture reveals an event that the company always equals real ability with degree or certification.

There is an inevitable situation that gives rise to this event. The number of people who graduate from school is large. The number of people who graduated one or two years ago who still have no job is big. The number of people who need a job because of other reasons is also big. Sum up the three big numbers, an incredible number could be gotten. Therefore, facing so unbelievable number of people without a job, the company that has no ability to interview so much many interviewees needs to make some sample and useful standard to reduce the number. Degree and certification become the first choice. Obviously, although the way of selecting people is not good, it can save money and time. That is the reason that the company adopts this method and thinks degree and certification can represent a person’s ability.

For changing this event, scientists should establish a critic standard. It can offer a scientific way to help the company to get the employee with useful skills, and also let people have a clear understanding about the structure of their knowledge. Finally, it can form a situation of win-win.
不知道现在还能不能改了。文章写了有一个小时出头吧。希望老师能帮忙改改。顺便问下以前写过的文章可以帮忙改正吗?

作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-15 15:25
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-10-15 15:30 编辑
聪明的小酥2 发表于 14-10-10 16:51
It is hardly difficult for us to figure out in the drawing given above that a person, nervous and he ...


        因为老师工作繁忙,没有时间逐一修改各位的作文,很是抱歉。很遗憾你的这篇文章老师不在此次修改文章之列,不过老师给你指出了文章存在的问题和相关建议:

一、语法方面:
1. 主谓不一致。
…a person, nervous and helpless , is unable to satisfy the requirement which need(定语从句的先行词the requirement为单数,谓语需与先行词保持主谓一致,改为needs) high diploma…
2. 定语从句掌握不到位。
①注意定语从句的引导词,what不能引导定语从句。
the requirement…what he applied for…(如果what在此不是想引导定语从句,则其根本不应出现在这里)
②引导词与先行词的关系不清,体现在以下非限定性定语从句中:
…graduates have to gain many skills to satisfy the interviewer’s requirements sooner than any other competitors (加逗号:这是一个非限定性定语从句,引导词which作主语,指代的是前面整一句话所列举的事实,因此要加逗号)which gives rise to the interviewers an approach
3. 非谓语动词使用有误。
例1, It is hardly necessary for me to cite all the evidence of the phenomenon is(本句是一个简单句,却出现了双谓语,删除这里的is)being existed in modern society.
例2,…suspend(改为suspended)at the top of the list are the following causes
例3,we should try our best to enhance our awareness which(删除,后面的动词不定式短语作目的状语,which多余) to improve ourselves incessantly so that we can have the upper hand when to competed(改为competing with,这里是省略了主语和系动词的时间状语从句) someone .
4. 疑问句结构不清楚。
  Why the phenomenon exists ?(应为Why dose the phenomenon exist?)
5. 名词单复数
            more choice(choices)form (from) the community included (including) the developing economy
           建议作者复习巩固相关的语法知识点,尤其是非谓语动词(动名词、动词不定式、现在分词、过去分词)和谓语动词的区别。
二、 语言表述方面:
      作者喜欢写长句,但注意长句不是把几个句子连在一起,要注意句意之间的逻辑关系,把不同层次的句子断开。此外,文章语言也不是长难句越多越好,长短结合、错落有致才是好的语言。如若语法基础不好,一味追求长难句则容易出错,结果只能适得其反。
三、内容方面:
1. 寓意不合适:This phenomenon indicates that the diploma is more important than ability . 这只是表象,学历并不比能力重要。
2. 文章第二段用来分析现象原因,最后一段给出自己的观点,写作思路没有问题。但是,在分析原因时,作者先提出“很多人未意识到理论知识的重要性,而花费过多时间去兼职”,这与话题主旨联系不大,甚至属于反向论据;随后,作者用较大的篇幅指出竞争压力大,这同样与“学位与能力”几乎没有联系。而最后一段,作者的建议基本上都和competition有关,内容跑偏。
总之,作者需先弄清图画所表达的寓意,在此基础上围绕寓意的主旨来构思成文。

文章还有其他细节方面的问题,望作者能够参照其他考生的作文批改,来检查自己的习作。

                                                                                                                                                       考研1号编辑部
                                                                                                                                                       2014年10月15日


作者: 流光微凉    时间: 14-10-15 15:28
Above are two people, while the old man on the left,who is Mr. ZhuGe, intends to apply for a job,the man on the left says that you do not have certificates and English language ablity.
With the development of our society,it seems that certificates play an increasingly important role in people's life, which even becomes essential if one who wish to get a job. Various people, no matter young or old, famous or ordinary, regard the certificates as the most important thing in their career. Besides, the corporations are also keen on recruting workers coupled with higher degree regradless of his or her capbility, encouraging the trend of pursuiting certificates unreasonably.
In my poinion, what the company concerned should be the ability instead of the diploma employees have. In our competitive society, ability is the essential thing that should be think highly. The diploma only is a proof of your educational experience.
谢谢老师哇 第一次写!
作者: yingxiaoluo    时间: 14-10-15 15:40
小椰 发表于 14-10-14 20:57
顶一下~~去年就是在这里改的作文~~~

小椰!!!你是小珞家的小椰吗??扑倒~~~
作者: 聪明的小酥2    时间: 14-10-15 16:24
考研1号编辑部 发表于 14-10-15 15:25
因为老师工作繁忙,没有时间逐一修改各位的作文,很是抱歉。很遗憾你的这篇文章老师不在此次修 ...

谢谢指教啊,本人英语很弱  目前作文还是依样画葫芦阶段!
作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-15 16:48
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-10-15 16:52 编辑
小四爷 发表于 14-10-10 17:30
求批改~~
As picture demonstrates,employer sitting behind the table with a sign of recruitmen ...


