【考研1号】“2014作文修改”——【第一期英语一“学位与能力”】

       亲爱的同学们，备受瞩目的2014年考研1号携手免费考研论坛修改作文活动今天开始啦！[p:30] [p:30] [p:30]
        为了更好地服务各位考生，我们决定第一期和第三期活动练习英语一图画作文（选自《写作160篇》），第二期和第四期活动练习英语二图表作文（选自《写作宝中宝》）。同样是每周五更新话题，修改最先回复的前3篇习作，并随机修改后面的习作（修改篇数视回复情况而定）。此外，每期活动结束时，会有活动总结，含金量高，值得一读！只有四期活动哦，望大家抓紧机会，踊跃参加！[j:24] [j:24] [j:24]



本期话题选自《写作160篇》经典必背 职场现象类“学位与能力”
Directions:
        Write an essay of 160—200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay, you should
        1.describe the drawing briefly,
        2.explain its intended meaning, and then
        3.give your comments.
You should write neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2. (20 points)


Tips:因为给各位修改作文的老师自身也有很多工作，可能不会是现发现改，一般周五发话题，周二开始进行回复，请大家耐心等待，谢谢！[r:23] [r:23] [r:23]

As the picture above shows,Mr.Zhuge,who has no certificates and has no knowledge of  English ,is directly refused by the employee in a job hunting,though he is knowledgeable and talented.
The picture veiledly conveys what does the job hunting essential factors are certificates and English.Nowdays, a certificate just like a key to employment,moreover,English is an international language.Therefore,they are becoming more ang more important in present,which are the bedrock skill.However,that is a question that certificate and English are really appopriate principles of employment.For example, a good farmer should not be good at English.In any case,not all the people must receive this level and be suitable for them.
In my opinion,sometimes employee can change a little for employers according to their talent.Someone says,everyone is special and has a talent somewhere.To some extent, the principle is usually not just one.What’s more,in the long run ,the society needs multifunction people to adapt to the development.
谢谢批改！

