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标题: 张剑曾鸣《考研英语最后冲刺8套题》答疑专贴（已经开始作文修改了） [打印本页]

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-24 11:36
标题: 张剑曾鸣《考研英语最后冲刺8套题》答疑专贴（已经开始作文修改了）
（1）由张剑、曾鸣编著的《考研英语最后冲刺8套题》已经全国发行了，目前在全国的大部分城市都应该能购买本套试卷。

（2）今年4月，编辑部在免费论坛开设答疑专贴以来，得到了论坛读者的高度关注和支持，访问次数高达7万多次，提出的问题也上千，这充分说明了论坛的读者有高度的参与热情。希望这种热情一直到考研结束。

（3）编辑部的八套题发行后，论坛很多读者通过短信息希望我们在免费论坛开设一个作文修改的专贴，经与论坛版主协商后，编辑部决定在本论坛开设作文专门修改作文的帖子，同时回答读者在冲刺阶段遇到的问题。请上传作文的同学在论坛用“短消息”告之你购买本套试卷时的学习卡资料，否则编辑部将不会提供作文修改服务。

（3）如果读者不方便在论坛上传作文，也可以通过电子邮件的方式把作文直接传到我们编辑部：电子邮件是：zhangjfpolitic@sina.com或gaojiao2006@163.com。

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-24 12:55
Dear Leader (此为中式英语，建议改为 Dear Sir or Madam,)
I am a graduate of college and an ambitious young man. ( 表达不地道，应表示为college graduate。另外这两个分句可更加简化为I am an ambitious college graduate)

I was very grievous (grievous 是“令人悲伤的”，用来修饰事情，比如a grievous news ，修饰人应用grieved)when I heard that the biggest earthquake ever seen（不符合事实，改为：one of the biggest earthquakes ever seen或the biggest earthquake in recent 30 years of China）was (has，被动语态使用错误)happened in Si Chuan province. The people of Si Chuan Province was (were) sufferring (suffering) from the earthquake. I think that Si Chuan disaster area need（needs） help of all country (all the people of our country).

So(单句中只能用副词therefore, 连词so 只用在从句中) I wound like to apply for a volunteer (apply to be a volunteer或apply for a volunteer opportunity) to service the disaster area of Si Chuan province. I shall be greatly appreciated.（这一句语义不完整，没有说出为什么感激，另外appreciate用成被动表示“被感谢”，与你要表达的意思不符合，可以说 I shall be greatly grateful or I shall appreciate it。建议改为：if you consider my application, I shall greatly appreciate it.）
                                                                                    Yours sincerely,
                                                                                             Li Ming


修改后：
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am an ambitious college graduate.
I was very grieved when I heard that one of the biggest earthquakes ever seen has happened in Si Chuan province. The people of Si Chuan Province were suffering from the earthquake. I think that Si Chuan disaster needs help of all the people of our country
Therefore, I wound like to apply to be a volunteer to service the disaster area of Si Chuan province. If you consider my application, I shall greatly appreciate it.
                                                                                    Yours sincerely,
                                                                                             Li Ming

评析：
这篇文章总的来说，内容较连贯，层次较清晰，语言比较丰富但存在一些基本的语法和词汇错误。比如，谓语和主语的搭配不当，尤其第三人称单数的表达出现的错误较多。还有拼写错误、用词的错误以及不符合英语表达习惯的内容。因此在以后的写作中需要努力掌握词汇的准确用法，注意人称和数的搭配，争取杜绝语法错误。
评分：6

大作文：
    We can see from the picture that a farmer is cultivating a plant, this plant(后半句分句与前句没有连词连接，英语里面多个分句需要连接词语。这里适合用从句，改为：which may be sugarcane) may be sugarcane. This farmer work (works) hard until he feel (feels) thirsty, then he lift (lifts) up his head and drink (drinks) a drip (drop) of water.

It is quite obvious that the drawer wishes to draw our attention to this social Phenomenon: work hard, you will get reward. (引号后面的话缺少必要的连接，work hard, then you will get reward) But (but 是连词，不能用与单句中，改为副词However) every coin has its two sides. Someone argue（some people argue） that even though work hard all the time, you get nothing （even though后掉了主语代词you）and someone believe that so long as you get reward, you will disregard work or not (后半分句表达含义不清晰，改为：others believe that you may get reward without working hard）. I think either opinion was ridiculous and just emphasized reward. That is selfish behavior. (后两句话的逻辑关系不是很清晰，建议改为：both opinions are selfish and ridiculous because they only emphasize reward. )

My opinion is that sometimes you work hard and you may be get nothing, but you can\'t lose your heart (此句逻辑结构不清，建议调整为my opinion is that sometimes you work hard but you still can get nothing. However, you can’t lose your heart). The reward just has not coming in time. (此句为中式英语，建议改为：the reward will finally be received。还可将第一、二句合并，例如：my opinion is that sometimes you work hard but you still can get nothing. However, you can’t lose your heart, because the reward will finally be received) I think a proverb (A proverb reminds me) that God never let industrious person down!

修改后：
We can see from the picture that a farmer, who is cultivating plants, works so hard that he feels very thirsty. Then he lifts up his head to drink a drop of sweet water falling from the crop.
It is quite obvious that the drawer wishes to draw our attention to this social Phenomenon: work hard, then you will get reward. However, every coin has its two sides. Some people argue that even though you work hard all the time, you get nothing and others believe that you may get reward without working hard. Both opinions are selfish and ridiculous because they only emphasize reward.
My opinion is that sometimes you work hard but you still can get nothing. However, you can’t lose your heart, because the reward will finally be received. A proverb reminds me that God never let industrious person down!

评析：
本文基本阐述了图画的内涵，努力工作就会有回报。三个段落结构比较清晰，各个段落内的层次较为分明，语言的流畅性和连贯性有待加强，一些基础的拼写和语法错误反映了基本功的薄弱。
值得提出表扬的是作者在句式的变换上和短语的使用上做出的努力，比如: it is…that…；draw one’s attention; every coin has its two sides；let sb down。
同时需引起作者注意的问题有以下几点:
1.第三人称单数问题。文中需加第三人称单数的地方却使用了动词的原型。这种语法错误需引起重视，在完成作文后，认真检查一遍。
2.从句问题。文中应使用从句的地方未使用从句（第1段第1句）；运用从句出现缺少从句主语的错误（第2段中的even though从句）。建议针对定语从句和让步状语从句做专项练习。
3.句子逻辑结构不清（第2段最后一句，第3段第1句）。良好的语言结构源于思维逻辑的清晰，在写作前，应分析内容间的逻辑关系。
愿你在不断地练习中，有所体悟，有所收获。如能在接下来的一两个月中用心写作，相信获得大小作文总分二十多分的优秀成绩也并非难事！God never let industrious person down!

评分：11分

[ 本帖最后由 peterzjf 于 2008-11-24 16:33 编辑 ]

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-24 16:30
考生八套题第一篇作文习作修改如下：

   As we can see from the picture ,a farmer with some sweets(改为sweats 属于拼写错误) on his face is working hard on the field which plants many rows of corns（field不能与plant构成主谓搭配，另外图片只有一棵玉米，如果用从句表达应该为：field where a corn grows，可以更简单的表述为at the corn field）. He is woking very hard, and opening his mouth, drinking a tip of water fall from the plant.( 1.he is working hard重复了前面的表达，改为名词形式，2. and连接的分句间的逻辑联系不准确，改为下面的因果联系更准确,3 fall应该是非谓语形式，修饰water。The hard work makes him so thirsty that he opens his mouth to drink a dip of water falling from the plant)

   From the drawing, we can easily define what the author of the drawing（the drawing与前文重复，author 不如用painter更恰当） tries to reveal to us :no pain no gain. we（大写）will enjoy the fruit after we make our efforts to do a good job. (时间状语从句不能很好的体现努力与收获的关系，用条件句更好一些we can enjoy the fruit only if we make our efforts to do a good job ) （这两句间缺少连贯，加上in other word）The fruit are made from（用词不当，改为is gained by）our hard work ,not given from(by词语搭配) god.（如果用下一句会有更好的表达效果the fruit is the reward of our hard work, rather than the gift given by god） If we don’t make a endeavor to come true our dream, the only left is poverty（这句话后半句偏离了本段的中心，可以改为If we don’t endeavor , our dream will never come true.）
.

   As a undergraduate, this thought-provoking picture gives me a special inspiration.（独立成分的主语应该跟主语一致，因此应改为I 做主语，全句改为：As a undergraduate, I am certainly inspired by this thought-provoking picture ）All of us are in the golden time of our life,today’s hard work will bring about friuts in future.（这两个分句之间没有逻辑上的联系，含义不明确，应该加入逻辑的过渡：All of us are in the golden time of our life, which we should make most of, because today’s hard work will bring about fruits in future ）It is high time for us to acquire more knowledge and living experiences preparing to create a brighter future. The efforts we made will bring about profitable achievements in future（这句与前一句的逻辑关系不明显I am convinced that the efforts we make will bring about profitable achievements.）. So, let’s do as the old saying: “no pain no gain”.（这句话逻辑关系不清晰，这句格言不能指导我们如何去做；另外，句首应该用副词therefore 而不是连词so。改为：Therefore, let’s remember the old saying :“no pain no gain” and begin to work hard.）

修改后的文章：

   As we can see in the picture, a farmer with some sweats on his face is working hard at the corn field. The hard work makes him so thirsty that he opens his mouth to drink a dip of water falling from the plant.

   From the drawing, we can easily define what the painter tries to reveal to us: no pain no gain. We can enjoy the fruit only if we make our efforts to do a good job. In other word, the fruit is the result of our hard work, rather than the gift given by god. If we don’t endeavor, our dream will never come true.

As a undergraduate, I am certainly inspired by this thought-provoking picture. All of us are in the golden time of our life, which we should make most of; because today’s hard work will bring about fruits in future. It is high time for us to acquire more knowledge and living experiences preparing to create a brighter future. I am convinced that the efforts we make will bring about profitable achievements. Therefore, let’s remember the old saying: “no pain no gain” and began to work hard.

评析：

本文大体上表达了图画的内涵，内容切题，结构比较分明，并积极运用多种语言表达方式。但论证段落里的层次有些乱，语言连贯性有待改善，有一些语法和拼写错误，望加强基本功的练习。

需要注意的是，在第一段图画描述中，作者加入了图画中未曾展现的内容，比如满头大汗，成排的庄稼。而同时作者对图片展现的核心：农民喜悦的享受成果的甘露，则没有突出描写。

在第二段中，作者很精炼地使用一句谚语来总结中心思想。但是，在论证过程中，缺乏更有力的证明，只是将相同内容反复重复。如能加入一些例子的证明，则更有说服力一些。

在第三段中，作者联系到实际生活，说明了图片的意义。结尾处突出中心论点。

分数：12

[ 本帖最后由 peterzjf 于 2008-11-24 16:36 编辑 ]

作者: shijian1650 时间: 08-11-24 17:30
谢谢啦！辛苦啦！

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-24 18:05
小作文：
Dear Sir or Madam,
I’m writing this letter to express my interest in your recently advertised position for (of) a (不用加冠词a) library assistant.
I’m a senior from the Department of Architecture and I have worked in student union (the Student Union). I think I’m able to do it best（表达不地道，英文应表述客观，如：I think I am a suitable person for the position for the following reasons.或I think I am very competent for the job.）First, I usually read kinds of books, I think it will improve my knowledge. (1. kinds of books错误；2. 两个简单句之间应添加连接词；3. 不要经常随意插入“I think”之类的表达，显得很啰嗦，直接表述为I like reading all kinds of books and they have improved my knowledge。) Second, I have worked in a studio. So, I have more experiences than others（1. experience表示“经验”时为不可数名词；2. others指代不清楚，难道比所有其他人都更有经验？I have got much experience form my work in a bookstore.） Beside(表示除……之外，应为Besides或者是Beside that), I’m a very friendly person who can establish rapport with people（different types of people）.（所列的三条理由与本题情景“应聘图书管理员”无密切关联，没有说服力。）I’m looking forward to meeting you in the near future.
Yours sincerely,
Li Ming

修改后：
Dear Sir or Madam,
I’m writing this letter to express my interest in the position of library assistant which you recently advertised on the school’s website.

I’m a senior from the Department of Architecture and I have worked in the Student Union. I think I am a suitable person for the position for the following reasons. First, I like reading all kinds of books and they have improved my knowledge. Second, I have got much experience form my work in a bookstore. Besides, I’m a very friendly person who can establish rapport with different types of people.

I’m looking forward to meeting you in the near future.

Yours sincerely,
Li Ming

评析：
此文首段写明所应聘职位，第二段按要求写了教育及工作经历和应聘的优势。第三段表达了作者对工作的渴求。总体而言，文章的段落结构清晰，层次分明。语言比较流畅。
但文章的句式变换较少，句型过于简单，一些基本的句子结构和用词都出现了失误，在语言基本功方面作者还需要进一步努力。
评分：4分

大作文：
As is vividly revealed in the cartoon, four people are standing on the tree，(on 应改为in。on the tree是指树本身的东西，in the tree是指外部的事物在树上) and make the taller and power, (1. and连接两个并列结构；2. 动词make后缺少宾语；3.句子含义不完整；4. power为名词，使用不当。建议改为：watering the braches in the hope of making it taller and stronger) but the root of it is powerless.（突然转换论述视角，前面以“人”为主体论述，but之后突然转为论述“树根”；而且powerless使用不当，应该为：leaving the weak and thin root without care.）By contrast, there is another on (拼写错误，应为one) under the tree, and bring water (浇水应为pour water/spray water，或者可将water做及物动词使用) on the root.(这个分句不能与前一个分句there be句型构成并列结构。修改1：添加主语，改为and he is pouring water on the root. 修改2：不使用表示并列结构的连词and，改为分词结构做状语，pouring water on the root.)

Undoubtedly, the cartoon has symbolically revealed a serious problem in our daily life. Some parents don’t weight the foundation of education but weight the investment of it. (weight表示“重视”时一般用名词短语，如：give weight to, attach weight to，建议改为：Some parents attach great weight to the investment of education but less weight to the foundation of it.) In other words, they more (副词应位于动词词组后, 或者使用put more emphasis on sth，这样表达更地道。) emphasize the result of the studying （中式英语，“学习成绩”多表达为academic achievements）, and （此处为转折关系，应改用but）disregard the stress of their children. For instance, the（泛指“父母”不要加冠词）parents often bet (动词使用错误，应改为：request sb to do sth) their children study many sorts of knowledge and hope (加上that) they will be able (加上to) do best (短语应为：do one’s best) in every aspect. But they disregard the children’s feeling. (表示“情感”时，用复数形式：feelings) As a result, it leads more and more students’ suicide or leave home, (问题1：lead 表示“原因”后面需加to。问题2：lead to 后接sth，或者是lead sb to sth。正确的写法为：it leads more and more students to suicide or leaving home) because they don’t (can’t) undertake (undertake一般和task、work、project、commitment、study、activity、obligation等搭配。表示“承受”压力，可使用withstand、 bear) the stress that parents give. (前面已使用as a result, 此处不应再用because, 建议改用定语从句：who can not withstand the stress that parents give )

In my opinion, it is imperative for us to take measures to reverse the disturbing tread (trend) illustrated in the cartoon. First and foremost, the parents must give more free time to their children. Furthermore, the children should have a positive idea. Last but not least, they must deal with something under the stress.（1. 去掉the, “在压力之下”应为：under stress。如果想指明具体的压力是什么，则可用under the stress of sth。2.这两句话给人以草草收尾的感觉，表意含糊，未说清楚什么样的positive idea，如何在压力在处理事情，处理什么事情？）

修改后：
As is vividly revealed in the cartoon, four people are standing in the tree，and watering the braches in the hope of making it taller and stronger, leaving the weak and thin root without care. By contrast, there is another one under the tree, pouring water on the root.

