张剑 曾鸣《考研英语最后冲刺8套题》答疑专贴（已经开始作文修改了）

谢谢楼主，学习一下~

vivian0129 的作文

小作文
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to inform you that I count (could) not go to work to your company in june (June) after I graduate.
Actually, as a major of psychology, I am very grateful for (to) the opportunity you provide me to be a consultant.
However, something happened has changed my mind. As is known to all, a devastating earthquake broke out in Si Chuan Province on May 12th, 2008.Now I am eager to be a volunteer to assist to (去掉to) the survivors, especially the orphaned children. I believe I can bring to (去掉to) them hopeness (hope) of lives.
I apologize for any inconveniences I might cause. Wish your company every success in the future.

评析：
本文符合题目要求，结构比较清晰，语言表达较为流畅，请作者在动词的用法上多多用功。
评分：7分

大作文
As is shown in the picture, there are three trees. A little tree is growing out of (它有三个意思，1. if a child grows out of clothes, he or she becomes too big to wear them. 2. If you grow out of a type of behavior or an interest, you stop behaving in that way or having that interest。3. to develop or happen as a result of something。不知你想表达的是什么意思) its way and it (is) easy to help it. While (while 引导从句，不能单独成句) it is harder to help the bigger one. The bigger one dies without any help.(第一段表意不清)
Simple as it describe (describes), the implied meaning is thought-provoking. The growth of the trees are (主语是growth,所以谓语改为is) naturally associate (associated) with the young people\'s growth. For one thing, youth are lack of (改为lack，建议查字典弄清lack的用法) self-discipline, (另起一句或者加上连接词and) accordingly, they are too easy to crimmit (commit) a mistake. The youth need to build (表意不清，加上right) world\'s mind (world outlook/view/idea). For another, help in need is necessary to (for) young men. Without that they would failure (fail), even \"die”, like the tree above. The phenomenon also requires our government to pay more attention to youngers\' (the youth) education.
In my view, both the young people themselves and the state (should) do their best, (and) then the youngers (youngsters) will become a (去掉) valueful (valuable) men in the future.

评析：
本文对图画的描述十分不清楚，另外对于图画寓意的理解也有些偏题，图画中的小树在外力的消失后就折断了，说明的主题是要“自立”，而文章却将“自立”的主题淡化了，反而强调了“外力”的重要性，虽然从道理上来讲没有错，但是这不是图画主要反映的问题。
此外文中多处表意不清，用词和语法也很普遍，望作者加强自己的基本功练习，不明白怎么用词时，一定要查字典，最好是英英/英汉双解词典！
评分：6分

C

请问版主：自己写的文章都可以发过来批改吗？

请问版主：自己写的文章都可以发过来批改吗？

原帖由 yuanfeng0217@ 于 2008-12-12 16:37 发表
请问版主：自己写的文章都可以发过来批改吗？

批改的作文是8套题上的作文，
为了保护正版用户的利益，在上传作文的同时需要将学习卡的序列号和密码通过短消息发送过来。
我们确认以后，会进行作文修改。

感谢楼主的辛苦工作！

这个八干什么用？

thank you

感谢楼主分享

老师，这是我写的第三套试卷的作文
Dir Sir or Madom,
   I’m a student majoring psychology who will graduate from Peking University this July.I’m writing this letter to inform you that I wish to continue my graduate study in your esteemed institution and I need some detailed information.
   To begin with, as an ambitious young man whose primary intetest is in scientific studies, I would like to know about the relevant qulifications that meet with your standards. Moreover, I would be much greatful if there are some scholarships available for international students who can not afford the tuition at present. Last but not least, will you please give me some information about the accomodation?
   Thank you for your time and consideration. I’m looking forward to your favorable reply at your earliest convenience.
                                                             Yours truly,
                                                             Li Ming

     As is vividly depicted in the cartoon, there is a computer which has been connected to the internet. On the window screen, an adolescent has been drowned and is struggling painfully to make a living. It is obvious that he who had been addicted to the internet and computer games lose
His way in the complex reality.
Simple as it is, what the picture conveys to us is thought-provoking. With the speedy devolopment of science and technology, computer has become one of the most popular instrument in our daily life. Not only can we use the computers to solve complex problems and process massive information, but also can we get the latest news through website. Unfortunately, a vast majority of teenages fail to realize the function of computers in the right manner. They play computer games day and night, which both waste their time for learning and cause great harm to the development of their mental health.
Accordingly, we should take drastic measures to reverse this disturbing trend. For one thing, we should appeal to the authorities to severely punish those net-bar owners who make their interests at the expense of the development of the juveniles. For another, we should cultivate the awareness of young people that we should make use of computers in an appropriate manner. Only in this way can we put an end to this phenomenon revealed in the picture.