张剑 曾鸣《考研英语最后冲刺8套题》答疑专贴（已经开始作文修改了）

非常感谢你

原帖由 wuyinhero 于 2008-12-27 12:49 发表
老师，第六套试卷 劳烦修改
Dear Bob,
I am writing this letter to inform you that I wish to express my sincere apologies to you.
To begin with, I take this opportunity to express my heartfelt ap ...

Dear Bob,
I am writing this letter to inform you that I wish to express my sincere apologies to you.
To begin with, I take this opportunity to express my heartfelt appreciation to the invitation. This is indeed a good chance for me to communicate with you young people. Unfortunately, I have an important seminar which has been arranged last week to discuss the cultural development both nationally and internationally. So I am afraid that I can not attend your English speech contest. Last but not least, I strongly recommend Professor Wang who is one of my colleagues and who is also well-known in the field of English literature research to be the judge of your competition.(句式调整为：I strongly recommend my colleague Professor Wang, a well-known researcher in the field of English literature, to be the judge of you competition)
I hope the settlement of the matter will meet your wishes. I am looking forward to your favorable reply at your earliest convenience.
Yours truly,
Li Ming

评析：
文章内容切合题意，涵盖了题目中的信息要点。段落结构方面比较有条理，语句表达流畅，句子结构方面无重大语法错误。
评分：8分

As is vividly depicted in the drawings, an adolescent (指年龄在12到18岁间的人，不符合图中的人物设定) is giving the delicious food to his father to eat. As soon as the old father gets the food, he takes it to his lovely grandson. (这三个人用grandfather, father, grandson来表示，关系就清晰了) Immediately, the little boy gives it back to his father who is very pleased to see this phenomenon (用词不当，phenomenon指“自然的﹑
社会的﹑
历史的...现象”，可以改为：good behavior). Obviously, this set of drawings do reflect a harmonious family consisted by (介词搭配错误，改为of) a little boy, his father and grandpa.(人物关系应在一开始就明确，此处显得多余)

Simple as it is, what the drawings convey to us is thought-provoking. As a country with more than five thousand years’ history, respecting the old has always been the traditional virtue of Chinese culture. Unfortunately, with the speedy development of economy and society, a vast majority of senior citizens are ill-treated by their own children. First and foremost, some young people shirk their duty of (介词搭配错误，改为：from) taking care the old due to their own interests (表意不清，改为since they are only concerned with their own interests and regard old parents as a burden). Moreover, while some adolescents enjoy their comfortable lives, their old and helpless parents are neglected (改为ignored，表示故意忽视) and reduced to utter poverty.

Accordingly, it is imperative for us to take drastic measures. To begin with, relevant laws and regulations must be made to severely punish those who shun their responsibility of caring the old (shun+doing sth，故修改为：shun taking the responsibility for caring the old). In addition, we should cultivate the awareness of adolescents that respecting the old is of utmost significance to us. Only in this way can our society become more harmonious to live in.

评析：
本文正确把握了图画的寓意，文章内容切合题意，并且涵盖了题目中的信息要点。
论述的层次比较分明，句式上有一定的变化。
需要注意的是词语运用的准确性问题。对于搭配性的错误，建议把常用的词语搭配在考前巩固一下。至于使用不恰当的词，原因是对这个词的意义没有深刻的认识，需要翻阅牛津高阶或朗文之类的英英词典彻底弄清楚。
评分：11分


C

谢谢楼主分享！嘿嘿，谢谢啦

原帖由 peter19871029 于 2008-12-27 20:42 发表
第五套的作文，看了答案，感觉写得不太对头，望老师修改下，劳烦了。
小作文
Dear Sir,
  I am writing this letter for the purpose of thanking you for your warm
hospitality when receiving me last  ...

Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter for the purpose of thanking you for your warm hospitality when receiving me last week. During the entire visit, I was impressed by your enthusiasm which could be illustrated by (with) showing me around your campus, offering me several bottles of water when urgently needed and informing me of the ancient history of your university. What makes me more (三个以上的用最高级most) touched is that you arranged me a chance provided by your tutor to attend one class of your university. That part would be kept in my mind, for it reminded me of the difference (differences) between our colleges.

I am so grateful for what you did for me, and I would be delighted to give you a (an) impressive visit here. Please call me when you are planning to come to my school.