Undoubtedly, the cartoon has symbolically revealed a serious problem in our daily life. Some parents attach great weight to the investment of education but less weight to the foundation of it. In other words, they emphasize the academic achievements more / they put more emphasis on the academic achievements, but disregard the stress of their children. For instance, parents often request their children to study many sorts of knowledge and hope that they will be able to do their best in every aspect. But they disregard the children’s feelings. As a result, it leads more and more students to suicide or leaving home, who can not withstand the stress that parents give.

In my opinion, it is imperative for us to take measures to reverse the disturbing trend illustrated in the cartoon. First and foremost, the parents must give more free time to their children. Furthermore, the children should have a positive idea. Last but not least, they must deal with something under stress.

评析：
本文大体表达了图片的内涵，指出了树枝的寓意为学习成绩（the academic achievements），浇灌树枝是对学习的投入（investment of education）。而树根的寓意作者未能明确地阐释，仅仅指出是学习的基础（foundation of it），孩子们的压力（stress of their children）。从图片的文字中，我们可以很清楚的知道树根的寓意为：心理健康（psychological health），浇灌树根实际上是：心理辅导(psychological guidance)。
段落方面，文章的结构清楚，层次分明。
语言方面，文字基本连贯，句式有一定变化，但句子结构和用词均出现多次错误，尤其在用词方面，建议作者不仅要知道一个词的意思，还要清楚它的搭配或者固定用法，才能正确运用一个词。
评分：10分

作者: wlbj81 时间: 08-11-25 10:49
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作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-25 17:22
小作文：
Dear Miss Wang,
Your manager, Mr（Mr.） steward(Steward) will go to shanghai on business next Saturday for a meeting with the government of Shanghai.(表达不恰当，改为for a meeting with government officials there) He should get there no later than 11:00 am that day. The changjiang(专有名词要大写Chang Jiang) hotel is right for him because of the distance（表达不清楚，要么完整表达为because it is near to the meeting site，要么间接表达为because of its convenience）. So, please call the airport and book the plane ticket of 8:00am (这半句与前一句并不构成因果联系，调整语序见下面的改后段落)that day and advance(订房间，一般用book) a room in changjiang（ChangJiang,第二次提到时最好用代词，避免重复）hotel. By the way if the room of hotel is full(这个表达不准确，可以用the rooms of the hotel are fully booked , 或者they are full,此外注意单数可数名词前一定要用冠词) please make another right option.
Additionally, the meeting will last 3 days or longer, so please describe it clearly (这两句之间并非因果关系，而且陈述句和祈使句混杂，改为which you need to mention) when booking the room. And the return plane ticket should also be concerned（用词不当，改为arranged）.
Thank you!
Liming

修改后为：
Dear Miss Wang,
Your manager, Mr. Steward will go to shanghai on business next Saturday for a meeting with government officials there. He should get there no later than 11:00am that day so you should book the plane ticket of 8:00 am for him. The ChangJiang hotel is right for him because of its convenience and therefore it is nice to book a room in that hotel. However, if the rooms of the hotel are fully booked, please make another right option.
Additionally, the meeting will last 3 days or longer, which you need to mention when booking the room. And the return airline ticket should also be arranged.
Thank you!
Liming

评析：
本文涵盖了主要信息，表述基本正确，符合基本格式。个别地方语言运用的不准确，逻辑连接的不连贯。希望以后能注意英语的正确表达习惯。
评分：6

大作文：
What the cartoon revealed （这里不需要用过去时，reveals）is a thought-provoking phenomenon, (这里应该断句，或者用冒号引出下文)with some writing materials,（意思表达的不清楚，可以表示为when some messages come,） the mobile phone is ringing and on its screen, some words appear:” reading garbage messages…(句子不完整，garbage message is being read..”)
The purpose of the cartoon is to betray （betray指 “出卖；泄露信息或情感”，用在这里不合适，用show 就可以了）us that due attention has to be paid to garbage message especially for students. (especially for 是指对前文提到的一大群人的论述同样适用于特定的人群，比如：garbage message is a problem for all of us, especially for students)With the growth of economic （economy）has come mobile-times(用information age更恰当) . One can be communicated （用词不当，应该用contacted） no matter where he is, which severely disturbed (这里也没有理由用过去时，disturbs) students’ process of study. Frankly, some of the messages are useful, but most of them are of no use. One’s thought-line can be easily moved away by these garbage messages.(表意不清楚，one can be easily distracted by these garbage messages).
As a consequence, some effective measures must be taken to prevent this from going worse. On one hand, some regulations must be set up to limit the number of garbage from China-mobile and China-union. (意思表达的不清楚，可以改为some regulations must be set up by China-mobile and China-union to limit the number of garbage messages)On the other hand, we should evoke our awareness (表达错误，用 be aware)of this serious situation which will lead us to run wild（表意不清）. Only in these ways, in my views, can our environment of study be more pure (比较级用的不对，purer).

修改后：
What the cartoon reveals is a thought-provoking phenomenon. The mobile phone is ringing and on its screen, some words appear: garbage message is being read…

The purpose of the cartoon is to show us that due attention has to be paid to garbage messages.With the growth of economy has come the information age. One can be contacted no matter where he is, which severely disturbs students’ process of study. Frankly, some of the messages are useful, but most of them are of no use. One can be easily distracted by these garbage messages.

As a consequence, some effective measures must be taken to prevent this from going worse. On one hand, some regulations must be set up by China-mobile and China-union to limit the number of garbage messages. On the other hand, we should be aware of this serious situation. Only in these ways, in my views, can our environment of study be purer.

评析：
本文有一些句式和词语的变化，结构比较清晰，但是联系实际的范围太窄，只写了对学生的影响，论证没有力度，存在一些中文式的表达，时态也需注意。
希望你加强对图片的分析训练，积累标准的英语表达，仔细检查时态的用法。
评分：8
你来信提到是否打草稿的问题，因为你现在写作文已经需要50分钟，可能完整的打草稿时间不够。但从你的文章来看，有不少语言小错误，所以检查十分必要，着重检查拼写、时态是否正确，意思表达是否清楚。此外，针对语序安排不够合理、逻辑推理的不够严密的问题，建议你列出提纲，规范自己的思路。

作者: shijie2009 时间: 08-11-25 18:52
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作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-26 10:55
标题: 回复 #11 peterzjf 的帖子
小作文

Dear sir or madam:
  I am writing to express my dream of being a volunteer in Sichuan Province. On the May 12rd（不需要定冠词，改为：May 12th或May 12）, an uncommon earthquake broke out in Sichuan. Thousands of people died and more hurt（应该是“受伤”got /were hurt）. From the TV, I got the information that amounts（前面应该有形容词，改为large/significant/huge/considerable amounts）of volunteers are（主句用过去式，从句应该用过去式的相应形态，改为were）need (needed)to service at the disaster area. I think I am obliged to go to help them. As a college student, my major is medicine（这句话逻辑有问题：作为一名大学生，我的专业是医学？As伴随状语的逻辑主语a student与主句的主语my major不一致，改为：I am a college student and my major is medicine.）So I can work as a doctor assistant or a nurse. （不如与上一句合并为：As a college student majoring in medicine, I can work as …）And I can do any other jobs, too.
  I will be very grateful, if you grant me an interview.
                                                         Yours,
                                                         Li Ming
评析：
本文涵盖了需要表达的所有要点，表达自然流畅，但在时态和语态等方面有少量错误。
评分：8

修改后：
Dear sir or madam:
  I am writing to express my dream of being a volunteer in Sichuan Province. On May 12, an uncommon earthquake broke out in Sichuan. Thousands of people died and more got hurt. From the TV, I got the information that large amounts of volunteers were needed to service at the disaster area. I think I am obliged to go to help them. As a college student majoring in medicine, I can work as a doctor assistant or a nurse. And I can do any other jobs, too.
  I will be very grateful, if you grant me an interview.
                                                         Yours,
                                                         Li Ming

大作文
The drawing expresses（用词不当，改：describes/shows）a satisfied farmer enjoys（前面已经有了谓语expresses，因此这里不能再用动词enjoys，改为：enjoying或who enjoys，做后置定语修饰先行词farmer）the gains of his corn. The farmer is exhausted but pleased. As an old saying goes: no pains, no gains.
It is widely accepted that wealth is the root of happiness. Many persons are thirsty for wealth, but afraid of pay (介词后面应该用动名词，改为paying) for that. They have the dream of being rich men without working. But, the dream will never come true. First, working is the source of wealth. It is the labour that creates the value. Another reason is that individual（用词不当，这个词指“个人，个体”，这里用泛指词a person或people）only know （knows）the value through work. If a man gets a lot of money easily, he will spend it quickly. Because they don’t value it.（这句子有两处问题：1 代词的不统一; 前句用的a man，这句话不应该用复数代词，2 这是个原因状语从句的表述，不能单独成句，因此需要和前句整合，可以修改为：a man, who gets a lot of money easily, will spend it quickly, because he doesn’t value it.）The least but not the last, the world is fair, （这个地方应该断句或者用“：”引出下文）everyone obtain (earns/receives) pay for their work(表达得不清楚,改为their payment according to their work), and the boss will never pay much for lazy guys.
So, in my view, wealth plays an important role in our life, but the only way to obtain wealth is hard working. And we will not only enjoy the wealth, but also the happiness that we can create wealth. (这层意思在前文没有论述)

评析：
本文论述结构清楚,第一段用凝练的语言对图片进行了描写;第二段从反面开始论述,结构合理,过渡自然;第三段进行总结。全文语言表述自然流畅，句式丰富，但是论述的范围比较窄,思维仅局限在了“财富的获得”上。如果之间有从共性到特例的过渡,文章的论证会更有力。
另外有一些问题值得注意:第三人称单数的表达；从句的运用；文章内容的统一性。
评分:13

修改后的文章:
The drawing expresses a satisfied farmer who enjoys the gains of his corn. The farmer is exhausted but pleased. As an old saying goes: no pains, no gains.
It is widely accepted that wealth is the root of happiness. Many persons are thirsty for wealth, but afraid of paying for that. They have the dream of being rich men without working. But, the dream will never come true. First, working is the source of wealth. It is the labour that creates the value. Another reason is that a person only knows the value through work. A man, who gets a lot of money easily, will spend it quickly, because he doesn’t value it. The least but not the last, the world is fair: everyone obtains their payment according to their work, and the boss will never pay much for lazy guys.
So, in my view, wealth plays an important role in our life, but the only way to obtain wealth is hard working.

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-26 11:09
As is vividly betrayed （betray 是指“出卖；泄露信息或情感”，用在这里不合适，用shown 就可以了）in the picture above, four children standing (这里应该用谓语形式are standing)on the top of the tree in order to watering (不定式后应该用动词原形，改为water) the leaves, while only one child are (is)watering the root of the tree. The far-reaching picture reflects a common phenomenon in today\'s society: nowadays, people are too concerned with the hardness study (应该用形容词修饰名词，泛指不需要定冠词，改为hard study) while ignore（while后要么接句子，要么接分词，改为while ignoring）the importance of mental health, which plays the role (应该把什么样的作用表达出来，改为plays an important role)in a person\'s growing.
The implied meaning (下面谈了不止一个意思，应该用meanings)of the picture above can be illustrated as follows. First of all, with the rapid development of competitions, more and more students have to study hard in order to catch up with others. Most of them join（用词不当，改为attend）various kinds of out school class (out-of-school classes) so as to improve their study grade(“学习成绩”用academic records或school records或academic achievements，注意这里用名词的复数形式). In addition, the society is too concerned with book study and totolly （totally）ignore（ignores）the healthy of the student\'s mental health（一个分句里出现了两次health显得重复，直接用students’ health）. (这一句与前一段表述得太雷同，换一种表达效果会更好：the society only pays attention to book learning and takes the students’ mental health without any consideration )As a consequence, certein part of（拼写错误certain，“某些部分”？）audlts (adults) have mental disease (diseases). And no issue is as basic to build up society（“社会”是特指，要加定冠词the society） in the harmony（抽象名词不加定冠词harmony） as to improve the audlts\' (adults’) mental healthy(这里应该用名词health).（前面都是论述“学生”，突然开始提到“成人”，很突兀）
From what have been argued above, people should come to realize the importance of mental health in a （an）audlt\'s (adult’s) growth. It is, therefore, necessary that some effective measures should be taken to change such a situation. To begin with, the goverment (government) should make laws or regulations to reduce the pressure from school(表达意思不完整，改为：the pressure put on students from school). forther more (Furthermore), psychology classic (心理课程应该表述为psychological classes) should be launched in campus or schools(重复，in the campus和at school只留一个就行了). Only in these ways, can the young audlts (adults) growth (这里应该用动词形式，改为grow up)well and build up a harmony and healthy society.(后一分句与前一分句的主语不一致，不能这样并列，应该改为a harmonious and healthy society be built up)
评析：
本文逻辑清晰，结构合理，但语言表达上的一些问题影响了文章的总体效果。
出现的问题主要体现在动词和名词的运用，以及一些句式运用上。在动词方面：第三人称单数形式经常没有体现；有些句子存在没有谓语的现象；谓语与主语的数不搭配；名词的问题主要表现在，名词的复数表达被忽视；名词的修饰成分不正确。
另外拼写错误比较多。
评分：10
修改后的文章：
As is vividly shown in the picture above, four children are standing on the top of the tree in order to water the leaves, while only one child is watering the root of the tree. The far-reaching picture reflects a common phenomenon in today\'s society: nowadays, people are too concerned with hard study while ignoring the importance of mental health, which plays an important role in a person\'s growing.
The implied meanings of the picture above can be illustrated as follows. First of all, with the rapid development of competitions, more and more students have to study hard in order to catch up with others. Most of them attend various kinds of out school classes so as to improve their school records. In addition, the society only pays attention to book learning and takes the students’ mental health without any consideration. As a consequence, some students have suffered from mental diseases. In fact, no issue is as basic to build up the society in harmony as to improve students’ mental health.
From what have been argued above, people should come to realize the importance of mental health in a student’s growth. It is, therefore, necessary that some effective measures should be taken to change such a situation. To begin with, the government should make laws or regulations to reduce the pressure put on students from school. Furthermore, psychological classes should be launched at school .Only in these ways, can the young adults grow up well and a harmonious and healthy society be built up.

