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标题: 【考研1号】“作文修改”活动—【第五期2009年真题“网络的近与远”+“手机依赖症”】 [打印本页]

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-11-8 17:31
标题: 【考研1号】“作文修改”活动—【第五期2009年真题“网络的近与远”+“手机依赖症”】
本帖最后由考研1号编辑部于 2013-11-12 14:46 编辑

首先，非常感谢大家对于我们考研1号与免费论坛发起的免费修改作文活动的支持。现在发布第五期活动的话题，这也是我们最后一期的活动，大家积极参与哦！
但是，由于发送作文的考生越来越多，加之现在处于考研的冲刺阶段，我们编辑部还有很多事情要处理。因此，我们近期不能逐一为大家修改作文，恳请大家见谅！后期我们一有时间就会修改未修改到的作文，所以大家不要沮丧。无论有没有修改到你的文章，看看其他人的作文点评以及总结对自己都有好处。同时，大家之间也可以相互修改和指正，以求共同进步。考研1号编辑部在此祝大家写作进步，考研成功！

本期活动也提供两个话题，一是《写作160篇》话题“手机依赖症”，一是2009年真题“网络的“近”与“远”，大家择一来写。
话题一：《写作160篇》话题“手机依赖症”
Directions:
Study the following picture carefully and write an essay. In this essay, you should
1. describe the picture and interpret its meaning;
2. explain its intended meaning, and then
3. express your opinions about the problem.
You should write 160-200 words neatly on
ANSWER SHEET 2. (20 points)

[attach]290469[/attach]

话题二：2009年考研真题作文——“网络的“近”与“远””
Directions:
In your essay, you should
1) describe the drawing briefly,
2) explain its intended meaning, and then
3) give your comments.
You should write neatly on ANSHWER SHEET 2. (20 points)
[attach]290470[/attach]
免费考研论坛与考研1号联合发起“作文修改”活动要求地址：
http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-840736-1-1.html
【第一期活动地址】
http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-840747-1-1.html
【第二期活动地址】
http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=841724&fromuid=2763297
【第三期活动地址】
http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-842536-1-1.html
【第四期活动地址】
http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-843152-1-1.html

作者: Drift547 时间: 13-11-8 17:45
本帖最后由 Drift547 于 2013-11-10 22:26 编辑

新的一期，我还是要好好写。我是在这期话题发出来之前就把这个真题作文写好了，看到后就用手机抢了楼，晚上又用电脑发的作文。
话题二：2009年考研真题作文——“网络的“近”与“远””

What a worrying scene it is! In the drawing, everyone lives in his own world with a computer. The cyberspace which like a net is separated into pieces and the distance is both far and near in the virtual world, just as the caption in the drawing reads.

The drawing reflects an undeniable and undesirable phenomenon in today’s society:the ignorance of social relationship with the development of Internet. This is a dangerous and detrimental trend for both the family and society. On the onehand, someone is too addicted in the cyberspace to have enough time to communicate with his family members. Such behaviors may destroy the happiness of family. On the other hand, the ratio of crime may increase because of thewidespread of false information online. It is really harmful to the harmony of our society.

In a word, effective measures must be taken to avoid this trend. First of all, apositive mental guidance must be popularized among people to enhance the importance of communicating face-to-face. Secondly, an educational campaignmust be launched to help people to mold more positive views of social relationship and a correct way to use Internet. Only in these ways can we live in a healthy world.

作者: YummyLeo 时间: 13-11-8 19:24
标题: 第二次在考场之外写作文，求虐
本帖最后由 YummyLeo 于 2013-11-9 16:01 编辑

As is subtly revealed in the drawing, a crowd of people are chatting on line, playing mobile games, reading micro-blogs by mobile phones without talking together at table. A network catchword is reflected exactly by this exaggerative scene, “There’s no further distance than that we sit together while you are playing with mobile phones”.

Apparently, the purpose of the drawing is to warn us of “FOMO addiction”—the fear of missing out on something more interesting, exciting or better than what we're currently doing. Several factors could weigh heavily for the addiction, yet suspended at the top of the list are the following three causes. To begin with, along with the popularization of smart phones and rapid development of mobile internet, undoubtedly, mobile phones revolutionize the way we live thoroughly. Moreover, mobile phones can meet our needs of rapid access to all sorts of information so as not to feel out of the society, which urges youngsters addicted in checking mobile phones frequently. The last but not the least, “FOMO addiction” could often be found among the people who are lack of confidence and sociable ability.

The reasons above primarily attribute to the phenomenon that people feel reluctant to contact others directly, it is necessary for us to use mobile phone in a reasonable way and restrain from being controlled by it. In the real world, after all, face-to-face interaction is the regular and wholesome lifestyle.

[attach]290473[/attach]

手写的照片放上来供老师评分参考~[attach]290512[/attach]

作者: 悠弥北北 时间: 13-11-8 19:25
呃···新的一期，这次掐时间写了···还是用了好多模板句···哎···先交上来，老师没批改之前我再自己改改~多谢老师啦！

A fashionable saying has it that thetelephone provides two-edged sword for users——the trouble is no one knowswhen it causes hurts. As we can see, at the dinner table sit seven young peoplewho are communicating with each other from the APP of telephone instead of fromreality. For my part, the time when the telephone hurts us is not in thehorizon.

The thought-provoking drawing ironizes a groupof people in contemporary society who can not live without telephones. Thistrend, which we believe is still in it infancy, effectly began with theemergency with APP of smartphone and will no doubt go further. And thefollowing one factor lead to this phenomenon, people in modern society long forexpress themselves directly, but there are too many limitation in reality. TheAPP of telephone offer an appropriate area in which they can express with freedom.

To be sure, telephone provides a variety ofconvenience to all aspects around our lives, but it is not necessary for us touse it moment by moment. In my opinion, I have no idea that whether thetelephone is a great channel to bring people together or even a good one. Obviously,the overly dependent on telephone brought a crisis in traditional interpersonalrelationship. I cherish a believe that telephone themselves are not good or bedand we can benefit a lot from using it as long as we take a good control overthem.

作者: arthashao 时间: 13-11-8 19:28
本帖最后由 arthashao 于 2013-11-8 19:33 编辑

What will you do to kill boring time after having a meal with friends in the restaurant? I guess the major of youngsters may choose to play their mobile phones as the picture above depicts. Actually, the mobile phone has become such an indispensable part of our life that we can find almost everyone owns and uses them in any place.

We should consider such a question: whether we abandon ourselves to the cyberspace too much while the technology of mobile communication brings us convenience? The days that we have to find public phone when wanting to convey information have gone forever due to the birth of mobile phones. But with the distance in the space shortened, spirits of people have also been separated by these devices. We will face the danger that the abilities of speaking, listening and writing are fading, which may put the civilization of human in a dangerous position.

Fortunately, we still have time to curb and harness this situation. From what has been discussed, I hope the youth can get rid of the illness of the dependence of mobile phone. You should communicate with others by different ways and make efforts to open your mind.