Yours faithfully,
Li Ming

评析：
本文涵盖了题目中的信息要点，语句基本通顺，层次比较分明，有个别用词不准确的错误。
评分：8分



大作文：
One can not help but be shocked by these two pictures which make a strong contrast. In the first one, the farmer was so delighted that (so…that…的意思是“太…以至于…”，此处使用不当。改为：very delighted because) an official of the government provided him (with) several mounts of money in order to relief the poverty. On the contrary, when the technician offered him technology and knowledge, the farmer shaked (shook) his hands, conveying the meaning of refusement (名词形式是refusal).

Apparently, we can deduce from these pictures that the role of knowledge is overlooked and underestimated in the progress of reducing poverty. The first reason on account (去掉on account) of this weird phenomenon is the sense of value rooted in the mass for almost thousands of years. The general (The general public) universally considers money more powerful and profitable than knowledge by overlooking its potentials. Other reasons could be drawn such as results of conceptions, lack of publicity and short of input.

In this highly-civilization (civilized) society, the realization that knowledge becomes a key role of (in) alleviating poverty should be increased. To begin with, more publicity on the effect of knowledge should be made though the mass medium especially on the Internet. Secondly, the government should provided (provide) technical guidance, employ (employment) service and trainings in agriculture skills helping the poor out of poverty.(句式调整为：to help the poor out of poverty, the government should……) Last but not least, long-run education should be emphasized to open up our mind.

评析：
本文对图画的寓意理解是正确的，文章内容切合题意，框架结构比较清晰，论述层次比较分明，句式上有变化，句子结构无重大语法错误。
需要注意的是文中的词语运用的准确性。
评分：11分


C

试卷6的大作文，麻烦老师修改下。
      It gose without saying that the picture aim at reavling a common and serious situation around us:the youngth can\'t make their living without the support.Let\'s take a close look at the picture.it discribes the growth of one tree for three stage.In the first stage,the little tree was supported by a wooden fork.In the second stage ,when this little plant growed larger ,it was still sustained by the fork.in the last stage ,when the fork was moved ,the big tree falled down.
       The phenomenon reflects a more and more serious problem in the education of teenager.Nowadays,nearly most of the parents hope their kids have a perfect future ,they give all their love to their children .Also ,they even don\'t want the youngth confront any difficulties,so when they meet some issues ,the father and mother would rather like to help to make the solutions to these problems but not to ask their kid to deal with the issues indepently.however,As the situation developed when the teenager grow,and the support was disappear,they can\'t make the solution to the problems even make their living all by themselves.
       To change the phenomenon.parentsnt not only have to change the conservative view of children education. but also have to realize the difficulties are wealth but not pain.Also ,goverment have to take some partical actions to help the children realize the importance of the trouble in their life .the teenagers will benfit a lot from the difficulties they confront.

[ 本帖最后由 GC9123 于 2008-12-30 12:44 编辑 ]

原帖由 GC9123 于 2008-12-30 12:06 发表
试卷6的大作文，麻烦老师修改下。
      It gose without saying that the picture aim at reavling a common and serious situation around us:the youngth can\'t make their living without the support.Let ...

It gose (goes) without saying that the picture aim (主谓一致aims) at reavling (revealing) a common and serious situation around us: the youngth
(youth) can\'t make their living without the support. Let’s take a close look at the picture. it (句首字母大写It) discribes (describes) the growth of one tree for (用介词at或者in) three stage (stages). In the first stage, the little tree was supported by a wooden fork. In the second stage, when this little plant growed (过去式grew) larger, it was still sustained by the fork. in (大写In) the last stage ,when the fork was moved ,the big tree falled (过去式fell) down.

The phenomenon reflects a more and more serious problem in the education of teenager. Nowadays, nearly most of the parents hope their kids have a perfect future, (语法错误：融和句。加上连接词and) they give all their love to their children. Also, they even don\'t want the youngth (youth) (加上to) confront any difficulties, so when they meet some issues, the father and mother would rather like to help to make the solutions to these problems but not to ask their kid to deal with the issues indepently (independently). However, as the situation developed when the teenager grow (grew), and the support was disappear (disappeared), they can\'t make the solution to the problems even make their living all by themselves. (语法错误，1.as和when都是引导状语从句。2.融和句问题。修改为：As the situation developed, teenagers continued to grow。However, once the support disappeared, they can’t solve the problems, let alone make their living by themselves.)

To change the phenomenon, parentsnt (parents) not only have to change the conservative view of children (children’s) education, but also have to realize the difficulties are wealth but not pain. Also, goverment (government) have (has) to take some partical (practical) actions to help the children realize the importance of the (非特指，删去) trouble in their life. The teenagers will benfit (benefit) a lot from the difficulties they confront.