                                                                                    第一期“学位与能力”作文修改总结
        分析各位考生的习作，发现同学们在写作中存在着这样或那样的问题，为使大家对如何写作有更深的认识，现对本期活动予以总结。望各位同学能够仔细查阅，以在今后的写作中规避问题，逐步改善。
一、写作前：
1.审题
        考生习作存在问题：以点带面，紧扣图画次要细节，而忽视图画重要内容，以至于对图画寓意把握出现偏差，由此导致文章内容跑题。
        图画中有两个人物：一个招聘者和一个应聘者。同时，招聘者挥手对应聘者说“诸葛先生，对不起，您没文凭，您不懂英语”，以示拒绝。需注意，图中的应聘者不是他人，正是才华横溢、能力出众的诸葛孔明，而他却被“文凭和英语”这两个拦路虎挡在职场之外。因此，图画揭示的是“很多用人单位只重视应聘者的学历，而忽视了其自身的真正能力”这一现象，进而得知“当今社会大多数人将能力与学位划等号”，所以文章应围绕“学位与能力的关系”来写。而很多考生将注意力放在“文凭和英语”上面，得出“当下招聘标准过于苛刻”“我们应努力获取文凭和学习英语”等相关结论，以致文章内容出现偏差。须知，本图之所以将求职者这一形象设置为诸葛亮，必定有其特殊用意。因此，考生需将注意力放在能够体现图片内在矛盾的要素之上，而不是一味注重细节，而本末倒置，审题出现偏差。
2.构思
        当审视清楚图画寓意之后，接下来需要做的就是构思文章脉络，明确每一段写什么，怎围绕每段的主旨展开。同时要注意，段与段之间、句与句之间要有缜密的逻辑关系，而不是想到什么就写什么。
        考生习作存在问题：①段与段之间彼此独立，没有多大联系；②各段内部主旨不分明，中心不突出，感觉像是很多方面的拼凑；③段落主旨分明，但是随后的部分内容并不能支撑自己的论点；④个别考生以“现象——现象原因——原因带来的影响”这一写作思路展开行文，需知现象原因带来的影响即为现象本身，这种写作思路不是很合适；⑤部分考生第二段仅是把现象本身进行展开描述，即重申现象，并没有挖掘其intended meaning，因此文章内容流于表面；⑥文章写作思路没有任何问题，但是内容不够充实……
       建议：
        这幅图画展示的是一个社会现象，属于社会热点话题，同时内容涉及“学位与能力”两者的辩证关系，这一点又类似于永恒哲理类话题。针对这一话题，考生可以参照以下构思来组织行文：
（1）以“描述图画（阐明寓意）——分析现象原因——给出自己观点”这一行文思路展开。
        分析现象原因：从教育体制方面分析，一直以来应试作为选拔人才的唯一标准，致使社会公众不可避免地认为高学历代表着高能力；从社会形势分析，随着高校扩招，毕业生人数的年年节升，导致求职者越来越多，用人单位想在众多的应聘者中迅速选取合适的人选，只能先通过硬性标准来判断，而无暇顾及应聘者的硬性条件是否与自身能力匹配；从固有观念方面分析，“学位或成绩代表着一个人的学习力，如果一个人连文凭都没有，则其必定缺乏学习力，今后也不可能在企业中有所成就”……
        给出自己观点：“我们应理智看待文凭”“学位不等同于能力”。同时针对上段所分析的现象原因来给予反驳。如，“应试只能考察人的理论知识，而不能考察其综合素质”；“每个人都有自己擅长的领域，使用硬性标准很可能将真正符合该岗位要求的特殊天才挡在门外”；“取得学位或好的成绩并不代表其学习能力就很强，这只代表其接受能力很强，一些人更适合通过体验来学习，在实际操作中培养自己的能力”……
（2）以“描述图画（阐明寓意）——论证学历与能力的关系——给出自己观点”这一行文思路展开。
        论证学历与能力的关系：首先明确提出“学位不等同于能力”，然后从正反两方面来论证。可以通过举例来例证自己观点的正确性。即，举出一个高学历低能力的人物，或在某一方面造诣很高但其他方面无所建树的人，说明学历高的人可能没有什么能力；然后，再举出一个低学历高能力的人物，说明低学历的人也可能很有能力。这样，通过正反两面对比，以及举例例证，来充分证明自己观点的正确性。
         给出自己观点：总结上段内容，同时给出自己的建议。“根据以上论述可知，学位不等同于能力。所以，对于用人单位来说，不能仅凭应聘者的文凭来判断其能力；对于应聘者，在追求文凭的同时不能忽视自己能力的培养”。
        总之，只要切合图画寓意，段落主旨突出，段落之间逻辑联系紧密，考生亦可按照其他写作思路来构思。
        注意，考研英语写作一般为三段，不要写成四段或更多。

二、写作中：
1.保证语言与自己想表达的内容一致，表意清晰。
2.保证语法准确清晰：
①保证句子结构完整：避免因使用介词而导致句子缺少主语；避免因使用从句而导致主句缺少谓语；避免因非谓语动词与谓语动词混淆而导致句子缺少谓语。
②保证主谓一致：主语为复数概念，谓语应使用复数，主语为单数概念，谓语应使用单数；定语从句中，若引导词在句中作主语，一定要清楚其所指代的先行词是什么，保持从句的谓语与先行词主谓一致，若引导词指代整个句子，则谓语为单数。
③保证时态前后相对统一。
④注意名词可数与不可数，保证可数名词的单复数使用正确。
⑤保证冠词使用正确：清楚什么时候加定冠词，什么时候加不定冠词，什么时候用不定冠词a，什么时候用不定冠词an。
⑥保证介词使用正确，同时介词后跟词语形式正确：介词后跟名词、代词或动名词，避免介词后跟动词原形。
⑦保证定语从句的引导词使用正确。
⑧注意同一词汇的不同词性，以免因词性不清而导致其形式错误。
⑨保证情态动词选取正确，同时其后所跟动词形式正确。
⑩保证句子语序正确。
……
3.保证单词使用正确：
①保证单词拼写正确。
②保证同根词汇使用正确，清楚其意义区别，如employer和employee。
③注意近义词辨析，清楚其区别。
④注意形近词辨析，保证使用无误。
⑤保证词汇的词性使用正确。
4.保证标点符号使用无误。
5.注意语句之间的逻辑，以选取合适的连词。同时，注意语句与语句之间和段与段之间的衔接。
6.尽量减少汉语思维的干扰，使语言表达更加地道。可在平时积累常用的表达，并通过阅读来逐步提升自己的英语思维。