[ 本帖最后由 peterzjf 于 2008-11-26 11:16 编辑 ]

作者: 新路女孩 时间: 08-11-26 12:41
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作者: tita89 时间: 08-11-26 13:35
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作者: athe 时间: 08-11-26 15:57
值得学习学习啊

作者: athe 时间: 08-11-26 15:57
收藏一下,一会慢慢看

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-26 16:33
小作文
Dear Sir or Madam:
I am wrting (writing) this letter to recommend myself to your department because I eager(eager是个形容词,不能直接用做谓语,加上动词,改为: am eager) to become a volunteer.
The earthquake in SiChuan Province have (应该用第三人称单数:has) destoried (destroyed) WenChuan county town and make (与前面谓语动词构成并列关系,因此也应该用完成时,改为made)so many people homeless. When I was watching all of these from the TV news. (这是个时间状语从句，不能独立成句，将句号改成逗号。)I have decide to do something for these people who need help.(主句和从句时态应保持一致，整个句子修改为: When I was watching all of these from the TV news, I decided to do something for those people who needed help) I am sure to be as successful in take (介词后面应该用动名词,改为:taking) tender care of the survivor (survivors)from the earthquake and give (与前面分句并列做in的宾语,也应该用动名词,改为giving)the hope and love to them.
Please consider my application. Thanks for your attention and hope to receive your reply.
                                                            Sincerely yours,(加逗号)                                                                LiMing
修改后的作文:
Dear Sir or Madam:
I am writing this letter to recommend myself to your department because I am eager to become a volunteer.
The earthquake in SiChuan Province has destroyed WenChuan county town and made so many people homeless. When I was watching all of these from the TV news, I decided to do something for those people who needed help. I am sure to be successful in taking tender care of the survivors from the earthquake and giving the hope and love to them.
Please consider my application. Thanks for your attention and hope to receive your reply.
                                                            Sincerely yours,
                                                               LiMing
评析:
本文总的来说,层次清晰,意思表达的比较自然.但存在一些基础性的错误.希望留心细节，努力做到以下几点:1.从句的结构要完整; 2. 并列结构中,谓语的形式要相同; 3. 动词的形式要正确，尤其应该注意非谓语的动词形式；4. 避免拼写错误
评分:5
大作文

   How impressive the cartoon is in describing an instructive principle concerning pain and gain. As is shown in the picture, a farmer is drinking the sweet drop from the crop which is planted and cultivated (无意义的重复，建议去掉一个)by him. We can deduce from the picture that you should pay hard work (表达不地道,改为:work hard) before you have gain（gains）. If you do not pay attention to (表达不恰当，“注意工作”——>“努力工作”，改：devote yourself to) your work,you will never got (get) what your needs. ( 第二人称后面接动词原形you need)
There is an old saying, :no gain without pain. It’s the experience of our forefather(这里用复数比较好,forefathers). However, some people adhere to the principle that to be the first to enjoy comforts and the last to working,( 1.that引导的同位语从句应该是结构完整的句子. 2.不定式后接动词原形。改为: that it is to be the first to enjoy comforts and the last to work), they abandon themselves to take luxurious pleasures. (1. 后一分句与前一分句缺少连词连接； 2 “纵情于享受”用indulge themselves in luxurious pleasures 3.补充abandon的用法：做名词时才有“放纵”的意思；abandon oneself to something表示 “陷于某种情感”)I do not agree with them. Just as seen from this cartoon, we must persist in working hard to earn our living. Moveover,(Moreover) we can get on in life with it.(意思表达不清楚) Take Xu Sanduo as an example, :his hard training take (takes) him to join the Top-A army unit. （something takes somebody to …这个短语指使某人达到某个层次，这里的to是介词，不是不定式标志，后面不能跟动词原形，而应该接名词短语;改为：the Top-A army unit）Although he is a fictional character in the (这里用定冠词不合适，改为：a) teleplay, we can learn much from his story.
To sum up, like the sweet drop in this cartoon, we will (类比的对象不对称，改为: just as the farmer in this cartoon gets the sweet drop, so we will)get what we want after we had paid hard working. (have worked hard.) We should have know (1. know 的过去分词是known; 2 should have done 表示该做的还没有做,用在这里不恰当; 3. know 是及物动词,要跟宾语改为: should know it) better,(没有进行比较的对象,不用比较级,直接去掉) Labor creates the world and our life.(可以与前一句合并,参看完整的修改意见)
修改后为:
How impressive the cartoon is in describing an instructive principle concerning pain and gain. As is shown in the picture, a farmer is drinking the sweet drop from the crop which is planted by him. We can deduce from the picture that you should work hard before you have gains. If you do not devote yourself to your work, you will never get what you need.
  There is an old saying: no pain, no gain. It’s the experience of our forefathers. However, some people adhere to the principle that it is to be the first to enjoy comforts and the last to work and they indulge themselves in luxurious pleasures. I do not agree with them. Just as seen from this cartoon, we must persist in working hard to earn our living. Take Xu Sanduo as an example: his hard training takes him to the Top-A army unit. Although he is a fictional character in a teleplay, we can learn much from his story.
To sum up, just as the farmer gets the sweet drop in this cartoon, so we will get what we want after we have worked hard. We should know that labor creates the world and our life.

评析:
本文基本阐述了图画的内涵，努力工作就会有回报。三个段落结构比较清晰，各个段落内的层次较为分明，语言也比较流畅和连贯。值得表扬的是，本文运用了丰富的词汇和短语：比如：impressive，instructive， deduce from, adhere to …反映了作者比较好的语言功底。而且举例新颖生动
同时下面的问题需要引起注意：
1．有些不符合英语表达习惯的表述；
2．个别意思表达不清楚;
3．有些词组的用法不正确;
4．从句结构不完整。
评分: 15

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-26 17:35
6套题精选作文一
The cartoon depicted (此处不需要用过去时，改为depicts) a strange scenario (这个词语的意思是“设想，预测；故事梗概”，用在这个地方不恰当，可以用scene) that four people are standing high up on the tree, pouring water to the banches(拼写错误，应为branches), while the other one （another）man , watering the roof (拼写错误，应为：root)on ground（the ground）, is shouting at them. Pherhaps （Perhaps）, as we may guess, he is asking them for help. With a more careful survey, besides, we may also find the trees (tree) extremely odd for the bottom trunk is rather too slim to afford (这个词表示”承担”时，是指 “承担某事的后果”，用在这里不合适，改为support) the whole tree’s weight. As is implied by the characters, the branches are the symbol of learning, and the roof (root) stands for psychological coach.
It is without doubt that the cartoon aims at addressing a common problem prevailing in today’s schooling, that is, negligence of students’ mental health. As the competition among peers become（主语和谓语的数量上不搭配，改为competition… becomes 或者competitions … become）more and more fierce alongside the pressure of future employment, both teachers and puarents （parents） place much emphasis on the students’ learnings. They, unfortunately, neglected (时态要保持一致，前面用一般现在时，这里没有理由用过去时，改为neglect) a (an)even more important aspect as a result - their mental health. Nowadays, more and more students run away from home, commit suicide, and （and 表示所有条件都满足，这么多事情不可能同时发生在一个人身上，改为or）take drugs. It’s partly due to the pressure of study and examinations, meanwhile, （and）partly due to the lack of adults’ care and help. Young students, especially the teenagers ,who are typically at the cross of life and always confused about life, are likely to take the wrong way without parents’ or teachers’ guide (guides), let alone high scores and great colleges(意思表达得不清楚). The tragedy of Wang Dan, a 15-year old girl who poisoned her classmates and then killed herself, should have given us (should have done 表示应该做而未做的意思,用在这里,语气不正确,改为:should give )a serious lesson, that stroke (struck) us heavily (副词用的不准确,深深触动用deeply). (最后一个定语从句实际上是修饰的tragedy,但放在句末,会错认为是修饰lesson;但主语两个名词分别各有一个分句修饰,会显得句子过于复杂,可以把一个修饰从句改为前置定语,改为: the striking tragedy of Wang Dan, a 15-year old girl who poisoned her classmates and then killed herself, should give us a serious lesson)
It’s high time for the whole society to pay close attention to the issue.
修改后的作文:
The cartoon depicts a strange scene that four people are standing high up on the tree, pouring water to the branches, while the other one man, watering the root on ground, is shouting at them. Perhaps, as we may guess, he is asking them for help. With a more careful survey, besides, we may also find the tree extremely odd for the bottom trunk is rather too slim to support the whole tree’s weight. As is implied by the characters, the branches are the symbol of learning, and the root stands for psychological coach.
It is without doubt that the cartoon aims at addressing a common problem prevailing in today’s schooling, that is, negligence of students’ mental health. As the competitions among peers become fiercer and fiercer, alongside the pressure of future employment, both teachers and parents place much emphasis on the students’ learnings. They, unfortunately, neglect an even more important aspect as a result - their mental health. Nowadays, more and more students run away from home, commit suicide, or take drugs. It’s partly due to the pressure of study and examinations, meanwhile, partly due to the lack of adults’ care and help. Young students, especially the teenagers ,who are typically at the cross of life and always confused about life, are likely to take the wrong way without parents’ or teachers’ guides. The striking tragedy of Wang Dan, a 15-year old girl who poisoned her classmates and then killed herself, should give us a serious lesson.
It’s high time for the whole society to pay close attention to the issue.

评析:
本文内容切题,安排合理, 举例论证生动贴切。文章通顺连贯,语言流畅. 句式多样,表现出驾御长句的语言功底。个别不妥当之处表现为: 有一些拼写错误, 个别词用的不准确, 第三人称单数和名词复数被忽视. 另外时态还需要注意. 多注意细节上的问题,减少失误. 在文章安排上,图片的描写过长,建议以后凝练概括一些.
评分:15

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-26 17:41
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying for the library assistant which you advertised on our college’s website this morning. I am a postgraduate of Construction and Engineering Institute, on the Bridge and Channel major (and major in Bridge and Channel). Before I studied in the institute, I had been working in China Construction Group for two years.

Although my major is not relate to (related) the library (中式英文，“专业”不可能与“图书馆”这个具体事物相关，改为library management之类的表达), I know the definite demands（由于写信目的是申请职位，因此光“知道要求”是不够的，建议改为：I am confident that I can meet the demands）of this position such as（on）
excellent computer ability and working carefully in (1. 表示“做工作，干活” 应使用work at sth。2. 动名词与前面的名词不能构成并列结构,应改为: carefulness in ) recording the book’s(书本不是特指,不用定冠词,改为: books’) information. Moreover, I had been（与下文when引导的时间状语从句的时态不一致）engaged in library assistant （搭配错误，be engaged in sth只能表示“忙于做某事情”，改为：worked as library assistant）when I studied my bachelor degree (“修学士学位”的正确表达应为：studied for a bachelor degree). Accordingly, I think I am a good candidate for the position.

I really appreciate (appreciate是及物动词，加上it) if you would consider my application, and if you have any question you can contact me at 13011112222. Thank you for your time.

Yours sincerely,

Li Ming

修改后：
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying for the library assistant which you advertised on our college’s website this morning. I am a postgraduate of Construction and Engineering Institute, and major in Bridge and Channel. Before I studied in the institute, I had been working in China Construction Group for two years.

Although my major is not related to library management, I am confident that I can meet the demands of this position on excellent computer skills and the carefulness in recording books’ information. Moreover, I worked as library assistant when I studied for my bachelor degree. Accordingly, I am a good candidate for the position.

I really appreciate it if you would consider my application, and if you have any question you can contact me at 13011112222. Thank you for your time.

Yours sincerely,

Li Ming

评析：
本文结构清晰，层次分明。文字表达流畅。句式上有变化，句子结构和用词的准确性有待提高，建议平时多翻字典，弄清楚每个词的正确用法。
评分：6分

大作文
The scene which was reflected in the given cartoon is worried. (worried的意识是“担忧的”，显然此处要表达的是“令人担忧的”，应使用worrying。) Four students climbed to the top of the (a) tree, and watered the leaves. However, they neglected that the under trunk was reducing (1. “下面的树干”应表达为the lower part of the trunk。2.reducing用词不当，建议改为withering). They thought the tree will (would) flourish if they take (took) care of the leaves. (2~4句衔接不自然，建议修改为：Four students climbed to the top of the tree, and watered the leaves in the thought that the tree would flourish if they only took care of the leaves. However, they totally neglected that the lower part of the trunk had become withering.)Fortunately, the teacher who was under the tree prepared to introduce some mental guidance to them. (此句将图片内容和图画寓意混在一起表述了，建议改为：Fortunately, the teacher under the tree poured water to the weak trunk and took care of it. ) The deep meaning of the cartoon was (加上that) these students ignored the mental health when they were learning. (learn多做及物动词，改为studying)

Obviously, the painter aimed to reflect（reflect的主语是sth，不能是人，改为：show/point out等） the serious situation among students: lacking of mental health.(表达错误，改为：their mental health has been at risk) Today, with the increasing pressures on (from) learning (改为studying) and job hunting, the news of (去掉the news of，下文problem直接可以与report搭配，news多余） student\'s mental problem (问题不是一个学生的,学生应用复数，改为students’ mental problem) are reported always (1. 语法正确的表达方式是：is always reported；2.“随着压力增大，学生心理健康问题总是被报道”不符合逻辑，改为：becomes increasingly serious). The number of jobs increases, however, the number of graduates grow (改为grows) more rapidly. (1. however是副词，不能连接两个单句，应改为：The number of jobs increases. However, the number of graduates grows more rapidly. 2表示对照应用while。3.这句话与上句的逻辑联系不明显。修改后句子为：Take the employment pressure for example, the number of jobs increases, while the number of graduates grows much more rapidly.) Meanwhile, the unhealthy Internet pages and violent electronic games lay (改为produce, have或者exert) many harmful influences on students. (上下文之间没有过渡词, 用therefore) The soaring (改为constant) pressures, the harmful information and the violence advocated in games may trigger the mental problem of students.

The solution to the problem, I think, is to need the effects of all walks of life. (1. effects使用错误，改为:efforts。2.此句表意不清，修改后句子为：To solve this problem, I think efforts from all walks of life are needed. ) On one hand, Internet, the electronic game place, even the surrounding of the school, should be prohibit the harmful information spreading. (1. Internet修改为Internet bar。2. surrounding是形容词；surroundings是名词，意思是“周围的环境”。或者用surrounding areas。 3. prohibit在be动词后不能使用原型。 4. prohibit的正确用法是：prohibit …from…。5. 网吧，电子游戏厅和学校周边地区不能并列。6. 此句表意不清，建议修改为：On one hand, measures should be taken to prohibit the harmful information from spreading in the surroundings of the schools, especially in the Internet bars and the electronic game places. ) On the other hand, parents, schools, and governments (government 本生是个集合名词,不用复数,改为the government) should pay more attention to the mental problem of students, and should work together to provide more perfect environment (perfect 没有比较级形式,改为favourable environment). Only in this way can we completely solve this problem and assure the mental health of students.

修改后：
The scene showed in the given cartoon is worrying.Four students climbed to the top of a tree, and watered the leaves in the thought that the tree would flourish if they only took care of the leaves. However, they totally neglected that the lower part of the trunk had become withering. Fortunately, the teacher under the tree poured water to the weak trunk and took care of it. The deep meaning of the cartoon was that these students ignored the mental health when they were studying.