        因为老师工作繁忙,没有时间逐一修改各位的作文,很是抱歉。很遗憾你的这篇文章老师不在此次修改文章之列,不过老师给你指出了文章存在的问题和相关建议:

一、语法方面:
1. 注意冠词的用法:
例,As(加the)picture demonstrates,(加an或the)employer…for having neither (加a)diploma
2. 注意句子的基本结构:
例,an ancient Chinese sage,or rather say(删除), a think tank
Give priority to develop education including English,which never equal that all doors are slaming in the face of people without high level of education.(本句结构混乱,同时表意不清。作者本意想用which引导非限定性定语从句,但是主句不是一个完整的句子:若Give priority to…充当主句的主语,则应把Give改为Giving,即用动名词短语作主语,动词不可以作主语;give priority to中,to为介词,后面应跟名词、代词或动名词,因此develop改为developing;同时,主句缺少谓语。需重新组织语言)
   3. 注意保持主谓一致:
例,however, (加the)employer frown(主语the employer为单数,应保持主谓一致,改为frowns) on him.
   4. 注意名词的单复数:
…both employer(employers)and employee(employees)are satisfied to…
总之,作者在写长句时,需清楚句子的基本结构,同时需复习巩固冠词和名词的数方面的语法知识,此外需细心。
二、语言方面:
        作者的部分语句因为语言表述的关系,比较费解。同时,部分表述不够地道。在表达之前,首先要清楚自己想要说明什么,然后借助正确的语法和常用的表达来传递给读者。在平时的复习中,多积累地道的短语和表达,以使文章的语言清晰明白。
三、结构和内容方面:
        考研英语写作一般写为三段,而本文有四段。文章第二段首先提出“这种招聘标准有缺陷”……最后提出“学位不等同于能力”;而第三段先点明过分重视学历的弊端,然后举例说明不同行业应重视什么,最后说明自己的观点“知识很重要,但是学历不能代表知识”……通读全文,发现文章内容前后之间似乎没什么关系,即中心不突出,且逻辑稍显混乱。
        建议作者在写作之前,一定要理清思路:明确“第一段主要写什么,第二段重点阐述什么,第三段表达什么观点”,然后围绕每一段的中心展开论述。注意,所写语句前后之间一定要逻辑清晰。

        总之,建议作者现在应把重心放在行文构思方面,同时兼顾语言表达和语法知识。“绳锯木断,水滴石穿”,通过不断的努力,作者的写作一定会有显著提高。加油!
       以上内容仅列举出作者写作存在的代表性问题,一些细节问题望作者能够根据建议和其他考生的批改来自行检查。

                                                                                                                                                    考研1号编辑部
                                                                                                                                                     2014年10月15日


作者: Walrus623    时间: 14-10-15 18:18
虽然来晚了,还是写了一下。


As is shown in the picture,Mr.Zhuge,who wears ancient clothes,is looking for a job.And a man sits behind of a table and excludes Mr.Zhuge,because he has not an educational background and can not speak English.There are four words on the table what is “absorb talents” in English. How meaningful the picture is!
This cartoon displays a recently popular phenomenon.It reminds us when we absorb talents,we can not ignore some elements:firstly,nowadays some companies think educational background is more important than real ability.And,our social sometimes is fuel for this bad phenomenon,we begin to value outside rather than inside.So,I think it is very significant,we must think about it carefully.
In my opinion,these things would effect our country.We should do something prevent it:on the one hand,our government should claim the firms looking for talents according to their real needs.On the other hand,these biases and behaviors are to blame by social and public,the news and multi-media should report positive news.As the saying goes well,Rome is not built in a day.With great effort,we can create more harmonious social.

作者: 小四爷    时间: 14-10-15 18:24
本帖最后由 小四爷 于 14-10-15 18:27 编辑
考研1号编辑部 发表于 14-10-15 16:48
因为老师工作繁忙,没有时间逐一修改各位的作文,很是抱歉。很遗憾你的这篇文章老师不在此次修 ...


好的谢谢老师,我有一个疑问,which不是可以指代前面那个句子么,所以我才用的give。。。。,作祈使句。。。。
作者: 小~天狼星    时间: 14-10-15 19:22
不知道还来不来得及了,谢谢老师啊。
Zhuge Kongming came to a interviewee confidently, but he was refused. With an unbelievable look, Mr.Zhuge asked why. The officer answered briefly, you had no certificate of degree, you cannot understand English.
That is the above picture, we can see. The topic of finding job is a really hot ponit these years. What is the more important one, certificate or ablity? Even Zhuge Kongming, who is famous as a gift person, didn't pass the interviewee without the certificate. It is the reality in our society, no matter how excellent you are, you need the certificate to prove that you have reached some the least requirements.
I think certificate is the basic we need, when we look for a job. But it is not the unique standard , we should have another standard for those who really have some innate skill. After all, all kinds of abilities are needed to make our country more wonderful.

作者: ally1977    时间: 14-10-15 19:41
The degree and ability
In the picture,Zhuge liang who holding a feather fan wanted to apply for a job.Recruiters posed a gesture to refuse and said:"Mr.Zhuge,I'm so sorry.You have no the diploma,and you can not speak English."

As we all know,Zhuge liang is the talent who Liu Bei willingly payed three visits to the cottage,and is famous strategist and politician in the three kingdoms period.His ability,even in today's society,there are few people can match on.But why did he be rejected on the job fair?All that because diploma provoked a curse.

Normally,there is a positive correlation between diploma and ability.Most people who have a degree will have a good ability about study and adapting to the environment.From this level,it is reasonable that the company think a lot of diploma when choose and employ people.