选的第一个，谢谢啦！

作者: 黑眼圈olivia 时间: 13-11-8 19:43
你们太迅速，我佩服！

作者: 子书十二 时间: 13-11-8 21:16
本帖最后由子书十二于 2013-11-8 22:00 编辑

选的题一

   This cartoon witnesses an interesting scene. There are eight people; I guess maybe they are friends having dinner to tell the recent goings. In fact, they are having their cell phones in hands to surfing online via QQ and Weibo or even playing Fruit Ninja while they are close enough to talk to each other face to face at the same table. It is funny and ironic that they perform various and lovely looks but bother to give a glimpse to others.
   Several reasons can be interpreted for this phenomenon. And I would like to put the two follows as the main causes. Firstly, people are losing courage to convey their feelings and emotions in person. Looking and examining appearances of each other eye by eye and absorbing information by the gestures are complicated and difficult subjects. Major of people are too busy and tired to play this lively role, especially after all day long hard work. Moreover, the cell phone and software are getting more intelligent each day. The famous Apple Inc. even creates a new era of both software and real world. These genius inventions make life easier for our earthlings, specific the young working-men. They can keep contacts and no need to fear being strangers to others. Nevertheless, I am afraid that they are not close friends either.
   I insist that personal communication is substantial for human beings. Everything has two sides. Of course, cell phone does bring conveniences into our life; in the other side, it also takes our talking skills away. Apparently, we have no rights to ban the usage of phone. Yet, what we can do is to remind people to aware that addicting into phone applications is no good for their hearth in both physically and psychologically.

作者: arthashao 时间: 13-11-9 12:07
哎，你们都是先抢楼在重新编辑的，下次我也这么做了！！

作者: OTTTTTL 时间: 13-11-9 14:28
提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

作者: YummyLeo 时间: 13-11-9 14:50

arthashao 发表于 2013-11-9 12:07
哎，你们都是先抢楼在重新编辑的，下次我也这么做了！！

我不是哦我是写完了才发的但是发了之后又改了一小下

作者: 悠弥北北 时间: 13-11-9 16:58

arthashao 发表于 2013-11-9 12:07
哎，你们都是先抢楼在重新编辑的，下次我也这么做了！！

我也没改哦，我要抢楼就不用等到写完了﹉

作者: YummyLeo 时间: 13-11-9 17:03

悠弥北北发表于 2013-11-9 16:58
我也没改哦，我要抢楼就不用等到写完了﹉

我都不知道还能先抢楼的

作者: 悠弥北北 时间: 13-11-9 17:19

YummyLeo 发表于 2013-11-9 17:03
我都不知道还能先抢楼的

呃﹉不能抢楼吧﹉反正咱们不都是写完了才发上来的嘛～美美女神我每次写第二段都不知道要写点儿啥﹉捉急啊！

作者: YummyLeo 时间: 13-11-9 18:14

悠弥北北发表于 2013-11-9 17:19
呃﹉不能抢楼吧﹉反正咱们不都是写完了才发上来的嘛～美美女神我每次写第二段都不知道要写点儿啥﹉捉急啊 ...

这个帖子里沙发是先抢楼后写的哦，我五点多的时候在线看到了~话题一不是要求谈causes么，那就列几点呗~

作者: 子书十二 时间: 13-11-10 22:12
本帖最后由子书十二于 2013-11-10 22:15 编辑

arthashao 发表于 2013-11-9 12:07
哎，你们都是先抢楼在重新编辑的，下次我也这么做了！！

我想大概大家都是第一遍写完，觉得差不多。
发上来再读的时候又发现有改的地方。
而且我就字体就改了好几遍。
不过，我倒是确实记得“沙发”楼的同学是先抢了楼才写的。

作者: arthashao 时间: 13-11-11 09:43

子书十二发表于 2013-11-10 22:12
我想大概大家都是第一遍写完，觉得差不多。
发上来再读的时候又发现有改的地方。
而且我就字体就改了好 ...

嗯是的

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-11-11 17:19
本帖最后由考研1号编辑部于 2013-11-11 17:22 编辑

YummyLeo 发表于 2013-11-8 19:24
As is subtly revealed in the drawing, a crowd of people are chatting on line, playing mobile game ...

写作原文

As is subtly revealed in the drawing, a crowd of people are chatting on line, playing mobile games, reading micro-blogs by（用through较好） mobile phones without talking together at table. A network catchword is reflected exactly by this exaggerative scene,“There’s no further distance than that we sit together while you are playing with mobile phones”.

（第一段点评：文章第一段描述图画，不仅包含图画的有效信息，且使用一个网络流行语较好地诠释出图画的内容。）

Apparently, the purpose of the drawing is to warn us of “FOMO addiction”—the fear of missing out on something more interesting, exciting or better than what we're currently doing. Several factors could weigh heavily for the addiction, yet suspended at the top of the list are the following three causes. To begin with, along with the popularization of smart phones and rapid development of mobile internet, undoubtedly, mobile phones revolutionize the way we live thoroughly. Moreover, mobile phones can meet our needs of rapid access to all sorts of information so as not to feel out of the society, which urges youngsters （加to be）addicted in checking mobile phones frequently. The last but not the least, “FOMO addiction”could often be found among the people who are lack of confidence and sociable ability.

（第二段点评：文章先说明图画揭示的现象，然后用Several factors could weigh heavily for the addiction…一句衔接，引出造成此种现象的三个原因，逻辑清晰。不过，前两个原因可以合为一体，即the popularization of smart phones and rapiddevelopment of mobile internet是造成mobile phones can meet our needs of rapid accessto all sorts of information的原因；第三个原因阐述不够完整和具体，后面可加上诸如“They，for fear of talking with people face to face,find themselves quite comfortable to express their feelingsin a virtual world.”之类的句子使信息更完整。）

（第三段点评：文章最后一段虽然比较精简，但是传递出了有效信息——适度使用手机并注重与人面对面交流。文章不仅结构完整，且段落的前后内容联系密切。）

总体点评

文章思路清晰，布局合理，最突出的地方在于段落之间有一定的过渡衔接，充分体现出段落之间的逻辑关系。

作者需要注意的地方在于文章内部语句之间的逻辑关系，在写作之前最好先简单列一个提纲，仔细斟酌自己想要表达的内容之间有什么联系（并列、顺承、转折、因果等），然后选用合适的衔接方式组织在一起，使文章前后逻辑清晰严谨。此外，注意细节性的语法问题和个别词语的辨析，清楚其细小的差别，以表达精准。

总之，作者的写作基础挺好，只要针对自己的问题进行改善，一定能写出更好的文章，加油！

参考分数（满分20分）：13

考研1号编辑部

2013年 11月11日

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-11-11 17:26

Drift547 发表于 2013-11-8 17:45
新的一期，我还是要好好写。我是在这期话题发出来之前就把这个真题作文写好了，看到后就用手机抢了楼，晚上 ...