Obviously, the painter aimed to show the serious situation among students: their mental health has been at risk. Today, with the increasing pressures from studying and job hunting, students’ mental problem becomes increasingly serious. Take the employment pressure for example, the number of jobs increases, while the number of graduates grows much more rapidly. Meanwhile, the unhealthy Internet pages and violent electronic games produce many harmful influences on students. Therefore, the constant pressures, the harmful information and the violence advocated in games may trigger the mental problem of students.

To solve this problem, I think efforts from all walks of life are needed. On one hand, measures should be taken to prohibit the harmful information from spreading in the surroundings of the schools, especially in the Internet bars and the electronic game places. On the other hand, parents, schools, and the government should pay more attention to the mental problem of students, and should work together to provide more favourable environment. Only in this way can we completely solve this problem and assure the mental health of students.

评析：
本文较为清楚地表达了图片的内涵，内容切题。语言比较连贯，句式有一定的变换。需注意的问题是：1.句子含义的衔接。2.句子表意的清晰与准确性。3. 词语的准确应用。
建议读几篇原版的英语论述文章，细细品味英语写作的逻辑特点。此外，要勤翻词典，正确运用词汇和短语。

评分：13分

[ 本帖最后由 peterzjf 于 2008-11-26 23:09 编辑 ]

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-26 17:47
小作文：
Dear professor,

I am the chairman of students’ union (the Student Union). I am writing to you for inviting you to take part in the speech contest activity (去掉activity，演讲比赛用speech contest即可) as the judge. The activity with (on) the topic of “Sustainable development and harmonious society” will be held on next Friday in the meeting room of Shao Yifu library. We have received many high-quality speech materials. (此句很突兀，与上下文内容无法衔接，建议去掉。) Meanwhile, many leaders and teachers have decided to (前一句建议去掉后,这一句的时态要做出调整，改为：will/are going to) attend this activity.

We know that you have been supporting students’ activities, and you very concern about (1.you可以去掉。2. 表示“对…关切，关注”正确的形式是：be concerned about) the address ability of ours (改为our speechmaking ability). We will be honored if you would be (条件从句中,用一般现在式表将来,改为are) convenient to participate in it, and if you have any question you can contact me at 13011112222. Thank you for your consideration.

Yours sincerely,

Li Ming

修改后：
Dear professor,

I am the chairman of the Student Union. I am writing to you for inviting you to take part in the speech contest as the judge. The activity on the topic of “Sustainable development and harmonious society” will be held on next Friday in the meeting room of Shao Yifu library. Meanwhile, many leaders and teachers are going to attend this activity.

We know that you have been supporting students’ activities, and are concerned about our speechmaking ability. We will be honored if you are convenient to participate in it, and if you have any question you can contact me at 13011112222. Thank you for your consideration.

Yours sincerely,

Li Ming

评析：
本文条理较为清楚，表达流畅，句式有变换，句子结构基本使用正确。但在用词上，准确性有待提高。此外还要注意句意衔接的问题。
评分：7分

大作文：
‘Where is the cultural heritage site?’ The question was aroused in Oliver’s mind(arouse一般与表示感情、态度的词搭配。question可与arise或spring up搭配) when he entered to the former site (when he arrived at the site). A (The) man who was (从图片上只能猜测，改为looked like) the manager of the real-estimate (real estate) firm told him: ‘It is in the base room for preserving. ’ (It is being preserved in the basement of the building.) How ridiculous the answer is! The site which has been existing (had existed) for thousands years (thousands of years) was replaced by many towers (tall buildings/skyscrapers). At the moment, constructors were still removing the site for their project.

The painter wanted to reach his aim at (1.aim做名词“目的”时，不能和reach搭配，常和achieve, fulfill搭配。2.此处可将aim做动词使用，简单表达为：aimed at) reflecting the worried (worrying) situation of cultural heritage site preserving (preservation). Nowadays, as the real-estimate (real estate) industry becomes prosperous, the cultural heritage sites are suffered broken (1. suffer是不及物动词，去掉are，加上from。 2. broken使用错误。改为：suffer from extensive damages). Due to (1. due to为短语介词，后面跟名词，不接从句。2. “遗址位于市中心”不能和“公司发现利润”构成因果关系，改用as做伴随状语。) these sites usually locate in the centre of the city (没有特指某个城市,改为cities) , some firms and governments(the government) see (find) the huge potential business profits and (与前面分句不构成并列,改为and then) remove the site with (under) the slogan of ‘Our city need (needs) development.’ They do not understand these cultural relics are the spiritual symbol of Chinese(China). As a result, they do not care of the significance to us. (1. care of 是“照顾”的意思。应用care about,意思是“关注，担忧”。 2. 此句与上句不构成因果关系，建议合并两句话：They neither understand that these cultural relics are the spiritual symbol of Chinese, nor care about their significance to us.)
It is imperative for us to take some serious measures to reverse this disturbing phenomenon. To begin with, the real-estimate (real estate) companies and the government must obey the current law of cultural heritage site preserving (preservation). Furthermore, everyone as the offspring of Chinese has (all the Chinese offspring have) the responsibility to stop this harmful behavior to it (1. “禁止”某种行为应该用forbid或 prohibit。2. “对遗址有害的行为”不能用this harmful behavior to it ，改为：the behavior that is harmful to the site.) Finally, the government should consider carefully in development and cultural relies preserving (1. consider做“仔细考虑”的意思时，后面可直接跟名词，或动名词形式。2. preserving改为preservation。3. 此句表意不清。建议改为：consider the relationship between city development and cultural relics preservation carefully.) Only in this way can we bring the whole cultural heritage to our offspring (“流传下来”应用hand down，改为：hand the whole cultural heritage down to our offspring.)

修改后：
‘Where is the cultural heritage site?’ The question sprang up in Oliver’s mind when he arrived at the site. The man who looked like the manager of the real estate firm told him: “It is being preserved in the basement of the building.” How ridiculous the answer is! The site which had existed for thousands of years was replaced by many tall buildings. At the moment, constructors were still removing the site for their project.

The painter aimed at reflecting the worrying situation of cultural heritage site preservation. Nowadays, as the real estate industry becomes prosperous, the cultural heritage sites suffer from extensive damage. As these sites usually locate in the centre of cities, some firms and the government find the huge potential business profits and then remove the site under the slogan of ‘Our city needs development.’ They neither understand that these cultural relics are the spiritual symbol of China, nor care about their significance to us.

It is imperative for us to take some serious measures to reverse this disturbing phenomenon. To begin with, the real estate companies and the government must obey the current law of cultural heritage site preservation. Furthermore, all the Chinese offspring have the responsibility to prohibit the behavior that is harmful to the site. Finally, the government should consider the relationship between city development and cultural relic preservation carefully. Only in this way can we hand the whole cultural heritage down to our offspring.

评析：
本文清晰表达了图画内涵，语言流畅，句式较为多变，用词比较丰富，体现了作者有意识的运用这些词汇，句式和写作技巧。
本文也同前几篇一样，存在用词准确性的问题。在平时的写作过程中，一定要勤查字典，这篇文章如能将词都运用正确了，定增色不少。

评分：14分

[ 本帖最后由 peterzjf 于 2008-11-27 01:03 编辑 ]

作者: xuwei19860126 时间: 08-11-26 18:04
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作者: zhangbei85 时间: 08-11-26 19:03
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作者: liuhongmei 时间: 08-11-26 22:15
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作者: bianbian16 时间: 08-11-26 22:38
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作者: wlbj81 时间: 08-11-27 11:37
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作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-27 13:45

原帖由 shijie2009 于 2008-11-25 18:52 发表
What a vivid cartoon it is! Depending on whole year hard working, a farmer is enjoying the sweet drop falling from the crop.
The intended meaning of the picture is pressing and worth thinking. J ...

What a vivid cartoon it is! Depending on (depending on 表示：“取决于”用在这里不合适，改为：After) (加上a) whole year (year’s) hard working, a farmer is enjoying the sweet drop falling from the crop.

The intended meaning of the picture is pressing (词语使用错误，pressing的意思是“紧迫的”或者“恳切的”) and worth thinking. Just as somebody puts, pain ended and the sweet coming, (bitterness ends, sweetness begins，) so the famer (farmer) is happiness (happy) for his achievement, which is as a retune (return) for his effects (efforts). At the end of the day (改为：in the end或者one day), paying the hard work is really matters of the success. (1. 句子表意不清楚。2此句有点跳跃。改为：What we can learn from the picture is that…/ From the picture we can conclude that one day hard working will bring huge success.)

That (去掉that) the conclusions (单数形式) of above (the above) is beyond of
(去掉of) dispute. Looking at the process of great man growing (表意不清，改为：the growing process of great men ), most of them who have big achievements(与前面great people 重复，删掉) are enduring the handicap, and then, though making great efforts attain the success at end (1.时态错误，应用过去时。2. 现在分词结构和主句的主语要一致，即应为：Looking at the process…, we find most of them…。或者改成两句话。Look at the process …Most of them … 3. 表意不清。整句话改为：Looking at the growing process of great man, we find that although they endured severe handicaps, most of them made their every endeavor and achieved great success ultimately ). For instances,（instance）Deng Yaping as the most famous athlete of the Pingpong (one of the most famous table tennis players), the praise not only come from domestic, but also the whole world respect (1. domestic是形容词“国内的”，作名词的意思是“家佣，家庭纠纷”。 2.主语从Deng Yaping变成了the praise，修改为：has won praise not only from homeland, but also from the whole world ). In fact, long time hard training hurt (hurts) her ankles very badly, and host of the experiences common young man have is far less meet than exercising day by day for her.(语意表达不清楚) (缺少连接词，加上Therefore), The great honor（honors） and big achievements is cultivated by (derive from) her efforts.

Needless to say, being able to making efforts (1. be able to 不定式后面用动词原形；2. 语意不通顺，删除being able to) to get success can bring the sweetest dew. Just like (like是介词，改用连词as) the cartoon shows, we have to sweat in order to reap any (改为the) harvest in (加上our) life.

修改后：
What a vivid cartoon it is! After a whole year’s hard working, a farmer is enjoying the sweet drop falling from the crop.
The intended meaning of the picture is worth thinking. Just as somebody puts, bitterness ends, sweetness begins. So the farmer is happy for his achievement, which is as a return for his efforts. What we can learn from the picture is that one day hard working will bring huge success.
The conclusion of the above is beyond dispute. Looking at the growing process of great man, we find that although they endured severe handicaps, most of them made their every endeavor and achieved great success ultimately. For instance, Deng Yaping as one of the most famous table tennis players has won praise not only from homeland, but also from the whole world. She insisted on training despite the fact that her ankles have been seriously injured. Therefore, the great honors and big achievements derived from her efforts.
Needless to say, making efforts to get success can bring the sweetest dew. Just as the cartoon shows, we have to sweat in order to reap the harvest in our life.

评析：
本文较为清晰地表达了图画的内涵，段落结构比较有层次。第一段的图画描写略显单薄。值得表扬的是第二段以邓亚萍的实例来论证，有说服力。但语言的衔接上，缺乏逻辑性，建议使用一些连词，或加入过渡的成分。此外，本文部分地方语意表达不清，建议用简明正确的句子来表达，如果想使用复杂的句式，请注意句子的语法结构以保证其表达正确。
评分：10分

[ 本帖最后由 peterzjf 于 2008-11-27 13:47 编辑 ]

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-27 14:56
As is seen from the two graphs, it’s clear that with the growth of GDP per capita from 1994 to 2001, the money spent on tourists rises on and on (is on the rise) during the same period. Naturally, we can draw the conclusion that the living standard of the (非特指，去掉the) common people has improved a lot.

Three reasons may account for this phenomenon. To begin with, the open policy attracts a growing number of foreign cooperations (corporations) which invest in China Mainland, creating more jobs for the (非特指，去掉the) Chinese. Second, the economy (economic) reform has inserted a series of advanced theories and methods into the traditional industry and the companies owned by the States. (insert…into…使用错误，改为introduced…into…) As a result, the manufacturing efficiency has improved greatly. Finally, with the development of science and technology, more and more factories take advantage of the hi-tech equipment (equipments) to change the structure of their production for the better, (加上关系代词which) bring in much more profit (复数形式profits).

To further develop economy calls for, above all, the government’s efforts to enhance laws(enhance law enforcement或strengthen the legal system),
to regulate the market order, to deepen (加上the) reform and to encourage innovation on the basis of self-reliance (independent innovation). Moreover, common citizens should be honest and self-discipline (self-disciplined) to obey laws. In a word, only when the government and the (去掉the) common people make joint efforts can we hope to further develop productive forces and to achieve common wealth (prosperity).

修改后：
As is seen from the two graphs, it’s clear that with the growth of GDP per capita from 1994 to 2001, the money spent on tourists is on the rise during the same period. Naturally, we can draw the conclusion that the living standard of the common people has improved a lot.

Three reasons may account for this phenomenon. To begin with, the open policy attracts a growing number of foreign corporations which invest in China Mainland, creating more jobs for Chinese. Second, the economic reform has introduced a series of advanced theories and methods into the traditional industry and the companies owned by the States. As a result, the manufacturing efficiency has improved greatly. Finally, with the development of science and technology, more and more factories take advantage of the hi-tech equipments to change the structure of their production for the better, which bring in much more profits.

To further develop economy calls for, above all, the government’s efforts to enhance law enforcement, to regulate the market order, to deepen the reform and to encourage independent innovation. Moreover, common citizens should be honest and self-disciplined to obey laws. In a word, only when the government and common people make joint efforts can we hope to further develop productive forces and to achieve common prosperity.

评析：
本文清楚的总结了图表数字变化的内涵，段落严谨，层次分明。文章句式变换，句子结构基本准确，用词较为丰富，体现了作者的语言功底。但作者出现了一些单复数，定冠词等基础语法错误，望在写作完成后认真检查。此外，在平时的写作过程中，对词语的运用不确定时，要常常向词典讨教。你在文中询问使用interest还是profit，以下是牛津词典关于这两个词的解释。
Profit：①利润，赢利。指的是做生意或卖东西赚到的钱。（可数名词）
②好处，利益。指的是做某事能获得的好处。(不可数名词)
Interest: ①利息。指的是存钱或投资所获得利息。(不可数名词)

②好处，利益。某人或某事的好处或利益。（常用复数）
从词典上的解释看，用profits比较好，表示调整生产结构后，给企业带来更多的利润。

评分：16分

作者: mybluesky000 时间: 08-11-27 15:34
真好！！！！！！

作者: fuzhu 时间: 08-11-27 20:55
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作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-29 09:13

Interestingly, the master (owner) of the cell phone put it at the place that was (去掉that was) occupied by waste boxes. Obviously, the messages were sent to the cell phone always（提前到were和sent之间）. ‘It is a really bored (boring) phone!’ These waste boxes thought. Even they expressed rage to the bored (boring) messages.
描述给人一种碎片感，建议修改为： It is quite interesting that a cell phone has been put among rubbish boxes by his owner, on the screen of which is flashing the words “Junk messages are being received.” “How annoying they are!” Even other rubbish boxes thought unhappily.