Exception can be found to any rule. The company could not take the diploma too seriously.There are so many people who successfully in political and business  forum have not diploma.

作者: 開心@    时间: 14-10-15 21:09
本帖最后由 開心@ 于 14-10-15 21:23 编辑

        由于是用手机看的题目,不懂怎么看图片,所以看了其他人的描述写,不懂有没有离题T^T,谢谢楼主提供这个平台。谢谢。
        It can be seen from the graph that a person is applying for a position in the firm.However,it's a pity that he was rejected as he went down without taking a degree.And the similar case is not rare in today' career fair.      
        Is degree means ability the main facter resulting in recruitor reject to employ the candidates who without degree? From the company perspective,they prefer to capture the person who was granted a academic degree is benefical for them to take into account how to better to run their firm in this competitive society.And it's a lesson that there were some employees without degree as well as talent ,which made the loss in different level of the firm.The another important reason is that turn up phenomenon followed suit by some small scale firms,which is heavily .So that more and more jobless limited without degree.        
       Such recruitment fail to provide candidates with a stage for fair competition.It is harmful to both capable people and society.Real person with ability will be deprived of working chances and the man ,who had degree without talent , granted for a good position will be hardness for society to balance the relation between supply and demand in the job market.
真正下笔写才发现自己底子是有多不好,不过还是鼓起勇气写出来了,虽然写的很菜不过还是希望老师和各位大神帮我看看, 让我更明白自己的不足。
作者: 爱丽丝菇凉    时间: 14-10-15 22:03
营云燕 发表于 14-10-12 22:41
孩子,你比我写的好,但是不得不说单词拼写错误啊!而且词组使用不当,employee是被雇佣者,employer才是 ...

谢谢你指出我的问题,太感谢了~~还有什么问题么?
作者: 做一个梦    时间: 14-10-15 22:11
积极参与中。。。。
作者: cnblue0730    时间: 14-10-15 23:19
Incredibly but definitely, Mr. Zhuge, who is considered as a typically representative of brilliant intellectual, is refused by the manager of the company which is prepared to recruit new members. The reason why the manager don’t employ him is that he don’t have degrees and cannot speak English.
  Simple as the cartoon seems to be, the insight conveyed is quite thought-provoking. It mirrors a serious social phenomenon that majority of companies take seriously degrees and the reputation of one’s university, regardless of competence. As the economic boom brings not merely material comfort but a high-level pursuit of education as well, modern citizens , ranging from the young to the elderly, treat education as the compulsory task of their life. A recent finding has provided the first concrete clue that the number of master is equated with the number of bachelor two decades ago, thus, the quantity of educators remarkably exceed the need of market. It is the simplest way that common companies view the educational background as the criterion to select the best employee who can be competent of complex job.
  In my points of view, the tide of blindly pursuing degrees should be controlled. It’s a great pity that more and more graduates, having high score with low-competence, barely have practical skills to adapt to the real job. It’s a misfortune of a nation. On the other hand, to ourselves, we should accept the reality. Education is to better our personality, lead a cultural life, defined as a fluent interaction between knowledge and courtesy. Meanwhile, practical skills should be attached importance so that we can be linked with world and keep up with the demands of the market.
今天才看到笔版的微博,希望还能被改啊~~~
之前都是听某老师的课然后只有一段一段的练,这是第一次完全写一篇,头都要抠破了·····
知道写的很烂,但就是写的烂才想能被指导···知道机会难得啊[d:9]看在我晚上打乱计划的份上能不能帮我改改,好希望能有人这么细致的指导[d:9]谢谢谢谢求批改~~~
作者: catallena    时间: 14-10-16 10:28
老师,这是根据你的建议修改后的作文。
As the picture above shows,Mr.Zhuge,who has no diplomas and has no knowledge of  English ,is directly refused by the employee in a job hunting,though he is knowledgeable and talented.
The picture implicitly reveals the phenomenon that the majority of people equate diploma with ability,since they think a diploma is a proof of one's good education.Thus,a diploma is like a passport in a job hunting.What's more, with the development, English has become an international language,whch is one of basic skills.In evidence,diploma and English can't show one's ability and konwledge.
All in all,diploma and English can't be regarded as the only princilpe of hiring.In fact, the higher diploma doesn't mean the better ability.In a word,comprehensive evaluation is neccessary  and appropriate to select talents.
作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-16 16:16
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-10-16 16:33 编辑
_Psyche 发表于 14-10-10 17:56
看到的时候已经差不多五点了,已经抢不到前三楼了!!!还请老师批改!!!

As is vividly depicted i ...


        因为老师工作繁忙,没有时间逐一修改各位的作文,很是抱歉。很遗憾你的这篇文章老师不在此次修改文章之列,不过老师给你指出了文章存在的问题和相关建议:

