海豚戏珠之文海捕鱼～～2

这一次的海域是：

    you will graduate from university and intend to continue your further study overseas.
    Write a letter to a graduate school to
   1)make a self-introduction,
   2)express your wish to get a place in the graduate school,and
   3)ask for relevant documents.
    You should write about 100 words on the ANSWER SHEET 2.Do not sign your own name at the end of the
letter.Use "Li Ming" instead.You do not need to write the address.

游戏规则：
        1、海豚给大家一个作文的题目
        2、然后呢，给出一个例文，可是要注意了哦，这个可不是什么好的例文，是一篇很普通的作文（这就是文海）
        3、希望大家能运用自己所掌握的单词和语感，指出文中的错误，用红色的字表示出你改动过的地方，可以是语法错误，也可以是你觉得文中的表达方式不理想，你有更好的说法哦～（找出来错误就是你捕到鱼了，哈哈，然后呢，海豚会出钱买你的鱼～）
如：例文为：I am student.  
            修改之后的回帖就是这样的写法：I am a student.
            然后指出原因：要有量词

游戏提醒：复制以后再改比较方便哦～
另外这个不是单纯的改错，在文法上如果觉得有误也可以指出来，甚至觉得整篇都要替换，也可以的哦～嘻嘻
这篇文章可是有点Chinglish的味道哦，嘻嘻

Dear Ms. / Mr. :
    I was a Qinghua University Mechanics senior students. As an undergraduate, I majored  in fluid mechanics. Now, I would like to apply for graduate school goes to the direction of fluid dynamics Postgraduates.
   Incidentally, can you send me the area of professional information and application forms? I would also like to apply for a scholarship, can you send me a scholarship application form? I will be very grateful for your help. I look forward to your response.
                                                  yours
                                                    Liming

答案下期揭晓
上期链接：http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-149418-1-7.html
上期答案：
Dear Freshmen ,
    I ,the undersigned ,am a senior in the Computer Science Department of Northwest University. I would like to say a few words to you, which I hope would be helpful for you.
    To begin with, the change of ideas is of most importance for freshmen to adapt themselves to campus life. During the middle school days,we usually depend upon our teachers at school and parents at home. However, the life and study on campus feature independence, which is essential to our psychological development. In my view, we had better always bear in mind the idea of independence.
    What's more, English learning is a must. On one hand, without CET 4 certificate, we can not get our degree when we graduate. On th other hand, when we hunt for job, English level is a deciding factor. Therefore, I do hope that all of you will have a good understanding of the necessity of learning English well.
    Good luck to you!
                                                   Sincerely yours,
                                                           Li Ming

[ 本帖最后由 海豚宝贝 于 2007-7-11 07:10 PM 编辑 ]

Dear Ms. / Mr. :
    I was(am) a Qinghua University Mechanics senior students(student). As an undergraduate, I majored  in fluid mechanics. Now, I would like to apply for graduate school goes(and go) to the direction of fluid dynamics Postgraduates(Postgraduate).
   Incidentally, can you send me the area of professional information and application forms? I would also like to apply for a scholarship, can you send me a scholarship application form,too? I will be very grateful for your help. I look forward to your response.

Dear Ms. / Mr. :
    I was a senior student(s)去掉 from Mechanics department of Qinghua University  . As an undergraduate, I majored  in fluid mechanics. Now, I would like to apply for graduate school goes to the direction of fluid dynamics Postgraduates.
   Incidentally, can you send me the area of professional information and application forms? I would also like to apply for a scholarship, can you send me a scholarship application form? I will be very grateful for your help. I look forward to your response.
                                                  yours
                                                    Liming

呵呵,没时间做啊,来看看吧,海豚把英语版做的真的很不错啊,有这样一个斑竹真的很好啊!!!!!!(关键英语还没怎么看呢 )

没时间具体改了
就看见前面出现了:符号
一般英文信称呼后面用,
Dear Ms. / Mr. ,

Dear Ms. / Mr. :
    I was a Qinghua University Mechanics senior students.（I was a senior students from Mechanics school of Tsinghua University ） As an undergraduate, I majored  in fluid mechanics. Now, I would like to apply for graduate school goes(going?) to the direction of fluid dynamics Postgraduates.
   Incidentally, can you send me the area of professional information and application forms? I would also like to apply for a scholarship, can you （also） send me a scholarship application form? I will be very grateful for your help. I （am）look（ing）（这样是不是好一些） forward to your response.
                                                  yours
                                                    Liming

Dear Ms. / Mr.,
    I am a senior student of Mechanics in Qinghua University . As an undergraduate, I major in fluid mechanics. Now, I want to  apply     for graduate school and go to the department of fluid dynamics Postgraduates.
   What\'s more, could you send me the area of professional information and application forms? I would also like to apply for a scholarship, could you send me a scholarship application form? I will be very grateful for your help.
    I am  looking forward to your reply.
                                                  yours
                                                    Liming


自己的意见，请各位指正啦！

[ 本帖最后由 冲冲 于 2007-7-13 03:48 PM 编辑 ]

Dear Ms. / Mr. :
    I was一般时 a Qinghua University Mechanics senior students中国人的英语，而且下文还在罗嗦他的专业呢｀｀. As an undergraduate,罗嗦｀｀ I majored  in fluid mechanics. Now, I would like to apply for graduate school goes多了的谓语，干掉，做成分词状语或并列谓语 to the direction of fluid dynamics Postgraduates.
   Incidentally, can太直了，要委婉一些 you send me the area of professional information 专业领域的信息，英语习惯反着说定语，这样结构漂亮，中文则只在意合and application forms? I would also like to apply for a scholarship奖学金，不可数吧，这个不确定,换成the可能比较保险, can you send me a scholarship application form又同个词boring｀｀? I will be 我将会very grateful for your help. I look forward to your response.
                                                  yours
                                                    Liming
Dear Ms. / Mr. :
    I am a senior student from Qinghua University,majored  in fluid mechanics. Now, I would like to apply for graduate school and go to the direction of fluid dynamics Postgraduates.
   Incidentally,could you send me same  professional information ? Moreover,I would also like to apply for the scholarship,so, will you send me a scholarship application form? I would certainly very grateful for your help. I look forward to your response.
                                                  yours
                                                    Liming

Dear Ms. / Mr. : （应为，）
    I was（am) a (senior student of Mechanical Department of)Qinghua University Mechanics senior students. As(Be) an undergraduate, I majored  in(去掉in) fluid mechanics. Now, I would like to apply for(a) graduate school(to) goes(go) to the direction of fluid dynamics Postgraduates.
   Incidentally, can you send me (for)the area of professional information and application forms? I would also like to apply for a scholarship, can(could) you send me a scholarship application form? I will be(am) very grateful for your help. I look forward to your response.
                                                  yours
                                                    Liming


请小魔女指教！

新来d   英语我的头痛啊 但是我会努力啊