张剑 曾鸣《考研英语最后冲刺8套题》答疑专贴（已经开始作文修改了）

原帖由 找着找着 于 2008-12-17 15:53 发表
怎么看修改

修改后的作文会发布在这个专贴里。

原帖由 找着找着 于 2008-12-17 15:27 发表
Dear  sir or madam,
      It affords me much pleasure to recommend Bernard E. Hill to you. Bernard E. Hill is my English teacher. Within his teach all my classmates have great progress in Englis ...

Dear sir or madam (大写 Sir or Madam),
It affords me much pleasure to recommend Bernard E. Hill to you. Bernard E. Hill is my English teacher. Within his teach (词性使用错误 teaching) all my classmates have great progress in English.
AS he teach (主谓一致 teaches) I found (时态保持一致find) he is (a) good teacher. First, he can let us feel English is very interest (interesting). Second, he has very please (pleased) personal (personality). Third, he make every time to help others (1.主谓一致，应用makes。2.没有make every time这种说法。修改为：he always lend a helping hand to others), not only in study, but also (缺少介词，加上for) any thing. I believe he will be good at the position in an English institution.
Therefore, I recommend my English teacher to you with all my heart. Thank you for your kind consideration and I look forward (固定搭配错误，加上to) your reply.
Yours sincerely
Li Ming

评语：
本文是一封推荐信，语言真诚，用语基本得体。文章的段落结构比较清晰，但是语法错误过多，词语运用多处出现错误，请作者认真分析一下自己的语法薄弱环节。
评分：5分

So vivid and though-provoking is this extraordinaly (extraordinary) picture, (需另起一句) it tempted we take (tempt的用法是tempt sb to do sth或者tempt sb into doing sth) another close look and we find a man stand (主谓一致stands) high, under his (句法错误，改用关系代词who) is many production (1.production的意思是“生产”，表示“产品”用product，它是可数名词，修改为：are many products). It is so big “ballon” (此处应该用such a big “balloon”) that the man will make it bigger (此句表的意思不清). On the “ballon” it is advertisement (1.拼写错误，改为balloon。2. 当句首状语为表示地点的介词词组，用倒装句On the “balloon” is it advertisement). It can be easily be (去掉) seen that advertisements (主谓一致advertisement) is not always true.(第一段对图画的描述不清楚，更无从谈起怎么得到的寓意。)
There are many reasons can explan (explain) that phenomenon and following (the followings) are typical ones. The first reason is that following the speedy development eonconomic and compition (the speedy economic development and fierce competition), more and more company (companies) prefer to advertise their production (products), how to tempt the people to buy? (句法错误，修改为：and tempt people to buy them)They will exaggeration to their production (exaggerate their products). In addition, some company (companies) want to earn more money, they will tell people the production have some functions, in fact it not have (句式错误，修改为：In addition, since some companies want to earn more money, they will boast that their products have many functions which may never exist). Therefore many advertisements is (are) not true and people become distrust it (gradually distrust them).
Accordingly it is imperastive (imperative) for us (to) take concerned measures. First and foremost, it is essential to make rules to limit the advertisements is (which are) not true. Second, we should improve awareness of people that not trust advertisements blind (不知这个词在句中要表达什么). At last but not least (Last but not least) the media also play a positive role in helping get (去掉get) realize the harm of exaggeration (exaggerated) advertisements. In dealing with this problem, it is not exaggeration (exaggerated) to say “action makes better, otherwise it will be worse.”


评析：
本文内容基本切题，语句尚可理解，结构较为明晰，但文中语法和用词错误过多，有些是严重错误。此外第一段表意很不清楚，望作者在描述图画和基础语法知识上多多努力。
评分：5分

C

原帖由 找着找着 于 2008-12-17 15:27 发表
Dear  sir or madam,
      It affords me much pleasure to recommend Bernard E. Hill to you. Bernard E. Hill is my English teacher. Within his teach all my classmates have great progress in Englis ...