一、语法方面:
1. 注意冠词的用法:
①不定冠词a与an的区别(元音前用an;辅音前用a)
例,taking part in a(an)interview
②不定冠词与定冠词的用法
例,who is the(a) famous people
③遗漏冠词
例,but you do not have (加a) diploma
2. 注意名词的单复数:
例,good at many academy(前面用了many,此处应该使用复数形式,且academy意为“学院”“学会”,用在这里不合适)
3. 注意保持主谓一致:
例,diploma(diplomas) and english (English) likes (主语为复数,谓语动词也应使用复数;且like作“像”之意讲时为介词不是动词,因此改为are like) a stepping-stone (建议改为stepping-stones) to success
例,One man want(主语为单数,谓语也应使用单数,改为wants) to(加be)strong
4. 介词后跟词语形式不清楚:
例,the trend of connect(of为介词,后跟名词、代词或动名词,改为connecting)with
5. 句子缺少谓语动词,或谓语与非谓语动词混淆:
例,it to some extend means that you(加have) no opporunity make(making) friend(friends) of (with) foreigners
例,practical knowledge ,dioplam and english (加are)all needful (needed), for us, as well as for our country
6. only倒装句未完全掌握:
例,Only in this way can we have a brilliant future and our country will developing(will our  country develop)quickly
二、词汇方面:
1. 注意近义词的区别:
who is the(a) famous people(改为person,a people指“一个民族”)
2. 注意词语的词性:
例,diploma and english likes(like作“像”时为介词) a stepping-stone
3. 注意专有名词等首字母要大写:
例,eglish(English)
4. 注意词语的拼写:
例,interveiwer,alothough,speake,dioplam,Fo,dluently等等
三、内容方面:
        通读全文,不难得知作者全篇都在围绕“必须重视文凭和英语”展开,这体现出作者并没有完全读懂图画寓意。作者忽视了图中这个“既无文凭也不懂英语”的求职者是诸葛亮,众所周知,诸葛先生才华横溢、能力超群,因此他被用人单位拒绝体现的是当今社会过分强调文凭和英语的重要性,而忽视了应聘者自身的实际能力。因此,这篇习作写跑题了。
        所以,作者在提笔写之前,一定要多加审视图片,注意到图画的每个细节,以揣摩图画的真正寓意。在此基础上再构思文章,才不会跑题。

        (望作者能够根据以上批注,发现并改正文章中存在的类似问题,这样才能提升更快。)
         总之,在现阶段,作者需重视审题、语法和词汇这三方面,逐步改善自己的写作。加油!


                                                                                                                                                          考研1号编辑部
                                                                                                                                                             2014年10月16日


作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-16 17:30
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-10-16 17:32 编辑
苍州越 发表于 14-10-10 19:03
As is vividly depicted in the picture.MR.z huge, who showed extraordinary abilities in Chinese histo ...


        因为老师工作繁忙,没有时间逐一修改各位的作文,很是抱歉。很遗憾你的这篇文章老师不在此次修改文章之列,不过老师给你指出了文章存在的问题和相关建议:
一、语法方面:
1. 注意过去式和过去分词的区别:
例,the degree has became(改为become,became是动词过去式)
2. 注意名词的数:
例,a lot of such case(前面用 a lot of修饰,表明不止一个,因此改为cases)by newspaper(newspapers) or social net(nets)
3. 因词语词性不清楚而导致其形式错误:
例,even we ourselves are in(加a) role liked (like作“像,和……一样”讲时为介词,因此改为like) MR.zhuge
4. 从句引导词掌握不清楚:
例,we deal right now in the landscape with an infatuation with the culture of getting degree that (在we前加that,删除degree后的that,即用that引导主语从句;或者把that改为“,which”,即用which引导非限定性定语从句,指代前面的句子)can be properly bubbled in the environment that(改为where或in which) only the people having formidable abilities can survive at last.(此外,本句前半部分有点重复赘余,因此语意不是十分清晰)
例,we easily found ,(逗号改为that)the most of the young ,espically in china , miss the point…
5. 冠词的使用:
例,rarely do the leaders surely have the(改为a) suitable and effective way to single out
例,play high value on the(删除)getting abilities
二、标点符号:
1. 文章有部分标点符号使用有误:
例,As is vividly depicted in the picture.(改为逗号)MR.z (Mr.)huge, who showed extraordinary abilities in Chinese history. (改为逗号)is rejected by…
2. 同时需注意句子第一个单词的首字母需大写。
三、语言表述:
1. 注意词语的搭配:
例,…has became the more critical role (played a more critical role ) than abilities
2. 不要轻易自己制造词语:
例,but overdepended(无overdepend一词)on the degree
3. 注意词语的使用:
例,our society won(would) not get there just with the degree and we won (would) not touch fantastic…
       此外,文章的一些语句受汉语影响,表达很汉化。部分语言表述句意不明。同样的,作者一方面需在平时的学习中积累常用的相关表述,另一方面应通过阅读来提升自己的英语思维。
四、文章内容:
        文章第一段描述图画,第二段分析现象原因,第三段给出自己的写作建议,这一写作思路没有任何问题。需注意的是,第二段在分析原因时,一定要表意明确,并保证前后内容逻辑清晰连贯,这样读者才能够清楚作者所述的具体原因所在。
       望作者能够根据以上问题示例,改正文章中出现的类似问题。在今后的写作中,既要把握好文章的核心——内容,也要注重文章的外壳——语言和语法。
                                                                                                                                        考研1号编辑部
                                                                                                                                          2014年10月16日


作者: 流光微凉    时间: 14-10-16 19:13
  Above are two people, while the old man on the left is Mr. Zhuge, known for his wise, intending to apply for a job. The employer on the left says that you don’t have any certificates and English language ability.
  
  Over the past couple of years, one person’s ability is an important thing that a great many Chinese value highly. But in recent years, it seems that diplomas play an increasingly important role in people's life, which even becomes essential if one wishes to get a job. Various people, nowadays, no matter young or old, famous or ordinary, regard the certificate as the most important thing in their career. Besides, corporations also tend to recruit the employee coupled with higher degree and don’t take his or her real capabilities into account, which is a decisive factor for an opening, leading to pursuit certificates blindly.
   
  In my opinion, what the company concerned should be the ability rather than the diploma employees have. In our competitive society, ability is the essential thing which should be paid more attention to. The  diploma can only prove to your educational experience.

又改了 下 希望老师可以给修改啊 感谢!!!
作者: 明矾waitac    时间: 14-10-16 21:17
本帖最后由 明矾waitac 于 14-10-16 21:45 编辑
考研1号编辑部 发表于 14-10-14 18:38
写作原文
        Nothing is so inconceivable and attention-grabbing as the picture depicts. A  ...