亲，因为我们承诺的是修改最先提交的三篇作文并对其他作文进行随机修改，而实际上楼下几位同学先提交了作文，因此我们决定先修改这几位同学的然后修改你的。由于承诺在先，如若这样处理您觉得不妥，请您见谅！

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-11-11 17:35

arthashao 发表于 2013-11-9 12:07
哎，你们都是先抢楼在重新编辑的，下次我也这么做了！！

大家都想最先提交作文，所以在时间紧迫的情况下难免会出现一些低级错误，而后自己发现了这些错误并自行修改。一楼同学解释了自己是因为“在这期话题发出来之前就把这个真题作文写好了，看到后就用手机抢了楼，晚上又用电脑发的作文。” 不过，我们承诺在先，修改最先提交作文的三篇并随机修改其他几篇。我们也很清楚大家的作文都是什么时候提交的，亲不要忧伤，会改到你的作文的[t:15]

大家的目的都很一致——提高自己的写作水平，为了共同的目标，一起加油努力哦！考研1号编辑部在此提倡大家互相修改作文，以求共同进步！

作者: YummyLeo 时间: 13-11-11 18:43

考研1号编辑部发表于 2013-11-11 17:19
写作原文 As is subtly revealed in the drawing, a crowd of people are chatting on li ...

十分感谢老师！请问老师我的那个手写的字体合适么？自己感觉好像连笔多显得有点乱，是不是应该少一些连笔，清晰易辨比较好？

作者: YummyLeo 时间: 13-11-11 18:43

考研1号编辑部发表于 2013-11-11 17:19
写作原文 As is subtly revealed in the drawing, a crowd of people are chatting on li ...

十分感谢老师！请问老师我的那个手写的字体合适么？自己感觉好像连笔多显得有点乱，是不是应该少一些连笔，清晰易辨比较好？

作者: darkblue46 时间: 13-11-11 22:31
本帖最后由 darkblue46 于 2013-11-11 22:35 编辑

The picture above presents us with a getting-together where people at seat are so absorbed in the amusing world of cellphones and playing separately rather than communicating with friends who are sitting right at the other side of the table.

It’s amazing that cellphones which are designed to be so functional that combined MP3 , television , computer, ,game box, phone(original one) and even a imagined friend together can still be able to keep its figure. Tell me, what else do we need except from a smart phone after the children of Albert (a robot designed for chatting) were born inside? It’s true that cellphones broad our horizons. We have more acquaintance in the address list than in minds, among whom there fewer can be named FRIENDS. We play more games witch strengthen fingers instead of muscles.

It’s also true that we are losing the abilities of comminuting face to face and reading facial expressions. May be we are adjusting to the pattern of artificial intelligence and would evolve and end up being something robotic. Well, Before that, let’s value the sensation of being human and choose someone we can contact with our eyes next time there are feelings to be shared.

可耻的独句成段了。。可耻的查字典了可耻的又胡扯八卦了。。。。

就当提供给大家做长难句分析了。。。

作者: 齐叶羽 时间: 13-11-12 11:12
什么时候结束呀，好像加入

作者: admin 时间: 13-11-12 13:20

齐叶羽发表于 2013-11-12 11:12
什么时候结束呀，好像加入

本周五上午结束，现在赶紧参加还来得及。

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-11-12 16:53
本帖最后由考研1号编辑部于 2013-11-12 17:00 编辑

悠弥北北发表于 2013-11-8 19:25
呃···新的一期，这次掐时间写了···还是用了好多模板句···哎···先交上来，老师没批改之前我再自 ...

写作原文

A fashionable saying has it that the telephone（话题及图述提供的讨论对象是手机，最好用cellphone或mobile phone,下同） provides two-edged sword for users——the trouble is (加that，表语从句的引导词that一般不可省略) no one knows when it causes hurts（不可数名词，改为hurt）. As we can see（文章第一段没有提到图画，此处最好加上from the picture）, at the dinner table sit seven young people who are communicating with each other from（用through较好） the APP （用复数APPs比较精准） of telephone instead of from （in）reality. For my part, the time when the telephone hurts us is not in the horizon.

(第一段点评：作者先说明手机有利有弊，且突出它的弊端，然后用As we can see…巧妙地引出图画，并对其进行描述，同时暗示图述现象属于手机的弊端。前后呼应，逻辑清晰。不足之处在于描述不是很精准，图示几人并不都是通过手机在与人交流，也有人在刷微博、玩游戏等。)

The thought-provoking drawing ironizes agroup of people in contemporary society who can not live without telephones.This trend, which we believe is still in it（its） infancy, effectly（此处想表达什么意思？无此单词）began with the emergency （emergence，emergency是“紧急情况”等意思）with （of）APP（最好用复数APPs） of smart phone and will no doubt go further. And the following one factor lead (leads,注意主谓保持一致) to this phenomenon,people in modern society long for express（for是介词，后面跟名词或动名词，因此把express改为expressing, 或把for改为动词不定式符号to） themselves directly, but there are too many limitation（limitations） in reality. The APP (APPs,注意主谓一致) of telephone offer an appropriate area in which they can express（加themselves或their feelings）with freedom.

（第二段点评：本段先说明现象，然后揭示现象产生的原因。需要注意的是：首先，This trend…began with the emergence of APPs of smart phone本身即为此现象原因之一，可以扩充说明这些软件给人们生活提供何种便利以致于人们离不开承载这些软件的手机——本段分析了两方面的原因，而作者只把后者视为唯一原因，逻辑不是很清楚；其次，后面所述的原因略显单薄，there are too many limitations in reality，可以适当列举几个limitation，重点在于要突出点明这些limitation导致人们在现实生活中交际困难，所以很多人才会通过手机在虚拟世界与人交流。总之，本段逻辑不是很严谨，且论述原因不够透彻。）

To be sure, telephone provides a variety of convenience to all aspects around our lives, but it is not necessary for us to use it momentby moment. In my opinion, I have no idea that（去掉，后面的whether即为宾语从句的引导词） whether the telephone is a great channel to bring people together or even（or even表递增，而good相对于great而言并没有递增关系，注意逻辑） a good one. Obviously, the overly dependent（此处为句子的主语，而形容词不能作主语，应为名词且修饰名词多用形容词，改为over dependence） on telephone brought（应使用相应的现在时态，此处用现在完成时较合适，改为has brought） a crisis in traditional interpersonal relationship. I cherish a believe （belief，believe是动词）that telephone themselves are(不仅主谓要保持一致，名词和代词也要保持数的一致，改为cellphones/mobile phones…） not good or bed (bad) and we can benefit a lot from using it as long as we take a good control over them.