三、写作后：
        写完之后，也要从头开始检查。这个时候，再重新立意构思和改正内容已经不现实了，但可以检查一下文章的语法、单词拼写、标点符号、大小写等问题，以避免因低级错误而导致不必要的失分；同时看一下文章字数是否符合要求，若较少，则可在最后一段适当扩充。

       总之，考生一定要注重审题，以保证立意无误；同时注意文章的结构框架和内容，并保证文章主旨突出，段落中心分明，前后逻辑无误，内容连贯紧凑。在此基础上，注意语法、拼写、语用等多方面问题。

        因为时间紧张，老师工作繁忙，因此一些考生的习作没有批改到，希望大家不要沮丧。诚望各位考生能够仔细阅读以上总结，对比以检查自己写作存在什么问题，以改善自己的写作。考研1号编辑部在此祝各位考生都能考上自己心中理想的学府，亲们加油！
                                                                                                                                                                  

考研1号编辑部
                                                                                                                   2014年10月17日

求批改~~

As picture demonstrates，employer sitting behind the table with a sign of recruitment ，the employee who is declined for having neither diploma nor English skills，ironically is Mr.Zhuge，an ancient Chinese sage ，or rather say, a think tank. There is no word excessively interpretting his intelligence,however,employer frown on him.

It goes without saying that the recruitment criteria disclose its drawback.Give priority to develop education including English,which never equal that all doors are slaming in the face of people without high level of education.Let me put it in another way ,diploma doesn’t mean capacity.
      Attaching much more importantce to diploma narrows the diversity of talent cultivation.Doctors value conscience,for instance,business stress cooperation,IT prefers to flexible thought .I will never deny the significance of knowledge,but knowledge itself has a multiformity which can’t be represented by diploma.

No wonder, duplication fails to adapt the changing and complicated world.I will not give my veto to the employer who prefers to certain conditions,as long as the preference generated other by human than job itself.In this way,both employer and employee are satisfied to meet their anticipation.

读研的孩纸路过，强烈顶起~\(≧▽≦)/~欢迎大家抢占

谢谢。。。。。。。。。。。。

Nothing is so inconceivable and attention-grabbing as the picture depicts.A man who is ingenious was rejected by the employer , only because he does not have the so-called diploma.There is no denying the fact that the picture aims at revealing a current problem：diploma discrimination.

Many companys, if not most,harbor the idea that those individuals who have higher academic degrees the higher human skills.This produces some self-deceptive people who pursue high academic degrees neglecting the cultivate of capabilities.And others with low academic degrees can hardly find suitable job.What’s more,even some indiduals in order to get a pleasurable job fabricate the diploma.

All of those factors make it necessary to change some ideas about the relationship between the diploma and capablity to eliminate this phenomenon. For one thing，if we really don't have the diploma,it is deeply important for us to enhance our own capablities when we have the opportunity to learn,either to improve ourselves or to hut a good job.For another，as a employment recruiter，to be sure，the certificate is important， but it is not the only principl in job-hunting .

