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标题: 【考研1号】“2014作文修改”——【第三期英语一“毅力与恒心”】 [打印本页]

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-10-24 20:17
标题: 【考研1号】“2014作文修改”——【第三期英语一“毅力与恒心”】
第三期活动来啦，先公布两个喜讯： 1.下周起每期活动总结改为周六发，新的话题也是周六发布。这意味着什么呢？意味着每期活动老师多了一天时间来修改哦，鼓掌！[p:30] [p:30] [p:30]

2.偷偷透露一下，下周老师不像这两周那么忙，于是嘛，详细修改的篇数也会比之前有所增加，所以后面提交作文的考生也有福了。当然，老师依然是先修改前3篇习作，随机修改后面的。[m:56] [m:56] [m:56]

然后，一如既往的福利：第二期活动总结地址http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-886485-6-1.html

本期活动话题选自《写作160篇》重点预测品格修养类“毅力与恒心”

Directions:
Write an essay of 160—200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay，you should
1. describe the drawing briefly;
2. explain its intended meaning, and then
3. give your comments.
You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)
[attach]305045[/attach]

抢楼的同学请在发帖后2小时内将作文发上来，否则抢楼无效。
如果有同学想买考研1号老师出的作文书，请点击二楼右侧的图片进入购书页面。

作者: 苍州越 时间: 14-10-24 20:24
本帖最后由苍州越于 14-10-26 22:40 编辑

As is vividly depicted in the picture.facing one mountain after another,a disable boy, who burdens a heavy bag ,is on the road to his arm.at the same time,the word of ”persistent”is showed in our eyes.
The purpose of the cartoonist is that we should play high value on the persistence.in the “fast and furious ”environment,the unspoken pressure and fierce competitions are in,especially for those dedicated to showing their ambition,which means,to get greatest success or survive in society,the road you choose must be firmly focused on.a good case comes into my mind is the exam of postgraduate,although ones abilities and konwledges should be taken into the consideration,what is surprised at us.students having the ticket remind us of the word “persistence’ one wave after another.because without it,you would lose impatient to wait for the fantastic future that is at next second
Rome is not built in a day.persistence never has all the answer,but persistence does provide us with the best available guide to the future.only in this way the bud you plant would bloom.

作者: ally1977 时间: 14-10-24 21:20
本帖最后由 ally1977 于 14-10-24 21:36 编辑

Persistence and determination

As is vividly shown in the picture, there is a boy who wanted to climb mountains.But his right leg is still physical disability.The sweat broke out all over his head. He must be exhausted after trudging all that way with his backpack.Without persistence and determination，nobody could stay there.

Patience is important in doing everything. Without persist,we are easy to abandon our attempt halfway.When Li Bai was young,he is very bright, but he doesn't study hard,and want to midway.One day, he meet a grandma who sanding an iron rod beside stream.Grandma said:"Constant grinding can turn an iron rod into a needle."Li Bai immediately understood.From then on,he kept his nose to the grindstone all year and got the huge success.

Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. But we are not born with it.Only through constant practice, can we improve our persistence ability. As long as we keep going，we will succeed in time.

作者: 人云亦云的恩 时间: 14-10-24 21:47
What a thought-provking picture it is！A boy who stands on the bottom of a high mountain is climbing this mountain，holding a stick that helps him climb.The boy seems to be tired out but never gives up his goal.As Chinese characters shown:Perseverance and never giving up.This phenomenon is pervasive in our society in which we live in.
As is abundantly clear from the drawing,a vital information can be conveyed——the importance of perseverance.Indeed,for everyone,perseverance,whether it is just in our university or to a diverse society，may exert a positive impact on our daily life.For example,in our university,encountering more difficulties in the process of researching is a common phenomenon.Yet，the same situation we face have entirely differencent consequence resulting from the degree of perseverancing we exert.Meantime,in our society，most people just understand the meaning of perseverance,but innovators work conciously on their perseverance，and they fellow it through until they prove practicable.Thesefore，most people exaggerate the difficulties and overlook their strength of persevering.The perseverance is that which can stir us up most and make us the most courageous to do something and be something ourselves.
In my opinion，perseverance is not only value but also habit——habit that can be couraged in society settings，with benifits in later life. To be seen as healthy attitude in our life,the measures are clear:Alaways remain ourselves of avoiding lazy implication and cultivate a brave heart.In addition,children should be educated to elude negative outlook by parents and teachers so as not to be misguided，which will bring unanticipated satisfacations and achieving further success.All in all,whatever we do,do with perseverance,with the whole mind.It will spur us onto even greater heights.

作者: _Psyche 时间: 14-10-24 22:55
本帖最后由 _Psyche 于 14-10-25 21:59 编辑

希望，这次能被老师改到。谢谢老师啦！！！

As is vividly depicted in the cartoon , a handicapped adolescent is climbing a mountain . In the drawing , carrying a bag , the disabled is climbing with painstaking effort walk the street of the mountain , sweat pouring down his face . And this picture is named “perseverance and never give up”.

The painter wants to tell us , just like the man on the portrayal , whatever we are doing , we should never give up and never stop making progress . First and foremost , it applies to individuals as in such a competitive world is cracking hard nut and trying to go ahead . By contrast , a lot of people choose to take a rest to enjoy their small success and thus the motivation and perseverance for further achievement . Furthermore , the country on the whole should hold onto and move forward in terms of politics , economy , and culture so that we Chinese as a nation can gain sustained respect from other peoples .

It is my view that , firstly , we can frequently use the drawing to enlighten the juvenile to keep going whenever problems they faced with . Secondly , whatever difficulty or situation we are confronted with , those who have the spirit of keep going and never say give up are nearer to success . As the old saying goes , “ success belongs to the persevering ”.

作者: Davinci86 时间: 14-10-25 00:25
本帖最后由 Davinci86 于 14-10-25 00:27 编辑

       This picture showed that a young climber---carrying heavy bag,bearing angular shoes and using his stick---was arriving at the foot of a towering hill.Although the road of climbing was very rugged,there was firm and persistent in his eyes.”Willpower and perseverance” was wrote on the top of picture.
   Congratulations,young man,you was going were going to began a hard trip,but was there anyone not in these difficult world?We must complete our dreams and vacations with willpower and perseverance which could concentrate our attention on our goals and restrict inferference caused by loneliness and confusing.Chen Jinrun,a famous mathematician,was locked himself in a small kitchen that include only one window.How did he deal with loneliness and confusing,as he was solving Goldbach conjecture.It were willpower and perseverance.The scientist of two bombs and one satellite were working at western desert with disgusting environment.That were willpower and perseverance too.A person or a nation who had little willpower and perseverance,did not achieve great vacation.Without willpower and perseverance,a great number of students lost in the GMT which started with more than 1000,000 students every year.During the course of urban construction,by less willpower and perseverance,the upgrade was stopped again and again.That was a very serious problem.
   In my opinion, every person must establish a plan to practice our willpower and perseverance,which are very important condition for our success and family happiness.At the same time,the government will create positive person who are willpower and perseverance to encourage us to work hard for contributing.

作者: Davinci86 时间: 14-10-25 00:29

Davinci86 发表于 14-10-25 00:25
This picture showed that a young climber---carrying heavy bag,bearing angular shoes and using ...

终于写完了抢到7楼还算不错望老师打分老师打分很重要谢谢这次又是3个小时

作者: 笔为剑 时间: 14-10-25 00:38

人云亦云的恩发表于 14-10-24 21:47
What a thought-provking picture it is！A boy who stands on the bottom of a high mountain is climb ...

你这样写，显然是太长了。在考场上如果这样写，就很可能写不完，然后得低分。

作者: paragraph 时间: 14-10-25 01:55
what a enlightenling drawing it is ! As it is depicted , we can see aexhausting but still striving man climb mountain with a stick slowly . Above the picture is a title writed , which we can inferred its intended meaning simply from those words , willpower and perseverance .
it's apprant that its intended meaning of this cartoon is to underline the significant importance of the willpower and perseverance . indeed ,we heard the whisper all life long , yet , it's still a difficult decision to make that should we give up , if doom ?on the one aspect , inner place deep inside our heart so desire it , however , on the counterpart , we face the risk that we may not get what we aspire even when we fight exhausted . there is no deny that it even more unacceptable emotionly that we fighted we lost than we just lost .
Nontheless , should we just let it go unwillingly ? certainly not !in my position of view , we must acknowledge that some time , we hang on there so much not since we have got the faith to believe that we can achieve our dreams , as because that is the only wya to keep our hope alive .

求指导！

作者: paragraph 时间: 14-10-25 01:56

人云亦云的恩发表于 14-10-24 21:47
What a thought-provking picture it is！A boy who stands on the bottom of a high mountain is climb ...

另外，楼上那个写了284个，会不会有点太多了...

作者: 樟树苗 时间: 14-10-25 08:50
刚看到，马上去写~

作者: cnblue0730 时间: 14-10-25 09:02
  Optimistically and positively, a handicapped boy is making every effort to climb a high mountain, which is even a great difficulty to others with no physical disability. It is will and perseverance that support him to accomplish this nearly incredible goal.
  The power of will and perseverance really can arouse the potential of our mankind. A good exemplification coming to my mind is Hawking, who suffers extremely serious disease so that the paralyzed muscle makes it impossible for him to control his body except for two fingers. But he became a world well-known physician, discovering black hole and completing the theory of big explosion of universe, which contributes a lot to astronomy and extend the abstract thinking of humankind. Without a strong will and persistent painstaking, definitely, it’s hard for him to live like average people, not to say to make so splendid-shining future.
  To sum it up, will and perseverance are indispensable qualities during our pursuing self-promotion. Thus it’s high time for us that we didn’t give up every tiny task in daily life. In turn, the small success will strengthen us to move toward a higher peak.