（第三段点评：本段作者意图提倡大家适度使用手机，不过，由于作者在表达方面存在一丝问题，导致其推导论证自己观点的过程思维逻辑不够清楚明晰。其实，作者想要表达“手机着实能给我们带来一定好处”——“但是过度沉溺也会带来不利”——“所以我们要适度使用手机”，在今后的表述中应注意所述与自己的思维逻辑相契合。）

总体点评

作者的行文思路以及谋篇能力没有可以值得挑剔的地方，需注意以下几个方面：

1. 文章有一些语法错误：表语从句引导词that遗漏，名词的可数与不可数混淆，介词使用不精准，代词和物主代词使用有误，主谓不一致，介词后跟成分不清，可数名词的单复数形式错误，宾语从句引导词重复，词语词性使用错误，名词和代词在数方面未保持一致。建议作者全面复习巩固自己的语法基础。

2. 描述图画部分应该更加精准。

3. 文章的一些表达不能体现出内容之间的逻辑关系，作者需锻炼自己的逻辑思维能力，并学习掌握一些常用的衔接技巧。

4. 注意形近词和音近词的辨析，如emergency和emergence。

5. 文章有个别单词拼写错误，应该更加细心。

因此，建议作者首先要加强自己的语法能力，同时要特别细心，并逐步提升自己的语言组织能力和思维逻辑能力。只要有付出就一定会有收获，加油，祝你考研成功！

参考分数（满分20分）：9

考研1号编辑部

2013年 11月12日

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-11-12 17:06

YummyLeo 发表于 2013-11-11 18:43
十分感谢老师！请问老师我的那个手写的字体合适么？自己感觉好像连笔多显得有点乱，是不是应该少一些连笔 ...

亲，考研英语作文是应试作文，因此不要有太多连笔或者写一些比较“艺术”的字体，最好保证自己的字迹清晰、直观且整洁，这样给阅卷老师的第一印象比较好，会增加自己的印象分哦

作者: YummyLeo 时间: 13-11-12 18:46

考研1号编辑部发表于 2013-11-12 17:06
亲，考研英语作文是应试作文，因此不要有太多连笔或者写一些比较“艺术”的字体，最好保证自己的字迹清 ...

恩恩我自己写完也觉得不够清晰以后改过来谢谢~

作者: 悠弥北北 时间: 13-11-13 00:05

考研1号编辑部发表于 2013-11-12 16:53
写作原文 A fashionable saying has it that the telephone（话题及图述提供的讨论对象是 ...

多谢老师啦~我再自己好好修改下~!

作者: 投河自尽的虾 时间: 13-11-13 16:35
本帖最后由投河自尽的虾于 2013-11-14 11:49 编辑

不管老师看到或看不到，我都要写

！
The given picture shows us a strange and complicated construction:it seems like an enormous spider web but filling with all teenagers who are using their computers to connects with each other.Even they are so closed,they still don't wants to chat with their friends face to face,how absurd it is!
This carton may vivdly reveal a serious social phenomenon in young people's daily life--excessively depends on the cyber world and can not gets themselves back to the reality.With all about this,two major consequences will happens :weaken people's physical immunity is the first;and human willl becomes more embrassed when they are talking with people,or getting timorous when they are dealing with a completely stranger.
Everything has advantages and drawbacks,so does internrt.when the networks bring us so much convenience,it also caused a plenty of physcial and psychological damage to our lives. Walking away gradually from the cyber world is a matter of great urgency for us right now.we should find a balance between this two sides,do some sports and traveling in our daily life to alleviating this jumpy appearance!

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-11-13 17:24
本帖最后由考研1号编辑部于 2013-11-13 17:29 编辑

arthashao 发表于 2013-11-8 19:28
What will you do to kill boring time after having a meal with friends in the restaurant? I guess the ...

写作原文

What will you do to kill boring time after having a meal with friends in the restaurant? I guess the major of （major作形容词时有“主要的”的意思，作名词时意为“少校；专业课”，改为the majority of）youngsters may choose to play their mobile phones as the picture above depicts. Actually, the mobile phone has become such an indispensable part of our life that we can find almost everyone owns and uses them (前面mobile phone为单数，而后面指代它的代词却变成了复数them，代词指代不一致。此处改为owns one and uses it较好) in any place.

（第一段点评：文章首段延续了作者第三期活动习作的风格，同样先使用一个疑问句引发读者对图示行为的关注，然后具体阐述现象。语流顺畅，衔接自然。）

We should consider such a question: whether we abandon (此处用现在完成时较好，改为have abandoned) ourselves to the cyberspace too much while the technology of mobile communication brings us convenience? The days that we have to find public phone when wanting to convey information have gone forever due to the birth of mobile phones. But with the distance in the space shortened, spirits of people have also been separated by these devices. We will face the danger that the abilities of speaking, listening and writing are fading, which may put the civilization of human in a dangerous position.

（第二段点评：作者在本段用辩证的眼光看待手机对人们生活带来的影响，并侧重探讨其负面影响。不过，作者最后指出“We will face the danger that the abilities of speaking, listening and writing are fading”，与此对应，前面“The days that we have to find public phone when wanting to convey information have gone forever due to the birth of mobilephones”这一部分从逻辑而言，应该为诸如“The days that we used to talk with friends…have gone forever”或者“The days that we used to write to our friends…have gone forever”之类的表述。）

（第三段点评：由于前面讨论了手机给我们带来一定的负面影响，因此作者在最后一段呼吁大家不要过分依赖手机。语意连贯，逻辑合理。）

总体点评

作者在这一期的写作中开篇仍然切入巧妙，行文风格依旧——语意流畅且衔接自然。不过，在这篇文章中，主体部分内容不是十分严谨，需引起注意。此外，文章存在少许语法错误，尤其应注意代词与其指代的名词之间要保持数的一致。作者的语法基础不错，这几期活动出现的错误都是细节方面的错误，一定要清楚自己是由于不够细心还是知识点疏漏所致，从而有针对地尽力消除。加油，祝你考研成功！

参考分数（满分20分）：14

考研1号编辑部

2013年 11月13日

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-11-14 10:36
本帖最后由考研1号编辑部于 2013-11-14 10:39 编辑

Drift547 发表于 2013-11-8 17:45
新的一期，我还是要好好写。我是在这期话题发出来之前就把这个真题作文写好了，看到后就用手机抢了楼，晚上 ...

您好，由于我们考研1号编辑部最近有很多事情要处理，更重要的是出于“自己着手方能有更大进步”的考虑，我们决定先用划线的方式标注出您文章中出现的例如语法等低级错误。您需要做的是，通过查阅相关语法书籍或者与同学讨论等方式，先自行修改文章中出现的问题。然后，我们再进行修改和批注。通过这种“我们点拨，您来主导”的修改和学习过程，您的理解和记忆会更加深刻。我们的目的是“减少写作中出现的问题和错误，提高写作能力”，相信只要有付出就有收获，加油，祝您考研成功！

The drawing reflects an undeniable and undesirable phenomenon in today’s society:the ignorance of social relationship with the development of Internet.This is a dangerous and detrimental trend for both the family and society.On the one hand, someone is too addicted in the cyberspace to have enough time to communicate with his family members. Such behaviors may destroy the happiness of family. On the other hand, the ratio of crime may increase because of the widespread offalse information online. It is really harmful to the harmony of our society.

In a word, effective measures must be taken to avoid this trend. First of all, a positive mental guidance must be popularized among people to enhance the importance of communicating face-to-face. Secondly, an educational campaign must be launched to help people to mold more positive views of social relationship and a correct way to use Internet. Only in these ways can we live in a healthyworld.

