本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-23 13:25 编辑
govycm 发表于 2013-10-20 10:10
我又来了,还是期待老师的批改。
The picture features that a young man who acts as a blin ...
写作原文 The picture features that a young man who acts as a blind people sits at(改为on, sit at表示“坐在……旁边”,如sit at the computer “坐在电脑前”)the seat which is prepared for the special group,among which are the elderly,pregnant women, children, and the like. There has been a heated discussion about the picture in the newspaper recently. The author’s real purpose is not the fact itself, but to lead us to find the hides (hide作名词指“(观看野生动物)隐蔽处、藏身处;皮、毛皮”,且后面已经使用behind…,因此改为meaning)behind the ice berg. The picture does reveal that lack of moral(moral作名词“品行,道德”时,一般用复数形式morals)is not only harmful, but also damaging. The past decade has witnessed a huge development in economy, bringing some problems at the same time, with the above one is (being)the foremost. What’s more, the public fail to attach due attention to the traditional moral value. Respecting the elderly and taking care of the young is our tradition virtues in our country. Unfortunately,some people neglect our traditional virtues , which is worse(没有表示对比,因此改为adverse较好)to our society. The situation being so serious, it is high time that we took effective measures to tackle this problem. In this issue, researchers, scholars, and experts are expected to work out up-to-date solution to moral lack. We can tack an education campaign to inform people the importance of traditional virtues. Only in reasonable, prosperous and healthy atmosphere can we hope to witness the ideal scene in which people can enjoy the life in a harmonious society.
总体点评 相对于上一期活动“山寨文化”一文而言,本文内容相对有了很大的改善,但是: 1. 文章的模板痕迹还是很重: 诸如“There has been a heated discussion about the picture in the newspaper recently.” “The past decade has witnessed a huge development in economy, bringing some problems at the same time, with the above one being the foremost.”“ What’s more, the public fail to attach due attention…”……之类的句子,它们本身而言的确是很好的表达,但是倘若人人都是这样写的,可想阅卷老师的心情。第一次见比较新鲜,得分会比较高,但是看到大量类似的表达结果只会适得其反。还有这句“but to lead us to find the hides behind the ice berg”出现的错误应该是修改模板“but to lead us to find what hides behind the ice berg”所致。 2. 注意细节方面:①同一不及物动词后面跟不同介词的区别,如sit at与sit on;②如果没有明显的表示对比,则最好不要使用比较级。 3. 注意一个单词含有多个词性或一个词性包含多个意思时形式、用法等细微的差别。
因此,由于套用模板作文,本文的语法问题不是很多,行文整体也比较流畅,但是内容还是稍微有点空泛。套用模板是一种比较保险的办法,能改够避免一些语法及表达错误,但是建议作者在平时练习写作的时候,最好还是先自己作文,可以借鉴一些好的表达,但是一篇文章中最好不要出现太多模板句子。只有亲自写了,才能发现自身存在的问题,针对问题,有所提高。加油,祝你考研成功!
参考分数(满分20分):11 考研1号编辑部 2013年 10月23日 |