先谢谢老师帮忙修改作文~~几个小疑问希望老师百忙之中帮我解决一下下:1,描述图片内容的部分,平时练习的时候要么描述的特别麻烦,特别仔细,要么就是描述的不够到位,忽略了该有的东西,总是抓不到图片中的重要信息,这个要怎么办~;
2,就像这篇文章一样,之前自己写作练习的时候也总是觉得自己掌握不太好图画的寓意,总是概括不到位,这个要如何练习才能有所提升~;
比如以06年的作文题目为例:盲目的偶像崇拜现象,然后我自己如果写的话,思路大概如下:
1,描述图画,指出现象;
2,适当的偶像崇拜本身ok,如果恰当会起到好的效果;
但如果过度崇拜则会造成诸多影响,比如学业成绩受到影响;
3,作为教师或者家长,要帮助学生树立正确的价值观念,不要盲目崇拜,认清楚当下该做的事情;
作为学生的我们要自己正确的理解流行文化,要掌握好度。
老师这种思路可以么




作者: 冰潇风哮    时间: 14-10-17 01:15
本帖最后由 冰潇风哮 于 14-10-17 01:18 编辑

   What we can see from the picture is that Mr.Zhuge is rejected by employer because he does't have a diploma and can't speak English.
   A man,living in the modern society,who does't have a diploma,meanwhile,can't use English is regarded as incapble.So to a certain degree,he can't afford and adapt to what he will do as one of the members in the campany.
   In my opinion,a diploma,on one hand,is a identification of a emplyee's ability,just as whether he can speak English or not.It's through a diploma that we can realize that a employee's level of education and individual quality.A sword has two sides,the employer can also ignore what he does't see to judge a person who has his own specail skill for that company so that both employer and employee can't reach a consesus.
   the way,I think,can accelerate the veracity of personnel recruitment is make the condition more elastic and more humanized.


写太晚没有被改的可能了~~第一次写,感觉好烂,练习为主。
作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-17 09:40
小四爷 发表于 14-10-15 18:24
好的谢谢老师,我有一个疑问,which不是可以指代前面那个句子么,所以我才用的give。。。。,作祈使句 ...

      您好,从语法角度而言,which可以引导非限定性定语从句,指代前面的句子,主句也可以是祈使句。但是其暗含一个逻辑关系:祈使句是请求或倡导他人去做某事,因此后面的定语从句从逻辑而言理应是告诉他们“这样做有什么好处”。例如,Firstly,make the idea of choosing the right candidate for the right position a common view among employers through publicity campaign, which is not only good for their own development,but also lets applicants have a peace of mind,reducing the instability due to resentment.(首先,要通过大力宣传,让唯才是用成为大家的共识,这既有利于企业自身的发展,也会让求职者有一个平和的心态,减少其因愤然而带来的不稳定因素。)而作者所写的语句从逻辑角度而言不是很明确,因此前面用祈使句不是十分合适。此外,which指代前面一个句子,定语从句的谓语动词应为单数。
作者: 小四爷    时间: 14-10-17 09:47
考研1号编辑部 发表于 14-10-17 09:40
您好,从语法角度而言,which可以引导非限定性定语从句,指代前面的句子,主句也可以是祈使句。但 ...

哦哦谢谢老师。。。我弄混了
作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-17 10:45
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-10-17 10:47 编辑
人云亦云的恩 发表于 14-10-11 10:46
What a thought-provokingl picture it is. Mr Zhuge, an intellectual man in Chinese ancient time, who ...


        因为老师工作繁忙,没有时间逐一修改各位的作文,很是抱歉。但是,老师顾及到每位考生都很用心写作,因此决定简要给每位考生指出问题,希望大家能够自行检查和改进。
      您的写作从语法角度而言需注意:时态和主谓一致(如who travel )、谓语动词和非谓语动词混淆(如is aspire)等类似的问题。
      词汇方面:注意形近词的辨析,如fell(fall的过去式)和feel;注意同一词汇不同词性的用法(Lack of working experience ,改为The lack of...或Lacking of...)。
      标点符号方面: What a thought-provokingl picture it is. (感叹号);who travel through modern time (加逗号);If we choose stuff that are reasonable in process, suitable in criterion.(改为逗号) We(首字母小写) would...
         内容方面:文章第二段指出这种现象的不良影响,最后一段指出自己的建议,这一思路没有问题,但是在指出自己建议的时候最好点明“我认为文凭不能代表能力”。此外,第二段“Secondly, although English indeed may enjoy its advantage, its disadvantage can not be ignored. It is absurd to neglect to Chinese traditional culture. ”这部分内容与文章主旨没有多大联系。
      此外,文章的一些表达不够地道。同时,文章还存在其他细节问题。建议作者先针对以上问题,进行改善。祝你复习顺利,考研成功!
                                                                                                          2014年10月17日
                                                                                                             考研1号编辑部

作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-17 11:14
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-10-17 11:16 编辑
Davinci86 发表于 14-10-11 19:28
This is a funny picture.Mr.ZhuGe who was the master of the nation of Su,very famous person,was c ...