考研1号编辑部

2013年 11月14日

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-11-14 11:10
本帖最后由考研1号编辑部于 2013-11-14 11:13 编辑

子书十二发表于 2013-11-8 21:16
选的题一
This cartoon witnesses an interesting scene. There are eight people; I guess maybe th ...

This cartoon witnesses an interesting scene. There are eight people，I guess maybe they are friends having dinner to tell the recent goings. In fact, they are having their cell phones in hands to surfing online via QQ and Weibo or even playing Fruit Ninja while they are close enough to talk to each other face to face at the same table. It is funny and ironic that they perform various and lovely looks but bother to give a glimpse to others.

Several reasons can be interpreted for this phenomenon. And I would like to put the two follows as the main causes. Firstly, people are losing courage to convey their feelings and emotions in person. Looking and examining appearances of each other eye by eye and absorbing information by the gestures are complicated and difficult subjects. Major of people are too busy and tired to play this lively role, especially after all day long hard work. Moreover, the cell phone and software are getting more intelligent each day. The famous Apple Inc. evencreates a new era of both software and real world. These genius inventions make life easier for our earthlings, specific the young working-men. They can keep contacts and no need to fear being strangers to others. Nevertheless, I am afraid that they are not close friends either.

I insist that personal communication is substantial for humanbeings. Everything has two sides. Of course, cell phone does bring conveniences into our life; in the other side, it also takes our talking skills away. Apparently, we have no rights to ban the usage of phone. Yet, what we can do is to remind people to aware that addicting into phone applications is no good for their hearth in both physically and psychologically.

考研1号编辑部

2013年 11月14日

作者: psy啡咩咩 时间: 13-11-14 16:45
本帖最后由 psy啡咩咩于 2013-11-14 16:56 编辑

Indicted above is a cartoon that vividly portrays a dining-table, at which sit  eight people in one corporation, being indulged in the functions of their cellphones, among which are QQ, micro-blog, fruit ninja and its like.There has been a heated discussion about the picture in the newspaper recently.
These days, it is not uncommon that an increasing number of people are getting the mobile phone addiction, contrary to a common belief, the phenomenon would be a social issue rather than a reflection of technological development. A good exemplification coming to my mind is the traffic accident, the reason of which is  largely by the overuse of handset. What's more, it is the cell phone that estrange the relationship between friends and families. Were there no cellphone, people would communicate with each other face to face. However, modern people are turning a blind eye to the side effects of it now.
This phenomenon is not isolated, under no circumstances should we let the trend grow as it does. That is to say, self-reminding discipline ought to be laid down to cultivate good habits concerning  the right use of phone. In addition, moderate outlook of using the cellphone should be delivered to guide us both physically and mentally. Only in this way can the mobile phone benefit our lives to the maximization.

作者: 小椰 时间: 13-11-14 22:21
本帖最后由小椰于 2013-11-14 22:26 编辑

虽然赶脚肯定改不到我的了，还是写了一篇~~~[t:13]
谢谢老师辛勤的给大家改作文哈~
Is there anything in the picture that makes you feel familiar? A group of people sitting around the table, chatting online, reading micro blogs, or simply playing mobile games, ignore their friends who are sitting beside them. In our society, this odd phenomenon seems to be even more pronounced.

Apparently, we can draw from the cartoon that mobile internet is becoming increasingly prevalent nowadays. On the one hand, most of us will readily embrace the development of communication technology, as it does provide us with convenience and joyful. But on the other hand, a majority of us have ignored the side effects that the mobile phone brings to us. Surely it should be obvious to us all that only through immediate, face to face contact can we build and bond intimate relationships with our friends and that few things are more likely to keep us from such relationships than simply chatting online through mobiles.

In my view, technology should sever as an assistant to help us to live a brighter life, rather than an obstacle to keep us from each other.As youngsters who are more vulnerable to the harm caused by mobiles, we should spend more time communicate or get along with our friends face to face, instead of merely chatting online. Only through this way can we live a much more colorful life.

作者: shelmy 时间: 13-11-15 00:09
本帖最后由 shelmy 于 2013-11-22 19:41 编辑

      选题：2009年考题    Depicted in the picture are dozens of individuals, communicating with each other through computer and Internet, with their physical distance no more than several meters. What separate them from outside world, actually, is a net more of an intangible nature than a substantial one.
   No more pictures can better illustrate the complex influence exerted by computer technology. The caption, “near and far”, so profound in its simplicity, opened a distinctive way of perceiving and understanding networks. What the author intends to say is that, in our daily communication, Internet has functioned both as a promoter and an obstructer. For one thing, so much convenient approaches to people in all walks of life being available, spatial distance among people are conditionally shortened. Owing to the wide-spread technical innovation, now the world is tangible as a “Global Village”. For another, accompanying with these benefits are some byproducts. People, especially youngsters, would rather root in their own chambers than hang out chatting face to face. In this way, much of the phenomenon, looks far less like a bridge in spatial gap, but a good deal more like a greater mental indifference in interpersonal relationship.
   According to my humble perspective, things like computers are double-edged. What lie in the core is just how we judge it. For my part, I insist moderate outlook of Internet be delivered, and more rational manners be ensured while using new-born electronic products. Were everybody make use of Internet to the uttermost, surely it would be an unparalleled tool facilitating our lives.

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-11-15 09:25
本帖最后由考研1号编辑部于 2013-11-15 09:38 编辑

OTTTTTL 发表于 2013-11-9 14:28
选题：2009大作文
As is vividly depicted in the cartoon, a lot of people are divided into many parts ...

写作原文

As is vividly depicted in the cartoon, a lot of people are divided into many parts by the spider web.Everyone has his own space which has nothing but a desk with a computer on it.With the help of the network, they can shop online, play online game and communicate with others though they can’t see each other. The caption below reads that the distance of the internet（that引导read的宾语从句，后面应该为一个句子，而此处是一个短语,可改为the Internet brings people far away together while it drifts people nearby apart at the same time）.

（第一段点评：文章首段描述图画，不仅包含图画所有信息要点，且作者意图点明图画的标题。不过，让人感到遗憾的是作者并没有深刻理解标题的含义，且出现了语法错误。）

The purpose of the drawing is to enlighten us that more attention should be paid to the double effects of the internet (Internet）. Obviously, the spider web symbolizes the network, which plays an increasing（increasing不是修饰role而是修饰important，修饰形容词用副词，改为increasingly）important role in all walks of life. With the development of technology, we can enjoy a better life and chat with friends more conveniently. On the contrary, if we are indulged in virtual life, we will not adjust to reality. We may be estranged with our friends because we will never play together face to face.