Nowadays, with the mobile phone popularizing (popularize是及物动词，使用错误。改为：becoming popular), both the number of people who has it (phone users) and the number of (与前面的重复，可删去) the waste messages from it (没有必要的表达，可删去) are increasing fast. The waste messages mainly come from mobile operators. To produce profit, they allow lots of advertisement firms (动词allow的用法是allow…to do…，所以加上to) use their system (use…to do…，加上to) spread messages. It was reported that the revenue from messages accounts for one quarter of (加上the) total revenues. Meanwhile, as the consumer (复数consumers) of mobile business, they have no effective means to deal with the waste messages. Some consumers seek to bring a lawsuit to solve it, but this is believed that it is (加上a) long-run progress and has an uncertain result.(1。句式结构错误，改为this is believed to be…，或it is believed that …；2。long-run progress和an uncertain result含义表达不清楚。建议改为：but it is believed that the settlement of the lawsuit will be a long-run progress.)

To solve this problem, I think the government is the best solver (表达不地道，建议改为：should be primarily responsible for this). Actually, (此句与上句是果因关系，可改为表原因的连词Because) the government is both the policy maker and the final beneficiary of the profit from bored (boring) messages (表达不准确，改为：trash messages). On one hand, the Information and Industry Department has the power to modify current policy of advertisement in mobile system (Mobile advertising). On the other hand, as the owner of two operators, the government just needs (加上to) order them to change it (句意表达不完整。要改变什么？建议改为：On the other hand, mobile operators should effectively control the spread of trash messages through technical means). Of course, everything will not develop naturally and smoothly, but we expect that (语义不完整，修改为：but we expect that the hi-tech trash problem can be eventually tackled ).

修改后：
It is quite interesting that a cell phone has been put among rubbish boxes by his owner, on the screen of which is flashing the words “Junk messages are being received.” “How annoying they are!” Even other rubbish boxes thought unhappily.

Nowadays, with the mobile phone becoming popular, both the number of phone users and the waste messages are increasing fast. The waste messages mainly come from mobile operators. To produce profit, they allow lots of advertisement firms to use their system to spread messages. It was reported that the revenue from messages accounts for one quarter of the total revenues. Meanwhile, as the consumers of mobile business, they have no effective means to deal with the waste messages. Some consumers seek to bring a lawsuit to solve it, but it is believed that the settlement of the lawsuit will be a long-run progress.

To solve the problem, I think the government should be primarily responsible for this. Because the government is both the policy maker and the final beneficiary of the profit from trash messages. On one hand, the Information and Industry Department has the power to modify current policy of mobile advertising. On the other hand, mobile operators should effectively control the spread of trash messages through technical means. Of course, everything will not develop naturally and smoothly, but we expect that the hi-tech trash problem can be eventually tackled.

评析：
本文较为清楚地表达了图画的内涵，段落结构也比较清晰，句式有变换，用词较丰富。
第一段描述的部分，给人一种碎片感，句子之间衔接不紧密。第二段分析现象的部分，言之有物，还以数字作为实证，使文章具有充实感。第三段提出建议的部分，最突出的问题是句子意思不完整。不过你的这篇文章较之前的4篇而言，在逻辑性方面有了一些进步，望继续努力！
评分：14分

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-29 09:13
As is seen from the two graphs, it’s clear that with the growth of GDP per capita from 1994 to 2001, the money spent on tourists rises on and on (is on the rise) during the same period. Naturally, we can draw the conclusion that the living standard of the (非特指，去掉the) common people has improved a lot.

Three reasons may account for this phenomenon. To begin with, the open policy attracts a growing number of foreign cooperations (corporations) which invest in China Mainland, creating more jobs for the (非特指，去掉the) Chinese. Second, the economy (economic) reform has inserted a series of advanced theories and methods into the traditional industry and the companies owned by the States. (insert…into…使用错误，改为introduced…into…) As a result, the manufacturing efficiency has improved greatly. Finally, with the development of science and technology, more and more factories take advantage of the hi-tech equipment (equipments) to change the structure of their production for the better, (加上关系代词which) bring in much more profit (复数形式profits).

To further develop economy calls for, above all, the government’s efforts to enhance laws(enhance law enforcement或strengthen the legal system),
to regulate the market order, to deepen (加上the) reform and to encourage innovation on the basis of self-reliance (independent innovation). Moreover, common citizens should be honest and self-discipline (self-disciplined) to obey laws. In a word, only when the government and the (去掉the) common people make joint efforts can we hope to further develop productive forces and to achieve common wealth (prosperity).

修改后：
As is seen from the two graphs, it’s clear that with the growth of GDP per capita from 1994 to 2001, the money spent on tourists is on the rise during the same period. Naturally, we can draw the conclusion that the living standard of the common people has improved a lot.

Three reasons may account for this phenomenon. To begin with, the open policy attracts a growing number of foreign corporations which invest in China Mainland, creating more jobs for Chinese. Second, the economic reform has introduced a series of advanced theories and methods into the traditional industry and the companies owned by the States. As a result, the manufacturing efficiency has improved greatly. Finally, with the development of science and technology, more and more factories take advantage of the hi-tech equipments to change the structure of their production for the better, which bring in much more profits.

To further develop economy calls for, above all, the government’s efforts to enhance law enforcement, to regulate the market order, to deepen the reform and to encourage independent innovation. Moreover, common citizens should be honest and self-disciplined to obey laws. In a word, only when the government and common people make joint efforts can we hope to further develop productive forces and to achieve common prosperity.

评析：
本文清楚的总结了图表数字变化的内涵，段落严谨，层次分明。文章句式变换，句子结构基本准确，用词较为丰富，体现了作者的语言功底。但作者出现了一些单复数，定冠词等基础语法错误，望在写作完成后认真检查。此外，在平时的写作过程中，对词语的运用不确定时，要常常向词典讨教。你在文中询问使用interest还是profit，以下是牛津词典关于这两个词的解释。
Profit：①利润，赢利。指的是做生意或卖东西赚到的钱。（可数名词）
②好处，利益。指的是做某事能获得的好处。(不可数名词)
Interest: ①利息。指的是存钱或投资所获得利息。(不可数名词)

②好处，利益。某人或某事的好处或利益。（常用复数）
从词典上的解释看，用profits比较好，表示调整生产结构后，给企业带来更多的利润。

评分：16分

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-29 09:14
小作文：
Dear Bob:
How are you getting on recently? I was so happy when I know (knew) that you are plan (were planning) to visit my home in the coming holiday. My family are
also glad to receive
you as (加上a) popular guest in my home.

My hometown is a very beautiful seashore city. There are many interesting places worthy of sightseeing. Besides, the local style food here is also well know (known). I have known
from your last lettle (letter) that you have been dreaming of the sea. The place where I live is located near the sea, (加上因果关系连词so) you can walk on the seashore and enjoy swimming in the sea every day.

Hoping (改为：Hope或I am hoping) to see you in my hometown as soon as possible.

Sincerely yours,

Li Ming

修改后：
Dear Bob:
How are you getting on recently? I was so happy when I knew that you were planning to visit my home in the coming holiday. My family are also glad to receive you as a popular guest in my home.

My hometown is a very beautiful seashore city. There are many interesting places worthy of sightseeing. Besides, the local style food here is also well known. I have known from your last letter that you have been dreaming of the sea. The place where I live is located near the sea, so you can walk on the seashore and enjoy swimming in the sea every day.

I am hoping to see you in my hometown as soon as possible.

Sincerely yours,

Li Ming

评析：
本文语言流畅，亲切自然。段落结构清晰，句子基本使用正确，但需注意几处拼写错误。
评分：9分

大作文：
How ironic the picture is in describing one of the most widespread social phenomena concerning diploma and genuine knowledge. As is show in the picture, one climber is moving forward to the diploma by the ladder of regular education. At the same time, the other is climbing with the rope of self-education that it (去掉it) leads up to the genuine knowledge.

The picture can reminds (改为remind) you of some strange, yet familiar phenomena existing in our society. Like the stable steps of ladder, regular education can help people acquire diploma with ease and speed. And many students hold the opinion that diploma is more important than genuine knowledge in looking for a job, so they neglect their studying in the school.
(这两句话在意义上没有并列，不能用and连接。
也可修改为：Some people hold the opinion that diploma is more important than genuine knowledge in looking for a job, so they take regular education, which is just like the stable steps of ladder, for a short cut to acquire diploma with ease and speed. ) On the contrary, like the hard process of climbing with rope, some people who presist (persist) in self education always spend more time and energy on the studying. So they can receive (改为：gain) genuine konwledge (knowledge).

Just as an old saying (加上goes): All that glitters is not gold. The diploma is not equal to the genuine konwledge (knowledge). Some people should change their attitude to going after diploma and should know that regular education institutions are not diploma mills. The genuine konwledge (knowledge) comes from your studying hard (hard studying).

修改后：
How ironic the picture is in describing one of the most widespread social phenomena concerning diploma and genuine knowledge. As is show in the picture, one climber is moving forward to the diploma by the ladder of regular education. At the same time, the other is climbing with the rope of self-education that leads up to the genuine knowledge.

The picture can remind you of some strange, yet familiar phenomena existing in our society. Some people hold the opinion that diploma is more important than genuine knowledge in looking for a job, so they take regular education, which is just like the stable steps of ladder, for a short cut to acquire diploma with ease and speed. On the contrary, like the hard process of climbing with rope, some people who persist in self education always spend more time and energy on the studying. So they can gain genuine knowledge.

Just as an old saying goes: All that glitters is not gold. The diploma is not equal to the genuine knowledge. Some people should change their attitude to going after diploma and should know that regular education institutions are not diploma mills. The genuine knowledge comes from your hard studying.

评析：
本文语言自然流畅，段落清晰，句式变换，用词丰富，体现了作者的语言功底。但要注意的问题是多处的拼写错误，这会影响阅卷老师对文章的整体印象。另外，英语作文除了语言表达能力很重要以外，良好的逻辑也十分必要。
评分：16分

作者: ice211 时间: 08-11-29 12:38
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作者: 静烨思 时间: 08-11-29 14:15
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作者: 静烨思 时间: 08-11-29 14:20
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作者: wqwang1106 时间: 08-11-29 14:53
谢谢啦!!!

作者: wolvking 时间: 08-11-29 15:29
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作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-11-29 16:11

原帖由 静烨思 于 2008-11-29 14:20 发表
这个是模拟题还是历年真题呢？

是模拟题的作文。

作者: m31song 时间: 08-11-29 19:28
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作者: sysbase1979 时间: 08-11-30 10:27
好东西,可以学习

作者: fengmiao0926 时间: 08-11-30 11:37
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作者: tmmu13 时间: 08-11-30 23:54
进来学习很有营养的帖子。不过看了一下评分张老师很仁慈啊，如果张老师去改所有卷子估计09年的作文平均分至少涨8分呵呵

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-1 11:23
小作文~
Dear professor,
I am writing this letter to invite you to participate in a speech context (contest) to be held from March 13th to March 17th in the room 403 of zhengxin building (Room 403 of Zhengxin Building) in our school.

The speech is organized by student\'s union (Students’ Union或者Student Union), and the theme of the context (contest)
is about \"the ways of education\" .We invite you as a judge of the context (contest), because your knowledge is so extensive, and you are a friendly teacher. By the way, if you have free time to attend this context (contest), please tell me before March 6th.

We hope that you can come and look forward to your early reply!

Sincerely yours,

Li Ming

修改后：
Dear professor,
I am writing this letter to invite you to participate in a speech contest to be held from March 13th to March 17th in the Room 403 of Zhengxin Building in our school.

The speech is organized by Students’ Union, and the theme of the contest is about \"the ways of education\" .We invite you as a judge of the contest, because your knowledge is so extensive, and you are a friendly teacher. By the way, if you have free time to attend this contest, please tell me before March 6th.

We hope that you can come and look forward to your early reply!

Sincerely yours,

Li Ming

评析：
本文按要求涵盖了信息点。作为一封邀请函，用语礼貌得体，格式正确。全文语言表达比较流畅，句式上有一定的变化，句子结构使用正确。但须注意的是个别拼写错误和大小写问题。
评分：8分

大作文~
As is shown in the cartoon, we can see clearly that with the increase of morden (modern) buildings (楼房不能增长，而是楼房的数量在增长。改为：the increase in the number of modern buildings), two persons can\'t find the culture relics on the ground. One of them asks “where is (are) the culture relics”, and another (the other) says\" they are in the base room\".

The purpose of the cartoon (加上is) to show us that due attention has to (加上be) paid to the decline of the culture resources. With the reform and opening-up in recent decades in our countray (country), enterprises in mounting numbers weight morden life way (表意不清), and hence they build more and more skyscrapers. But they ignore the traditional culture of our countray (country), the number of culture relics (两个句子之间没有任何连接词，修改1：the number of which。修改2：whose number )has obviously decreased. If we let this situation go as it is (改为：go on), where it (relics是复数形式，所以这里应用they) will be in the future (句式错误，改为：where will they be in the future)? By that time, our culture will suffer a great destruction.
此段表达逻辑有些不清晰，建议修改为：
The purpose of the cartoon is to show us that due attention has to be paid to the decline of the culture resources. Since the reform and opening-up, skyscrapers, as symbol of modernization, have sprung up like mushrooms after rain, while the culture relics have vanished rapidly on account of being ignored and being occupied by modern buildings. If this situation continues, the relics will disappear completely from our earth one day.

Therefore, it is imperative for us to take effective measure to reverse the disturbing trend illustrated in the cartoon. For one thing, we should appeal to our authorities to make strict laws to control the phenomenon given above. For another we should enhance the awareness of people that the traditional culture is very vital to us. Only in this way can we petect (protect) our culture resources. Also, I believe that we human beings can overcome this difficulty, and we will have a bright future!

修改后：
As is shown in the cartoon, we can see clearly that with the increase in the number of modern buildings, two persons can\'t find the culture relics on the ground. One of them asks “where are the culture relics” and the other says\" they are in the base room\".

The purpose of the cartoon is to show us that due attention has to be paid to the decline of the culture resources. Since the reform and opening-up, skyscrapers, as symbol of modernization, have sprung up like mushrooms after rain, while the culture relics have vanished rapidly on account of being ignored and being occupied by modern buildings. If this situation continues, the relics will disappear completely from our earth one day.

Therefore, it is imperative for us to take effective measure to reverse the disturbing trend illustrated in the cartoon. For one thing, we should appeal to our authorities to make strict laws to control the phenomenon given above. For another we should enhance the awareness of people that the traditional culture is very vital to us. Only in this way can we protect our culture resources. Also, I believe that we human beings can overcome this difficulty, and we will have a bright future!

评析：
这篇作文三个段落层次较为分明，用词比较丰富且准确，句式有变化。需要注意的问题是，表意的准确与清楚，if从句和正确的拼写。此外，文章的第二段逻辑上不是很清晰。鉴于作者的语言能力较为不错，如果能在文章的逻辑上加强一些就更好了。
评分：14分

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-1 11:33
小作文：
Dear Bob:

I am pleased to heard (hear) that you are going to visit me in this holiday. It has been two years since seen you (改为we met) last time. I will give you (make) some arrangement (复数形式arrangements) to make you have a good time.