           因为老师工作繁忙,没有时间逐一修改各位的作文,很是抱歉。但是,老师顾及到每位考生都很用心写作,因此决定简要给每位考生指出问题,希望大家能够自行检查和改进。
        您的写作需注意:
        语法方面:冠词的使用有误【如(加a)very famous person;] a(改为an) arrogant】;谓语动词与非谓语动词混淆【如when I having a dinner】;主谓不一致【如Diplomas and certificates was】;句子的基本结构不清楚;时态前后不一致【如Einstein rarely was a staff in the Swiss government when he deliver】;情态动词后跟成分不清【We should to improve】等等。建议作者从句子的基本结构、主谓一致、时态、非谓语动词(动名词、动词不定式、现在分词、过去分词)入手,兼顾各大从句,逐步巩固自己的语法基础。
        内容方面:作者第二段论述学历和能力的关系,第三段给出自己的观点,这一写作思路完全正确,且作者通过举例例证的方法较好。需注意的是,文章第二段在论述的时候,逻辑不够清晰,内容不够连贯紧凑。建议作者第一句提出“学历不等同于能力”,然后正反两面列举例证:高学历低能力的例子和低学历高能力的例子,然后予以总结。
        总之,作者目前需着重引起重视的是全面复习巩固自己的语法知识,同时在写作之前理清思路,使文章前后逻辑紧密,内容连贯。此外,积累常用的表述,使文章语言更加地道。
                                                                                                                  2014年10月17日
                                                                                                                   考研1号编辑部

作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-17 11:34
Moonriver 发表于 14-10-11 21:42
The picture above shows an irony scene that the well-known talented Mr.Zhuge, who was specialize ...


        因为老师工作繁忙,没有时间逐一修改各位的作文,很是抱歉。但是,老师顾及到每位考生都很用心写作,因此决定简要给每位考生指出问题,希望大家能够自行检查和改进。
        您的写作需注意:
        语法方面:词语的词性【will bring loses(改为losses,lose为动词);my advise(改为advice)】;非谓语动词未掌握清楚【Just care(改为caring,用动名词短语作主语) about the diploma won’t make sense】;Only倒装句未掌握清楚【Only connect(Only位于句首且强调状语时,后面用部分倒装;改为by connecting) real ability with the diploma when making a decision about hiring, (删除逗号)will the hunter receive more promising “Mr.Zhuge”】
        内容方面:考研英语写作的主体内容为文章的第二段,该段为论述的核心,或分析现象原因,或阐述利弊,或描述影响,或论述某事物的重要性……作者第二段确实也论述了现象的原因,但是相对而言比较简单。需注意各段的字数一般为:第二段>第三段>第一段,因此作者需适当扩充第二段的内容。
总之,作者的语法没有大的问题,需注意特殊语法现象,并注意词语的词性。其次,在内容构思方面再下点儿工夫。加油,祝你考研成功!
                                                                                                 2014年10月17日
                                                                                                     考研1号编辑部

作者: Davinci86    时间: 14-10-17 12:34
考研1号编辑部 发表于 14-10-17 11:14
因为老师工作繁忙,没有时间逐一修改各位的作文,很是抱歉。但是,老师顾及到每位考生都很 ...

谢谢老师的指导 话说今天又是周五了 该出题目了
作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-17 12:55
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-10-17 13:03 编辑
墨洛书 发表于 14-10-11 21:50
写到后面已经不知道自己到底想说啥了给跪了_(:з」∠)_辛苦老师纠错QAQ我的作文一定看得很累(因为错太多。 ...


        因为老师工作繁忙,没有时间逐一修改各位的作文,很是抱歉。但是,老师顾及到每位考生都很用心写作,因此决定简要给每位考生指出问题,希望大家能够自行检查和改进。
        您的写作需注意:
        语法方面:句子的基本结构不清楚【如our very excellent and smart strategist who was the nation of SHU ,in the literature history of China一句缺少主句的谓语;Like him,can’t get a job actually一句缺少主语】;情态动词的否定形式错误【must don’t】;非谓语动词掌握不清楚【如wants get;was not hinder】;主谓不一致【如diploma and English is;Bill Gates have】;词语词性使用错误【如the lose】;代词的主格形式和宾格形式使用错误【can help they】等等。
        内容方面:文章中心部分论述对象不够明确,内容之间逻辑不够清晰,主旨不明确。建议作者在写作之前先构思,想好每段主要写什么,然后根据每段的主旨来组织文章内容。不要提笔即写,想到哪里写到哪里。
        总之,建议作者在文章构思和内容方面多加思考,同时全面复习自己的语法知识。
                                                                                                      2014年10月17日
                                                                                                        考研1号编辑部

作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-17 13:01
Davinci86 发表于 14-10-17 12:34
谢谢老师的指导 话说今天又是周五了 该出题目了

        等下午本期活动总结发布之后,即发布第二期活动话题,敬请期待
作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-17 13:23
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-10-17 13:25 编辑
bujianxin 发表于 14-10-12 12:46
what will happen when Mr.zhuge,who is a superior intellect,to hunt job in this time?Are many com ...


        因为老师工作繁忙,没有时间逐一修改各位的作文,很是抱歉。但是,老师顾及到每位考生都很用心写作,因此决定简要给每位考生指出问题,希望大家能够自行检查和改进。
        您的写作需注意:
        语法方面:句子成分不完整【如what will happen when Mr.zhuge,who is a superior intellect,to hunt job in this time?时间状语从句缺少谓语】;名词单复数使用错误【如many company应为many companies】;冠词使用错误【如a ideal job,a应改为an】;情态动词后跟动词形式错误【如can became】;主谓不一致【如campany that want to,应为companies;Many people has high ability,应为have】等等。
        词汇方面:文章有几处单词拼写错误,需加强常用词语的记忆。
        语言方面:文章一些语句受汉语影响严重,表达不地道。需积累常用的表达。
        衔接方面:注意语句之间内容的逻辑衔接,同时注意段落之间的过渡衔接。
        内容方面:首先,文章的字数不符合考研英语一写作要求,本文只有135字,而大纲规定的字数为160—200字之间,需适当扩充。首先,文章第二段分析的现象原因不够充分,需再挖掘。其次,最后一段仅从用人单位方面给出相关建议,可加上应聘者方面的相关建议。
        因此,作者首先需扩充自己的文章内容,以符合考研英语作文的基本要求。其次,从语法、单词拼写等多方面逐步提升自己的写作。
                                                                                                            2014年10月17日
                                                                                                               考研1号编辑部

作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-17 14:00
追毛线团的猫 发表于 14-10-12 14:00
How could we evaluate standards in recruitment?