（第二段点评：本段先说明图画的寓意，然后具体阐述网络的利与弊，重点在于警示人们切勿过度沉溺在网络之中。前后语意关系清晰，衔接顺畅，且以辩证的视角切入使得观点鲜明客观。）

Hence, we must use internet (the Internet) reasonably in order to avoid network addition（addiction）. Firstly, we can set a regular time to surf the web. Secondly, we should exercise self-control to resist temptation. Moreover, be ready at all times to observe the beauty of real life. If only （if only为“但愿……；要是……就好了”之意，用在此处不合适，应改为Only if —“ 只有……才”）we take actions mentioned above, the internet will bring（在正式书面英语中，only if及其从句可置于句首，后面要部分倒装，改为will the Internet bring）a variety of conveniences（convenience作可数名词时，意为“便利的事物（设施、用具等）”，表示“方便、便利”之意时不可数，因此改为convenience） to our life and make us closer to each other.

（第三段点评：文章最后一段列举建议措施，不同于套用一些空洞的口号，作者就如何合理适当应用网络提出了自己的想法，不仅具体同时也很实际。）

总体点评

文章行文思路清晰，前后语意逻辑关系清楚，且句子与段落之间都有适度的衔接，总体而言是一篇写得不错的考研英语作文。作者需注意以下几点：

1. 或是由于表达的原因，文章第一段最后一句体现出作者对图画的标题理解不是很透彻。网络的“近”与“远”指的是：网络缩短人们之间的空间距离，同时使得人们之间的关系疏远；而不是the distance of the Internet——网络自身的距离。

2. 文章有些许语法错误：that的用法，“多个形容词修饰同一名词”与“副词修饰形容词，而后形容词修饰名词”区别不清，if only和only if混淆。

3. 文章有单词拼写错误，要细心。

4. 注意同一名词既可作可数名词又可为不可数名词的情况，需清楚可数与不可数之间语意的细微差别。

总之，作者的写作水平较好，且语法基础不错，需注意语法知识点的查漏补缺，同时要更加细心。有付出就有收获，加油，祝你考研成功！

参考分数（满分20分）：13

考研1号编辑部

2013年 11月15日

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-11-15 09:55
本帖最后由考研1号编辑部于 2013-11-15 09:58 编辑

darkblue46 发表于 2013-11-11 22:31
The picture above presents us with a getting-together where people at seat are so absorbed in the am ...

The picture above presents us with agetting-together where people at seat are so absorbed in the amusing world of cellphones and playing separately rather than communicating with friends who are sitting right at theother side of the table. It’s amazing that cellphones which are designed to be so functional that combined MP3 , television ,computer, ,game box, phone(original one) and even a imagined friend together can still be able to keep its figure. Tell me, what else do we need except from a smartphone after the children of Albert (a robot designed for chatting) were born inside? It’s true that cellphones broad our horizons. We have more acquaintance in the address list than in minds, among whom there fewer can be named FRIENDS. We play more games witch strengthen fingers instead of muscles.

It’s also true that we are losing the abilities of comminuting face to face and reading facial expressions. May be we are adjusting to the pattern of artificial intelligence and would evolve and end up being something robotic. Well, Before that, let’s value the sensation of being human and choose someone we can contact with our eyes next time there are feelings to be shared.

考研1号编辑部

2013年11月15日

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-11-15 10:18
本帖最后由考研1号编辑部于 2013-11-15 10:22 编辑

投河自尽的虾发表于 2013-11-13 16:35
不管老师看到或看不到，我都要写！
The given picture shows us a strange and complicated ...

The given picture shows us a strange and complicated construction:it seems like an enormous spider web but filling with all teenagers who are using their computers to connects with each other.Even they are so closed,they still don't wants to chat with their friends face to face,how absurd it is!

This carton may vivdly reveal a serious social phenomenon in young people's daily life——excessively depends on the cyber world and can not gets themselves back to the reality. With all about this, two major consequences will happens :weaken people's physical immunity is the first; and human willl becomes more embrassed when they are talking with people,or getting timorous when they are dealing with a completely stranger.

Everything has advantages and drawbacks,so does internrt.when the networks bring us so much convenience,it also caused a plenty of physcial and psychological damage to our lives. Walking away gradually from the cyber world is a matter of great urgency for us right now.we should find a balance between this two sides,do some sports and traveling in our daily life to alleviating this jumpy appearance!

考研1号编辑部

2013年 11月15日

作者: 投河自尽的虾 时间: 13-11-15 10:27
本帖最后由投河自尽的虾于 2013-11-15 11:35 编辑

考研1号编辑部发表于 2013-11-15 10:18
您好，由于我们考研1号编辑部最近有很多事情要处理，更重要的是出于“自己着手方能有更大进步”的考虑 ...

感谢老师纠正了这么多错误，我是学艺术的，语法什么的学的时候都没有听懂，所以差了点~ 下边的我在百度搜了一些语法，自己改的，也不知道对不对，还是感谢老师再次更正下，要是还是错了很多还是以上次的形式标一下，谢谢啦
The given picture shows us a strange and complicated construction:It seems like an enormous spider web fill with all teenagers who are using their computers to connect with each other.Although they are so close,they still don't want to chat with their friends face to face.
This carton may vividly reveal a serious social phenomenon in young people's daily life—depending on the cyber world excessively and can not get themselves back to the reality.Two major consequences will happens if it continues :weakening people's physical immunity is the first,and human would become more embarrassed when they are talking with people,or timorous when they are dealing with a complete stranger.
Everything has advantages and drawbacks,so does internet.When the network brings us so much convenience,it also cause a plenty of physcial and psychological damages to our lives. Walking away graduallyfrom the cyber world is a matter of great urgency for us right now.We should find a balance between this two sides,do some sports and travel in our daily life to alleviate this jumpy appearance.

作者: darkblue46 时间: 13-11-15 15:01

考研1号编辑部发表于 2013-11-15 09:55
您好，由于我们考研1号编辑部最近有很多事情要处理，更重要的是出于“自己着手方能有更大进步”的考虑 ...

多谢老师。。。果然好多拼写和单复数的错误。。。。。瞬间弱爆了。。
已经改正。也改了一些别的单复数和句子使用。。
请老师过目~工作不要太辛苦

The picture above presents us with a getting-together where people at seats are so absorbed in the amusing world of cellphones and playing separately rather than communicating with friends who are sitting right at the other side of the table.

It’s amazing that cellphones which are designed to be so functional that combined MP3, television, computer, game box, phone (original ones) and even an imagined friend together can still be able to keep their figures. Tell me, what else do we need except from a smartphone after the children of Albert (a robot designed for chatting use) were born inside? It’s true that cellphones broaden our horizons. We have more acquaintances in the address list than in minds, among whom fewer can be named FRIENDS. We play more games which strengthen fingers instead of muscles.

It’s also true that we are losing the abilities of comminuting face to face and reading facial expressions. May be we are adjusting to the thinking pattern of artificial intelligence and will evolve and end up being something robotic. Well, before that, let’s value the sensation of being human and choose someone we can contact with our eyes next time there are feelings to be shared.

