张剑 曾鸣《考研英语最后冲刺8套题》答疑专贴（已经开始作文修改了）

期待楼主的修改！支持！

谢谢楼主分享！！！

tailihaile

谢谢啦。。。。。

小作文
Dear Wang Lin,

I am so happy that you have been recruited by a famous firm. Definitely, this is the result of that you have been working and studying hard these years (1. working 和studying语义重复。2. result of 后面接sth。改为：your hard working during these years). In our school years, you had the ambitions (ambition) of establishing a career and tried your best to it (try one’s best to do sth.改为：tried your best to realize it). Now, your efforts have been compensated by the job which you have just gotten. Of course, it does not mean the stop of making progress. On the contrary, it is just a beginning platform of your career.

Congratulate (congratulate是及物动词。表示祝贺，可用：Congratulations) again! I believe that you will be competent for the job and will own a brilliant future.

Sincerely yours,

Li Ming

修改后：
Dear Wang Lin,

I am so happy that you have been recruited by a famous firm. Definitely, this is the result of your hard working during these years. In our school years, you had the ambition of establishing a career and tried your best to realize it. Now, your efforts have been compensated by the job which you have just gotten. Of course, it does not mean the stop of making progress. On the contrary, it is just a beginning platform of your career.

Congratulations again! I believe that you will be competent for the job and will own a brilliant future.

Sincerely yours,

Li Ming

评析：
本文是一封祝贺信，感情真挚，信中洋溢着喜悦。语言比较得体，信息点也都涵盖了。需要注意的是词语和句子结构的正确使用。文中出现的错误都是比较基础的词汇，望引起作者注意。
评分：8分


大作文
The given cartoon vividly depicted a send-off party. The leading role of the party–Pluto--was not willing to separate from the planet family and it was reluctant to drag its luggage with tears to leave away. In contrast (此处无比较，应改用：And meanwhile), other planets were waving their hands to Pluto and were (可以去掉) saying ‘Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye…’

The painter wants to reach his aim at reflecting that with the development of science and technology, anything is possible. Just as the cartoon reflecting (改为reflects), nowadays, with the further research of astronomy scientists have found that Pluto can not be classed as planet. Pluto, which is the farthest globe from the center of the solar system, has been justified as a dwarf planet but rather (改为：rather than) a planet. Another example is mobile phone. No one can (could) imagine that it will (would) be so smart, cheap and lovely ten years ago. At that time, (加上even) the richest people used (could only use) the heavy, inconvenient ‘Dageda’ (不能使用汉语拼音。改为：mobile phone) to communicate with others.

In my opinion, we should emphasize continuous study to adapt (加上to) this digital age. The development of science and technology is so fast that all knowledge may be outdated. We have learnt lots of theory (theories) from our study of (in) university, but whether they are the most suitable ones for the changing world. This problem is worthy to think carefully. (句子结构错误。修改为：but it is worthy of careful consideration whether they are suited to the changing world.) Otherwise, we have to say goodbye to the individual development even exist just as Pluto did. (表意不清。修改为：Therefore we need to update ourselves every day, or we will fall behind the development of the times and face the same destiny of being eliminated as Pluto did.)

修改后：
The given cartoon vividly depicted a send-off party. The leading role of the party–Pluto--was not willing to separate from the planet family and it was reluctant to drag its luggage with tears to leave away. And meanwhile, other planets were waving their hands to Pluto and saying ‘Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye…’

The painter wants to reach his aim at reflecting that with the development of science and technology, anything is possible. Just as the cartoon reflects, nowadays, with the further research of astronomy scientists have found that Pluto can not be classed as planet. Pluto, which is the farthest globe from the center of the solar system, has been justified as a dwarf planet rather than a planet. Another example is mobile phone. No one could imagine that it would be so smart, cheap and lovely ten years ago. At that time, even the richest people could only use the heavy, inconvenient mobile phone to communicate with others.

In my opinion, we should emphasize continuous study to adapt to this digital age. The development of science and technology is so fast that all knowledge may be outdated. We have learnt lots of theories from our study in university, but it is worthy of careful consideration whether they are suited to the changing world. Therefore we need to update ourselves every day, or we will fall behind the development of the times and face the same destiny of being eliminated as Pluto did.