The drawing displays a very thought-provoking sc ...


        因为老师工作繁忙,没有时间逐一修改各位的作文,很是抱歉。但是,老师顾及到每位考生都很用心写作,因此决定简要给每位考生指出问题,希望大家能够自行检查和改进。
        您的写作需注意:
        语法方面:句子结构不完整/非谓语动词与谓语动词混淆【如who(加is)well known as a wise man】;冠词使用错误【如a(改为an)employer】;名词单复数使用错误【如most employer(改为employers);numerous resume(resumes); some talented person(persons)】;疑问句语序错误【Why recognized standards are preferred?应为Why are…preferred?】等。
        内容方面:首先,考研英语写作一般写为三段,而作者的文章有四段。建议作者把揭示图画寓意这部分内容放在第一段末尾,或放在第二段开始。同时,文章分析原因一段内容不够饱满。此外,文章以“描述图画——分析原因——提出建议”的写作思路来写,但是文章没有明确指出这是一个不良现象,也没有提出“学位不等同于能力”,直接就开始给出相关建议,逻辑跳跃,不够严谨。
        语言方面:文章的一些表达不够地道,比较汉语化。
        因此,作者需从文章结构、内容逻辑和语法这几方面来努力,以提高自己的写作!

                                                                                                    2014年10月17日
                                                                                                       考研1号编辑部

作者: 苍州越    时间: 14-10-17 16:53
说好的总结呢~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~说好的第二期呢~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~老师
作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-17 17:33
苍州越 发表于 14-10-17 16:53
说好的总结呢~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~说好的第二期呢~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~老师

请稍等哦,总结正在编辑之中。老师工作比较忙,所以发布时间有点儿推迟,但今天一定会发的,请多多谅解,耐心等待
作者: 听闻巴黎很美    时间: 14-10-17 17:37
很好~~太赞了,非常不错
作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-17 18:16
本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 14-10-17 18:18 编辑

                                                                                    第一期“学位与能力”作文修改总结
        分析各位考生的习作,发现同学们在写作中存在着这样或那样的问题,为使大家对如何写作有更深的认识,现对本期活动予以总结。望各位同学能够仔细查阅,以在今后的写作中规避问题,逐步改善。
一、写作前:
1.审题
        考生习作存在问题:以点带面,紧扣图画次要细节,而忽视图画重要内容,以至于对图画寓意把握出现偏差,由此导致文章内容跑题。
        图画中有两个人物:一个招聘者和一个应聘者。同时,招聘者挥手对应聘者说“诸葛先生,对不起,您没文凭,您不懂英语”,以示拒绝。需注意,图中的应聘者不是他人,正是才华横溢、能力出众的诸葛孔明,而他却被“文凭和英语”这两个拦路虎挡在职场之外。因此,图画揭示的是“很多用人单位只重视应聘者的学历,而忽视了其自身的真正能力”这一现象,进而得知“当今社会大多数人将能力与学位划等号”,所以文章应围绕“学位与能力的关系”来写。而很多考生将注意力放在“文凭和英语”上面,得出“当下招聘标准过于苛刻”“我们应努力获取文凭和学习英语”等相关结论,以致文章内容出现偏差。须知,本图之所以将求职者这一形象设置为诸葛亮,必定有其特殊用意。因此,考生需将注意力放在能够体现图片内在矛盾的要素之上,而不是一味注重细节,而本末倒置,审题出现偏差。
2.构思
        当审视清楚图画寓意之后,接下来需要做的就是构思文章脉络,明确每一段写什么,怎围绕每段的主旨展开。同时要注意,段与段之间、句与句之间要有缜密的逻辑关系,而不是想到什么就写什么。
        考生习作存在问题:①段与段之间彼此独立,没有多大联系;②各段内部主旨不分明,中心不突出,感觉像是很多方面的拼凑;③段落主旨分明,但是随后的部分内容并不能支撑自己的论点;④个别考生以“现象——现象原因——原因带来的影响”这一写作思路展开行文,需知现象原因带来的影响即为现象本身,这种写作思路不是很合适;⑤部分考生第二段仅是把现象本身进行展开描述,即重申现象,并没有挖掘其intended meaning,因此文章内容流于表面;⑥文章写作思路没有任何问题,但是内容不够充实……
       建议:
        这幅图画展示的是一个社会现象,属于社会热点话题,同时内容涉及“学位与能力”两者的辩证关系,这一点又类似于永恒哲理类话题。针对这一话题,考生可以参照以下构思来组织行文:
(1)以“描述图画(阐明寓意)——分析现象原因——给出自己观点”这一行文思路展开。
        分析现象原因:从教育体制方面分析,一直以来应试作为选拔人才的唯一标准,致使社会公众不可避免地认为高学历代表着高能力;从社会形势分析,随着高校扩招,毕业生人数的年年节升,导致求职者越来越多,用人单位想在众多的应聘者中迅速选取合适的人选,只能先通过硬性标准来判断,而无暇顾及应聘者的硬性条件是否与自身能力匹配;从固有观念方面分析,“学位或成绩代表着一个人的学习力,如果一个人连文凭都没有,则其必定缺乏学习力,今后也不可能在企业中有所成就”……
        给出自己观点:“我们应理智看待文凭”“学位不等同于能力”。同时针对上段所分析的现象原因来给予反驳。如,“应试只能考察人的理论知识,而不能考察其综合素质”;“每个人都有自己擅长的领域,使用硬性标准很可能将真正符合该岗位要求的特殊天才挡在门外”;“取得学位或好的成绩并不代表其学习能力就很强,这只代表其接受能力很强,一些人更适合通过体验来学习,在实际操作中培养自己的能力”……
(2)以“描述图画(阐明寓意)——论证学历与能力的关系——给出自己观点”这一行文思路展开。
        论证学历与能力的关系:首先明确提出“学位不等同于能力”,然后从正反两方面来论证。可以通过举例来例证自己观点的正确性。即,举出一个高学历低能力的人物,或在某一方面造诣很高但其他方面无所建树的人,说明学历高的人可能没有什么能力;然后,再举出一个低学历高能力的人物,说明低学历的人也可能很有能力。这样,通过正反两面对比,以及举例例证,来充分证明自己观点的正确性。
         给出自己观点:总结上段内容,同时给出自己的建议。“根据以上论述可知,学位不等同于能力。所以,对于用人单位来说,不能仅凭应聘者的文凭来判断其能力;对于应聘者,在追求文凭的同时不能忽视自己能力的培养”。
        总之,只要切合图画寓意,段落主旨突出,段落之间逻辑联系紧密,考生亦可按照其他写作思路来构思。
        注意,考研英语写作一般为三段,不要写成四段或更多。