作者: cnblue0730 时间: 14-10-25 09:04

cnblue0730 发表于 14-10-25 09:02
Optimistically and positively, a handicapped boy is making every effort to climb a high mountain, ...

早上在图书馆写完了，本来想中午回寝室再交的，总觉得心里惦记，还是跑回寝室交了吧·····求老师指导····

作者: xingdeweixiao 时间: 14-10-25 10:12
本帖最后由 xingdeweixiao 于 14-10-25 13:14 编辑

   I was profoundly moved by what I have seen in this picture which is so symbolic and instructive. As is apparently demonstrated in the drawing above, the boy seems to tired but never give up.Though educational and instructive it may seem at first glimpse, this cartoon does carry rather thought-provoking  implications .
   Obviously the drawing mirrors a current phenomenon about the ability of persistence and determination which is both inspiring and thought-provoking.There’re numerous reasons why it is and I would like to explore the most typically ones. For one thing, with the miraculous economic better-off brought about by more than thirty-year of reform and opening up, people tend to pay more attention to it. For another, there are increasing numbers people who are realizing persistence and determination is indispensable to us. Undoubtedly, the ability of persistence and determination to us is just like water to fish and wing to bird.
   From what has been discussed above, we may reasonably arrive at the conclusion that all of us should spare no pains to make people know the vital significance of persistence and determination. Only in this way can we lead a harmonious and happy life and make our world dimensional, colorful and vigorous.

作者: liuce0307 时间: 14-10-25 10:39
支持~\(≧▽≦)/~

作者: Moonriver 时间: 14-10-25 11:07
本帖最后由 Moonriver 于 14-10-31 22:57 编辑

被掠过了……

作者: 笔为剑 时间: 14-10-25 11:23

Davinci86 发表于 14-10-25 00:25
This picture showed that a young climber---carrying heavy bag,bearing angular shoes and using ...

你算算字数，都超过多少了？考试时候可能给你那么多时间来写吗？

作者: Davinci86 时间: 14-10-25 13:14

笔为剑发表于 14-10-25 11:23
你算算字数，都超过多少了？考试时候可能给你那么多时间来写吗？

现在练下句子主要是

作者: 肉垫 时间: 14-10-25 15:04
There is an old saying about persistence that goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with single step. This is what the picture implies. In the picture, a disabled boy is climbing the high mountain with his stick. he carries a heavy bag and seems tired out. While in face of the rough mountain road, he never gives up.
Everyone of us want to realize our dreams and get success in our life. After all, it is very cheerful to image these things. But a great amount of people give up halfway when they meet difficulties.some of them even attribute their failure to the rough of goals without any persistence. But success and persistence is indivisible. A good case is Edison, who, failed 50 thousand times when he tried to invent battery, in face of so many times of failure, he held on consistently and persistently and finally succeed.
Therefore, no matter what we plan to do, we should have a down-to-earth attitude towards it，then try hard and keep on it. Only in this way can we reach our goals.
第一次写望老师批改

作者: 心宿二 时间: 14-10-25 15:06
本帖最后由心宿二于 14-10-25 16:26 编辑

As is vividly shown in the picture, a fairly long distance lies between a single-legged man who sweating a lot and his final destination—the mountain peak. Despite the very difficulties, we can learn from his dedicated and persistent face that he will succeed in arriving at the top of the mountain.
Seemingly, the message of the picture is that perseverance is one of the most vital traits in our pursuit of success. It can be given some concrete examples to support this view. For instance, before finding the best suitable materials for bulbs, Edison had failed nearly 3000 times. If he had given up experimenting at the first battle with obstacles, bulbs could still haven't showed up in human’s history. One more example is that so many talented young men in elite colleges end up dropping out because of their terrible learn credits. This happened because they escaped the stressful situation when confronting difficulties in studying.
To my best understanding, only with perseverance can we finally achieve our goals and live a content life.

写的不好，希望能得到老师的建议。

作者: yingxiaoluo 时间: 14-10-25 15:39
本帖最后由 yingxiaoluo 于 14-10-31 15:10 编辑

As is shown in the picture, a disable boy who is sweating is climbing the mountain. Although it is so far away form the mountaintop, the boy is still firm. Below the picture, there is a caption which said " willpower and perseverance".
In my view point, not only determination do we need in all walks of life, but also a strong willpower is nothing to be defeated. On the one hand, people who are perseverant are so powerful that can face any problems. They are self-confident and never feel fearful in difficulties. On the other hand, perseverant people never given up. They will insist on solve the problems until they will be victors. Otherwise, as it was said, where there is a will, there is a way, willpower can help us overcome all kinds of difficulties to become a better one.
As far as I am concerned, we have to strengthen our determinations to face the new social situations. First of all, teachers should teach their students to know how to be perseverant, because children are easy to be built characters. In addition, we must train ourselves to be the man who has backbone. Last but not the least, society should to encourage citizens have more and more willpower and perseverance. There is no doubt that, only by doing so can make us more success.

谢谢老师帮忙批改~~老师辛苦啦

作者: catallena 时间: 14-10-25 18:27
The cartoon illustrates the situation of the climber who is sweating,what’s more,its title is ‘Perseverance and success’.
As we can easily know from the picture,if the climber wants to go to the peak,he will pay a price,such as sweat and perseverance.In some extent, life is just like climbing,during the time,we may run into a lot of stones,which is like different difficulty.We should overcome difficulty so that we can pay off,for example climbing.The process not the road itself, but rather the perseverance people have as they encounter unexpected obstacles. No one can casually pay off,perseverance is an important factors.Definitely,perseverance leads to success.
All in all,perseverance ,is a necessary key to success.Life is full of challenge and difficulty,nevertheless,please believe perseverance will conquer everything.Go forward bravely!
老师，我有个问题想问，我写议论性的文章总是感觉自己在编一样，全是些比如什么相信前途是美好的，道路是曲折的，求指导。。。

作者: catallena 时间: 14-10-25 18:27
本帖最后由 catallena 于 14-10-25 18:43 编辑

The cartoon illustrates the situation of the climber who is sweating,what’s more,its title is ‘Perseverance’.
As we can easily know from the picture,if the climber wants to go to the peak,he will pay a price,such as sweat and perseverance.In some extent, life is just like climbing,during the time,we may run into a lot of stones,which is like different difficulty.We should overcome difficulty so that we can pay off,for example climbing.The process not the road itself, but rather the perseverance people have as they encounter unexpected obstacles. No one can casually pay off,perseverance is an important factors.Definitely,perseverance leads to success.
All in all,perseverance ,is a necessary key to success.Life is full of challenge and difficulty,nevertheless,please believe perseverance will conquer everything.Go forward bravely!
发重了，楼上那篇可忽略不计，老师，我有个问题想问，我写这类的文章总是感觉自己在编一样，站着说话不腰疼，全是些特寒颤人的空口白话比如什么相信前途是美好的，道路是曲折的，有时真的是累觉不爱编不下去乐，求指导。。。

作者: 人云亦云的恩 时间: 14-10-25 19:03

笔为剑发表于 14-10-25 00:38
你这样写，显然是太长了。在考场上如果这样写，就很可能写不完，然后得低分。

用电脑打字，确实就没想到这一点，没想到这就有284个单词了。。下回注意~~

作者: 人云亦云的恩 时间: 14-10-25 19:04

paragraph 发表于 14-10-25 01:56
另外，楼上那个写了284个，会不会有点太多了...

确实有点多了，用电脑打字，没想到会有这么多。。下回注意。。

作者: catallena 时间: 14-10-25 20:58

人云亦云的恩发表于 14-10-24 21:47
What a thought-provking picture it is！A boy who stands on the bottom of a high mountain is climb ...

e in our society in which we live in这啥意思啊，貌似不对吖

作者: 冯信子 时间: 14-10-26 12:03
本帖最后由冯信子于 14-10-27 20:06 编辑

老湿，看我看我~~

求批改，求打分~
As can be seen from the picture above, faced with a high mountain, a handicapped person is striving forward, sweated but steady. How inspiring it is! Simple as the picture is, certain instructive implication is remarkably revealed.
The picture tells us that nothing can not be overcomed with the perseverance. On one hand, perseverance is a vital ingredient of the modern recipe to success, both for individual and for a nation. Besides, it’s truly the fundamental attribute of top performers, which separates the high achievers from the rest of the pack. One the other hand, just as dripping water can penetrate stone, perseverance can break through anything, no matter how tough the difficulty may be. Numerous cases exist to elaborate on this point: the story of Hawking, a disabled person and one of the most significant scientist, fully illustrates the importance of perseverance in realizing personal ambition and creating value for the society.
So, doubtless, what should be borne in our minds is that the most reliable path to gain meaningful life begins with setting goals mattering both ourselves and others, and run forward finally to the destination of happiness with our continuous devotion.

写这篇文章的心得：
1、一定程度上把握了字数，一定程度上加强了对第二段的重视。。。
2、可能我是沉思型人格吧，写完以后总要自己纠结检查好久，考场上是肯定不能这样的。。。
我现在的想法是：在练习阶段尽可能发现自己能发现的错误，强烈重视老师提出的自己不能发现的错误，在考场上尽量少犯错误快速作文。

求指导：老湿~现在需要开始练习写作速度么，还是先尽可能减少错误的写粗来。。。o(╯□╰)o，不然的话，什么情况下开始练习速度捏。。。速度—准确性权衡不好做啊啊aaa

作者: xiang20120814 时间: 14-10-26 14:58
it's apprant that its intended meaning of this cartoon is to underline the significant importance of the willpower and perseverance . indeed ,we heard the whisper all life long , yet , it's still a difficult decision to make that should we give up , if doom ?on the one aspect , inner place deep inside our heart so desire it , however , on the counterpart , we face the risk that we may not get what we aspire even when we fight exhausted . there is no deny that it even more unacceptable emotionly that we fighted we lost than we just lost .