作者: 子书十二 时间: 13-11-15 15:55
本帖最后由子书十二于 2013-11-15 16:33 编辑

老师给划线的我自己改了些，不知道改的对不对，在不在点上？
有同学如果能看出来错误，也给我说说吧！
感激不尽！

This cartoon witnesses an interesting scene. There are eight people，I guess maybe they are friends having dinner to tell the recent goings. In fact, they are having their cell phones in hands to surf online(这个太不应该，竟然在to后面写分词) via QQ and Weibo or even play Fruit Ninja while they are close enough to talk to each other face to face at the same table. It is funny and ironic that they perform(我是想表达他们呈现丰富可爱的表情，所以这个这句被划线是因为perform么？是应该改成are performing？还是改成express？还是我应该把后面的looks 改成expressions？) various and lovely looks but bother to give a glimpse to others.

Several reasons can interpret (我改成了主动，后来发现有个词组：lie in interpretation of) this phenomenon. And I would like to put the two follows as the main causes. Firstly, people are losing courage to convey their feelings and emotions in person. Looking and examining appearances of each other eye by eye and absorbing information by the gestures are complicated and difficult subjects. Majority of people are too busy and tired to play this lively role, especially after all day longs(我想表达一整天的繁重工作,这里该怎么用？long改成longs？) hard work. Moreover, the cell phone and software are getting more intelligent each day. The famous Apple Inc. evencreates a new era of both software and real world. These genius inventions make life easier for our earthlings, specific the young working-men. They can keep contacts and have no need(是因为少了谓语吧？) to fear being strangers to others. Nevertheless, I am afraid that they are not close friends either.

I insist that personal communication is substantial for humanbeings. Everything has two sides. Of course, cell phone does bring conveniences(这个我也不知该怎么改？“带来便利”怎么说？要改成 facilities 么？) into our life; in (这个我不知道怎么改，是应该加转折词，比如however么？那个分号是因为 Word2007 它提示我应该改成分号)the other side, it also takes our talking skills away. Apparently, we have no rights to ban the usage of phone. Yet, what we can do is to remind people to be aware that addicting into phone applications is no good for their health both in(我把两个位置变了，不知道该对没？) physically and psychologically.

哦，确实能发下不少问题。

可能是我有些依赖 Word了，但是自己读的时候确实怎么看怎么就看不出来问题，唉~~~

作者: 子书十二 时间: 13-11-15 16:00

考研1号编辑部发表于 2013-11-14 11:10
您好，由于我们考研1号编辑部最近有很多事情要处理，更重要的是出于“自己着手方能有更大进步”的考虑 ...

老师，改了一些力所能及的，就在楼上
希望老师指正[a:2]

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-11-15 17:25
本帖最后由考研1号编辑部于 2013-11-15 17:31 编辑

第五期“2009年真题+手机依赖症”作文修改总结

学生写作中出现的问题：

1. 对于网络和手机我们并不陌生，因为它们充斥在社会各个角落，且与我们的生活息息相关，因此对于本期的话题大家都有自己的见解。在写作的内容方面，考生出现较多的问题在于内容之间的逻辑关系方面，尤其是在探讨现象原因的时候出现：①未直接点明原因，而是把原因做为现象进行描述；②原因的分析不够透彻；③因果不对应。

2. 对于图画的描述不够精准。

3. 受到汉语表达习惯的影响，考生的习作中出现中式思维的表达方式，如句子语序有误、一些词语的选用不合适、表意不完整和精准以及语流不顺畅等。

4. 衔接词使用有误。

5. 单词拼写错误——纯粹拼写错误，形近词或音近词混淆造成A单词写成B单词，词语的变体有误（如可数名词单数变成复数、动词变成单三形式、形容词变成副词的时候一些特殊情况仍然按照普通变化方式进行）等；单词外在形式有误——同一单词具有不同词性或者同一名词既可数又不可数之时，由于只是记住此单词的主要词性或主要意思，但不不清楚其他词性与含义以及它们各自的使用条件，造成单词词性或名词单复数有误等。

6. 语法层面的错误。

相应的解决方案：

1. 人们沉溺于网络和手机，这是一个社会现象，我们依然按照“描述图画（引出现象）——剖析现象——得出结论”的行文思路进行构思。

网络和手机都属于“双刃剑”问题，针对这类“双刃剑”话题：

在文章的主体部分（第二段），

（1）我们可以说明利弊：

第一，指出网络/手机可以给人们带来很多好处：网络资源丰富（手机软件强大）,我们可以从中获取很多实用信息，与时俱进；通过一些学习网站（软件）进行学习；寻求帮助；与人交际与沟通；不仅可以办公学习，同时也可以休闲娱乐……总之，网络和手机不仅实用，且非常便利。

第二，网络/手机不利的一面：电脑和手机会产生辐射，对人身体不利（长时间面对电脑和手机屏幕会影响视力）；网络和手机会弹出很多不良信息与广告，误导人们或者使人上当受骗；过度沉溺会玩物丧志；投入虚拟世界而忽略了真实的生活……

第三，辩证地肯定网络/手机的优点，同时明确指出如若使用不当，则会产生消极的影响。

（2）我们可以分析原因：

第一，网络/手机给人们带来很多好处，适当列举上面分析的几处优点，正因为其实用性与便利性，因此人们才会沉迷其中；

第二，生活压力大，情绪低落等，需要借助社交网站（应用软件）、网络游戏（手机游戏）等进行宣泄；

第三，精神世界不能得到满足，因此寻求寄托；

第四，有些人与人交际有障碍，只能通过网络和手机营造的虚拟世界与人交流

……

在文章的结尾段落（第三段）

（1）我们可以提倡人们合理上网与使用手机：

第一，正因为过度沉溺手机会给人们带来带来诸多不良影响，所以我们要合理应用；

第二，在网络/手机之外，我们所生活的真实世界有很多的精彩（可以适当列举），很值得我们去发现、探索与享受。

（2）我们可以给出相应的建议措施：

第一，适度上网/使用手机——合理规划上网时间，调节自己的生活方式，有规律且有节制地应用网络/手机的学习和休闲娱乐功能；

第二，意识到网络世界是虚拟的，网络交际与现实生活存在一定差距；

第三，多与身边的人和事物接触，从中获取所需的情感宣泄、思想交流和精神支柱等。

（3）我们可以预示趋势：（正说与反说）如果人们能够合理使用网络/手机，且彼此之间多加交流与互动，则社会会有多么美好……；相反，如若此现象处理不好，人人都沉溺于网络/手机，相互之间没有现实生活中的实际交流，则人情冷漠，社会……

因此，考生可以“描述图画（说明现象）——分析利弊（肯定优点，指出使用不当/过度沉溺会带来不良影响）——提倡人们合理/适度使用（预示趋势）” ，也可以“描述图画（说明现象）——分析现象产生原因——给出建议措施（预示趋势）”。

总之，考生应该拓宽自己的思路，联想关于图述现象的所有信息，选择自己感兴趣且能驾驭的内容，将其巧妙、合理地组织在一起（在写之前可以先简单列一个提纲，以确保前后内容连贯有逻辑）。

2. 在描述图画的时候，如果图画描述的个体之间的行为不尽一致，而作者又不想一一描述，只想抓住图画的主要信息进行概述，则切记描述不要使用很绝对的词语来说明具体的情形，但可以使用一些表示上位概念的词语来概说。如“手机依赖症”一图中，有人在玩QQ，有人在玩游戏，有人在刷微博，不能说at the dinner table sit seven young people who are communicating with each other ，但可以用All of them are/Everyone is playing with their mobile phones来进行总括。

