本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-23 17:21 编辑
子书十二 发表于 2013-10-20 13:26
At the given cartoon, there are four people; an old man, a pregnant woman and a little girl are ...
写作原文 At the given cartoon, there are four people:an old man, a pregnantwoman and a little girl are standing in the bus while a young man with a sun glass (a pair of sunglasses) on his face, pretending blind, is sitting on the seatcomfortably. Apparently, such kind of situation are(主谓不一致,把are改为is,或把situation改为situations)happening all the timenowadays, especially when the rush time is coming. Working-man has(用复数Working men have,与后面的they保持一致) much higherpressure, much less sleeping hour(hours), and much longerdistance between workplace and home, so they naturally prefer having the seat, not sending (改为to sending或rather than send较好) it away, no matter who need it more actually. On the other side,some people have this sort of simple view that “who got (get) the seat first, who have it, no change.”(中式思维,可改为those who get the seat first will have it all the way whatever happens.) Personally, I hold this opinion that when we confront situation (a situation或situations) like that, it depends conditionally(what we should do depends on the paticular facts). If it is a woman who is carrying a baby, it definitely is necessary (注意语序,it is definitely necessary) to let her rest. If it is an old person who only needs one stationto stay on the bus, or if it is a kid who has the ability to stand steadily, Iwould agree that the workman don’t need to give the seat away. It is not only about the virtue, it has the fairness concerned(fairness should be concerned)as well. 总体点评 本文最大的优点在于作者能够站在年轻人的角度,用辩证的眼光来思考这个问题,而不是人云亦云地一味批评此行为。此外,文章总体而言表达相对较好,需注意以下几个问题: 1. 文章有的地方出现了语法错误:其一,主谓不一致,situation are;其二,该使用可数名词复数的地方用了单数,如less sleeping hour;其三,前后指代不一致,Working-man has…so they;其四,副词在句中的位置,it definitely is necessary……等。作者在以后的写作中应注意避免出现类似的问题。 2. 文章有的表达受到汉语的影响,写出来的句子是中式思维的句子,who got (get)the seat first, who have it, no change. 这是大多数考生都会出现的问题。这一点需从两方面进行提高:第一,在写作时不要先想汉语意思,然后再翻译成英语,而尽量用英语思考;第二,在空闲时间多读一些外刊与欧美名著等,在大量阅读中提升自己的英语思维能力。
总之,作者在遇到一个话题时能够认真透彻地思考,形成自己的见解,这一点非常好。需要注意的就是巩固相关的语法知识,并逐渐提升自己的英语思维,使表达更地道。 参考分数(满分20分):11 考研1号编辑部 2013年 10月23日
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