今年的第一篇作文~唉。。写了将近2个小时…写到想死…摔~！

The picture shows the employer refuse to employ Mr.Zhuge who don't have diploma and can't  speak English.
It seems that diploma and English are indispensable to get a position.However,there are still have a sizable portion of people who don't have diploma and can't speak English,even either.But they are talent and have more work experiences and skills.
I considered that employee should not only attach importance to the diploma and English but assign jobs to people according their talent and abilities.呜呜呜。。。。写了好久，打出来也花了好长时间，写的好垃圾。。。

It is hardly difficult for us to figure out in the drawing given above that a person, nervous and helpless , is unable to satisfy the requirement which need high diploma and English skills what he applied for even he is Mr zhuge , a brilliant politician in the Three kingdom period . This phenomenon indicates that the diploma is more important than ability .
It is hardly necessary for me to cite all the evidence of the phenomenon is being existed in modern society. Why the phenomenon exists ? Several factors could weigh heavily for the depression of employments , yet , suspend at the top of the list are the following causes . To begin with , there’s a large number of gradutes who are not realizing theoretical knowledge is significance to us instead of taking a lot their part-time to gain many credentials in order to get a fine job when they leave their campus . Moreover , as the economic boom brings not merely material comfort but fast rhythm of daily life as well , modern citizens especially those in metropolises , are facing more pressure and stress of competition so that graduates have to gain many skills to satisfy the interviewer’s requirements sooner than any other competitors which gives rise to the interviewers an approach ,convenient and clipping , to see your diploma first .
All analyses presented above convince people that competitions exist generally , thus . we should try our best to enhance our awareness which to improve ourselves incessantly so that we can have the upper hand when to competed someone . Also , gradutes should be given more choice form the community included the developing economy and the increasing competition .
（写完已经不是前三了  还是报希望能有幸被修改。）

看到的时候已经差不多五点了，已经抢不到前三楼了！！！还请老师批改！！！

As is vividly depicted in the cartoon, a man—Mr.zhuge,is taking part in a interview.Mr.zhuge ,who is the famous people in our history and good at many academy,however,  the interveiwer said,"I'm sorry,Mr.zhuge, alothough you have knowledge,but you do not have diploma and you can't speake english ,so you can't join us".

Admittedly,the purpose of  the picture is to show us that due attention has to be paid to the importance of dioplam and English.Fo one thing , to the mounting numbers of teengers in our country,diploma and english likes astepping-stone to success.If you want to find a good job,a diploma of eminent school and an dluently english is the necessary. For another,with the rampacy of our country's economy, the trend of connect with overseas has rised at accelerating rate.If you can't speak english,it to some extend means that you no opporunity make friend of foreigners and can't learn a good many of knowledge.

As far as I'm concerned, practical knowledge ,dioplam and english all needful, for us, as well as for our country.As a old saying goes,"after the teenger strong,our country be strong".One man want to strong,he or she must have knowledge,dilapom and english. Only in this way can we have a brilliant future and our country will developing quickly.


写过之后，才发现问题好多！！！希望老师不要留情的指出我的错误！！！谢谢！！！

As is vividly depicted in the picture.MR.z huge, who showed extraordinary abilities in Chinese history.is rejected by an arrogant employer,just because of the seemingly reasonable reason:no degree and knowledge of english.
These days,we have seen a lot of such cases by newspapers or social nets etc..even we ourselves are in a role like MR.zhuge.the underlying reasons are complicated.on the one hand,we deal right now in the landscape with an infatuation with the culture of getting degree,thus more and more the young are blindly stimulated to strive  for the degree,instead of consciously improving their poor abilities.on the another hand,it is the lazy employers that are on the wrong planet.it is essential for  companies to have  a suitable and effective way to single out the employees,rather than depending on the degree,which has the limits to show the talent. however ,rarely can those leaders put it in their agenda.
Therefore,we should play high value on the getting abilities in face of so fierce job market.becauces our society won not get there just with the degree and we won not touch fantastic future without the outstanding advantages.we know how to do better,and it is time to do better.


单词好多都不会写。。。。。。