I live in (加上a) single apartment that has two rooms (single和two rooms矛盾，根据下文改为an apartment with two rooms). Therefore, you shouldn’t(needn’t) consider hotel（表意不完整，改为：consider living in a hotel或直接说live in a hotel） or restaurant（restaurant是吃饭的地方）. It is very fortunate that there is The (the)　International Fashion Show (加上which) will hold(be held) in this city that I live (语言啰嗦，改为：in my city). Hence, (hence是副词，去掉逗号) you can enjoy this show at that time. In addition, I will take you (加上to) visit some historic spot (复数形式：spots). Do you agree to (with) my arrangement (复数形式arrangements)? If you prefer (加上some) different one (改为ones), I shall fit in with you (用词不当，改为：make some adjustments according to yours).

Once again, thank you very much for your visit and I am looking forward to your coming. (朋友到家里做客，没必要感谢吧?)

Yours sincerely,

Li Ming

修改后：
Dear Bob:

I am pleased to hear that you are going to visit me in this holiday. It has been two years since we met last time. I will make some arrangements to make you have a good time.

I live in an apartment with two rooms. Therefore, you needn’t live in a hotel. It is very fortunate that there is the International Fashion Show which will be held in my city. Hence you can enjoy this show at that time. In addition, I will take you to visit some historic spots. Do you agree with my arrangements? If you prefer some different ones, I shall make some adjustments according to yours.

I am looking forward to your coming.

Yours sincerely,

Li Ming

评析：
本文按照要求覆盖了信息点，结构比较清晰。但拼写、单复数等错误较多。望加强基本功练习。
评分：5分

大作文：

As is vividly betrayed in the drawing above, it seems that there are two persons in (加上a) match. The left person is climbing with latter (改为：a ladder), (此处要另起一句) a flag named speciality training(1.拼写错误，正确的为specialty。但应该用形容词形式special。2.图中的“科班”两个字，不能翻译成special training，可以说regular education) insert his back (1.这里应用被动式。2.insert的用法是insert sth into sth。3.红旗是插在书包里，而不是背上。改为：is inserted into his bag) and his aim is diploma (整句话修改为：The left person, climbing with a ladder, pursues the object of diploma. On his backpack is inserted a flag named regular education.). Another (因为只有两个人，改用The other) person is also climbing, however, he grasps a rope, (此处要另起一句)a flag named self-study insert his back (is inserted into his bag) and his goal is real ability (整句话修改为：The other person, who climb with a rope, aims at real ability. On his backpack is inserted a flag named self-study.). They are on even terms with this match. (表意不清)
The speciality (special) training (regular education) is better or the self-study is better, there is a heated debate today as to this problem. (句式错误，改为：Is the regular education better or the self-study better? There is a heated debate as to the problem.) Some people contend that the speciality training (regular education) is better. They believe that regular train (改为training) makes student more competitive, let alone (使用不当，改为：moreover), they still have a diploma (改为：they can get a diploma to prove themselves.). Therefore, it is obviously (改为：obvious) that they (加上can) approach successful peak is (去掉is) easier. While another (改为other) people argue that the self-study is better. They claim that although we（they）have not (改为do not have) diploma, we are (they can) learn skills and knowledge in a down to earth manner. Therefore, we （they）have strong foundation and we （they）are not afraid of the stress from competition.

With the development of society, the self-study becomes more and more competitive (自学怎么会竞争的越来越厉害呢？建议修改为：the competition becomes much severer). They are industrious, they can bear hardships. (1.表意不清。 2.两个独立的单句中间不能用逗号) I think that the speciality training (regular education，这句话主语错误，改为：students who receive regular education) should makes (应使用动词原型make) good (great) efforts to expand (改为broaden或者improve) skills and knowledge. Otherwise, they will (加上be) abandoned by society（被社会淘汰：eliminated by the society）. To conclude my essay, I would like to quote an old saying: “The substantial gold is not afraid of fire.\"(The fire is the test of gold)

修改后：
As is vividly betrayed in the drawing above, it seems that there are two persons in a match. The left person, climbing with a ladder, pursues the object of diploma. On his backpack is inserted a flag named regular education. The other person, who climb with a rope, aims at real ability. On his backpack is inserted a flag named self-study.
Is the regular education better or the self-study better? There is a heated debate as to the problem. Some people contend that the regular education is better. They believe that regular training makes student more competitive. Moreover, they can get a diploma to prove themselves. Therefore, it is obvious that they can approach successful peak easier. While other people argue that the self-study is better. They claim that although they do not have diploma, they can learn skills and knowledge in a down to earth manner. Therefore, they have strong foundation and they are not afraid of the stress from competition.
With the development of society, the competition becomes much severer. I think that students who receive regular education should make great efforts to broaden skills and knowledge. Otherwise, they will be eliminated by the society）. To conclude my essay, I would like to quote an old saying: “The fire is the test of gold.”

评析：
读完这篇文章，可以感觉到作者的行文思路还是比较清晰的，第一段描述图片，第二段从两种观点进行论证，第三段提出建议。这得益于作者使用了一些标志性的表达，比如：Some people contend that……While other people argue that……；I think that……Otherwise,……；To conclude my essay……。
但是，这篇文章还是暴露出很多问题。第一，通篇很多流水句，独立的句子之间仅仅使用逗号连接。第二，表意不清，有些地方是意思没有表达完整，有些地方表达不准确，令人费解。第三，句子结构和用词错误较多，也影响了文章意思的传达。建议作者加强基本功的练习，首先从单词的正确拼写做起，再练习写出结构、语法正确的句子，简单一些也没有关系，同时背诵一些语句简明的文章增强语感，帮助你提高英语表达能力。
评分：10分

[ 本帖最后由 peterzjf 于 2008-12-1 11:35 编辑 ]

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-1 14:22
As is shown by the cartoon, two men are climbing walls. But their way (复数ways) to the top are obvious (obviously) different, leading to two different goals. The man with regular education is climbing stably toward his goal----the diploma. The other man with self-study apparently is making a harder climb to his aim---genuine knowledge and skills.

The picture reflects that nowadays there are different ways to get education. Except（except 表示“not including”，改为：Besides，表示“除了…还有） studying in academic institution, one can also choose to learn by himself. For one thing, corporations today pay more attention to one’s real knowledge and skills than one’s educational background. For another, people learning by themselves need more perseverance, so he will be pushed to achieve a greater goal. (表意不清。建议加上by this unswerving spirit)

In the intensely competitive world, knowledge and skills is (are) essential for every one’s competence (无需写上competence，直接写every one即可。). However (改为：Therefore), people must realize that it is the acquirements (表意不清。建议修改为：real ability and learning) not (instead of) the ways of studying (academic qualification) that determines(determine) the ultimate outcome. In conclusion, only by improving genuine knowledge and skills can we make ourselves outstanding.

修改后：
As is shown by the cartoon, two men are climbing walls. But their ways to the top are obviously different, leading to two different goals. The man with regular education is climbing stably toward his goal----the diploma. The other man with self-study apparently is making a harder climb to his aim---genuine knowledge and skills.

The picture reflects that nowadays there are different ways to get education. Besides, studying in academic institution, one can also choose to learn by himself. For one thing, corporations today pay more attention to one’s real knowledge and skills than one’s educational background. For another, people learning by themselves need more perseverance, so he will be pushed to achieve a greater goal by this unswerving spirit.

In the intensely competitive world, knowledge and skills are essential for every one. Therefore, people must realize that it is the real ability and learning instead of the academic qualification that determine the ultimate outcome. In conclusion, only by improving genuine knowledge and skills can we make ourselves outstanding.

评析：
这篇文章的作者比较认真细心，全篇基本无拼写错误，语法方面的错误也很少。文章的语言比较流畅，句式和用词富于变换，尤其是同义词和短语的替换使用得很好.篇章结构明晰，段落层次分明。但需要指出的是，第三段的论述有相同内容反复重复之感，略显单薄。另外，文章有几处意思表达不清，这也是本文比较遗憾的地方。但总体而言，本文是一篇比较不错的文章。
评分：16分

作者: ziyue123a 时间: 08-12-1 14:23
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作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-1 15:50
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to appreciate the wonderful services that you offered in the beach resort, and to give our compliments to the beautiful landscape of the resort heartily. Yester ... [/quote]
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to appreciate the wonderful services that you offered in the beach resort, and to give our compliments(compliment 表示“对某人的赞赏或者致意”，用在这个语境不合适，改为：show our admiration) to the beautiful landscape(landscape主要表示“陆地上的景色”与文中要表示的海景不符合，改为scene) of the resort heartily（副词的位置错误，应该放在give前面）. Yesterday, my friend Bob and I ended the vacation in your resort. The wooden lane along the sea line, the clean and soft sand and (并列短语间，在最后一个词语前用“and”，这里用逗号)the blue sky and seawater were remained (1.remain不用于被动式；2.remain的意思是 “仍然，保持不变”的意思，需要一个前文的对照，意思用在这里也不合适；3 当说不可忘记的景象时，一般用将来时，改为： will always be) an unforgettable image （主语与表语数量不一致，前面例举了几个场景，这里需要用复数，改为：unforgettable images）of us. Also, we must mention that the plants preservation (plants preservation表示“植物保护”；用plant preserve表示“植物保护区”)and the biodiversity in the Daya Island were（这篇文章，着眼于现在写的，用现在时，改为：have been）the most exciting memory of ours（our most exciting memory）.(表意不完整，改为：we must mention that visiting plant preserve and enjoying the biodiversity in the Daya Island have been our most exciting memory)

Meanwhile, I really appreciate your earnest and careful work, which keeps （of protecting） the beautiful nature landscape. We expect that we can return to have another wonderful experience.

Yours sincerely,
Li Ming
评析：
本文作为一封感谢信，语气诚恳真挚，内容详实。词汇丰富，过渡衔接自然，表达比较流畅，体现了作者一定的语言功底。但在选词，时态以及个别句子的叙述上还有些不如意之处。
评分：7
修改后的文章：
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to appreciate the wonderful services that you offered in the beach resort, and to heartily show our admiration to the beautiful scene of the resort. Yesterday, my friend Bob and I ended the vacation in your resort. The wooden lane along the sea line, the clean and soft sand ，the blue sky and seawater will always be unforgettable images of us. Also, we must mention that the visiting plant preserve and enjoying the biodiversity in the Daya Island have been our most exciting memory.

Meanwhile, I really appreciate your earnest and careful work of protecting the beautiful nature landscape. We expect that we can return to have another wonderful experience.

Yours sincerely,
Li Ming

The given cartoon vividly shows the feeling of a farmer who walked in the city road. He was very curious about the ‘chips’ under the transparent road surface. (意思表达的不清楚) ‘Are the chips of supercomputer（1句子不完整，2 图中不能看出电脑芯片，这句话放在这里不能理解，改为：Are they the ads of supercomputers）? Is the digital age here?’ He spent a lot of time to learn (learning) the concept of ‘supercomputer’. Meanwhile, a city lady was utilizing the(a) real digital production(product)—telephone—to talk with somebody in a telephone box, which was full of (covered with) advertisements. In deed（用词不恰当，改为：In fact）, what the farmer was curious about just was (was just) the city advertisement.

Nowadays, lots of advertisement firms try hard to advertise the productions (production 表示“生产”，“产品”用product表示)of their clients in city. From the common television advertisement (advertisements) to the Internet ones, and(then) to the newest one: advertisement(advertisements) printed on the road surface, the city advertisements deep (1.deep不能做动词，渗透用 “ penetrate” 表示2. 用完成时更好，改为have penetrating )into the (去掉the) every aspect of city life. Of course, the revenues of the firms reach the higher ones（文章中没有出现比较，这里用比较级不合适，另外用the firms 做主语显得更自然，改为：the firms can have high revenues）, but the advertisement still has the (its)harmful side(建议另起一句) to lure people to open their wallet and to exaggerate the effect of the production.(表达的逻辑不清楚，改为：it may lure people to blindly open their wallet by exaggerating the effects of the products)

In my opinion, it is high time to review the current advertisement regulations. On one hand, the place which is fit for the advertisement must be narrowed (limited/restricted，表达不地道，修改见后面). On the other hand, the government should reinforce the examination to (of) the content (contents) of advertisement (advertisements). Only in this way can we have a comfortable and clean urban life. (改为：comfortable and clean city)
评析：
本文形象地描写了图片内容，抓住了图片的内涵，并进行了适当的延伸说明，段落严谨，层次分明。文章句式变换，句子结构基本准确，用词较为丰富，体现了作者的语言功底。但在语言运用和作文构思上，仍有需要注意的地方。在语言运用发面：注意选词的准确，词语之间的搭配，以及句式的完整。在构思方面：图片描写的过长，应该再凝练些，二段中铺述部分比较长，相比起来，广告的负面影响论述就显得不充分。
评分：16
修改后的文章：
The given cartoon vividly shows the feeling of a farmer who walked in the city road. He was very curious about the ads. “Are they the ads of supercomputers”? Is the digital age here?’ He spent a lot of time learning the concept of ‘supercomputer’. Meanwhile, a city lady was utilizing a real digital product—telephone—to talk with somebody in a telephone box, which was covered with advertisements. In fact, what the farmer was curious about was just the city advertisement.

Nowadays, lots of advertisement firms try hard to advertise the products of their clients in city. From the common television advertisements to the Internet ones, and to the newest one: advertisements printed on the road surface, the city advertisements have penetrating into the every aspect of city life. Of course, the firms can have high revenues, but the advertisement still has its harmful side. It may lure people to blindly open their wallet by exaggerating the effects of the products.

In my opinion, it is high time to review the current advertisement regulations. On one hand, there should be restriction on the places where advertisements are permitted. On the other hand, the government should reinforce the examination of the contents of advertisements. Only in this way can we have a comfortable and clean city.

作者: xubai0383 时间: 08-12-1 16:43
谢谢啦！！！

作者: xubai0383 时间: 08-12-1 16:53
谢谢啦！！

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-1 17:18
Dear Sir,
As a student of the university, I would like to use the opportunity to propose at (propose是及物动词，意思是“提出建议、想法”，用法是：propose+名词/that/v-ing。建议修改为：propose changes to) the library service.

In general, all your efforts provide (加上with) us a comfortable and convenient environment to study（to study in或for study）, yet I think there are still some aspects to improve. Firstly, the speed of update (改为：updating) newly-published books is sort of slowness(slow); secondly, the library searching agency often does not work; thirdly, I wonder if the amount of desks preparing (改为：prepared) for us can be increased.（这样表达太绕弯了，应直接表达：I hope there are more desks available to us）

Again, I really appreciate what you have done for us and I will be more than happy if what I suggest can take place (1.应用被动式。2.take place的意思是“发生”，用在这里不合适。建议改为：be accepted / adopted / taken up).

Yours Sincerely

Li Ming

修改后：
Dear Sir,
As a student of the university, I would like to use the opportunity to propose changes to the library service.

In general, all your efforts provide with us a comfortable and convenient environment to study in, yet I think there are still some aspects to improve. Firstly, the speed of updating newly-published books is sort of slow; secondly, the library searching agency often does not work; thirdly, I hope there are more desks available to us.

Again, I really appreciate what you have done for us and I will be more than happy if what I suggest can be accepted.