Dear sir or madam (大写 Sir or Madam),
It affords me much pleasure to recommend Bernard E. Hill to you. Bernard E. Hill is my English teacher. Within his teach (词性使用错误 teaching) all my classmates have great progress in English.
AS he teach (主谓一致 teaches) I found (时态保持一致find) he is (a) good teacher. First, he can let us feel English is very interest (interesting). Second, he has very please (pleased) personal (personality). Third, he make every time to help others (1.主谓一致，应用makes。2.没有make every time这种说法。修改为：he always lend a helping hand to others), not only in study, but also (缺少介词，加上for) any thing. I believe he will be good at the position in an English institution.
Therefore, I recommend my English teacher to you with all my heart. Thank you for your kind consideration and I look forward (固定搭配错误，加上to) your reply.
Yours sincerely
Li Ming

评语：
本文是一封推荐信，语言真诚，用语基本得体。文章的段落结构比较清晰，但是语法错误过多，词语运用多处出现错误，请作者认真分析一下自己的语法薄弱环节。
评分：5分

So vivid and though-provoking is this extraordinaly (extraordinary) picture, (需另起一句) it tempted we take (tempt的用法是tempt sb to do sth或者tempt sb into doing sth) another close look and we find a man stand (主谓一致stands) high, under his (句法错误，改用关系代词who) is many production (1.production的意思是“生产”，表示“产品”用product，它是可数名词，修改为：are many products). It is so big “ballon” (此处应该用such a big “balloon”) that the man will make it bigger (此句表的意思不清). On the “ballon” it is advertisement (1.拼写错误，改为balloon。2. 当句首状语为表示地点的介词词组，用倒装句On the “balloon” is it advertisement). It can be easily be (去掉) seen that advertisements (主谓一致advertisement) is not always true.(第一段对图画的描述不清楚，更无从谈起怎么得到的寓意。)
There are many reasons can explan (explain) that phenomenon and following (the followings) are typical ones. The first reason is that following the speedy development eonconomic and compition (the speedy economic development and fierce competition), more and more company (companies) prefer to advertise their production (products), how to tempt the people to buy? (句法错误，修改为：and tempt people to buy them)They will exaggeration to their production (exaggerate their products). In addition, some company (companies) want to earn more money, they will tell people the production have some functions, in fact it not have (句式错误，修改为：In addition, since some companies want to earn more money, they will boast that their products have many functions which may never exist). Therefore many advertisements is (are) not true and people become distrust it (gradually distrust them).
Accordingly it is imperastive (imperative) for us (to) take concerned measures. First and foremost, it is essential to make rules to limit the advertisements is (which are) not true. Second, we should improve awareness of people that not trust advertisements blind (不知这个词在句中要表达什么). At last but not least (Last but not least) the media also play a positive role in helping get (去掉get) realize the harm of exaggeration (exaggerated) advertisements. In dealing with this problem, it is not exaggeration (exaggerated) to say “action makes better, otherwise it will be worse.”


评析：
本文内容基本切题，语句尚可理解，结构较为明晰，但文中语法和用词错误过多，有些是严重错误。此外第一段表意很不清楚，望作者在描述图画和基础语法知识上多多努力。
评分：5分

C

小作文
                                                           May 15,2008
To whom it may concernd：
     As i know,the Project Hope has been helping lots of dropouts in the remote areas with financial surpport from all over the country .Therefore,I am writting to ask for a suitable candidate to whom i would like to offer financial aid .
       The child i want to surpport need not to be good at study but is willing to learn and will persist in his study .Once this candidate is decided ,i will firstly cover his tuition and send some books to him.In addition,i plan to send him 100 yuan every month to cover his living fees.
       I am looking forward to your reply soon,and than you for your kindness of helping me!