作者: 開心@ 时间: 14-10-26 15:26
本帖最后由開心@ 于 14-10-26 15:32 编辑

这次又发晚，不懂会不会被老师改到

      Whoever sees this cartoo can't help admiring.How inspirational it is -A disabled man with a stick is trying his best to climb a hill. Although it's difficulty for him to reach the top, he still adhere to complete the challenge. From this we can see perseverance and persistance is necessary character for us.
      However,many people know it important in our daily life to make success but few men can persist to acheiving goals.many obstacles are keeping their position in our way to success.With the spirit of perseverance ,they can achieve what they have dreamed for long. It goes with no denying that behind everyone's successful life,perseverance plays a leading role in it. For instance,nearly all outstanding athletes spend time on practice,whose patience is unimaginable.Liu wei,who was the winner of China Got Talent without arms but can play the piano，is also a case support that miracle can happen to everyone if he or she work hard and never give up.
      Anyone can give up ,it's the easiest thing in the world to do.But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart,that's true strength.Therefore,it shouldn't stop halfway however great the difficulties might be if we wan to success.Just do likewise as the disabled man.

作者: 明矾waitac 时间: 14-10-26 16:23
本帖最后由明矾waitac 于 14-10-26 18:22 编辑

楼上的楼上的楼上们…你们就是群禽兽啊…T.T怎么都写那么快…

要不要给我们这群作文渣留点活路…信不信我分分钟死给你们看(/ω＼)…

“To persevere or not to persevere,that's a question.”Just as the handicapped man in the cartoon who is climbing a mountain，with sweat pouring down his forehead,may be wondering，and it still has a long distance to the top of the mountain.

The picture wants to remind us that perseverance is the key element to get success.Life is a long period,in which we will encounter too many frustrations,setbacks and obstacles.The only thing we can do at that time is to persist.No accomplishment can be achieved in a short time.When we want to give up,take one more step,then we wil find that success comes closer.Too often we underestimate the power of perseverance,but it is not,it is necessary to achieve success,whether for an individual or an organization.

A good exemplification that echoes this spirit coming to my mind is Helen Keller,a deaf and mute American girl,who spent her whole life persisting in her dream.It is not surprising that she finally becomes a famous writer.She proves that the power of individual perseverance can be transformed into great accomplishment.In short,success comes to anyone who keeps working perseveringly.

老师，我有个小小的疑问，感觉这种人生价值的文章，写着写着，就是第二段，总是觉得翻来覆去再说同样的话是怎么回事感觉一点层次感都没有，如何解救…

作者: 人云亦云的恩 时间: 14-10-26 17:44

catallena 发表于 14-10-25 20:58
e in our society in which we live in这啥意思啊，貌似不对吖

恩恩可能是又问题吧。。改成:we live in a society in which the perseverance is pervasive。就好一点吧。。

作者: kai_wx 时间: 14-10-26 22:06
本帖最后由 kai_wx 于 14-10-27 00:27 编辑

老师辛苦了~想请老师来看一下这有没有致命错误，以便提前改善，力求稳妥~谢谢老师！！

   What an illuminating, enlightening and thought-provoking image it is! Featured in the drawing above is that a man, in a sweat, holding a stick, is climbing over some steep mountains toward the peak. Though the harsh realities and tough trail, he resume his activity after a bit of rest. Few things could be so symbolic as the illustration. It goes far beyond any reasonable dispute that what the illustrator virtually aims to convey is by no means simple.

   What in the world can be inferred from the above cartoon? Indeed, no persistence, no success. Anyone, who has a slack fame, could not obtain the ultimate achievement and accomplishment. As is revealed in a recent survey conducted by Chinese Daily, three fifths of the people  confessed  that they have a failure to do something for absence of perseverance.

   "Prudently and cautiously, lacking of persistence and perseverance may exercise a passive influence on your professional progression”, contends Dr. Bi Ban, a 32-year-old psychologist. It is the responsibility of the schools and families to take the lead in the campaign to promote improving and strengthening their sustainability. Meanwhile, each individual should strive to overcome any hardship. I am strongly convinced that anything can be done as long as we have persistence heart.

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-10-27 17:23
本帖最后由考研1号编辑部于 14-10-27 17:36 编辑

苍州越发表于 14-10-24 20:24
As is vividly depicted in the picture.facing one mountain after another,a disable boy, who burdens a ...

写作原文

      As is vividly depicted in the picture.（改为逗号） facing one mountain after another, a disable（改为disabled，disable为动词） boy, who burdens（用shoulders更确切具体） a heavy bag, is on the road to his arm（on the road to意为“在去……的路途中”，若想表达“借助他的手”，可改为with his arm，但是这与图画不是很相符。建议改为to the summit）. at (At) the same time, the word of “persistent(persistence)” is showed in our eyes.
      （第一段点评：作者先用一个现在分词短语作伴随状语，之后引出图画的主体a disabled boy，中间插入一个非限定性定语从句补充说明主体的其他特征，最后描述这一主体的行为动作。这一叙述方式不仅能够体现语法的丰富性，同时言简意赅，信息全面，重点突出。不足之处在于文字信息的体现方式有点儿生硬，且与上文语意衔接稍显突兀。）

      The purpose of the cartoonist is that we should play high value on（表达不地道，改为place a high value on）the (删除the，persistence是抽象名词) persistence. in the “fast and furious ”environment(建议改为In a rapidly changing world), the unspoken pressure（汉式思维） and fierce competitions（competition表示“竞争”时不可数，表示“竞赛，比赛”时可数，改为competition） are in（建议改为people are overwhelmed with intolerable pressure and fierce competition）, especially for those dedicated to showing their ambition, which means, to get greatest success（achieve great success）or survive in （加this）society, the road you choose must be firmly focused on. a（A）good case comes into my mind（本句的谓语动词为后面的is，此处用comes导致句中出现双谓语，且表述受汉语影响。改为coming to mind，即用现在分词短语作后置定语）is the exam of postgraduate（entrance exams for postgraduate schools）, although ones（one’s） abilities and konwledges (knowledge) should be taken into the（删除） consideration, what is surprised at us.（首先，用句号隔开使得句意不完整，其次surprise作动词时表示“使惊奇”，而be surprised at意为“对……感到惊讶”。改为what surprises us is that） students having the ticket（receiving the admission notice） remind us of the word（建议删除） “persistence” one wave after another. because (Because) without it, you would lose impatient（patience，注意词性和语意） to wait for the fantastic future that is at next second（lies ahead）.
      （第二段点评：本段作者先点明图画寓意，然后展开论述，最后通过举例来论证自己的观点，这一写作思路没有任何问题。需注意以下两点：一是论述不够充分；二是举例没有力度。首先，“社会变化快，压力竞争大”并不能够推出“为了有所成就或在社会立足，必须聚焦于自己所选的道路”；其次，在举例时应加强对比，选取一个与论述主体能力相仿的参照对象，此参照对象与论述主体相比“缺乏毅力”，最终参照对象考研失败而论述主体获得成功，通过对比来渲染毅力的重要性。）

      Rome is not built in a day. persistence never has all the answer（汉式表达，建议改为Persistence is not always the answer）, but persistence（改为it,即使用代词避免名词的重复） does provide us with the best available guide to the future. only in this way the bud you plant would bloom（“only+状语”位于句首时，后面要用部分倒装，且建议改为Only in this way will the seed you planted sprout）.
   （第三段点评：作者在最后一段对上文予以总结，即重申毅力的重要性。就本段而言，第一句与第二句之间缺少衔接，且第二句并不能支撑第三句的内容。此外，本段与上一段之间缺少衔接，可加上一个“承上启下”的过渡句或短语。）

总体点评
本文立意正确，结构完整，且采用举例例证这一论述方法来支撑自己的论点，这一点较好。需注意以下几个方面：
1. 加强思维逻辑的训练，使文章内容更加充实，前后语意连贯合理。
2. 加强段落之间和语句之间的衔接。
3. 文章有一些语法错误，尤其应注意名词的可数与不可数、定冠词the的用法、谓语动词与非谓语动词的区别、only倒装句的使用等语法知识点，同时要保证句意完整。
4. 注意词语的词性，并清楚其含义。同时要细心，避免出现单词拼写错误。
5. 注意标点符号的使用，同时保证句子第一个单词首字母大写。
6. 文章不少语言受汉语影响，表达不地道。在平时的复习中，应积累常用的词组和短语，并通过阅读逐步提升自己的英语思维。

因此，建议作者复习巩固相关的语法知识，同时注意词汇的词性及名词的可数与不可数，并逐步提升自己的语言表达和思维逻辑能力。只要作者针对自己写作中存在的问题进行改正，一定能写出更好的文章，加油！

参考分数（满分20分）：8

考研1号编辑部
2014年 10月27日

作者: xqw681213 时间: 14-10-27 17:41

Davinci86 发表于 14-10-25 00:29
终于写完了抢到7楼还算不错望老师打分老师打分很重要谢谢这次又是3个小时

好赞呀～～～～～～～

作者: xqw681213 时间: 14-10-27 17:42
写的真好～～～～～～～～

作者: xqw681213 时间: 14-10-27 17:44

xqw681213 发表于 14-10-27 17:42
写的真好～～～～～～～～

对的～～～～～～～～

作者: 苍州越 时间: 14-10-27 20:22

考研1号编辑部发表于 14-10-27 17:23
写作原文

As is vividly depicted in the picture.（改为逗号） facing one mountain afte ...

好的谢谢老师我会根据你的建议进行改正

作者: 肉垫 时间: 14-10-27 20:59

肉垫发表于 14-10-25 15:04
There is an old saying about persistence that goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with single ...