Yours Sincerely

Li Ming

评析：
本文语言流畅，体现了作者有一定的驾驭文字能力。在段落结构方面，条理很清楚，第一段简洁地说明了要建议的内容，第二段清晰的表达了需要改善的三个方面，第三段表示感谢和希望建议被采纳。全文没有什么多余的文字和表达，干净利落。句式有一定的变换。但须注意的是用词的准确性，如果没有把握，一定要勤查字典。
评分：8分

作者: Fight4Love 时间: 08-12-1 21:55
谢谢楼主
楼主辛苦啦！！！

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-2 09:53
As is vividly decipts (1.拼写错误。2.应用被动式。改为：depicted) in the picture, a mobile phone receiving junk messages makes his fellows-gabbage(1. 拼写错误。改为：garbage)-angry (改为：makes his fellow garbage angry). Obviously, certain thought-provoking implication has been (certain的英语解释是”some”，因此implication应用复数形式。修改为：certain thought-provoking implications have been)revealed in the drawing above.

Simple as the picture is, the drawer intends to convey a more (此处无须比较级，去掉more) profound meanings (改为：meaning).(此句话与第一段最后一句重复，可删去。) Nowadays, with the development of economics (改为economy), people can afford more phones (表意有问题，应该是越来越多的人负担得起手机。改为：more and more people can afford phones). Though convenient it is (倒装句式错误。1.让步状语从句的倒装形式为：强调对象＋as/though＋主语＋其它部分，应改为：Convenient though it is。2. though引导让步状语从句时，可以倒装也可以不倒装；而as引导让步状语从句时必须倒装。所以，此处也可以说：Though it is convenient), one receives more and more messages that they do not need. Some reasons account for this phenomenon. For one thing, people do such ill behavior (复数形式behaviors) for their self-interests: making funny (having fun) or (加上making) economy (economic) interests. For another, it’s hard to find and punish (加上the people) who send junk messages. It\'s a waste of resource (句子缺少连接词，显得比较跳跃。建议将这句话与后一句合并为：Since these trash messages are wastes of resources, we shouldn’t let the situation continue, or we will pay a high price). Were the situation continous (拼写错误continue), we will pay a high price.

What should be done in response to this phenomenon? In my opinion, conbined (combined) efforts can (改为must) be made. To begin with, laws and regulations should be set up to restrict sending junk messages. What’s more, a nation-wide campaign should be launched to educate people to understand the importance of self-discipline. If we take these steps, a bright future is ahead of us.

修改后：
As is vividly depicted in the picture, a mobile phone receiving junk messages makes his fellow garbage angry. Obviously, certain thought-provoking implications have been revealed in the drawing above.

Nowadays, with the development of economy, more and more people can afford phones). Convenient though it is, one receives more and more messages that they do not need. Some reasons account for this phenomenon. For one thing, people do such ill behaviors for their self-interests: having fun or making economic interests. For another, it’s hard to find and punish the people who send junk messages. Since these trash messages are wastes of resources, we shouldn’t let the situation continue, or we will pay a high price.

What should be done in response to this phenomenon? In my opinion, combined efforts must be made. To begin with, laws and regulations should be set up to restrict sending junk messages. What’s more, a nation-wide campaign should be launched to educate people to understand the importance of self-discipline. If we take these steps, a bright future is ahead of us.

评析：
这篇文章内容完整切题，结构比较清晰，句式有变化，用词比较多样化。但是因为词语使用出现了较多的错误和拼写错误，影响了文章的质量。望在这方面加强多练。
评分：14分

作者: liubobo89 时间: 08-12-2 13:55
标题: 回复 #1 peterzjf 的帖子
感谢搂主奉献！谢谢！

作者: clementgrace 时间: 08-12-2 14:37
haohao

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-2 15:10
The figures in the above picture indicate the stable increase of the number of cellphone users during seven years. As (加上is) shown in the histogram, the number of folks (语气不正式，改为：people) having cellphones has been rising from 200 in 1999 to approximately 1000 in 2005, which has increased nearly 5 times. Such phenomena conveyed (与phenomena不搭配。改为：described) in the histogram above provoked (要与前文时态统一，改为provoke) nation spread (spread使用错误，改为nationwide) debates in our daily life.

The reasons of the increasing number of owing mobile phones (1. 拼写错误，应为owning。2.此处表达错误，改为：mobile phone owners) can be briefly illustrated (illustrate指“图画、图表、例子来说明”。故此处应改用：listed\\summarized) as follows. For one thing, developed technology and science, as (加上is) known to all, extremely improve the development of the (非特指，去掉the) cellphone (复数形式cellphones) and also greatly reduce the cost (加上of) producing the (非特指，去掉the) phone(复数形式phones). In other words, the booming of the phone (phones) is attributable to the increasing number of the (去掉the) electronic produces (produce做名词的意思是“农产品[尤指新鲜水果和蔬菜]”。此处改用：products). For another, cells is (改为：cellphones are) needed in our life and work. As a number (改为：member) of societies (society做“社会”的意思时，不可数；意思是“团体、协会”时，可数。故此处改为：society), it is vital for us to communicate (加上with) each other. Indeed, it is phone as a tool that is to (去掉is to) provide (provides) this (去掉this) assistances (不可数名词 assistance) and (demands与动词meet搭配，故此处加上meets) (our) demands. The fact that phone has been (去掉been) became (过去分词形式是：become) our needs is not (去掉not) witnessed. Briefly speaking, the trend of using the (去掉the) cellphones is thriving by developing technology and the needs of an ocean of people.

From my own perspective, cellphone, in the long run, is useful and necessary. Indeed, mobile phone, in a great new ear (拼写错误，改为：era) of information, can make us to (去掉to。make sb do sth) have a good understanding with each other and help us gain a sea of useful and immediate informations (不可数名词，改为：information). Accordingly, it is badly necessary for human beings to owning (应用动词原型：own) their own cellphones.

修改后：
The figures in the above picture indicate the stable increase of the number of cellphone users during seven years. As is shown in the histogram, the number of people having cellphones has been rising from 200 in 1999 to approximately 1000 in 2005, which has increased nearly 5 times. Such phenomena described in the histogram above provoke nationwide debates in our daily life.

The reasons of the increasing number of mobile phone owners can be briefly summarized as follows. For one thing, developed technology and science, as is known to all, extremely improve the development of cellphones and also greatly reduce the cost of producing phones. In other words, the booming of phones is attributable to the increasing number of electronic products. For another, cellphones are needed in our life and work. As a member of society, it is vital for us to communicate with each other. Indeed, it is phone as a tool that provides assistance and meets our demands. The fact that phone has become our needs is witnessed. Briefly speaking, the trend of using cellphones is thriving by developing technology and the needs of an ocean of people.

Mobile phone, in a great new era of information, can make us have a good understanding with each other and help us gain a sea of useful and immediate information. Accordingly, it is badly necessary for human beings to own their own cellphones.

评析：
本文清楚地分析了图表，抓住了数据的核心，并且用凝练的语言来表述。在分析原因的段落里，作者的思路是比较清晰的，通过for one thing……for another……的表达方式讲了两点原因。文章句式有变换，用词比较丰富。但是第二段的语句有重复之感，内容比较空。第三段第一句亦如此，可以删去。此外，本文另一个明显的问题是用词准确性的问题，望作者多加强基本功的练习。
评分：14分

C

作者: jjwwde 时间: 08-12-2 16:08
英语基础不好,很着急,谢谢指导

作者: yyfwhc 时间: 08-12-2 18:22
提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

作者: wufan0715 时间: 08-12-2 18:26
期待楼主的修改！支持！

作者: Fight4Love 时间: 08-12-2 22:18
谢谢楼主分享！！！

作者: skq1981 时间: 08-12-3 00:34
tailihaile

作者: seamo12345 时间: 08-12-3 01:23
提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-3 15:03
小作文
Dear Wang Lin,

I am so happy that you have been recruited by a famous firm. Definitely, this is the result of that you have been working and studying hard these years (1. working 和studying语义重复。2. result of 后面接sth。改为：your hard working during these years). In our school years, you had the ambitions (ambition) of establishing a career and tried your best to it (try one’s best to do sth.改为：tried your best to realize it). Now, your efforts have been compensated by the job which you have just gotten. Of course, it does not mean the stop of making progress. On the contrary, it is just a beginning platform of your career.

Congratulate (congratulate是及物动词。表示祝贺，可用：Congratulations) again! I believe that you will be competent for the job and will own a brilliant future.

Sincerely yours,

Li Ming

修改后：
Dear Wang Lin,

I am so happy that you have been recruited by a famous firm. Definitely, this is the result of your hard working during these years. In our school years, you had the ambition of establishing a career and tried your best to realize it. Now, your efforts have been compensated by the job which you have just gotten. Of course, it does not mean the stop of making progress. On the contrary, it is just a beginning platform of your career.

Congratulations again! I believe that you will be competent for the job and will own a brilliant future.

Sincerely yours,

Li Ming

评析：
本文是一封祝贺信，感情真挚，信中洋溢着喜悦。语言比较得体，信息点也都涵盖了。需要注意的是词语和句子结构的正确使用。文中出现的错误都是比较基础的词汇，望引起作者注意。
评分：8分

大作文
The given cartoon vividly depicted a send-off party. The leading role of the party–Pluto--was not willing to separate from the planet family and it was reluctant to drag its luggage with tears to leave away. In contrast (此处无比较，应改用：And meanwhile), other planets were waving their hands to Pluto and were (可以去掉) saying ‘Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye…’

The painter wants to reach his aim at reflecting that with the development of science and technology, anything is possible. Just as the cartoon reflecting (改为reflects), nowadays, with the further research of astronomy scientists have found that Pluto can not be classed as planet. Pluto, which is the farthest globe from the center of the solar system, has been justified as a dwarf planet but rather (改为：rather than) a planet. Another example is mobile phone. No one can (could) imagine that it will (would) be so smart, cheap and lovely ten years ago. At that time, (加上even) the richest people used (could only use) the heavy, inconvenient ‘Dageda’ (不能使用汉语拼音。改为：mobile phone) to communicate with others.

In my opinion, we should emphasize continuous study to adapt (加上to) this digital age. The development of science and technology is so fast that all knowledge may be outdated. We have learnt lots of theory (theories) from our study of (in) university, but whether they are the most suitable ones for the changing world. This problem is worthy to think carefully. (句子结构错误。修改为：but it is worthy of careful consideration whether they are suited to the changing world.) Otherwise, we have to say goodbye to the individual development even exist just as Pluto did. (表意不清。修改为：Therefore we need to update ourselves every day, or we will fall behind the development of the times and face the same destiny of being eliminated as Pluto did.)

修改后：
The given cartoon vividly depicted a send-off party. The leading role of the party–Pluto--was not willing to separate from the planet family and it was reluctant to drag its luggage with tears to leave away. And meanwhile, other planets were waving their hands to Pluto and saying ‘Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye…’

The painter wants to reach his aim at reflecting that with the development of science and technology, anything is possible. Just as the cartoon reflects, nowadays, with the further research of astronomy scientists have found that Pluto can not be classed as planet. Pluto, which is the farthest globe from the center of the solar system, has been justified as a dwarf planet rather than a planet. Another example is mobile phone. No one could imagine that it would be so smart, cheap and lovely ten years ago. At that time, even the richest people could only use the heavy, inconvenient mobile phone to communicate with others.

In my opinion, we should emphasize continuous study to adapt to this digital age. The development of science and technology is so fast that all knowledge may be outdated. We have learnt lots of theories from our study in university, but it is worthy of careful consideration whether they are suited to the changing world. Therefore we need to update ourselves every day, or we will fall behind the development of the times and face the same destiny of being eliminated as Pluto did.

评语：
本文比较清晰的描述了图片的内容，并且对图片的内涵做了较为贴切的说明。文章的段落层次是明晰的，但是语言逻辑上不是很清楚，句子间的联系不够紧密，还有些句子表意不清。不过从句式上可以看出作者还是下了一定功夫的，请继续努力吧！
评分：15分

C

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-3 15:25
小作文
Dear Bob,

I’m so exited that you will visit me and spent (spend) the coming holiday with me. And (无需使用and) I prepare (have prepared) certain arrangements for you; (去掉分号，加and) I wonder if you will like them.

Since you will arrive at (in) Beijing at 8p.m, I want to cook a simple dinner for u (拼写不规范you) so that u (you) can have a good rest after the long flight. And (无需使用and) in the next a few days, I’m so eager to show u (you) around the great places of my city like the Forbidden City, the Great Wall, the Summer Palace and the like. Of course we are definitely going to visit the Bird Nest which u’r (we are) long for.

Please tell me if u (you) have any other ideas and I’m waiting for you in Beijing.

Your’s Sincerely

Yours Sincerely,

LM

Li Ming

修改后：
Dear Bob,

I’m so exited that you will visit me and spend the coming holiday with me. I have prepared certain arrangements for you and I wonder if you will like them.

Since you will arrive in Beijing at 8:00 p.m., I want to cook a simple dinner for you so that you can have a good rest after the long flight. In the next a few days, I’m so eager to show you around the great places of my city like the Forbidden City, the Great Wall, the Summer Palace and the like. Of course we are definitely going to visit the Bird Nest which we are long for.

Please tell me if you have any other ideas and I’m waiting for you in Beijing.

Yours Sincerely,

Li Ming

评析：
本文层次比较分明，语言表达较为流畅。有两个问题需要注意。第一，连词and的使用，不能随意在句子中加上and。第二，书写规范问题。现在流行把you写作u，但正式的文章中不能出现这种随意的书写。
评分：6分

大作文

As illustrated in the cartoon, two young men are struggling to climb to the top of the building, (此处需另起一句) one (两个人中的一个是特指，改用The) formal student who is climbing up the ladders (ladder) getting (get) a certification (“文凭”应用certificate) and the learned-by-himself one who is climbing up only on (with) a rope cultivating (cultivate) real abilities. What the cartoon implies is that different education fashions (“教育方式”为education mode) cultivate different students.

Normally, formal students acquire more or less knowledge but they don’t know how to put them into apply (practice), or how to approach to (1. approach的意思是“deal with”[处理],是及物动词，因此把to 去掉。2.approach the knowledge和put them into practice在语义上重复) the knowledge. But the students who learn by themselves definitely make clear how to think, practice and apply, and they’re acquired (they acquire) great and real abilities during the process of development (表意不准确self-education). Take Bill Gates for example, who (he) dropped from Harvard, but he occupied the site of the No.1 rich man (表述错误，改为the 1st position on the Forbes 500 rich list) for decades of years.

As the picture shows, certification (certificate) does not mean or testify (testify to sth 是“作为某事的证据”的意思，此处加上to) what we can do or what we learn (文凭不能证明我们的能力，但是能证明我们学过什么，即使是学得不好). Only when we experience the true process of learning, can we r (此处应用become) useful to the society.

修改后：
As illustrated in the cartoon, two young men are struggling to climb to the top of the building. The formal student who is climbing up the ladder get a certificate and the learned-by-himself one who is climbing up only with a rope cultivate real abilities. What the cartoon implies is that different education modes cultivate different students.

Normally, formal students acquire more or less knowledge but they don’t know how to put them into practice. However, the students who learn by themselves definitely make clear how to think, practice and apply, and they acquire great and real abilities during the process of self-education. Take Bill Gates for example, he dropped from Harvard, but he occupied the 1st position on the Forbes 500 rich list for decades of years.

