【考研1号】“作文修改”活动——【第四期2005年真题“养老足球赛”+“啃老族”】

    由于考虑到很多考生周一到周五都比较忙，只有周六和周日有时间写作文，因此我们决定以后每周五下午发布新一期活动的话题，以留出充足的时间供大家写作练习。我们不只是对前三名以及后面的作文进行随机修改，并会尽量指出每个考生写作中存在的问题，给出相应的建议。欢迎大家踊跃参加，并鼓励大家互相修改与点评，共同学习和进步！

本期活动也提供两个话题，都与子女和父母的关系相关：一是2005年真题“养老足球赛”，二是《写作160篇》话题“啃老族”，大家择一来写。

话题一：2005年考研真题作文——“养老足球赛”

Directions:

Write an essay of 160-200 words based onthefollowing drawing. In your essay, you should

1.describe the drawing,

2. interpret its meaning,

3. give your comment on it.

You should write neatly on ANSWER SHEET2.(20 points)

话题二：《写作160篇》人际关系类——“啃老族”

Directions:

Write an essay of160-200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay, you should

1. describe the drawing briefly,

2. explain its meaning, and

3. suggest solution to thisproblem.

You should write neatly on ANSWERSHEET 2. (20 points)

免费考研论坛与考研1号联合发起“作文修改”活动要求地址：

http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-840736-1-1.html

【第一期活动地址】

http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-840747-1-1.html

【第二期活动地址】

http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=841724&fromuid=2763297

【第三期活动地址】
http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-842536-1-1.html

抢个沙发~~希望能有进步......选的第二题，辛苦老师了~

Isn't it ironic when a letter from a son to his father only covers one word—money? Just as the picture illustrates, the purpose of the brief letter written by a college student is nothing other than asking his father for more money. Given all this, I can’t help thinking of how upset the father might be.

Unfortunately, this kind of phenomenon is not uncommon nowadays among us college students. Young people go to universities, leaving their parents to run around for the tuition. However, their toil is easily neglected by their children who are so obsessed with the varied college life filled with societies, parties, and love affairs. Yet, are they actually too busy to spare any time for their parents? In general, the answer is no. At the time they are out of money after having fun, their parents who can be asked for money suddenly come up into their mind

It is imperative for us to take effective actions. Considering the complexity and specificity of this problem, enlightening youngsters’ awareness of respecting their parents might be a proper measure. To begin with, universities should offer students moral courses in order to cultivate their consciousness of caring for parents. In addition, related departments need to promote that keeping in touch with parents is a necessary way for young people to strengthen family bonds. Only by doing so can we curb this unharmonious phenomenon implicated in the picture.

抢三楼啦 写了第一篇 请老师批改~老师辛苦了~
因为距离考研时间有限，我写作文的能力又比较弱，我决定我还是走在模板中做出变化的路子

这篇以前写过一次，这次主要是实践一下老师说的“模板句的改写”，想把美丽的模板句化为己有^_^

   As is shown above, a "football match" about supporting parents is going on. In the middle of the scene sits an old man, curling like a football sadly, while his sons and daughter guarding their gates in four corners respectively and all trying to kick their father away. The implication is not only informative, but instructive as well.
  The drawing tells us the harmful phenomenon of moral decline which is prevailing nowadays. Some young people failed to take care of their parents, who raised them up and always love them most, which definitely is their responsibility. First of all, the past decades has witnessed an enormous development in the economy owing to the reform and opening-up policy being carried out, bringing the decline of morality as one of the serious problems at the same time. Last but not least, the ministry of education stresses too much on examination but barely pays attention to morality tuition.
  The diseased situation being so serious, it's high time that we took concrete measures to put this on hold. To begin with, the corresponding laws and regulations should be introduced and enforced to curb and harness this urgent problem. what is more, the quality oriented education need to be emphasize, and we should attached importance to Chinese traditional virtues such as respect the old. Only in these ways, the aged can enjoy their life and attain happiness.

选择的是第一个题目，又得麻烦老师修改了。这次限制了时间，大概用了35分钟左右。

    It goes without saying that the picture aims at reflecting a current social problem：supporting parents is becoming a football match as the caption reads. In the drawing, the ageing father is kicked away from one child to the next, who regard their feeble parent as a football without compassion.
      It is increasingly common for the young to ignorance their parents' need and pay no attention to the elder. Numerous factors have contributed to this phenomenon. On the one hand, with the rapidly development of economy, people are becoming addicted to substance and disregarded the morality. On the other hand, young children have to confront the strain andstress from the competitive world and they are too busy in doing their works to competent enough to take care of their parents. In addition, the morden world is becoming far more competitive than people could bear.
    It is obvious that young children should look after their parents who have already made painstaking efforts to bring their children up. Therefore, effective measures must be taken to avoid this trend. First of all, an educational campaign must be launched to enchance their awareness of offering a good life to the elders. Secondly, relevant regulations and laws must be upgraded by authority to punish the men who abound their parents. Only in these ways can ageing parents live with happiness.