[p:27]每天上来看一眼老师给我打个分也是可以的谢谢老师！！

作者: 998998 时间: 14-10-27 22:49

好东西，好东西啊

作者: 998998 时间: 14-10-27 22:55
http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/plugin.php?id=dsu_paulsign:sign

作者: kai_wx 时间: 14-10-27 23:04

明矾waitac 发表于 14-10-26 16:23
楼上的楼上的楼上们…你们就是群禽兽啊…T.T怎么都写那么快… 要不要给我们这群作文渣留点活路…信不 ...

你们都看出是残疾人~我居然没看出来~太神奇了~

作者: 明矾waitac 时间: 14-10-27 23:29

kai_wx 发表于 14-10-27 23:04
你们都看出是残疾人~我居然没看出来~太神奇了~

叫你不仔细~！打手板打手板~！！

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-10-28 13:33

cnblue0730 发表于 14-10-25 09:04
早上在图书馆写完了，本来想中午回寝室再交的，总觉得心里惦记，还是跑回寝室交了吧·····求老师指导 ...

恩，请耐心等候~[w:43]

作者: 苍州越 时间: 14-10-28 15:51
哭死，20分就拿8分，我都不用去考试了

作者: kai_wx 时间: 14-10-28 17:41

苍州越发表于 14-10-28 15:51
哭死，20分就拿8分，我都不用去考试了

还有60天～完全来得及啊

作者: 苍州越 时间: 14-10-28 18:34

kai_wx 发表于 14-10-28 17:41
还有60天～完全来得及啊

只能这麽想了，说明之前的努力方向不对

作者: catallena 时间: 14-10-29 07:30

苍州越发表于 14-10-28 15:51
哭死，20分就拿8分，我都不用去考试了

我第一期7分...说多了都是泪

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-10-29 11:26

苍州越发表于 14-10-28 15:51
哭死，20分就拿8分，我都不用去考试了

分数仅供参考，重点是发现自己写作中存在的问题，并逐步予以改正。此外，老师文章看的很细致，打分标准比较严格。所以，不要有压力，相信自己，只要有针对地去努力，一定能写出更好的文章，分数也自然会提高！[m:56]

作者: 小四爷 时间: 14-10-29 12:44
本帖最后由小四爷于 14-10-30 11:54 编辑

墨迹出来了，请老师一定给看看，如果木有时间，麻烦给看看逻辑和结构是不是还是那么糟糕，另外顺便给个分数参考一下吧，谢谢老师

It is hardly difficult to figure out that a young disabled man has been climbing the mountain,with two profound phrases like persistence and perseverance aside in the picture given above.The cartoon is unfolding that success plays a high value on the individual characteristics.
Among the topic concerning imperative qualities devoting to accomplishments,the most cordinal trait is related to perseverance.Frankly speaking,a good case hovering over my mind is Darwin,who was once regarded as a clumsy boy when he was young.What he did,however,startled the world eventually.The factor contributing to his remarkable findings-Revolutionary-could not be something else more than the persistence of pursuing science.On the contrary,a man who is accustomed to giving up half the way will be bound to achieve nothing.
Just as the old saying goes,dripping water wears through a stone,preseverance prevails.Individuals possess such quality,resulting in a spendid-shining future.Undoubtedly,a nation cutivating such spirit will be abled to keep up with the pace of new echo,never fading.Thus,individuals are not supposed to escape from promises while nation are entitled to lead,govern,supervise their men hardly losing initial orientation.

作者: 小四爷 时间: 14-10-29 12:54

kai_wx 发表于 14-10-26 22:06
老师辛苦了~想请老师来看一下这有没有致命错误，以便提前改善，力求稳妥~谢谢老师！！

What an il ...

原来第三段还可以这么写，我就犯愁，这种作文怎么写解决方案。。。醍醐灌顶啊
开，求拜师，求指教，你不答应我就坐着不走了，不走了

作者: 小四爷 时间: 14-10-29 13:00

明矾waitac 发表于 14-10-26 16:23
楼上的楼上的楼上们…你们就是群禽兽啊…T.T怎么都写那么快… 要不要给我们这群作文渣留点活路…信不 ...

深有同感。。。[j:28]

作者: 明矾waitac 时间: 14-10-29 13:16

小四爷发表于 14-10-29 13:00
深有同感。。。

就是就是…每次都期待自己有小小的进步…结果每次都一个死样而…

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-10-29 18:21
本帖最后由考研1号编辑部于 14-10-29 18:25 编辑

ally1977 发表于 14-10-24 21:20
Persistence and determination

As is vividly shown in the picture, there is a boy who wanted to c ...

写作原文

      As is vividly shown in the picture, there is a boy who wanted（改为wants，需保持时态前后相对统一） to climb mountains. But his right leg is still physical disability（受汉语影响，可改为he has underwent a leg amputation）.The sweat broke out all over his head（表达不地道，可改为was pouring off him）. He must be exhausted after trudging all that way with his backpack.（注意语句之间的衔接，建议改为The sweat pouring off him indicates that he is exhausted after…）Without persistence and determination（从逻辑角度而言，先有determination“决心”，后有persistence“坚持不懈”。建议调整顺序，或直接删除and determination。注意，determination不是“恒心”之意。），nobody could stay there.
   （第一段点评：作者本段描述图画，直接切入图画主体，然后一一叙述其他要素，最后用Without persistence and determination，nobody could stay there予以总结，思路清晰，信息全面。需要注意的是，在叙述完图画信息之后，应点明“尽管如此，男孩并没有放弃”，以衔接上下文意，突显图画寓意。）

      Patience is important in doing everything. Without persist（persistence，persist为动词）,we are easy to abandon our attempt halfway.When Li Bai was young, he is（was，注意保持时态前后的相对统一） very bright, but he doesn't（didn’t）study hard, （建议删除逗号）and want（改为wanted）to midway（give up）. One day, he meet（met）a grandma who（加was）sanding an iron rod beside （加a）stream. Grandma（The grandma）said（建议加to him）:（英文用逗号）“Constant grinding（改为grind，其本身即有名词词性） can turn an iron rod into a needle.” Li Bai immediately understood. From then on,he kept his nose to the grindstone（此处内容不够恰当，建议点明他所付出的具体努力）all year and got the （改为a）huge success.
      （第二段点评：作者本段论述毅力的重要性，并通过举例来论证，主旨明确，论证方法也比较巧妙。有三个方面有待优化：第一，加强对毅力重要性的渲染；第二，论点和论据（即举例）之间应有相应的衔接；第三，例证应重点突出毅力所起的作用，而不是简单地对故事进行叙述。）

      Persistence and determination alone are（persistence和determination是彼此独立的概念，改为Determination and persistence together are或Persistence alone is，视第一段所改而定） omnipotent. But we are not born with it（若前面改为Determination and persistence…，则代词应使用them）. Only through constant practice, （删除）can we improve our persistence ability（毅力是一种品质，而不是能力，更不能通过练习来提高）. As long as we keep going，we will succeed in time.
   （第三段点评：本段第一句重申坚持不懈的重要性，第二句指出在此过程中存在的问题，第三句提出问题的解决方案，第四句予以总结。这一写作思路本身没有什么问题，但是作者给出的解决方案有悖常理，需重新思索并组织语言。）

总体点评

作者的文章在立意、构思等方面基本没有问题，需注意以下几个方面：
1. 文章字数不符合要求，考研英语一大纲规定写作字数为160—200字，而本文只有154字，需对文章内容进行相应扩充。此外，在内容方面，保证所写语句符合常理。
2. 语法方面，注意动词前后时态的相对统一和冠词的使用。
3. 在记忆单词的时候，须重视词语的词性。
4. 加强语句及段落之间的衔接。
5. 注意语言表述，多积累常用的词组短语等，使文章的语言更符合英语的表达习惯。

因此，作者首先要做的是拓展思路，扩充文章内容，使字数符合大纲要求，同时注意语法、单词词性、衔接和语言表述这几方面的问题。正如作者在文章中提到的“只要功夫深，铁杵也能磨成针”，相信只要通过努力，你定能写出更好的文章，加油！

参考分数（满分20分）：7

考研1号编辑部
2014年 10月29日

作者: ally1977 时间: 14-10-29 19:38

考研1号编辑部发表于 14-10-29 18:21
写作原文

As is vividly shown in the picture, there is a boy who wanted（改为wants， ...

感谢老师的评改，谢谢

作者: kai_wx 时间: 14-10-30 00:15

小四爷发表于 14-10-29 12:54
原来第三段还可以这么写，我就犯愁，这种作文怎么写解决方案。。。醍醐灌顶啊
开，求拜师，求指教，你不 ...

明天我发几张图给你~我找到那本资料啦~三人行必有我师~我也要向你学习实验和英语~

作者: 小四爷 时间: 14-10-30 09:25

kai_wx 发表于 14-10-30 00:15
明天我发几张图给你~我找到那本资料啦~三人行必有我师~我也要向你学习实验和英语~

好的哇

作者: 笔为剑 时间: 14-10-30 10:06

考研1号编辑部发表于 14-10-29 18:21
写作原文

As is vividly shown in the picture, there is a boy who wanted（改为wants， ...

要让考研人写出“he has underwent a leg amputation”这样的句子，难度太大了点吧？
有没有更简单但又地道的表达？

作者: 苍州越 时间: 14-10-30 11:12

kai_wx 发表于 14-10-30 00:15
明天我发几张图给你~我找到那本资料啦~三人行必有我师~我也要向你学习实验和英语~

能给我也发下不~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~求指导作文渣

作者: 小四爷 时间: 14-10-30 11:59

catallena 发表于 14-10-29 07:30
我第一期7分...说多了都是泪

我会告诉你我6分吗

作者: 笔为剑 时间: 14-10-30 12:06

苍州越发表于 14-10-28 15:51
哭死，20分就拿8分，我都不用去考试了

现在得8分，总比考试的时候只拿8分要好吧？

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-10-30 14:23
本帖最后由考研1号编辑部于 14-10-30 14:33 编辑

人云亦云的恩发表于 14-10-24 21:47
What a thought-provking picture it is！A boy who stands on the bottom of a high mountain is climb ...