二、写作中:
1.保证语言与自己想表达的内容一致,表意清晰。
2.保证语法准确清晰:

①保证句子结构完整:避免因使用介词而导致句子缺少主语;避免因使用从句而导致主句缺少谓语;避免因非谓语动词与谓语动词混淆而导致句子缺少谓语。
②保证主谓一致:主语为复数概念,谓语应使用复数,主语为单数概念,谓语应使用单数;定语从句中,若引导词在句中作主语,一定要清楚其所指代的先行词是什么,保持从句的谓语与先行词主谓一致,若引导词指代整个句子,则谓语为单数。
③保证时态前后相对统一。
④注意名词可数与不可数,保证可数名词的单复数使用正确。
⑤保证冠词使用正确:清楚什么时候加定冠词,什么时候加不定冠词,什么时候用不定冠词a,什么时候用不定冠词an。
⑥保证介词使用正确,同时介词后跟词语形式正确:介词后跟名词、代词或动名词,避免介词后跟动词原形。
⑦保证定语从句的引导词使用正确。
⑧注意同一词汇的不同词性,以免因词性不清而导致其形式错误。
⑨保证情态动词选取正确,同时其后所跟动词形式正确。
⑩保证句子语序正确。
……
3.保证单词使用正确:
①保证单词拼写正确。
②保证同根词汇使用正确,清楚其意义区别,如employer和employee。
③注意近义词辨析,清楚其区别。
④注意形近词辨析,保证使用无误。
⑤保证词汇的词性使用正确。
4.保证标点符号使用无误。
5.注意语句之间的逻辑,以选取合适的连词。同时,注意语句与语句之间和段与段之间的衔接。
6.尽量减少汉语思维的干扰,使语言表达更加地道。可在平时积累常用的表达,并通过阅读来逐步提升自己的英语思维。


三、写作后:
        写完之后,也要从头开始检查。这个时候,再重新立意构思和改正内容已经不现实了,但可以检查一下文章的语法、单词拼写、标点符号、大小写等问题,以避免因低级错误而导致不必要的失分;同时看一下文章字数是否符合要求,若较少,则可在最后一段适当扩充。

       总之,考生一定要注重审题,以保证立意无误;同时注意文章的结构框架和内容,并保证文章主旨突出,段落中心分明,前后逻辑无误,内容连贯紧凑。在此基础上,注意语法、拼写、语用等多方面问题。

        因为时间紧张,老师工作繁忙,因此一些考生的习作没有批改到,希望大家不要沮丧。诚望各位考生能够仔细阅读以上总结,对比以检查自己写作存在什么问题,以改善自己的写作。考研1号编辑部在此祝各位考生都能考上自己心中理想的学府,亲们加油!
                                                                                                                                                                  
考研1号编辑部
                                                                                                                   2014年10月17日

作者: Davinci86    时间: 14-10-17 18:23
考研1号编辑部 发表于 14-10-17 18:16
第一期“学位与能 ...

很有道理老师 赞一个
作者: 考研1号编辑部    时间: 14-10-17 18:50
第二期活动地址http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-886485-1-1.html
作者: yingxiaoluo    时间: 14-10-17 19:53
不改了么……正正好改到我前一个好吧,下周我跑快点!!!
作者: Moonriver    时间: 14-10-17 22:46
考研1号编辑部 发表于 14-10-17 11:34
因为老师工作繁忙,没有时间逐一修改各位的作文,很是抱歉。但是,老师顾及到每位考生都很用心 ...

谢谢老师的指点,非常非常感谢,受教了~![r:23]
作者: 墨洛书    时间: 14-10-18 14:57
考研1号编辑部 发表于 14-10-17 12:55
因为老师工作繁忙,没有时间逐一修改各位的作文,很是抱歉。但是,老师顾及到每位考生都很用心 ...

谢谢老师。。好羞愧_(:з」∠)_下次继续努力!
作者: fdky2015    时间: 14-10-24 17:24
赞   英语作文很难啊

作者: fdky2015    时间: 14-10-24 17:34
都好厉害
作者: 12345zr    时间: 14-10-30 10:10

作者: 小椰    时间: 14-11-2 12:34
yingxiaoluo 发表于 14-10-15 15:40
小椰!!!你是小珞家的小椰吗??扑倒~~~

!!!倒了~~




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