这回来迟了，不知道能不能赶上呢？ 选的第二个， 不管能不能改的到，还是多谢老师们的辛勤工作和无私奉献啦！！

What words would be described your feeling, when you expectantly receive a letter like the picture above, which conveys only one message that your child need money, if you are in the position of a parent? I think the majority of parents may choose to “finance” their “poor” babies willingly without any complaint.

It is indisputable that parents’ love to children is great and holy, but should we consider this question: Does youngsters rely on parents too much? Due to the policy of one child, every family regards the only one child as an apple of the eye and spares no efforts to meet his or her requirements, which shapes them into little emperors or princesses. Compared with the youths in the foreign families, our children are lack of practice in the society and seldom or even never help parents do housework, so it is hard for them to finish work
by themselves and adapt to the circumstance of society. Surely, it is impossible that they can understand how difficult to make money.

From what has been discussed above, only by parents’ and children’s efforts together can this situation be improved. Parents should be sensible enough to cultivate their offspring the awareness of independence, while the youths have an obligation to learn to how to live independently and relieve their parents’ burdens.

选题二
As is vividly depicted,in the middle of the picture lies a simple letter,written by a college student,indicating the requirement in money and the basic form of address.Obviously,the cartoon ,even though it is straightforward and uncomplicated,reveals a significant and momentous social phenomenon.
Relying on parents’ financial support,is a controversial topic,which is formed by a multitude of factors,among which are personality,family,school and so forth,in no country other than China.Above all, the students who are not independent of finance,are also not independent of their studying,living and work,that limit their individual development.What’s more,parents’indulging children does aggravate the appearance of this issue,impelling students taking for granted that parents provide money for them.In addition,the lack of schooling,related with cultivating students’ characteristic of success plays an integral role in students’ dependence.
Being confronted with such a complex phenomenon,it is of urgency for us to take measure to solve it personally,domestically and socially.Improving individual independent awareness,changing parents’attitudes of fending for children,and thus enhancing educational strength and building up related organizations,are all important to such issue.In this way,the boomerang kid phenomenon will be less and less in the near future.

好吧···来晚啦~放眼望去都是我们心理版的小伙伴啊~不知道能不能批改上了，老师辛苦啦~我这次试着拿自己总结的句子写的，尽量没有用模板句，不知道有没有好一点~多谢老师批改~老师辛苦啦~

The NEET group has been the talk of the world ever since the beginning of the Twenty-First Century. As is depicted above, in the middle of the drawing is a letter from a college student， with no words except money, expressing an explicit meaning to his parents. The purpose of this cartoon is to ironize people named the NEET group who just rely on parents to support rather then get job or even look for job.

There are two reasons for the NEET groupˊs thriving. On the one hand, in some cases, parentsˊfondness lead to young peopleˊs laziness. Some parents who reply that We have only one child are missing the difference between fondness and protection. On the other hand, adult children fear to live independently and under pressure. Indeed, pressure usually leads to no good things—torture，depression and even suicide. But it can also be a positive force if it is successfully translated into mental power for maximum independence. For these reasons, the numbers of young NEETs people is increasing sustainably.

The young NEETs are not only burden their families, but also give negative effect to society. We have to take measures to curve this trend. Sometimes years are required for a person to become mature and independent. Parents must first impart independent awareness to their children. And then, children should go a step further, find a part time job in free time. To be sure, the future is not all rosy. But if we have enough preparation for the pressure of living, independence will not be so difficult to us.

悠弥北北 发表于 2013-11-2 12:10
好吧···来晚啦~放眼望去都是我们心理版的小伙伴啊~不知道能不能批改上了，老师辛苦啦~我这次试着拿自己总 ...

不错不错 自己的句子写的挺不错的~~

西南—默默 发表于 2013-11-2 12:35
不错不错 自己的句子写的挺不错的~~

我会告诉你刚被阿甘批完吗？我写了两个小时···他说我这么写下去就等着挂吧···

悠弥北北 发表于 2013-11-2 13:10
我会告诉你刚被阿甘批完吗？我写了两个小时···他说我这么写下去就等着挂吧···

我除了觉得你的部分句子确实需要修改 去掉一些中式英语的感觉之后 没觉得有什么严重的问题啊