写作原文

      What a thought-provking （thought-provoking）picture it is！A boy who stands on the bottom of a high mountain is climbing this mountain，holding a stick that helps him climb.（首先，本句未体现出男孩腿脚不便利这一重要特征；其次，本句两次出现mountain和climb，建议换一种表达，以避免用词重复。可改为：A handicapped boy, who stands on the bottom of a high mountain, is trying to reach the peak with a stick.）The boy seems to be tired out but never gives up his goal. As（加the）Chinese characters shown: Perseverance and never giving up.（毅力与恒心为同一概念，且建议使用I am greatly touched by his perseverance.之类的语言，以将图画中的文字巧妙融入到描述中）This phenomenon is pervasive in our society in which we live in（从语法角度而言，应为in which we live或which we live in；建议删除，受汉语影响，与in our society语义重复）.
   （第一段点评：作者在描述图画时，因为想叙述全面，导致过于注重细节而忽视了重要信息——男孩腿脚不便利。须知，这一要素的存在是为了突显男孩的坚持不懈，因此应将其点出。此外，作者在描述图画汉字信息方面稍显生硬，建议不要直接写类似于“图中有几个汉字，写着……”之类的话语，而将其融入到自我感受或者图画寓意之中。同时，本段最后一句话稍显多余，建议删除。）

      As is abundantly clear from the drawing, a（information不可数，删除） vital information can be conveyed—the importance of perseverance. Indeed, for everyone, perseverance, whether it is just in our university or to a diverse society（建议改为in any case），may exert a positive impact on our daily life. For example, in our university, encountering more（此处不强调对比，可改为various）difficulties in the process of researching is a common phenomenon. Yet，the same situation we face have（主语situation为单数，应保持主谓一致，改为has） entirely differencent （different）consequence （前面使用了different，表明不只有一个consequence，应使用复数consequences）resulting from the degree of perseverancing（改为perseverance，其本身即是名词） we exert. Meantime（改为In the meantime或Meanwhile）, in our society，most people just understand the meaning of perseverance, but innovators work conciously（consciously，细心） on their perseverance（with perseverance），and they fellow（改为follow，注意形近词的区别） it through until they prove（加it）practicable. Thesefore（Therefore，细心），most people exaggerate the difficulties and overlook their strength of persevering（介词后可跟名词、代词或动名词，在不强调动作的情况下，当一个词汇即存在动名词又存在名词形式时，用名词形式。且建议改为the power of perseverance）. The perseverance（改为Perseverance，在此表示抽象概念，前不加冠词） is that which（what） can stir us up most and make us the most courageous to do something and be something ourselves（建议改为make a difference）.
      （第二段点评：作者本段论述坚持不懈的重要性，主旨非常明确。需注意以下两点：第一，文章在论述时，给人一种围绕某一方面不断转换语言表达的感觉，并且未能切中要害，致使论述没有力度。建议作者在明确自己论点的基础上，从正反两个方面着手，对比坚持与半途而废的区别，亦可通过举例来加强论证。第二，本段内容逻辑性不强，彼此之间联系不够紧密，论述不集中，且存在衔接不得当的问题，如Therefore, most people exaggerate the difficulties…一句，其前后内容并不存在明显的因果关系。作者一方面需加强自己的逻辑思维能力，另一方面应强化连词的使用。）

      In my opinion，perseverance is not only value but also habit（建议改为perseverance should not be a slogan but a habit）——habit that can be couraged（courage为名词，无动词词性） in society settings，with benifits （benefits）in later life. To be seen as （加a） healthy attitude in our life, the measures are clear（To be seen缺少逻辑主语）:Alaways（Always） remain ourselves of avoiding lazy implication（受汉语影响，表述赘余，建议用stay positive） and cultivate a brave heart. In addition, children should be educated to elude negative outlook（outlooks） by parents and teachers so as not to be misguided，which will bring unanticipated satisfacations（satisfactions） and achieving（help to achieve） further success. All in all, whatever we do, do with perseverance, with the whole mind. It will spur us onto even greater heights.
      （第三段点评：本段作者先重申坚持不懈的重要性，然后给出相关的建议措施，这一写作思路没有任何问题。建议作者在总结之时抓住重点即可，不要陷入细节之中。）

总体点评
作者的写作需注意以下几个方面的问题：
1. 文章字数过多，有284字，需适当删减。在构思和写作的过程中，应分清主次，过滤次要信息。
2. 文章有部分语法错误，如名词的可数与不可数、可数名词的单复数、主谓一致、冠词的使用和从句引导词的使用等问题，需加强相关的语法基础。
3. 在语言表达方面，存在以下两个问题：一是词汇量不够丰富，致使文章一些词汇重复出现，建议作者通过单词积累来对重复的词汇进行同义替换（如“毅力”可以用perseverance, willpower,persistence等），也可以使用相应的代词来替代前面出现的名词；二是文章不少语言受汉语影响，表达不地道，一些地方用语繁琐赘余。在平时的复习中，应积累常用的词组和短语，并通过阅读逐步提升自己的英语思维。
4. 文章有几处单词拼写错误，应细心，并注意形近词的区别。

因此，建议作者在构思时，选取最能体现文章主旨的内容，以有效控制文章字数。同时，在平日的复习之中，总结常用词汇的多种表述，并留意同义替换的方法技巧。此外，注意语法和语言表述等相关问题。只要找到努力的方向，并付诸行动，定能写出更好的文章，加油！

参考分数（满分20分）：7

考研1号编辑部
2014年 10月30日

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-10-30 14:40

笔为剑发表于 14-10-30 10:06
要让考研人写出“he has underwent a leg amputation”这样的句子，难度太大了点吧？
有没有更简单但又 ...

可以使用he is physically challenged来委婉地表达，这一表述适用范围更广，也比较礼貌。[a:38]

作者: 苍州越 时间: 14-10-30 16:36

笔为剑发表于 14-10-30 12:06
现在得8分，总比考试的时候只拿8分要好吧？

作文有啥好建议不笔版我都从暑假就看作文了现在还这样能不让我桑心吗

作者: 笔为剑 时间: 14-10-30 16:39

苍州越发表于 14-10-30 16:36
作文有啥好建议不笔版我都从暑假就看作文了现在还这样能不让我桑心吗

老师不是给你提了很多建议吗？听他的吧。

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-10-30 17:48
本帖最后由考研1号编辑部于 14-10-30 17:52 编辑

xingdeweixiao 发表于 14-10-25 10:12
I was profoundly moved by what I have seen in this picture which is so symbolic and instructiv ...

写作原文

I was（改为am，后面使用现在完成时，时态应保持前后的相对统一，且此处用一般现在时更加合适）profoundly moved by what I have seen in this picture which is so symbolic and instructive. As is apparently demonstrated in the drawing above, the boy seems to（加be，或删除to）tired but never give（改为gives，but在此连接并列的谓语动词） up. Though educational and instructive it may seem at first glimpse, this cartoon does carry rather thought-provoking implications.（educational and instructive与thought-provoking属于同一感情色彩的词汇，前半句与后半句之间没有明显的让步关系，用Though不合适。）
      （第一段点评：作者本段在描述图画时，用过多的辞藻来形容图片给自己的主观感受，如moved,symbolic and instructive, educational and instructive和thought-provoking，而忽视了图画本身的描述，仅用the boy seems to be tired but never gives up一笔带过。须知，图画之所以将人物设定为一个腿脚不便利的男孩，并将事件设定为爬山，是为了突显男孩的坚持不懈。因此，这两大要素都必须有所体现。此外，注意语句之间的逻辑关系，以选取合适的连词。）

      Obviously the drawing mirrors a current phenomenon about the ability of persistence and determination which is both inspiring and thought-provoking.（首先，毅力与恒心属于品格修养，不是能力，与社会现象联系也不大；第二，determination为“决心”之意，而不是“恒心”；第三，定语从句中，系动词使用单数is，表明作者将前面的persistence and determination视为一个概念，而后面又用both（表示两者），前后不一致；第四，此处又出现inspiring and thought-provoking，重复赘余。）There’re（There are）numerous reasons why it is（无实际意义，建议删除或改为for this situation） and I would like to explore the most typically（typical，注意词语的词性） ones. For one thing, with the miraculous economic better-off（better-off为形容词，可改为growth或development）brought about by more than thirty-year of（thirty years of）reform and opening up, people tend to pay more attention to it. For another, there are increasing numbers（加of）people who are realizing（建议使用现在完成时，改为have realized）persistence and determination（删除，persistence和determination为不同概念，且后面用is） is indispensable to us. Undoubtedly, the ability of persistence and determination to us（改为【,which, undoubtedly,】即用非限定性定语从句来避免用词重复。）is just like water to fish and wing（wings）to bird (birds).
      （第二段点评：作者将“毅力与恒心”视为一个社会现象，故而在本段分析现象原因。需注意：“毅力与恒心”属于品格修养类，与永恒哲理类话题一样，应该在第二段论述某种品质的重要性。因此，建议作者将图画的寓意设定为：Obviously the drawing highlights the importance of perseverance，并在此基础之上展开论述。此外，即便是社会现象类，也建议作者不要把任何现象都归咎于改革开放，这种套用模板的内容有太多人使用，并且空洞无物。）

      From what has been discussed above, we may reasonably arrive at the conclusion that all of us should spare no pains to make people know the vital significance of persistence and determination（建议删除）. Only in this way can we lead a harmonious and happy life and make our world dimensional, colorful and vigorous.
      （第三段点评：作者本段对上文予以总结，段落框架没有什么问题，需注意以下两个问题：其一，由于受到第二段的影响，作者给出的总结建议“all of us should spare no pains to make people know the vital significance of persistence”稍显怪异；其二，文章结尾因套用模板句式“Only in this way can we lead a harmonious and happy life…”而有些夸大其词。）

总体点评

文章基本上完成了题目规定的要求，需注意以下几个方面：
1. 描述图画时应包含图画的主要要素，避免出现过多类似于symbolic and instructive之类的词语。
2. 在内容方面，需区分不同类型的话题，根据话题来立意，在此基础之上构思文章的内容。并保证内容前后逻辑连贯，且符合常理。
3. 文章有一些语法错误，注意时态和主谓一致以及名词的单复数等问题。
4. 注意词语的词性。
5. 文章一些地方有模板痕迹，并因此致使部分内容空洞或夸大。

总之，作者首先应加强对不同类型话题的立意和构思能力，在此基础之上组织文章的内容。此外，逐步去除文章的模板痕迹，并加强相关的语法知识，注意词语的词性。只要能突破立意和构思，使文章内容更加充实得当，作者的写作一定会有大的提升，加油！

参考分数（满分20分）：8

考研1号编辑部
2014年 10月30日

作者: Davinci86 时间: 14-10-30 19:22

考研1号编辑部发表于 14-10-30 17:48
写作原文

I was（改为am，后面使用现在完成时，时态应保持前后的相对统一，且此处用一般现在时 ...