评析：
本文对图画的寓意的把握是正确的，涵盖了题目的信息要点。文章的主题比较明确，论述的框架结构基本清楚。但是文章中的错误过多，比如时态问题，主谓一致问题，搭配问题，拼写问题，还有比较严重的语法错误，句子结构错误。望作者在有限的时间内抓紧巩固自己的基础知识。
评分：7分


C

我也要写写了

第七套作文，劳烦修改

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am a student majoring in English literature in Peking University. I’m writing this letter to inform you that I strongly recommend Bernard E. Hill, who is well-known in the field of English language research for the position in your prestigious institution.
To begin with, as a native American, Professor Hill not only has a profound understanding about the English culture, but also is good at communicating with ambitious young people. Moreove, with more that twenty years’ teaching experience, he has gained respect from all his students and colleagues, and is still making progress in the reseach activity. So it is my view that Professor Hill will be the best candidate.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Yours turly,
Li Ming




     This picture does reflect a common and serious problem in China: the reliability of the advertisement. Let us take a closer look at the drawing. An adolescent, who stands on a platform, is trying his best to make the balloon-the advertisement as big as possible. It’s obvious that some bussiness men are in pursuit of commercial interest that they ignore the honesty princeple.
     The purpose of the drawing is to tell us that due attention has to be paid to the bussiness advertisement. With speedy development of economy and society, a vast majority of adolescents are involved in the bussiness activity. Unfortunately, while they become rich or run their own enterprises, they forget that being honest has always been the traditional virtue of Chinese culture. By using unreliable and exaggerated advertisement, they become rich but lose trust from we consumers.
     Accordingly, it is imperative for us to take drastic measures to reverse this disturbing trend. To begin with, we should appeal to the authorities to severely punish those bussiness men who are cheating consumers. In addtion, we should cultivate the awareness of young people that being honest is of utmost significance in the bussiness activity. Only in this way can we curb the evil phenomenon revealed in the drawing.

原帖由 wuyinhero 于 2008-12-30 17:04 发表
第七套作文，劳烦修改

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am a student majoring in English literature in Peking University. I’m writing this letter to inform you that I strongly recommend Bernard E. Hill, w ...

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am a student majoring in English literature in Peking University. I’m writing this letter to inform you that I strongly recommend Bernard E. Hill, who is well-known in the field of English language research for the position in your prestigious institution.
To begin with, as a native American, Professor Hill not only has a profound understanding about the English culture, but also is good at communicating with ambitious young people. Moreover, with more that (than) twenty years’ teaching experience, he has gained respect from all his students and colleagues, and is still making progress in the research activity. So it is my view that Professor Hill will be the best candidate.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Yours truly,
Li Ming

评析：
本文涵盖了题目中的信息要点，结构层次有条理，语言表达比较流畅，句子结构和用词基本正确。
评分：9分


This picture does reflect a common and serious problem in China: the reliability of the advertisement. Let us take a closer look at the drawing. An adolescent, who stands on a platform, is trying his best to make the balloon--the advertisement--as big as possible. It’s obvious that some bussiness (business) men are in pursuit of commercial interest (表示“利益”时常用复数形式) that (that使用错误，你想表达“太……以至于……”的意思需要用“so……that……”，此处可以简单改为：but) they ignore the honesty princeple (principle).

The purpose of the drawing is to tell us that due attention has to be paid to the bussiness (business) advertisement. With speedy development of economy and society, a vast majority of adolescents are involved in the bussiness (business) activity. Unfortunately, while they become rich or run their own enterprises, they forget that being honest has always been the traditional virtue of Chinese culture. By using unreliable and exaggerated advertisement, they become rich but lose trust from we consumers.

Accordingly, it is imperative for us to take drastic measures to reverse this disturbing trend. To begin with, we should appeal to the authorities to severely punish those bussiness (business) men who are cheating consumers. In addition (addition), we should cultivate the awareness of young people that being honest is of utmost significance in the bussiness (business) activity. Only in this way can we curb the evil phenomenon revealed in the drawing.

评析：
本文对图画的寓意理解是正确的，文章内容切合题意，并涵盖了题目要点。作者行文思路比较清晰，文章主题得到了突出，结构层次较为分明。句子与句子，段落与段落之间采用了一定的衔接手段，过渡比较自然。语言表达通顺自然，用词也大都准确。
评分：13分

C

支持一下 谢谢