3. 汉语思维的影响对于我们中国人而言是不可避免的，只能通过一些方法和努力来尽量减少。首先，在写作的时候，不要先想好汉语意思，然后再逐字逐句进行翻译，而应该直接用英语进行思考和表达；其次，要熟悉英语中常用的句型，并积累写作中常见的表达，尤其是考研英语写作中描述图画、揭示现象、分析原因、说明利弊、列举观点、提出建议等常用表达，并同时按照话题或者现象分类总结记忆相关的词汇及短语等；最后，在长期的大量阅读中逐渐提升自己的英语思维。

4. 由于对自己所写文章语句之间的关系不清楚，加上不熟悉衔接词的具体用法，导致部分考生衔接词使用错误。学生应该熟悉一些常用的衔接词，按照表示并列、承接、转折、因果、选择、假设、比较、让步等关系进行归类总结；其次，锻炼自己的逻辑分析和推理能力，并清楚自己想要表达什么意思，这样才能选择合适的衔接词去连接句子与段落。此外，不要为了衔接而衔接，从而使用一些僵硬的衔接方式使前后语句语感不畅，即不仅要清晰地表现前后的语意关系，且要自然得当，并使语言流畅顺达。

5. 针对单词记忆问题，需注意：

第一，记单词时不光要记单词的意思，还要注意词语的词性；

第二，名词需知其可数还是不可数，动词需知及物或不及物；

第三，注意近义词在词意方面的细小差别以及用法方面的区别，尤其注意使用语境、词义大小、情感褒贬等方面的不同；

第四，形体相近或者发音相同的单词一定要留意，注意区分，不要写错；

第五，清楚同源单词之间的联系和区别；

第六，注意同一单词具有不同词性及不同意义的情况，清楚其在不同语境中的不同含义和用法。

此外，更要注意：

清楚各形态变化的规律，不只是明白变化的普通形式，更要着重注意特殊的变化，如可数名词单数变为复数时，不能一味加s，同时要注意什么时候加es,以及变y为i加es,变f和fe为v加es,更要注重一些单数同形和其他的不规则变化。同样地，动词原形变动词单三形式、过去式和过去分词、形容词变副词等变化也要引起足够重视。

6. 在语法方面，容易出错的地方有：

①名词和代词在数方面未保持一致，如前面名词是mobile phone，后面指代的代词却变成了them，这是本期多数考生同时出现的问题，需引起足够重视；

②主谓不一致，尤其是主语为可数名词单数或不可数名词，谓语却使用动词原形；

③多个形容词修饰同一名词与“副词修饰形容词、形容词再修饰名词的情况区分不清”，前者如a beautiful young girl，后者如 an increasingly important role；

④动词时态的选用不是很合适，或者时态前后不一致；

⑤介词后跟成分不清，首先要清楚哪些词是介词（尤其注意to既可作介词又同时为不定式符号），其次要知道介词后跟名词、代词和动名词等；

⑥表语从句引导词that遗漏，that在引导宾语从句或是在定语从句中作宾语时可以省略，但是在表语从句中不能省略（注：表语是指系动词（be动词以及become等）后面的成分）；

⑦名词的可数与不可数混淆以及可数名词单复数使用有误；

⑧词语的词性使用错误；

⑨句子缺少谓语动词；

⑩连词的前后成分不对等，连词是连接两个并列的成分，即要么前后都是两个句子，要么前后都是两个单词，且单词前后的词性应该一致，此外如果连接两个动词，则动词的形式要保持一致（特殊情况除外）。

此外，还出现以下语法问题：

① 介词使用不精准；

② 代词和物主代词使用有误；

③ 宾语从句引导词重复；

④ If only和only if区别不清；

⑤ 冠词的使用未掌握（包含a与an区别不清）；

⑥ 能做句子主语的成分不明；

⑦ 不定式符号to、助动词don’t、情态动词和will后面本该跟动词原形的地方使用动词的单三形式。

语法对于写作相当重要，如果一篇文章出现多个语法错误（尤其是低级错误），则直接影响阅卷老师的印象分数，甚至会影响文章的理解。因此，考生必须细心，尤其要注意自己经常出错的地方；此外，要查漏补缺，及时复习相关的语法知识点，以巩固自己的语法基础，减少文章的语法错误。

总之，在写作中，大家不仅要注意语法和单词拼写等语言层面的问题，还要注重文章的谋篇、内容、衔接和逻辑等方面的写作层面的问题。相信只要有付出就有收获，加油，考研1号编辑部在此祝大家写作进步，考研成功！

考研1号编辑部

2013年11月15日

作者: 芳草浅岸 时间: 13-11-16 00:14
蒽蒽，谢谢楼主！

作者: 依林飞燕 时间: 13-11-19 20:12
本帖最后由依林飞燕于 2013-11-19 20:15 编辑

As is subtly revealed in the picture, a great many netizens,separated by the spider web, are surfing the Internet and trying to communicate with each other online.They are indulged in the Internet and do not realize that it is easy for them to break through the spider web and contact with each other directly.
The main purpose of the portrayal is to show us the double effects of the Internet on interpersonal communication. Undoubtedly, by sending E-mail,using MSN and other tools, everyone may come into contact with another person even if he or she is a completely stranger. Unfortunately, in addition to making convenience for our daily life, the Internet leads several people to the other side. Some people to some extent are too much addicted to the Internet to maintain a healthy relationship with others. The Internet, like the spider web in the drawing, makes them loss the ability of face-to-face communication and get isolated from each other.
As far as I am concerned, it is essential for us to use the Internet in a reasonable way. If the Internet is well used, it will be possible to get messages from far corners of the world, which makes it easier to work anywhere at any time. Meanwhile, with the Internet, the computer could help us to get in touch with our family members and friends who live far from us. Generally speaking, it is imperative for us to make the Internet an effective tool and never let it control us.

作者: 依林飞燕 时间: 13-11-19 20:20
虽然知道结束了

但还是写了，病了一段时间就错过了

作者: shelmy 时间: 13-11-22 19:44
嗷~被漏掉了。。改完了的意思么？

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-11-25 09:34

依林飞燕发表于 2013-11-19 20:20
虽然知道结束了但还是写了，病了一段时间就错过了

很是不好意思，由于我们考研1号编辑部最近事务繁忙，后期会抽空修改之前未修改到的作文，请您见谅！您可以先看看其他考生的文章以及这几期活动的总结，汲取对您写作有帮助的内容，祝您考研成功，一切顺心！

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 13-11-25 09:35

shelmy 发表于 2013-11-22 19:44
嗷~被漏掉了。。改完了的意思么？

不是有意漏掉您的作文，只是由于我们编辑部最近事务繁忙，暂时没有时间来为大家修改作文，后期我们有时间一定会抽空修改，恳请您的见谅。祝您写作进步，一切顺利！

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