老师我在六楼能不能打个分

作者: 人云亦云的恩 时间: 14-10-31 11:38

考研1号编辑部发表于 14-10-30 14:23
写作原文

What a thought-provking （thought-provoking）picture it is！A boy who sta ...

谢谢老师修改我的作文，就您提出的问题，我想提几个问题，希望您有时间帮我解答一下。。谢谢您啦！！

1、关于第二段的一个句子:most people just understand the meaning of perseverance, but innovators work conciously（consciously，细心） on their perseverance（with perseverance），and they fellow（改为follow，注意形近词的区别） it through until they prove（加it）practicable.这个句子是我根据其他的英文文章改写的句子，在文章中作者用的是 on their perseverance 以及没有在prove后面加lt。请问我的句子问题在哪里呢？？
原文是:Everyone gets ideas,but innovators work consciously on thiers,and they follow them throngh until they prove practicable or otherwise.

2.第二段的The perseverance（改为Perseverance，在此表示抽象概念，前不加冠词） is that which（what） can stir us up most and make us the most courageous to do something and be something ourselves（建议改为make a difference）.想请问老师，be something ourselves 怎么用？？
原句是:The best books are those which stir us up most and make us the most determined to do something and be something ourselves。

3.第三段的which will bring unanticipated satisfacations（satisfactions） and achieving（help to achieve） further success. 想问的是，这里用achieving 为什么不行呢？？
原文是:bring unanticipated satisfications and rewarding depths of family closeness。

4.第三段的 To be seen as （加a） healthy attitude in our life, the measures are clear（To be seen缺少逻辑主语）:Alaways（Always） remain ourselves of avoiding lazy implication（受汉语影响，表述赘余，建议用stay positive），想请问，为什么缺少逻辑主语呢？？我是照着原文改写的。。
原文:To be seen as powerful and confident on the job,the rules are clear:Always.......

希望老师有空回答我的问题，再次谢谢啦。。

作者: kai_wx 时间: 14-10-31 13:09

苍州越发表于 14-10-30 11:12
能给我也发下不~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~求指导作文渣

(┯_┯)我也是作文渣～我说的资料就是三篇还凑合的模板～你想要的话给个邮箱我好发你(Д)

作者: 明矾waitac 时间: 14-10-31 13:17

kai_wx 发表于 14-10-31 13:09
(┯_┯)我也是作文渣～我说的资料就是三篇还凑合的模板～你想要的话给个邮箱我好发你(Д)

开开~我中午碎觉梦到自己大作文打了15分…醉了

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-10-31 18:18
本帖最后由考研1号编辑部于 14-11-3 08:22 编辑

kai_wx 发表于 14-10-26 22:06
老师辛苦了~想请老师来看一下这有没有致命错误，以便提前改善，力求稳妥~谢谢老师！！

What an il ...

写作原文

What an illuminating, enlightening and thought-provoking image it is! Featured in the drawing above is that (删除) a man（加who）, in a sweat, holding a stick, is climbing over some steep mountains toward the peak. Though（though用来引导让步状语从句，而此处后面是名词短语，改为Despite of） the harsh realities and tough trail, he resume（改为resumes，注意保持主谓一致） his activity after a bit of rest. Few things could be so symbolic as the illustration（加depicts）. It goes far beyond any reasonable dispute that what the illustrator virtually aims to convey is by no means simple.
      （第一段点评：文章以一个感叹句开篇，然后开始描述图画，这种引出图画的方式较好。但是，作者在描述图画时，忽视了一个重要细节——小男孩腿脚不便利，这是为了突出他的毅力与恒心，因此建议点明。此外，本段对图画的评述性语言过多——“What an illuminating, enlightening…”“ Few things could be so symbolic.” “It goes far beyond any reasonable dispute that...”，建议保留感叹句，删除其他两个句子。）

      What in the world can be inferred from the above cartoon? Indeed, no persistence, no success. Anyone, who has a slack fame（此处想表达什么意思。徒有虚名？这与文章主旨没有关系）, could not obtain the ultimate achievement and accomplishment（建议改为Anyone, without perseverance, could not obtain the ultimate achievement and accomplishment）. As is revealed in a recent survey conducted by Chinese Daily（China Daily）, three fifths of the people confessed that they have a failure to do something（首先，注意保持时态前后前对一致；其次，have a failure to do表述不地道，建议改为confessed that they failed to do something） for absence of perseverance.
     （第二段点评：本段开始使用一个设问句，对图画的寓意进行自问自答，不仅引人注意，且相对比较新颖，值得鼓励。但是，文章在点明图画寓意no persistence, no success之后，仅用“Anyone…”一句展开叙述，然后套用一个没有实质意义的模板句型来补充说明——论述没有力度，内容不够充实。）

      “Prudently and cautiously, lacking of persistence and perseverance may exercise（用词不准确，改为exert）a passive influence on your professional progression”, contends Dr. Bi Ban, a 32-year-old psychologist. It is the responsibility of the schools and families to take the lead in the campaign to promote improving and strengthening their sustainability（promote, improve和strengthen为同向词汇，叠加过多，此外sustainability侧重于“可持续性”，用在这里不合适。）. Meanwhile, each individual should strive to overcome any hardship. I am strongly convinced that anything can be done as long as we have persistence heart（受汉语影响，建议改为we persist或we persevere）.
（第三段点评：本段对上文予以总结，先引用一个“名人名言”，从反面来重申毅力与恒心的重要性，之后给出自己的建议措施。需注意两个问题：第一，不建议编造名人名言来“加强论证的说服力”，这种所谓的名人名言很可能会适得其反；第二，在重申毅力与恒心的重要性和给出建议措施之间应该有适当的过渡衔接。）

总体点评

文章立意正确，结构完整，且采用感叹句和设问句的形式分别引出图画和图画寓意这一方法较好，需注意以下几点：
1. 文章在描述图画时，有过多评述性语言，建议将重心放在图画本身，尤其是能够体现图画寓意的要素方面。
2. 在内容方面，作者面对品格修养类话题有点儿无话可说。分析某种品格的重要性，无非是在论述“这种品质能给我们带来什么”和“没有它会怎么样”，并可以通过具体的例证来加深论述的力度。
3. 文章有一些语句有模板句式痕迹，作者可以从平时的复习中积累好的表达，但是无实际内容的模板句式不建议采用。
4. 文章有部分语法错误，注意区分句子和短语，并保持主谓一致。
5. 文章部分语言受汉语思维影响，表达比较汉化，可通过阅读和积累逐步提升自己的英语思维。
6. 一些语句之间缺乏相应的衔接。

总之，作者的语法基础不错，需着重在文章构思和内容方面下功夫，同时注意段落语句之间的衔接，并通过努力去除文章的模板痕迹，使文章的语言表达更加地道。加油！！！
参考分数（满分20分）：11

考研1号编辑部
2014年 10月31日

作者: Moonriver 时间: 14-10-31 22:56
发之前已经大致检查了一下错误，请老师一定批改一下……拜托。。

What would you do if you’re disabled? Seldom will we choose to make a breakthrough, were we the invalid. While the picture vividly describes, invalid though he is, the sweating youngster who outfitted with an artificial leg, climbing straight upward to the destined mountain top, with a determined expression.
   What a boy! Where there is a will, there’s a way. The will plays an irreplaceable, essential role in the process of overcoming difficulties. It is this juvenile’s action that spurs us on to treasure up the profound meaning of the household saying, rather than reciting it literally. Comparing with us, the wholesome one, his perseverance and willpower becoming more precious. Since a disabled young man can break himself through to chasing after the goal by will, why can’t we?
   Actions speak louder than words. It’s high time we should realize what we learned. Not only should we make up our mind to aim at the purpose stably, but we should also have the will to brace for unknown misfortunes. No matter how difficult the way is, how exhausted we become, the stronger our will is, the more promising results turn out to be. Only by strengthening our willpower, will we harvest a more desirable tomorrow.

请老师指正！能给我个分数么？不胜感激…！

作者: cnblue0730 时间: 14-11-1 06:44

考研1号编辑部发表于 14-10-28 13:33
恩，请耐心等候~

已经星期六了···没被批改到····好伤心啊····老师，能不能就给个分数？看着我买了写作160篇的份上，我妈还多帮我买了一本阅读90篇·······哎·············

作者: ky晚枫 时间: 14-11-1 10:15

kai_wx 发表于 14-10-30 00:15
明天我发几张图给你~我找到那本资料啦~三人行必有我师~我也要向你学习实验和英语~

能给我也发下吗？求指导1

作者: ky晚枫 时间: 14-11-1 10:17

ky晚枫发表于 14-11-1 10:15
能给我也发下吗？求指导1

邮箱941406621@qq.com,谢谢了学友！

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 10:53

_Psyche 发表于 14-10-24 22:55
希望，这次能被老师改到。谢谢老师啦！！！

As is vividly depicted in the cartoon , ...