评语：
本文比较清晰的描述了图片的内容，并且对图片的内涵做了较为贴切的说明。文章的段落层次是明晰的，但是语言逻辑上不是很清楚，句子间的联系不够紧密，还有些句子表意不清。不过从句式上可以看出作者还是下了一定功夫的，请继续努力吧！
评分：15分


C

小作文
Dear Bob,

I’m so exited that you will visit me and spent (spend) the coming holiday with me. And (无需使用and) I prepare (have prepared) certain arrangements for you; (去掉分号，加and) I wonder if you will like them.

Since you will arrive at (in) Beijing at 8p.m, I want to cook a simple dinner for u (拼写不规范you) so that u (you) can have a good rest after the long flight. And (无需使用and) in the next a few days, I’m so eager to show u (you) around the great places of my city like the Forbidden City, the Great Wall, the Summer Palace and the like. Of course we are definitely going to visit the Bird Nest which u’r (we are) long for.

Please tell me if u (you) have any other ideas and I’m waiting for you in Beijing.

Your’s Sincerely

Yours Sincerely,

LM

Li Ming

修改后：
Dear Bob,

I’m so exited that you will visit me and spend the coming holiday with me. I have prepared certain arrangements for you and I wonder if you will like them.

Since you will arrive in Beijing at 8:00 p.m., I want to cook a simple dinner for you so that you can have a good rest after the long flight. In the next a few days, I’m so eager to show you around the great places of my city like the Forbidden City, the Great Wall, the Summer Palace and the like. Of course we are definitely going to visit the Bird Nest which we are long for.

Please tell me if you have any other ideas and I’m waiting for you in Beijing.

Yours Sincerely,

Li Ming

评析：
本文层次比较分明，语言表达较为流畅。有两个问题需要注意。第一，连词and的使用，不能随意在句子中加上and。第二，书写规范问题。现在流行把you写作u，但正式的文章中不能出现这种随意的书写。
评分：6分

大作文

As illustrated in the cartoon, two young men are struggling to climb to the top of the building, (此处需另起一句) one (两个人中的一个是特指，改用The) formal student who is climbing up the ladders (ladder) getting (get) a certification (“文凭”应用certificate) and the learned-by-himself one who is climbing up only on (with) a rope cultivating (cultivate) real abilities. What the cartoon implies is that different education fashions (“教育方式”为education mode) cultivate different students.


Normally, formal students acquire more or less knowledge but they don’t know how to put them into apply (practice), or how to approach to (1. approach的意思是“deal with”[处理],是及物动词，因此把to 去掉。2.approach the knowledge和put them into practice在语义上重复) the knowledge. But the students who learn by themselves definitely make clear how to think, practice and apply, and they’re acquired (they acquire) great and real abilities during the process of development (表意不准确self-education). Take Bill Gates for example, who (he) dropped from Harvard, but he occupied the site of the No.1 rich man (表述错误，改为the 1st position on the Forbes 500 rich list) for decades of years.


As the picture shows, certification (certificate) does not mean or testify (testify to sth 是“作为某事的证据”的意思，此处加上to) what we can do or what we learn (文凭不能证明我们的能力，但是能证明我们学过什么，即使是学得不好). Only when we experience the true process of learning, can we r (此处应用become) useful to the society.

修改后：
As illustrated in the cartoon, two young men are struggling to climb to the top of the building. The formal student who is climbing up the ladder get a certificate and the learned-by-himself one who is climbing up only with a rope cultivate real abilities. What the cartoon implies is that different education modes cultivate different students.


Normally, formal students acquire more or less knowledge but they don’t know how to put them into practice. However, the students who learn by themselves definitely make clear how to think, practice and apply, and they acquire great and real abilities during the process of self-education. Take Bill Gates for example, he dropped from Harvard, but he occupied the 1st position on the Forbes 500 rich list for decades of years.


As the picture shows, certificate does not mean or testify to what we can do. Only when we experience the true process of learning, can we become useful to the society.

评析：
本文较为清楚地表达了图画的内涵，用词和句式有一定的多样化，段落结构比较严谨。文章的问题有用词不准确，句式融合，表述不清。这些和词汇、语法等基本功有关，望作者加强相关的练习。
评分：14分


c

As can be seen from the picture, a man is making an advertisement that (改为which promises that) his cure is curable to (改为his medicines can cure) all kinds of illness（illnesses）. In our daily life, many people, just like the man, keep making advertisements in which they take a lie (改为with lies) to beautify their manners (manners使用不当,改为images) or make their productions (productions是“生产”的意思。表示“产品”用products) seem perfect and powerful.