                                                                                                    Yours truely
                                                                                                    Li Ming

小作文
May 15,2008
To whom it may concernd：
As i know,the Project Hope has been helping lots of dropouts in the remote areas with financial surpport from all over the country .Therefore,I am writting to ask for a suitable candidate to whom i would like to offer financial aid .
The child i want to surpport need not to be good at study but is willing to learn and will persist in his study .Once this candidate is decided ,i will firstly cover his tuition and send some books to him.In addition,i plan to send him 100 yuan every month to cover his living fees.
I am looking forward to your reply soon,and than you for your kindness of helping me!

Yours truely
Li Ming

大作文
  As we can see form the two picture ,as a crazy fan of the super star Beckham ,people show their admiration by writting \"Beckham\" on his face or making a \"Beckham\'s hairstyle\" without consideration on the high cost.
   Simply as the pictures are ,the symbolic meaning they convey is deep.Actually ,the two pictures are a snapshot of one of today\'s social phenomenons --people are fond of proving their love for their idols by cazy and unreasonable behavior and the more crazy the behavior may be ,the more fashionable the people may seemed.In other words ,wheather you like it or not ,a blindness for the super stars has become a wide spread tide pouring into our lifves.
    As for as i am concernd,i am only in favour of pursuing stars when people regard it as a enpression which will not only entertains themselves but also offers them a better mood in their works and daily lifves.However ,i don\'t think those who regard their idols as god of them,leaving their jobs and families behind will really enjoy their lives.It is obvious that their behavior will do harm both to themselves and people aroud them.Therefore ,i think it is really high time that people be awaken from the blidness asmiration and keep their lives  properly.

原帖由 tammy1535 于 2008-12-18 12:01 发表
小作文
May 15,2008
To whom it may concernd：
As i know,the Project Hope has been helping lots of dropouts in the remote areas with financial surpport from all over the country .Therefore,I am  ...

06年的真题作文


小作文
May 15, 2008
To whom it may concernd (concern),
As I know, the Project Hope has been helping lots of dropouts in the remote areas with financial surpport (support) from all over the country. Therefore, I am writting (writing) to ask for a suitable candidate to whom I would like to offer financial aid.
The child I want to surpport (support) need not to be good at study but (缺少主语he) is willing to learn and will persist in his study. Once this candidate is decided, I will firstly cover his tuition and send some books to him. In addition, I plan to send him 100 Yuan every month to cover his living fees.
I am looking forward to your reply soon, and thank you for your kindness of helping me!

Yours truely (truly)
Li Ming

评析：
本文段落结构比较清晰，语句基本可以理解，但是表达得很中式，读起来像是将汉语直接翻译成英文的。
评分：6分

大作文
As we can see form the two picture (pictures), as a crazy fan (as crazy fans) of the super star Beckham, people show their admiration by writting (writing) \"Beckham\" on his face or making a \"Beckham\'s hairstyle\" without consideration on (for) the high cost.

Simply as the pictures are, the symbolic meaning they convey is deep. Actually, the two pictures are a snapshot of one of today\'s social phenomenons (phenomena)--people are fond of proving their love for their idols by crazy and unreasonable behavior and the more crazy (the crazier) the behavior may be, the more fashionable the people may seemed (seem). In other words, wheather (whether) you like it or not, a blindness for (to) the super stars has become a wide spread tide pouring into our lives.

As for (far) as I am concerned, I am only in favour of pursuing stars when people regard it as a enpression (expression) which will not only entertains (entertain) themselves but also offers (offer) them a better mood in their works and daily lives. However, I don\'t think those who regard their idols as god of them, leaving their jobs and families behind will really enjoy their lives (句式调整为：I don’t think those people, who regard their idols as god and leave their jobs and families behind, will really enjoy their lives). It is obvious that their behavior will do harm both to themselves and people around them. Therefore, I think it is really high time that people be awaken (It is high time that 后面的从句谓语动词要用过去式或用should加动词原形，但should不可省略，修改为：it is high time that people should be awoke) from the blindness (注意词性blind) admiration and keep their lives properly
(注意词性proper).