文章存在以下几个方面的问题：
1.语法方面：【“the disabled is…”——“the+形容词”表示一类人，其后所跟谓语动词为复数，这里应改为the disabled boy is】【with painstaking effort walk the street of the mountain中，effort后面应加to，即用动词不定式短语作后置定语】【perseverance and never give up——and为连词，其前后所连接的成分应该对等】【the spirit of keep going and…——介词后跟名词、代词、动名词，改为the spirit of keeping going，同样的，and后面的动词也应使用动名词形式】【it applies to individuals as in such a competitive world is cracking hard nut and trying to go ahead，本句需理清思路，分清主谓，并保持主谓一致】【whenever problems they faced with——注意引导词和时态，改为whatever they face with】等。
2.语言层面：文章部分表述受汉语影响，如【walk the street of the mountain应为“climb the mountain”，作者可能受图画影响】【never say give up应为“never say never”或“”never give up”】等。
3. 内容层面：文章第二段先点明图画寓意“我们应永不言弃”，然后从正反两面入手，提及坚持和中途放弃两种人，最后一句给出建议措施——存在两方面的问题：第一，文章仅是列出社会中坚持与放弃的两类人，并没有通过对比来得出某种结论（如坚持十分重要），论述不彻底；第二，前面从正反两面进行列举，没有得出结论就直接给出建议措施，思维逻辑跳跃过大。

建议作者着重注意写作思路（可通过仔细阅读稍后的活动总结来学习“品格修养类”文章如何进行构思），同时注意语法和语言表述相关问题。

考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月1日

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 11:31

Davinci86 发表于 14-10-25 00:25
This picture showed that a young climber---carrying heavy bag,bearing angular shoes and using ...

作者在写作之中应着重注意以下几个方面：

1. 文章字数过多，不仅自己写得费力，也直接影响到阅卷老师打分，应适当删减。
2. 注意时态的选取：“This picture showed that…”——考研英语写作中，描述图画一般用相应的现在时态，因此应为This picture shows that，同时注意时态保持前后相对一致。此外，描述现状或一般现象（如A person or a nation who had little willpower and perseverance,did not achieve great vacation.），也使用一般现在时或其他相应的现在时态。
3. 语法方面：【注意冠词的使用，如carrying（加a） heavy bag】【you was going were going to began a hard trip——首先was going和were going重复，其次to后跟动词原形，并且表述不地道；建议改为you are going on a hard trip】【注意动词的主动语态和被动语态，如Chen Jinrun,a famous mathematician,was locked himself——由himself可知是自己把自己锁住，因此应改为Chen Jinrun,a famous mathematician, locked himself】【注意保持主谓一致，尤其是定语从句中的主谓一致，如a small kitchen that include only one window——引导词that指代先行词a small kitchen在从句中作主语，谓语动词应和先行词保持主谓一致；又如It were willpower and perseverance；又如The scientist of two bombs and one satellite were working等等】【注意情态动词的选取】等。
4. 语言层面：第一，语言表述不精准，如bearing angular shoes与图画不是非常契合；第二，受汉语或图画影响，表述赘余，如the road of climbing was very rugged——直接用the road is…；第三，搭配不当，如“with willpower and perseverance which could concentrate our attention on our goals and restrict inferference caused by loneliness and confusing”一句，which代替先行词willpower and perseverance在从句中作主语，但willpower and perseverance并不能concentrate和restrict，主谓意义不搭配，建议改为which could help us to concentrate…
5. 词汇层面：注意词语的词性，如【by loneliness and confusing中，confusing为形容词，应使用名词confusion】。
6. 注意标点符号的使用，如【How did he deal with loneliness and confusing,as he was solving Goldbach conjecture.一句，句末应使用问号】。

总之，作者在构思时应理清自己的写作思路，清楚每一段写什么，选取最能支撑自己观点的内容来组织成文，减少不必要的信息，以有效控制文章篇幅。其次，逐步改善其他的相关问题。

考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月1日

作者: 心宿二 时间: 14-11-1 13:11
求批改~谢谢老师~

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 13:34

paragraph 发表于 14-10-25 01:55
what a enlightenling drawing it is ! As it is depicted , we can see aexhausting but still striving m ...

文章存在以下几方面问题：
1.语法层面：【注意冠词的使用，如a（改为an） enlightenling drawing】【“As it is depicted , we can see”中，首先两种引出图画的表述使用重复，应保留其一；其次as…未掌握，应为“As is depicted（加in the picture）”，或改为“As the picture depicts”】【“Above the picture is a title writed，which we can inferred its intended meaning simply from those words , willpower and perseverance”一句结构混乱，情态动词后应跟动词原形，infer与intended meaning使用重复且用在这里不合适，可改为Above the picture is a caption, which reads：“willpower and perseverance”.】【it's still a difficult decision to make that should we give up , if doom ?同位语从句应使用陈述语气，并注意保证句子的完整性】【因语法问题及表述而导致句意不清，如inner place deep inside our heart so desire it】【as because that（建议把that改为it） is the only wya （way）to keep our hope alive中，as和because重复使用】等。
2.句首单词首字母应该大写。
3.注意单词的词性，如even when we fight exhausted（修饰动词用副词，改为exhaustedly）。
4.语言表述受汉语影响，如there is no deny that it even more unacceptable emotionly that we fighted we lost than we just lost……
5.细心，注意单词的拼写。
6.文章内容叙述逻辑不清（建议仔细阅读稍后发布的第三期活动总结，来学习如何构思和组织文章内容）。

因此，作者目前最需解决的问题是：通过提升自己的语法来更好地组织语言，以使文章表意清晰。

考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月1日

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 13:56

cnblue0730 发表于 14-10-25 09:02
Optimistically and positively, a handicapped boy is making every effort to climb a high mountain, ...

文章先描述图画引出寓意，然后通过举例论证毅力与恒心的重要性，最后重申毅力与恒心的重要性并呼吁大家坚持不懈，这一写作思路没有任何问题，且内容相对而言比较充实。此外，作者的语法基础也较好。需注意以下几方面问题：
1. 注意近义词辨析，如【this nearly（nearly改为almost） incredible goal】。
2. 文章中有部分语言表述不够地道，如【the potential of our mankind 应为human potential】。
3. 注意保持前后时态相对一致，如【Hawking, who suffers extremely serious disease so that the paralyzed muscle makes it impossible for him to control his body except for two fingers. But he became a world well-known physician…前面使用一般现在时，后面用一般过去时，时态不一致。】
4. 注意保持主谓一致，如【…discovering black hole and completing the theory of big explosion of universe, which contributes a lot to astronomy and extend（which在此引导非限定性定语从句在从句中作主语，从句谓语应和先行词保持一致。改为extends） the abstract thinking of humankind——作者前面的contributes使用单数，说明后面的错误为粗心所致，应更加细心】。
5. it’s high time for us that we didn’t give up…中，for us与后面的we重复，应该删除，即改为it’s high time that we didn’t give up…

考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月1日

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 14:15

肉垫发表于 14-10-25 15:04
There is an old saying about persistence that goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with single ...

文章立意和内容没有大的问题，相对而言较好地完成了题目规定的内容，需注意以下几个问题：
1.避免出现细节语法问题：【注意冠词的使用：如begins with（加a） single step】【注意保持主谓一致：如Everyone of us want（主语为everyone，改为wants） to】。
2.注意段落之间的衔接，尤其是第一段和第二段。
3.文章最后一段稍显单薄，需适当扩充内容。
4.注意句中第一个单词首字母大写。

作者的写作基础较好，需更加细心，并在文章收尾处多下一番功夫。在此基础之上，要想取得更好的成绩，可在文章句式方面进行努力，如“In the picture, a disabled boy is climbing the high mountain with his stick. he carries a heavy bag and seems tired out.”一句可以通过定语从句和独立主格结构（或非谓语动词作状语）来丰富句子的语法结构。

考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月1日

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 14:30

心宿二发表于 14-10-25 15:06
As is vividly shown in the picture, a fairly long distance lies between a single-legged man who ...

文章存在以下几点问题：
1.语法问题：【注意区分谓语动词与非谓语动词，如…man who sweating a lot应改为“…man who is sweating…（用定语从句修饰man）”或“删除who（现在分词短语作后置定语，修饰man）”】。
2.表达不够地道，如single-legged应为one-legged。
3.注意词语的词性，如their terrible learn（learn为动词，不可修饰名词）credits，且此表述受汉语影响。
4.文章最后一段字数过少。须知，考研英语写作中，从段落内容的重要性而言，第二段＞第三段＞第一段，相应的，每段的字数多少也应如此。因此，作者应适当扩充第三段的内容。

作者的语法基础较好，只要在文章的构思和内容方面下功夫，定能取得高分，加油！

考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月1日

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 14:50

yingxiaoluo 发表于 14-10-25 15:39
As is shown in the picture, a disable boy who is sweating is climbing the mountain. Although it ...

