某人写的论文的英文摘要，请大家看看有什么问题（认真回帖者有奖励！））

With the deepening of thedevelopment and reform of China's banking industry, the lack of the dynamicpersonnel management system gradually becomea bottleneck restricting the bank's own developmentfactors. "HumanResources" is a company's most valuable resource, "people issues" are often companies need to face the core problem . This paper advocates the introduction of bankHuman Resource Management Psychologyconcept, to thepoint of view of psychologyresearch staff psychologicalmotivation, and behavioralcharacteristics of employees, jobexpectations survey, developed on thebasis of reasonable employment strategy, the establishment of long-termincentives and trainingsystems. Employees' psychologicalcareful analysis, not only to meet their materialneeds, but more important is thepsychological satisfaction to stimulateinitiative and responsibility of employees, training and development of quality humanresources.

这段话存在什么问题？欢迎大家积极提出批评意见！

With the great development and deep reform of China's banking industry, the lack of(删掉) the dynamic personnel management system gradually becomes a bottleneck which restricts the bank's own development factors（删掉）.

"Human Resources" is mostly valued by a company. As a consequence, "people issues" is often the core problem which many companies need to face .


This paper covers the aspects of the introduction of bank Human Resource Management Psychology concept, to the point of view of psychology research staff psychological motivation(这一句我从句子结构看不到它的逻辑，没法改   ), and behavioral characteristics of employees, job expectations survey, developed on thebasis of reasonable employment strategy, the establishment of long-termincentives and trainingsystems（这些是神马·····完全看不出来哪些是并列部分，又是名词又是动词）.


Employees' psychological careful（这里专有名词的话，不应该有careful吧） analysis is not only on the basis of the employees' material needs, but more important  the psychological satisfaction to stimulateinitiative and responsibility of employees, training and development of quality humanresources.(这个意思是神马啊，和前面不符合啊，不知意思改不了)



既然笔大叔发了，我就第一个来改改吧，哟西

第一句话里的China's ，我不知道这个词是不是要改成Chinese

笔为剑 发表于 2013-7-17 09:54
第一句话里的China's ，我不知道这个词是不是要改成Chinese

不用，是表示中国银行业，又不是中国的银行业或者中国人的银行业