评析：
文章基本切题。段落结构比较清晰，文字勉强连贯，语言错误相当多，其中有一些是严重错误。望作者在语法和词语运用等基本功上多下功夫，作文是语言能力的综合运用，没有好的基本功是无法写出好的文章的。
评分：10分

C

谢  谢

小作文
Dear Sir or Madam,
    I am writing this letter for the purpose of requsting acadamic information. Since I am a senior, I am planning to continue my study in your shcool. I have heard lots about the significant performance of your school, so I am eager to study in your unversity after my graduation at the suggestion of my best friend.
    I should be obliged if you would offer me the details of any schoolship or fellowship which is available in your school to overseas students. Please send me a catalog and the procedure of application for adimission to your school. In addition, I would like to receive other more information on other aspects such as tuition and housing.
    I sincerely hope you would send me the relate materials and forms needed at your ealiest convenience. Thank you very much.
   Sicerely yours,
   Li Ming
大作文
This unique picture vividly depicts a scene of a poor person getting drawn of the web sea, with his struggling hands still visible. Undoubtly, this shocking cartoon strongly conveys the idea that the internet addiction becomes a more serious social problem. Just question yourself, how many hours a day would you spend in surfing on the net? What is more, a recent survey showed the percentage of anscendon crimes was dramatically increased contributed to the Internet addiction.
    It is a truth universally acknowledged that the cause of Internet addiction divides into two parts. For one, it is the means of Internet itself that is to blame. Since the development of the nets, the speed-up of the information transmitting fastens the social communication, while for those whose curiosity is particularly strong, it may lead them to violence and gambling. For the other,in the psychologists\' view, Internet could bring more satisfaction to those depressed with the reality. The virture method could create the sense of success, the feeding of superior and the satisfiction of strong-power and such things never had happened all through his life.
    I strongly recommend that some measures should be taken to deal with this serious problem.Firstly,on account of the lack of supervision,to build a clean net environment is the key to solve this problem.In addition,more attention should be paid to those poor either in physical or in psychological.Last but not least,laws on Internet secure should be drafted and implemented in order to create a positive net enviroment.

[ 本帖最后由 peter19871029 于 2008-12-20 12:17 编辑 ]

这是我写的第四套试卷得作文 劳烦修改
Dir Sir or Madam,
I am writing this letter to inform you that I wish to express my sincere aplogy to you.
To begin with, I would like to extend my heartful appriciation for the opportunity you provide that I can work with you and other colleagues. This will be a good chance for anyone who want to improve his working skills. Unfortunately, as a young man whose primary interest is in scientific studies, I have passed the entrance exam for graduate students and now I am admitted by Peking University as a postgraduate student. This is indeed a great chance that corform to my previous training and strength. So I am afraid that I have to decline the offer you provide.
Once again, please accept my sincere appologies for any inconveniece my leaving may cause.
                                                      Yours turly,
                                                            Li Ming

As is vividly depicted in the cartoon, a small tree is growing fast with the help of a supporting stick. Unfortunately, when moved out the supporting stick, inevitably, the tall tree falls down. It is obvious that trees living in an ideal condition can not keep independent when they are exposed to the natural environment.
Simple as it is, what the picture conveys to us is thought-provoking. The supporting stick eptomizes parents’ doting care which shelter the children from the competitive world. Therefore, once meet with some setbacks, immense amounts of young people will feel frustrated and lose heart inevitably, which may well lead to tragedy of some kind. In fact, it has been universally acknowleged that being independent is the essential qualification that anyone who wants to achieve success should possess.
Accordingly, it is imperative for us to take some measures to reverse this disturbing trend revealed in the picture. We should bear in mind that keeping indepent is of utmost significance to the younger generation.Only in this way can we overcome any difficulties and hardships in front of us and only in this way can we achieve success.

非常感谢你的辛苦劳动