1.注意词语的词性：如【a disable（disable为动词，动词不可修饰名词，改为disabled） boy】
2.语法方面：【注意时态，如there is a caption which said（改为says） " willpower and perseverance".】【注意倒装句的语序，如not only determination do we need in all walks of life, but also a strong willpower is nothing to be defeated.应为“not only do we need determination in all walks of life, we also need strong willpower which can’t be defeated by anything.”（注意willpower不可数）】【句子缺少主语，如people who are perseverant are so powerful that （加they）can face any problems；又如only by doing so can make us （将make us改为we achieve）more success】【注意区分谓语动词与非谓语动词，如perseverant people never given（改为give）up】【注意介词后所跟成分，如They will insist on solve（改为solving，on为介词，后跟名词、代词或动名词） the problems】【注意情态动词后跟动词原形，如society should to（删除to） encourage citizens（加to） have more and more】等。
3.语言表述受汉语影响，如children are easy to be built characters。

因此，作者最应该注意的是加强自身语法知识的复习，其次建议阅读稍后发布的第三期活动总结来学习如何构思品格修养类文章的内容。

考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月1日

作者: Davinci86 时间: 14-11-1 15:00

考研1号编辑部发表于 14-11-1 11:31
作者在写作之中应着重注意以下几个方面：

1. 文章字数过多，不仅自己写得费力，也直接影响到阅卷老师 ...

谢谢老师的指导

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 15:01

catallena 发表于 14-10-25 18:27
The cartoon illustrates the situation of the climber who is sweating,what’s more,its title is ‘P ...

文章需注意以下几方面问题：
1.文章字数太少，只有121字，应适当扩充文章内容。
2.注意for example和such as的区别。
3.注意句子的完整性和表意清晰。如“The process not the road itself, but rather the perseverance people have as they encounter unexpected obstacles.”一句。
4.注意名词的单复数，如an important factors（前面用了不定冠词an，改为单数factor）。

对于作者所提出的疑问，“品格修养类”文章和“永恒哲理类”文章一样，主体段落重在具体描述某种品质或某个哲理的重要性，可以从正反两面进行论述，同时列举相关例证，这样不至于无话可说。具体怎么操作请详阅稍后发布的活动总结。

考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月1日

作者: Davinci86 时间: 14-11-1 15:23

考研1号编辑部发表于 14-11-1 11:31
作者在写作之中应着重注意以下几个方面：

1. 文章字数过多，不仅自己写得费力，也直接影响到阅卷老师 ...

谢谢老师的指导受益良多特别是细节语法那些搭配都是自己从中文套的没想那么多

作者: yingxiaoluo 时间: 14-11-1 15:38

考研1号编辑部发表于 14-11-1 14:50
1.注意词语的词性：如【a disable（disable为动词，动词不可修饰名词，改为disabled） boy】
2.语法方面 ...

好的。谢谢老师指点

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 15:39

冯信子发表于 14-10-26 12:03
老湿，看我看我~~求批改，求打分~
As can be seen from the picture above, faced with a h ...

文章的立意和内容方面都没有大的问题，需注意以下几个方面：
1.注意同根词辨析，如sweated （改为sweaty）but steady
2. perseverance为抽象名词，一般情况下前面不加冠词。如…be overcomed with the （删除the）perseverance。
3.注意名词的单复数：如one of the most significant scientist（前面用one of，表明有很多个，改为scientists）。
4.注意文章的逻辑衔接，如【“Numerous cases exist to elaborate on this point: the story of Hawking…”一句中，冒号前面为numerous cases（很多例子），冒号后面为the story（一个特定的实例），前后不对等。可在两者之间加上诸如“但是下面的例子更具说服力”之类的过渡句，来衔接上下文意。】

至于作者所提出的疑问，在写作初期，可以适当放慢速度，规避一些不必要的错误。但是，随着练习的深入，提速势在必行，不然到时很可能会出现因未写完而失分严重的现象。然而，在平时的复习中，对于已经暴露出来的问题，在下次写作的时候一定要尽量减少类似错误；可以在立意和构思上面适当投入较多时间，因为内容一旦确定，就很难改正，而语法和拼写等错误在检查时易于发现并改正。

考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月1日

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 15:45

xiang20120814 发表于 14-10-26 14:58
it's apprant that its intended meaning of this cartoon is to underline the significant importance ...

1.本文字数不符合要求，只有106字，与大纲规定的（160—200字）相距较远，应扩充文章内容。
2.考研英语写作一般写为三段，而本文只有一段。
3.其他问题详见79楼对于paragraph的回复。

作者: 心宿二 时间: 14-11-1 15:51
本帖最后由心宿二于 14-11-1 15:57 编辑

考研1号编辑部发表于 14-11-1 14:30
文章存在以下几点问题：
1.语法问题：【注意区分谓语动词与非谓语动词，如…man who sweating a lot应改 ...

说且不论，听读写里面写一直是我英语的弱项，所以能得到老师的鼓励，真的很高兴。
另外，您指出的两点语法错误第一次下笔时是正确的，其实我是想写非限定子句，“sweating a lot”后来鬼使神差的又在前面加了个“who”，结果反而像丢了个“is” ；学分怎么用英语表达忘了，不确定“learn”的词性是否包含名词，一开始是 “learning credits”，后来查了有道词典，有“learn credit”的搭配，我就改了……

作者: catallena 时间: 14-11-1 15:54

考研1号编辑部发表于 14-11-1 15:01
文章需注意以下几方面问题：
1.文章字数太少，只有121字，应适当扩充文章内容。
2.注意for example和su ...

谢谢老师

作者: 心宿二 时间: 14-11-1 15:56

考研1号编辑部发表于 14-11-1 14:30
文章存在以下几点问题：
1.语法问题：【注意区分谓语动词与非谓语动词，如…man who sweating a lot应改 ...

对了，英语一有一年作文也是从残疾人引申，论述合作的，我那时造了single-legged来表达单腿的意思，然后优秀范文里也是用single-legged来表达呀……

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 16:04

開心@ 发表于 14-10-26 15:26
这次又发晚，不懂会不会被老师改到
Whoever sees this cartoo can't hel ...

文章需注意以下几点问题：
1.细心，注意单词拼写，如cartoo应为cartoon。
2.注意词语的词性，如it's difficulty（改为difficult）for him。
3.注意保证主谓一致，如he still adhere （改为adheres to）；又如if he or she work（改为works） hard and never give(gives) up。
4.注意冠词的使用，如perseverance and persistance（perseverance and persistence只需保留一个） is （加a）necessary character for us。
5.注意代词的选择和使用，前后保持一致。如many obstacles are keeping their position in our way to success.With the spirit of perseverance ,they（前面用our way，因此这里应该使用we）can achieve what they（把they改为we） have dreamed for long.
6.状语使用重复，如behind everyone's successful life,perseverance plays a leading role in it（前面已经有状语behind…，因此删除in it）。
7.因谓语动词和非谓语动词混淆而导致一个句子中出现双谓语，如is also a case support（将support改为supporting，即用现在分词短语作后置定语） that…
8.注意名词的单复数，如miracle（改为miracles） can happen to…
9.注意时态的选择，如when everyone else would understand if you fell（改为fall） apart。

考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月1日

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 16:06

心宿二发表于 14-11-1 15:56
对了，英语一有一年作文也是从残疾人引申，论述合作的，我那时造了single-legged来表达单腿的意思，然后 ...

也可以使用single-legged，但是one-legged更常用，西方主流媒体多使用one-legged。

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 16:06

心宿二发表于 14-11-1 15:56
对了，英语一有一年作文也是从残疾人引申，论述合作的，我那时造了single-legged来表达单腿的意思，然后 ...

也可以使用single-legged，但是one-legged更常用，西方主流媒体多使用one-legged。

作者: 心宿二 时间: 14-11-1 16:09

考研1号编辑部发表于 14-11-1 16:06
也可以使用single-legged，但是one-legged更常用，西方主流媒体多使用one-legged。

明白了，谢谢回复！

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 16:10

心宿二发表于 14-11-1 15:51
说且不论，听读写里面写一直是我英语的弱项，所以能得到老师的鼓励，真的很高兴。
另外，您指出的两点 ...

有道字典不可全信，其中收录的不少词汇都源自网络，并不权威。建议安装灵格斯词霸，可以下载很多权威字典，辅助学习。

作者: 心宿二 时间: 14-11-1 16:14

考研1号编辑部发表于 14-11-1 16:10
有道字典不可全信，其中收录的不少词汇都源自网络，并不权威。建议安装灵格斯词霸，可以下载很多权威字典 ...

电脑里有mdit，装了很多词库，不过都是英英词典，贪方便就查有道了

作者: 考研1号编辑部 时间: 14-11-1 16:31

明矾waitac 发表于 14-10-26 16:23
楼上的楼上的楼上们…你们就是群禽兽啊…T.T怎么都写那么快… 要不要给我们这群作文渣留点活路…信不 ...

本文存在以下几个方面的问题：
1.注意标点符号的使用，如“To persevere or not to persevere,that's a question.” Just（改为【”,just】，否则后面的句子不完整）as the handicapped man in the cartoon。
2.注意表达，如and it still has a long distance应改为there is still a long distance。
3.注意保持前后时态的相对一致，如“a deaf and mute American girl,who spent her whole life persisting in her dream.It is not surprising that she finally becomes a famous writer…”一句中，前面spent用一般过去时，后面的becomes用一般现在时，应保持相应一致。

同样的，对于作者所提出的疑问，“品格修养类”文章和“永恒哲理类”文章一样，主体段落重在具体描述某种品质或某个哲理的重要性，可以从正反两面进行论述，同时列举相关例证，这样不至于无话可说。即作者可以把第三段的例证移至第二段中，用以支撑自己的观点；而第三段予以总结，重申其重要性，并指明我们应该怎么做。具体怎么操作请详阅稍后发布的活动总结。

考研1号编辑部
2014年 11月1日

作者: 明矾waitac 时间: 14-11-1 16:36

考研1号编辑部发表于 14-11-1 16:31
本文存在以下几个方面的问题：
1.注意标点符号的使用，如“To persevere or not to persevere,that's a ...

谢谢老师批改~~~看了修改才恍然大悟时态不一致了= =

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