Such advertisements, amazing and dubious（amazing 和dubious 第一个指觉得很好，另一个是说值得怀疑，两个不应该同时出现在第一想法里） at first glance, come into being mainly for two reasons. On the one hand, some enterprises take advantage of it（指代不明，改为these advertisements）to win the (非特指，去掉the) consumers’ trust and respect, with the result that the consumers are deceived and misled to buy their productions (products). On the other hand, some individuals and constitutions, obsessed with money and fame (having mean ambitions) (表意不清), are so selfish and dishonest that they are trying to achieve their goals by means of cheat.


Such deceptive advertisements are harmful to us and our society, creating an atmosphere in which people lose mutual trust and become indifferent. As a result, our economic development, as well as the pace of building a harmonious society will be hindered. Only when we are honest and sincere can we change this situation.

修改后：
As can be seen from the picture, a man is making an advertisement which promises that his medicines can cure all kinds of illnesses. In our daily life, many people, just like the man, keep making advertisements with lies to beautify their images or make their products seem perfect and powerful.

Such advertisements come into being mainly for two reasons. On the one hand, some enterprises take advantage of these advertisements to win consumers’ trust and respect, with the result that the consumers are deceived and misled to buy their products. On the other hand, some individuals and constitutions, obsessed with money, are so selfish and dishonest that they are trying to achieve their goals by means of cheat.


Such deceptive advertisements are harmful to us and our society, creating an atmosphere in which people lose mutual trust and become indifferent. As a result, our economic development, as well as the pace of building a harmonious society will be hindered. Only when we are honest and sincere can we change this situation.

评析：
本文段落结构比较清晰，句式有变换，用词比较丰富。拼写方面的情况也很好。作者有意识的使用了一些复杂的句型，这值得表扬。但同时也暴露出一些问题：作者对句型掌握的不熟练，使用出现错误，有的句子因为拼接了过多的信息，读起来不自然。建议使用句型前一定要对其用法真正了然于心，并且不能为了长的句子而添加词句。
评析：15分


C

牛XX!!

不错.辛苦了.谢谢你

小作文
Dear Sir and Madam:
I am a senior from the Department of Chinese Lauguage (Language) and Literature of Jilin University. I want to take this opptunities (opportunity) to express my hope to become one of the volunteers of all stripes (语言啰嗦，改为：a volunteer)in the disaster area of Sichuan Province.

I must explain that the reason for this thought is my strong feeling. As a Chinaese (Chinese), I have responsibilites (responsibilities) to help others who need concerns and helps(都是不可数名词). I would do my best to become a proper volunteer. What I want to understand (改为know) is how many measures there are before I become a volunteer.(表述有问题，改为what the measures of becoming a volunteer are.)

I would like (加上to express) my sincere gratitude for your kind considerations (consideration) of my requests. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours sincerely

Li Ming

评析：
本文结构比较明晰，语言得体且较为流畅，句子结构上没有大的问题，但是拼写错误和单复数问题较严重，望在这方面加强锻炼。
评分：7分



大作文
As is symbolically illustrated in the picture, a man of cultivating land (who cultivates crops on the land) is siping (drinking) a drop of water .what is conveyed in the picture is a thought--provoking and profound subject. Superficially, it seems to be somewhat complicated, but when weighing in the mind, we find there is an apparent tendency underlying this idiom: no pains, no gains.

It goes without saying that the purpose of this cartoon is to show us that importance should be attached to working hard (hard working). First and foremost, with the quick development of Chinese economy, making great effort (efforts) has become one of the most popular topics discussed not only by experts but also by people in all walks of life. What\'s more, making efforts is a traditional virtue of Chinese nation. Last but not least, lack of efforts does more harm to development of our society and civilization than good. (改为：does more harm than good to the development of our society and civilization)

To sum up, life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it .Making great effort is a positive value .The value of life lies not in the length of days, but in the use we make of them. So having right values in life is very indispensable for (to) us. Only in this way can we have a magnificent life.

评析：
本文语言流畅，结构清楚，句式富于变换，用词比较丰富和准确。问题在于空洞的话比较多，尤其是第一段，建议模板套话使用得不要太多，否则也会影响文章的质量。关于你问如何写好英文字的问题，我认为短期内是很难练出来的，但是一定不要潦草，不要涂涂抹抹，干净整洁就好。
评分：16分






C