As the picture shows, certificate does not mean or testify to what we can do. Only when we experience the true process of learning, can we become useful to the society.

评析：
本文较为清楚地表达了图画的内涵，用词和句式有一定的多样化，段落结构比较严谨。文章的问题有用词不准确，句式融合，表述不清。这些和词汇、语法等基本功有关，望作者加强相关的练习。
评分：14分

c

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-3 16:53
As can be seen from the picture, a man is making an advertisement that (改为which promises that) his cure is curable to (改为his medicines can cure) all kinds of illness（illnesses）. In our daily life, many people, just like the man, keep making advertisements in which they take a lie (改为with lies) to beautify their manners (manners使用不当,改为images) or make their productions (productions是“生产”的意思。表示“产品”用products) seem perfect and powerful.

Such advertisements, amazing and dubious（amazing 和dubious 第一个指觉得很好，另一个是说值得怀疑，两个不应该同时出现在第一想法里） at first glance, come into being mainly for two reasons. On the one hand, some enterprises take advantage of it（指代不明，改为these advertisements）to win the (非特指，去掉the) consumers’ trust and respect, with the result that the consumers are deceived and misled to buy their productions (products). On the other hand, some individuals and constitutions, obsessed with money and fame (having mean ambitions) (表意不清), are so selfish and dishonest that they are trying to achieve their goals by means of cheat.

Such deceptive advertisements are harmful to us and our society, creating an atmosphere in which people lose mutual trust and become indifferent. As a result, our economic development, as well as the pace of building a harmonious society will be hindered. Only when we are honest and sincere can we change this situation.

修改后：
As can be seen from the picture, a man is making an advertisement which promises that his medicines can cure all kinds of illnesses. In our daily life, many people, just like the man, keep making advertisements with lies to beautify their images or make their products seem perfect and powerful.

Such advertisements come into being mainly for two reasons. On the one hand, some enterprises take advantage of these advertisements to win consumers’ trust and respect, with the result that the consumers are deceived and misled to buy their products. On the other hand, some individuals and constitutions, obsessed with money, are so selfish and dishonest that they are trying to achieve their goals by means of cheat.

Such deceptive advertisements are harmful to us and our society, creating an atmosphere in which people lose mutual trust and become indifferent. As a result, our economic development, as well as the pace of building a harmonious society will be hindered. Only when we are honest and sincere can we change this situation.

评析：
本文段落结构比较清晰，句式有变换，用词比较丰富。拼写方面的情况也很好。作者有意识的使用了一些复杂的句型，这值得表扬。但同时也暴露出一些问题：作者对句型掌握的不熟练，使用出现错误，有的句子因为拼接了过多的信息，读起来不自然。建议使用句型前一定要对其用法真正了然于心，并且不能为了长的句子而添加词句。
评析：15分

C

作者: woxingwosu1985 时间: 08-12-3 23:30
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作者: wf2111001 时间: 08-12-4 01:10
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作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-4 14:00
小作文
Dear Sir and Madam:
I am a senior from the Department of Chinese Lauguage (Language) and Literature of Jilin University. I want to take this opptunities (opportunity) to express my hope to become one of the volunteers of all stripes (语言啰嗦，改为：a volunteer)in the disaster area of Sichuan Province.

I must explain that the reason for this thought is my strong feeling. As a Chinaese (Chinese), I have responsibilites (responsibilities) to help others who need concerns and helps(都是不可数名词). I would do my best to become a proper volunteer. What I want to understand (改为know) is how many measures there are before I become a volunteer.(表述有问题，改为what the measures of becoming a volunteer are.)

I would like (加上to express) my sincere gratitude for your kind considerations (consideration) of my requests. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours sincerely

Li Ming

评析：
本文结构比较明晰，语言得体且较为流畅，句子结构上没有大的问题，但是拼写错误和单复数问题较严重，望在这方面加强锻炼。
评分：7分

大作文
As is symbolically illustrated in the picture, a man of cultivating land (who cultivates crops on the land) is siping (drinking) a drop of water .what is conveyed in the picture is a thought--provoking and profound subject. Superficially, it seems to be somewhat complicated, but when weighing in the mind, we find there is an apparent tendency underlying this idiom: no pains, no gains.

It goes without saying that the purpose of this cartoon is to show us that importance should be attached to working hard (hard working). First and foremost, with the quick development of Chinese economy, making great effort (efforts) has become one of the most popular topics discussed not only by experts but also by people in all walks of life. What\'s more, making efforts is a traditional virtue of Chinese nation. Last but not least, lack of efforts does more harm to development of our society and civilization than good. (改为：does more harm than good to the development of our society and civilization)

To sum up, life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it .Making great effort is a positive value .The value of life lies not in the length of days, but in the use we make of them. So having right values in life is very indispensable for (to) us. Only in this way can we have a magnificent life.

评析：
本文语言流畅，结构清楚，句式富于变换，用词比较丰富和准确。问题在于空洞的话比较多，尤其是第一段，建议模板套话使用得不要太多，否则也会影响文章的质量。关于你问如何写好英文字的问题，我认为短期内是很难练出来的，但是一定不要潦草，不要涂涂抹抹，干净整洁就好。
评分：16分

C

作者: huiyilieche 时间: 08-12-4 15:55
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作者: wufan0715 时间: 08-12-4 21:18
谢谢楼主分享！

作者: fengming007 时间: 08-12-4 22:10
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作者: lovecatjue 时间: 08-12-4 23:47
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作者: zln 时间: 08-12-4 23:59
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作者: dycjf 时间: 08-12-5 12:16
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作者: ff820328 时间: 08-12-5 17:06
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作者: 敏敏 时间: 08-12-5 17:24
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作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-5 18:00

原帖由 fengming007 于 2008-12-4 22:10 发表
As is vividly shown in the picture,a mobile phone with trash messages are being received om its screen has been a new friend of several dustbins. It goes without saying that the purpose of the dr ...

As is vividly shown in the picture, a mobile phone with trash messages are being received on its screen has been a new friend of several dustbins. (表意不清，修改为：a mobile phone among several dustbins are receiving trash messages. ) It goes without saying that the purpose of the drawing is to reveal to us a critical problem which we should take into account seriously.

Nowadays rubbish messages has (have) been a hot topic discussed in all walks of people (among people from all walks of life). Of course we can not deny that the cell phone brings us much of conveniences (much convenience). Wherever you are and whatever it is, (if) only you want, can you (you can) communicate with your family through a message. But meanwhile every coin has two sides, this also become a probability to send you messages which most of them are useful (句式错误。修改为：it is also probably that you will receive some useless messages) as long as someone knows your phone member, even you do not want to read them (删除). This not only wastes our time but also may disturb our normal life.

Thus, it is the high time that our society took effective measures and developed new technology to stop those rubbish messages. Moreover, we civils (civilians) also should to (去掉) take part in and boycott these messages (take part in boycotting these messages). Finally, I believe that our society would be（a）more harmonious and a (去掉a) better place for us to live in.

评析：
本文正确地阐释了图画的内涵，段落结构比较清晰，句式运用上也具多样化。需要注意的是许多语法错误，一定要细心避免那些基础的语法错误，对于自己没有掌握的要重新学习。句子结构方面还需加强，望认真分析自己写错的句子的原因。
评分：14分

C

作者: fengming007 时间: 08-12-5 23:35
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作者: fengming007 时间: 08-12-5 23:43
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作者: zhengcaisheng 时间: 08-12-6 01:24
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作者: 解语花8965 时间: 08-12-6 12:04
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作者: huaxi 时间: 08-12-6 15:01
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作者: xfjoanna 时间: 08-12-6 22:56
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作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-7 12:41
Kfzhou:

第二套作文
Dear Bob,
I am very happy to know that you are going to visit me this holiday. I miss you very much and I am eager to see you soon. When I told (主句和从句时态保持一致tell) this good news to my parents, they both welcome you warmly and are looking forward for (to) your arrival.
My hometown Beijing is a beautiful city which is famous for her long history and modernization in the world. I plan to show you around this city. We will go to the Great Wall, (the) Forbidden City, (the) Summer Palace, (the) Bird’s Nest and (the) Water Cube. My parents will cook delicious Chinese food for you. We hope you can enjoy everyday with us.
Give my best wishes to your parents. I am looking forward to see (seeing) you!

Yours sincerely
Li Ming

评析：
本文涵盖了要求的信息点，语言得体，结构清晰，句式错误较少。
评分：8分

In the picture, there are two persons climbing the knowledge building. One is climbing by a ladder which is already set by the formers, (此处重点是“已经安排好了”而非是“某人”安排的，故修改为：which has been set) while the other one is climbing only by a rope through self-study (rope与self-study的关系没有弄清楚，修改为：which symbolizes self-study). And the final goals are quite different, too. The first-mentioned man aims at high diploma, by contrast, the other aims at the genuine ability and knowledge.

We can draw several implications from this picture. First, it is obviously that climbing a ladder is safer and easier than climbing a rope. This means that learning is much easier by taking a formal education than self-education. However, through the hard self-study journey, one can develop the habit of independent thinking, which is very important in one’s life. Besides, it also shows that high diploma doesn’t mean high ability. There are too many people pursuit (who pursue) the high diploma rather than real ability. They would find them (themselves) wrong when they join in the competitive society.

As we students, we should pay more attention to the genuine ability. Without the real ability, we can’t take the pace of the time being (短语用错了keep pace with the times).

评析：
本文正确阐述了图画的内涵，语言较为流畅，段落结构比较有条理，句式使用有变换，个别地方的表述有问题望引起注意。
评分：14分

[三个问题]希望您能解答：
1、请问一般英文中每段前空几个字母？首段空几个格，书信和其他在段首格式上是一样的吗？

空几个字母都行，一般空4个字母。书信有两种，一种是正文每段都空4个字母，一种是正文开头不缩进。
2、大作文要不要写标题？格式是怎样的？谢谢！

不用写。
3、大小作文的字数要求问题：小作文要求不少于100，那一般写多少为好；大作文是160——200，那写多少为好呢？

小作文少于或等于90个词就开始扣分，大作文最少不能少于160词，不要超过200词，在其范围之内都好。不用写太多，写多了老师也不会都看的。

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-7 12:45
第三套作文

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am an undergraduate student from Tsinghua University. I want to continue my study at your university after I graduate in July the (去掉the) next year. I am writing to you to ask for relevant information.
First, my major is nuclear engineering, and I want to know the advantage of your university on this subject. Besides, if you could give me some information about the professors in the field in your university, it would be highly appreciated. Finally, I also want to know the tuition.
I am looking forward for (to) your letter.
Yours sincerely,
Li Ming

评析：
本文是一封询问信。文章用语较为得体，段落结构比较明晰，文中的语法、用词错误较少。但是文章句子在形式上的变换相对较少。
评分：9分

It is widely considered that the problem of internet addiction is increasingly serious. This is most vividly illustrated in the above picture. It shows that a person is getting drowned in the web sea, with his struggling hand still visible.

The painter wants to tell us that the web is not always benefitable (用词错误，改为：beneficial). Sometimes it may ruin us when (if) we do not use it reasonable （reasonably）. The web must be one thing that modern people can’t live without it. Some people take the internet addiction. (句子不连贯，修改为：Nowadays modern people become gradually rely on the Internet, and some of them are even addicted to the net) This phenomenon is very popular among the young, especially among the students who are still study in middle school (简单表达为：the middle school students). When getting in (on) the internet, the students forget everything else, such as sleep (sleeping), eating and even of (去掉of) study (studying). They may also think it in class, while others (指代不明 other students) are listening.

We can get information from the web, but to be sure you can use it reasonable (句子结构错误，修改为：We should make a reasonable use of Internet, for instance, getting useful information); otherwise, we will be drowned in the web sea that we can not help ourselves(and couldn’t help ourselves out).

评析：
本文对图画内涵的理解正确，并较为清晰地描述了图片和阐述寓意，文章框架结构比较有条理，句式有变换。但是文中句子错误较多，可见作者的语法知识掌握的不牢固，望在此方面多努力！
评分：11分

作者: yy331011 时间: 08-12-7 13:10
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作者: qm007 时间: 08-12-7 13:14
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作者: qm007 时间: 08-12-7 13:16
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作者: sunquan102 时间: 08-12-7 15:26
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作者: wojiushicuixin 时间: 08-12-7 18:46
谢谢啦!!!

作者: mj048319 时间: 08-12-7 22:08
我没有做过～

作者: tmy1225 时间: 08-12-8 15:34
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作者: michellewin2009 时间: 08-12-9 14:23
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作者: 四废书房主人 时间: 08-12-9 16:01
提问一下，那个六套题跟八套题有啥区别啊？
另外，八套题下注明了1999—2007，为什么没有2008呢？这八套题的性质是模拟试题么？
先谢谢了！

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-10 11:17

原帖由 四废书房主人 于 2008-12-9 16:01 发表
提问一下，那个六套题跟八套题有啥区别啊？
另外，八套题下注明了1999—2007，为什么没有2008呢？这八套题的性质是模拟试题么？
先谢谢了！

（1）六套题分为两个部分，正式出版的是去年八套题中的前六套题，网上赠送的是考试中心出版过的六套题。
（2）1999至2007年是指六位命题专家的命题时间。

作者: 四废书房主人 时间: 08-12-10 12:13
标题: 回复 #104 peterzjf 的帖子
恩，非常感谢！
那八套题是否就是今年新命制的模拟题呢？呵呵，请再给解释下，谢谢了！

作者: peterzjf 时间: 08-12-10 14:20

Kfzhou的作文

It is widely believed that independence is very important for every (one) of us. This is most vividly illustrated in the above picture, which shows three growth stages of a tree. At the first two stages, the tree was (保持时态一致is) young, and was (保持时态一致is)
supported by a fork. When tree grows big enough, the fork is moved away. To everyone’s surprise, the tree falls down. It means that excessively dependent (excessive dependence) on others will ruin us.

The painter wants to tell us that, just like the tree, whatever we are doing, we should rely on ourselves. Just look around us, people who have made great achievements must depend on themselves, such as Liu Xiang, Qian Xuesen, and so on. We are students at present, and we also must develop the habit of independent thinking, which provide us (with) an opportunity to gain more knowledge. With more knowledge, we can keep pace with (the) times.

Every tub must stand on its own bottom, as the saying goes. Independence is very important in our life and everyone must take it.

评析：
本文语言表达流畅，段落结构严谨、条理清晰，文章内容比较充实，句式富于变化且自然，有几处小的语法错误请注意。
评分：15分

To whom it may concern,
Thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to work in your company. After two days consideration on my future career, I have decided to decline the offer. I am sorry, and I hope my decision won’t cause you much trouble.
There are several reasons for that. First of all, I have to seek a position offering a higher salary because I have taken a loan. Besides, I would like to move back to my hometown to be with my parents. Finally, I don’t think this job will offer me opportunities advancement (an opportunity of development或者an opportunity to grow).
I apologize again for any inconvenience my decision may cause. Wish your company a good future.
Yours sincerely
Li Ming

评析：
本文措辞比较得体，文章框架结构也较为严谨，句子通畅表达自然，语法错误少。
评分：10分

C

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